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Post by Pony on Aug 6, 2012 16:32:05 GMT -5
Bold As Love Recently I had a conversation with a few friends, generally, about what it takes to have relationship between a chair guy and AB girl. We all understand ANY relationship takes bonding, chemistry and love, but, in my opinion, judging from experiences of my checkered past, it takes a stronger bond to withstand the heavy blows that union will take from society, family and friends - mostly on the girl's side!!! As brought up by my friends, the girl must be a rebel! We all laughed, but how prophetic that label really is. If a girl decides this is the guy she wants to date, love, and yes, have sex with, then get ready for hurricane winds...Category 5...to blow hard against that bond. I'm pretty sure parents and friends ae only expressing good intentions, but it can also turn into bullying, or forcing the girl to rethink their relationship with them. Every girl wants to be proud of their man, prove to the world this guy in a chair is worth any awkwardness that society might see it as, but meeting a family's great discouragement can REALLY put a damper on this - even the relationship itself! In one case my friend said her church would not even perform a wedding between a guy in chair with AB girl. Well, that really floored me, but hey, I recently saw on the news a church in the South decided to not let a Black couple marry in their church - the same church the couple had attended for years! Think the headwinds you'll face won't be all that bad? Think again! I've had plenty of flat out prejudicial remarks said to girls I've had affairs with. It has a way of making me feel dirty just for simply being a guy who's had to overcome a great challenge. And God help you if the concerned ones find out your not able to perform sex in the Biblical manner - doggy-style!! I have to laugh to myself, but it's so, unfortunately, true. Everyone wants to know... uh, can he...uh, you know...do it? I'd love to tell every AB guy that thinks his cock automatically overrules any other sex act that he's sadly mistaken, but hey, that might expose my secret weapon.  I've had many relationships where THAT did not matter at all. Actually, I think the sense of bonding I spoke of earlier can be stronger - but I'm willing to admit, maybe, I'm slightly biased. This wasn't to be long, or very detail-oriented, but I thought it worth writing about. By the way, I cannot close this without referring to the title, Bold As Love, which was the second Jimi Hendrix album in 1967. It was a time of speaking out about love, and other issues, in all it's different forms. Hard to believe, but 1967 was the year a case brought before the US Supreme Court, finally, made it illegal for states to block interracial-marriage. I believe we face our own Civil Rights-era, in some ways! |
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Post by Kid A on Aug 6, 2012 17:30:56 GMT -5
Thank you for this thoughtful, well-written contribution, Tony. It's nice to see more guys contributing to the story section.  I'd like to think I'm a bit of a rebel, so I think it is an apt label. Perhaps that's part of the draw to this community; we're all fighting from own relegated corners for what we believe in and who we are. My family and friends have been very supportive of my choice to be with my man, but it hasn't come without a fair smattering of naive comments and questions. I know it's coming from a loving place, but sometimes I'm totally floored. I have yet to experience any public blowback, but there is a long road ahead. Frankly, I welcome the challenge; I've always been a fierce competitor and if John Q. Public is my opponent, he better be ready for a battle of wits.  Finally, I agree with your Civil Rights-era comment. I feel that disability rights are, in many ways, the final frontier of the Civil Rights movement. It's one of the main reasons I decided to study and work in the field of disability law. With any luck, our generation will see huge steps in the advancement of equal access for and treatment of individuals with disabilities. |
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Post by BA on Aug 6, 2012 19:04:48 GMT -5
Tony, that was a beautiful piece of writing. I agree with you in terms of the rebel stuff. We sometimes do have to suffer the condemnation of society, much like interracial couples do - if not more so. I experienced this myself during a 5 year serious relationship with a wheeler in which my family withdrew support, as well as several "friends". Then there were things like going out to public places where supposedly hidden whispers, were quite obvious and the occasional drunk made loud platitudes and patted us both on the head. Yes, it takes courage, fortitude and conviction to stand by your man but when you love someone, this is what you do. Stand by and stand for and believe in each other.
