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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2012 16:48:04 GMT -5
Thanks BA
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2012 19:09:20 GMT -5
I enjoy reading this thread because it is actually emotional which I miss here on PD sometimes and hope more people will respond and write about their experiences... I tried to think about what I could bring to the thread and didn't really know but here goes my metaphor...and I am sorry if it is a cheesy example... I can think only of this....a girl is married to a soldier and he is deployed for the third time and people say "You should have known this is the way it is when you are married to a soldier", telling her basically not to complain about the third deployment, the separation, the worries, the anger....would knowing this made it any easier on her or would she have just not married him....no, it would not have made it easier and she would have still married him because she was young and in love...still it is difficult and people should be compassionate about her situation no matter what.... What am I trying to say with this? Not really sure, but I think no matter what, everyone struggles with things in their life sometime or another and I think compassion is the key and being open and tolerant to the people around us, some are stronger, some are not so strong and not everyone is a fighter or go-getter or always super positive (actually people like that creep me out sometime..:-) so we have to make the best out of our situations....I would think especially on PD we should have some compassion for one another and I don't mean that in a cheesy way but just as friends and being able to discuss also not so "fun" topics.... I hope I didn't write too much weird stuff...:-) I am not even sure if I should post this....yeah, I deal with my own insecurities.... Please don't rip me apart... ;D
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Jul 31, 2012 21:26:18 GMT -5
Dani, I think that may be my fave of any of your posts.
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vancityippy
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Post by vancityippy on Jul 31, 2012 23:57:53 GMT -5
Nice post Dani...I always like the "normalized" comparisons, puts things into perspective, and that's a great one. You expressed what I was trying to say, but you did a better job.
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Post by wheelieInCali on Aug 1, 2012 3:32:56 GMT -5
First of all, " GREAT TOPIC!" I suppose this is a better question for those who became disabled rather than those who showed up to the party already dressed for the occasion. But even being born with it, you never quite get "used to it." There will always be some little thing that reminds you every now and then. I think one of the downsides of being born disabled is you're treated differently as a child, and that can screw you up. If people always do everything for you, feel sorry for you and make things as easy as possible, when you get thrown into the real world, it's a bit of a shock. The stares from kids are also annoying. I respectfully have to disagree with part of your post. As a wheeler who showed up dressed for the occassion (love the expression) I can tell from experience that being born with a disability does not mean 'everything gets done for you" or that you are treated different that a later-in-life-wheeler. Just as for any wheeler, things get done for you, that is true. But it depends on how you're raised and how much you can do by yourself. My parents raised me to be as independent as I could be. "There are things you can't do, but you have to try it for yourself first". I have never been thrown in the real world because I have always been part of the real world. No special schools apart from kindergarten and only the necessary adjustments to schoolschedules. How different would a kid that becomes disabled at 12 be treated than a kid that has been disabled from birth? The latter might have a head start in dealing with it, but he won't be treated much different. In primary school I have gotten enough questions from classmates at the beginning of the year. "Why are you in a wheelchair?" "I can't walk as good as you" "Oh. Do your legs hurt?" "No." "Oh, ok. Wanna play hide and seek?" Simple as that. Question and answer, much better than the situations later in life when people just stare or are afraid to ask. Which makes you rebellious, to be honest. Stare-downs with annoying people, playing chicken with people who don't seem to notice they're occupying too much room for me to pass. Been there, done that, still doing it. Also, would someone who became a para 30 years ago have more problems dealing with his disability then me at age 30? I really don't know. Sure, I have never had to make the transition from ablebodies to disabled, maybe that helps. But I have and have had my fair share of FML-moments too, trust me. Dealing with limited capabilities is one thing, but being confronted with those capabilities getting more limited at certain points in life can be just hard to adjust. I realise my post can come across as a bit fierce or attacking, and I did not intend it like that. My apologies in advance to anyone feeling offended. I just had to get a few things off my chest regarding this subject . I'm catching up on this thread because I just logged in for the first time in about a month. I've never met you or seen you on the board Max, but in my opinion this comment was spot on! I think you summed up most of the logistical differences between being a wheeler from birth and acquiring the disability mid-life very well. I am glad to have acquired my disability at 26, because I feel I have been afforded the opportunity to live two completely different lives. I won't lie, it was great living as an able-bodied, early 20's male. I think rivalcycle and I were very similar before our able-bodied identities were murdered by spinal cord injury (mine on August 31, 2003). Identifying and accepting your new identity after SCI is very difficult, there are many "phases" that we all go through. It is shocking sometimes how similar the issues we have to face actually are. I will catch up on the conversation and chime in if I have anything to add.
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Post by Pisti on Aug 1, 2012 3:49:57 GMT -5
(I just want to say that I really enjoy this thread. I like when there is quality conversation on the board. Thanks to RC for the great theme and to everyone for their input.)
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Post by Max on Aug 1, 2012 5:03:31 GMT -5
First of all, " GREAT TOPIC!" [..] I'm catching up on this thread because I just logged in for the first time in about a month. I've never met you or seen you on the board Max, but in my opinion this comment was spot on! I think you summed up most of the logistical differences between being a wheeler from birth and acquiring the disability mid-life very well. I am glad to have acquired my disability at 26, because I feel I have been afforded the opportunity to live two completely different lives. I won't lie, it was great living as an able-bodied, early 20's male. I think rivalcycle and I were very similar before our able-bodied identities were murdered by spinal cord injury (mine on August 31, 2003). Identifying and accepting your new identity after SCI is very difficult, there are many "phases" that we all go through. It is shocking sometimes how similar the issues we have to face actually are. I will catch up on the conversation and chime in if I have anything to add. Hi WIC . I am somewhat new on the board, nice to meet you. It's good to read that there are more people that see the difference. There is no best/worst case, each has its pros and cons.
