...Love, Sex and a Quad

[Pony]

The way I see it, humans are complicated creatures! Maybe too complicated for our own good. Most of us need love, sex, commitment, playfulness, flirting, emotional attachment to reach something called ‘happiness.’ All of these things come in fluctuating degrees to create a unique chemistry between two people. And to make it even more complicated, that chemistry can shift over time or situations of environment, or with accumulation of experiences. Sometimes a bond grows between two people, even if it’s been a rocky road; sometimes it falls apart, but one thing is for sure - we all look for the right combination in a partner that makes you feel wanted, needed, loved, desired, important, and hopefully, happy.

I’d say most of us never reach Nirvana in this area of love, but maybe find some comfortable area that we can live with from a partner. It’s hard enough for two abled-body(AB) people to put something together that works, but try introducing a disability of significance, like mine, a Spinal Cord injury at the C5-C6 level, which paralyzed me from chest down, and you can see how it can get exponentially more difficult. But hey, as complicated as humans are, all things are possible...beyond the adversity!

One thing to keep in mind, each person with my level of injury can be very different in function, how they react to their sexuality, self-identity and love. An injury that places you in a wheelchair for life, no sensation from chest down has a way of changing almost everything you’ve known to be yourself and can shake up how you feel about yourself as a worthy partner in sex and love. So, as I write this chapter I can only write from my own experiences, needs and desires that have helped to rebuild a new me, bringing me great happiness since that fateful car accident, while not forgetting a good amount of frustration, as well.

I knew things were going to be very different with girls early on after my wreck. I was 21, and had a beautiful athletic body before the injury, but nothing worked anymore, and immediately I noticed my chest muscles had atrophied, or shrunk in size. This bothered me because I’d been proud of my chest. My hands didn’t work, but my upper arms were working in certain ways, but not in others. This is because the injury on Spinal Cord was right where the nerves go out to muscles on my arms, so some were working, some not. It was easy to figure out which ones were, there weren’t that many - biceps, shoulders and a very weak wrist-extensor, which helps lift your hand. Nothing else was working despite my staring at my hands, mentally trying very hard to force movement - any movement!

As I got better in hospital, not getting back more function, but better in the sense of healthier, my personality started to shine more, and I was building friendships with those nurses, therapists and anyone else that ventured in my room. I noticed that some girls were especially drawn to me. I was quick-witted, as I’d always been since I was a young boy, but it took me by surprise that I was in this ridiculous state of helplessness, not looking sexy at all, and yet there was still something pulling girls’ attraction to me. I figured it had to be the drama of a young man getting paralyzed that stirred emotions, maybe ‘mothering’ tendencies in some girls. I still believe some of that was very true, but there was a sexual vibe that existed with some girls. It became apparent one night as I was lying on my back receiving chest therapy from a pretty Respiratory Therapist. We were just talking as she lightly pounded on my chest, then suddenly she started kissing me. I mean KISSING me! It didn’t last long, and she gathered herself and ran out of the room. I lay there confused as hell, not knowing exactly what happened. I was enjoying the kiss like crazy, and was thinking this is the start of a real relationship, then she ran away. Now I wasn’t sure what was going on. The next day she came to my room, apologized for her behavior. I told her it was great, no apology, please, but I never heard from her again.


(to be continued...just started writing)

[Deleted]

keep writing this story

[Pony]

Thanks, man...i am!! All non-fiction...Homey don't play fiction! ; )

[Deleted]

write about what you know

[Pony]

Continued...



Now some guys in my situation may have been crushed, losing all hope of anything being normal again with females, and while I admit to a certain amount of defeat, I could see there must be something there that caused her to lose control so much that she risked her job and pride to engage in that kiss. So, she’ll never know it, but that single kiss gave me an absurd amount of confidence. I worked whatever swag I could muster with nurses and therapists after that, and it worked in some cases. There was one nurse that I made laugh a lot, and she began calling me from home, and she was engaged to be married. There were a few more half-relationships that developed over the 6-7 months of being hospitalized - one with me getting my heart broken over an Occupational Therapist that possessed those sweet Italian dark eyes. But as it neared time for me to leave the safety of the hospital, I latched onto a young nurse that decided she would give me a try in a relationship on the outside. Not a good decision on her part, as I had so much to deal with that I didn’t know how to appreciate our friendship. And after a late-night drunk phone call from me I never heard from her again. However, she was the first girl I had sex with after my accident. believe me when I say ‘it was not pretty!’ Nothing worked right, and to top things off, she was drunk on just a small amount of wine, and getting sick in the middle of getting naughty can never be a good thing. But again, despite the huge failure, I was feeling my Oats! Why? I have no idea because here I am, having just lost most of my nice body, living in a basement of a girl’s (Dawn) family I knew well from my pizza maker job.