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Post by Kid A on Aug 6, 2012 19:13:47 GMT -5
Tony, that was a beautiful piece of writing. I agree with you in terms of the rebel stuff. We sometimes do have to suffer the condemnation of society, much like interracial couples do - if not more so. I experienced this myself during a 5 year serious relationship with a wheeler in which my family withdrew support, as well as several "friends". Then there were things like going out to public places where supposedly hidden whispers, were quite obvious and the occasional drunk made loud platitudes and patted us both on the head. Yes, it takes courage, fortitude and conviction to stand by your man but when you love someone, this is what you do. Stand by and stand for and believe in each other. +1 I <3 you, BA! |
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Post by old_dumb_grid on Aug 6, 2012 19:30:01 GMT -5
Yes, it takes courage, fortitude and conviction to stand by your man but when you love someone, this is what you do. Stand by and stand for and believe in each other. I wholeheartly agree with you, BA. The sense of a strong bound comes from the commitment the couple makes to each other. To work through the hard times so they can enjoy the good ones. It comes from the love that binds them. That's what makes an ideal relationship between a man and a woman. Ultimately (and hopefully), the fights will change society's views on inter-ability relationships. |
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Post by old_dumb_grid on Aug 6, 2012 19:41:20 GMT -5
On the topic of rebel... Considering the status quo and social taboos, that label is 100% accurate. And I love being a closeted rebel - finally, I can consider myself having wild youth!
P.S. Tony, I want my tuition money back!
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Post by Pony on Aug 6, 2012 20:09:31 GMT -5
haha...i love you ALL
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Post by Kid A on Aug 6, 2012 20:14:21 GMT -5
On the topic of rebel... Considering the status quo and social taboos, that label is 100% accurate. And I love being a closeted rebel - finally, I can consider myself having wild youth! P.S. Tony, I want my tuition money back! +1 ;D |
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Post by Pony on Aug 7, 2012 7:14:40 GMT -5
ODG, you don't get your tuition back because you can now, pridefully, wear your badge of 'REBEL.' ; ) And, I think you coined a new phrase....'inter-ability!!' I dig it!!!
BA, you definitely are one strong woman to have went trough the fire for your wheel guy...lucky dude to have you!! I'm sure there's so many brave, spirited n smart REBELS on here...
One of my fav songs by Stevie Salas is 'Stand Up (and fight da power)'
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Post by old_dumb_grid on Aug 7, 2012 15:21:17 GMT -5
ODG, you don't get your tuition back because you can now, pridefully, wear your badge of 'REBEL.' ; ) And, I think you coined a new phrase....'inter-ability!!' I dig it!!! Hey mister, I brought it up! And honestly, I'm not so fond of the term "inter-ability" - it sounds like physical ability is the only thing we care about! |
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Post by jordan on Aug 7, 2012 18:08:59 GMT -5
Tony, you bring up some interesting points. I'm not sure whether this was at play in my last relationship, with an AB woman. Her immediate family seemed to approve but she had 5 children who did not approve. However we had the added factor of her being 24 years my senior which I think was more objectionable to her mostly grown children than my having a disability. I can't say for sure whether the disability did at any point come into play, but our problems were more compatibility issues than anything else. There were problems indirectly caused by my having a disability but I don't think it was the primary factor. This may be a function of living in the Northeast which (maybe stereotypically) tends to be more progressive on these types of issues.
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Post by jordan on Aug 7, 2012 19:11:06 GMT -5
maturity is something I look for indeed but not that mature lol... I'll probably never date a woman more than 6 or 7 years older than me... although that's not an entirely firm rule
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Post by Pony on Aug 7, 2012 19:13:47 GMT -5
Cougarland!!!: )
Little Horse, the best thing about a 'good' professor is when he guides you to the truth!! Besides, I spent you tuition!! hehe Hmmmm, 'inter-ability!' I still like it...
Something I thought of a few times is how much the chair guy can screw it all up with personal issues of self-loathing, or bouts with anger/depression...Personally, I'm not weighted down with heavy baggage, but I know there's a lot of chair dudes that are...
Jordan, keep rocking the boat...
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Post by old_dumb_grid on Aug 7, 2012 19:24:58 GMT -5
If you say so, professor. Just curious, what did you spend the money on??? |
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Post by jordan on Aug 7, 2012 19:31:27 GMT -5
I'm equal opportunity, older than me, younger than me... it's all good EDIT: of course general limits like my soft 6-7-year-older upper limit still apply... I don't know what my bottom limit is but 18 seems a little low at my age now lol... probably 21 at the bottom but the situation has yet to present itself Able-bodied or not, emotional baggage can be a lot of trouble. I've been fortunate enough to be able to shed a lot of the baggage that I used to have, which was always for other reasons primarily. I think for me it was easier to come to terms with being different because it wasn't something that happened suddenly, but rather I had years to mentally prepare myself for what was going to happen. I'm thankful that I had the chance where a lot of people may not. |
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I've had many relationships where THAT did not matter at all. Actually, I think the sense of bonding I spoke of earlier can be stronger - but I'm willing to admit, maybe, I'm slightly biased.