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Post by britishtetra on Aug 1, 2012 7:43:37 GMT -5
I have just read this thread, I was 18 years strolling, now nearly 22 a rolling, so I would say I'm in a different territory than before. In a way I'm lucky, my mom and dad have taken care of me, but I'm smothered, they won't see me get hurt, if I ever mention sex, it's a no. Since my accident I,ve never had a proper relationship with a women, bit of kissing etc. It took me ten years to get my compensation through, so there scared that someone will see me as a meal ticket. Adjusting to life is tough, the going out, getting wet, bowels opening etc is a git, since the super pubic has been in, no wet but spasm is painful. So it's a balance is stop with spasm than your penis retracting into your testicles and giving you dysraflexia! On a good note, my nieces and nephews have only known me in my chair, they love me, friends from school don't no what to say. I say just say hello!, I'm still the same, you just have to get on with it I suppose....my late granddad who died in 1991 told me, keep your humour, your be ok then.
Pete,
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Post by dolly on Aug 1, 2012 14:52:21 GMT -5
(I just want to say that I really enjoy this thread. I like when there is quality conversation on the board. Thanks to RC for the great theme and to everyone for their input.) yes! thank you rivalcycle for starting this interesting thread. these relevant conversations are the ones i enjoy the most. i very much appreciate the contributions and the candor of the guys who are willing to share their experiences with us.
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Post by mike on Aug 3, 2012 16:12:32 GMT -5
Matisse, In reading your comments it appears as if you overlooked an important part of what I said. The statement was: We may think of disability as a bigger issue than that, and it is, but it isn't different in kind, just magnitude. But your responses indicate I suggested that there is no difference. If you read what I said, the express caveat was that disability IS a bigger deal. When I said magnitude, I was expressly indicating it IS a bigger deal. The point was that although it IS a bigger deal, it isn't different in KIND. When you consider something mundane like depression, lots of people experience it, and we don't think of it as a disability, but at the same time it often drives people to suicide. Do you really think they aren't experiencing emotional pain, despite the fact that technically they could run? I don't believe there is some arbitrary threshold someone must exceed before they feel bad about something or complain. When my kid stubs his toe & cries, do you think it matters to him that I have bigger issues? Of course not, he is experiencing pain of his own, and whatever I am feeling is AND SHOULD BE irrelevant to him.
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Post by matisse on Aug 3, 2012 18:24:40 GMT -5
Mike, I think we just disagree. I think it's a difference in kind.
When my kids stub their toes, or something similar, of course it doesn't matter to them them at the time that I have bigger issues. But that doesn't change the fact that a minute-long stubbed toe is still nothing compared to what I deal with. My problems can't be addressed with a 30-second application of a Cars-branded cold pack and a long hug.
Personally, I don't think you can have, or teach, compassion without having a relative sense of how your problems fit in the context of the broader world. I don't hesitate to tell my kids that they are just plain whining, even if it's about the one thing of most importance to them at the time.
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Post by mike on Aug 3, 2012 20:44:33 GMT -5
Matisse,
You may be correct. I don't have the same level of physical issue as you do, so our experiences will certainly be different. On the other hand, I have issues unrelated to my disability that are more difficult for me to deal with, and given the choice to be rid of one or the other, it would be one of the other issues.
When I first started experiencing physical problems, they seemed unique and different, then new stuff came along and changed my perspective.
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pjdukegavin
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Post by pjdukegavin on Aug 4, 2012 4:26:31 GMT -5
I agree RC, good question, I had a few days to sort of soak in this question and do some reflecting of how I've adapted to my disability over the past 6 and a half years I've been without legs. I no longer am hoping to wake up from some crazy dream to see if my legs have magically reappeared. (That actually ended around a year after my legs were blown off). I don't know that I'm significantly more comfortable about going out in public and constantly having wandering eyes check me out, but it has improved from year one up until now. I was always kind of a homebody anyways, so I don't usually get any crazy desire that I need to be traveling or going out that much as it is. I think it just takes experience and figuring out how to do things in my new body that just makes things easier. I'm fortunate that there aren't any other side effects of being an amputee that I have to deal with other than not having legs. There are still frustrations of not being able to do certain things, and it takes some getting use to when new situations pop up. I do have concerns about not being able to do some physical things when I become a father, but I figure that is another thing that will have a learning curve that I will just have to adapt to when a new situation arises. I concur, Very well said.
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Post by Pony on Aug 4, 2012 10:43:17 GMT -5
I'm in a 'reflective' mood this morning, so this thread is something I can sink my teeth in to. i got hurt in car wreck at 21...my drunk driving, and nearly took my life! I got a 2nd chance to rebuild life, and I should never forget those other young kids that don't get the same chance. Like rival cycle, at first, I thought i could navigate this rough water fairly easy, but there's no way to know how rough the water can get, and so I look back and think 'my God, wtf did I go through,' while still paddling!! It's been 32 years since my life took that hard turn, and I'm proud how I handled life post c5c6 (complete) SCI, but even after all these years I still catch myself daydreaming of being on my feet. The yearning to be the 'other' you still remains!!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2012 11:00:39 GMT -5
It's been 32 years since my life took that hard turn, and I'm proud how I handled life post c5c6 (complete) SCI, but even after all these years I still catch myself daydreaming of being on my feet. The yearning to be the 'other' you still remains!! I still experience the similar dreams. Very rarely do I see myself in a chair, and if I am, I'm typically able to get up and walk around or climb stairs. Its as if my subconscious is incorporating the day to day use of my chair while still accustomed to or "yearning" for the level of independence and ability i used to have. Ive never been one for interpreting dreams and such, but I feel like this speaks volumes about who we are and how we see ourselves when we have these dreams.
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