Dawn and I had a fun relationship, both goodlooking and wild, but never seriously romantic. We came close a few times, like the time we slept in a car wrapped in each other’s arms in Ocean City, Maryland, but, I don’t know, it never took off. Anyway, Dawn got insanely jealous when I had this nurse girlfriend. She felt an ownership, or maybe protectiveness, over me in this vulnerable state, but she had a boyfriend. I remember late one night her crawling in my hospital bed with me in the basement, which I rarely let because of stairs, and she began kissing me. We kissed very passionately, like something had been building up in her. She even was crying at times, and despite my great limitations of lying in bed, I managed to suck and kiss her pretty breasts. I remember thinking had we only done this before I got hurt, but I don’t think the same fire existed. Why now? I never could answer that, but of course I screwed that up, too. Maybe I was too young, or the fact I was paralyzed and trying to regain some normalcy in life, but I just didn’t understand how to embrace this love being thrown my way.

I told Dawn I was going back to Florida to start a new life in warm weather since the cold Winters were extra cruel to me after getting hurt. My body just hated the cold so bad, shivering inside most times. I’d lost Dawn’s heart by then, so I knew she would never go with me.

[roger888]

Which chapter is this in your forthcoming autobiography? :-)

[Deleted]

hooked us with a kiss on page 1
you did it again on page 2

[Pony]

lol...lot more explicit sex and love scenes to come! I've had the idea for a chapter in a book I'm going to write ONE DAY, if I ever get off my lazy ass and dedicate more time to it, but MAYBE it could turn int a book...maybe! I don't know about that, wouldn't want to embarrass anyone. But you know, the GIANT success of 50 Shades of Grey book got me thinking about how 'different' a book about love n sex would be from a disabled dude would be. Let's face it, it's the first questions in people's minds when they see us...Can he? Does he? Will he? lol

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2013 8:42:27 GMT -5 Pony said:

lol...lot more explicit sex and love scenes to come! I've had the idea for a chapter in a book I'm going to write ONE DAY, if I ever get off my lazy ass and dedicate more time to it, but MAYBE it could turn int a book...maybe! I don't know about that, wouldn't want to embarrass anyone. But you know, the GIANT success of 50 Shades of Grey book got me thinking about how 'different' a book about love n sex would be from a disabled dude would be. Let's face it, it's the first questions in people's minds when they see us...Can he? Does he? Will he? lol

hell yes

[Ath]

Preordering....

[BA]

Tony, I think this would be an amazing book and I think it would sell. People ARE curious. You are a very good writer and always have been.

[Pony]

Exactly, BA...it's the main question!! Actually, this book, or chapter, will not only be about sex, but love, or relationships, from my quad experiences. This book will not be to 'inspire,' or prove 'you can do anything if you set your mind to it.' I'm really sick of that message! I'm just going to throw my experiences out there...good, bad n ugly! People wonder all the time how would they deal with things if they were in chair. Recently, my friend said he could handle being a para, but quad, no way...and, in his words, 'it would break his heart if (he) could not orgasm anymore!' My writing on this will be ground breaking, I hope!!

[Pony]

Another installment...




Soon after moving back to Florida, Tampa Bay-area specifically, the local newspaper, The St. Petersburg Times, ran a story about the stricter drunk driving laws being implemented, and they wanted to interview me since my own drunk night is what led to my permanent seat in this chair with wheels. The story turned out to be quite long and elaborate with my photo and some of my art work, which were only sketches I’d done by mouth, since my hand was not good enough draw with precision. This really took me by surprise, as I thought it would be a quick piece about my story tying it to why the laws had to be stricter, but, media-like, they obviously saw a chance at exploiting the sensationalism as much as possible. Big surprise, huh?

The story hit the paper, and suddenly I was receiving attention in the way of positive personal messages from people that had experiences from either drunk driving or family that happened to be disabled. I was even asked to do a morning TV program, which I did displaying my art and even taking phone calls. Another art oriented television program that was recorded at University of South Florida contacted me, and so I did that show, too. Personally, I didn’t think my drawings were that remarkable, but it was the whole package of this young paralyzed dude drawing them by mouth that made them more interesting. Well, that’s just my thoughts on it anyway.

There was one personal message that came through the paper from a girl that said she knew me from Maryland and that I should contact her. Her name was Denise, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember where I knew her from, but nevertheless, I was intrigued and called her. As it turned out, Denise didn’t really know me, but she’d used that line to get in touch with me, and to not feel embarrassment when calling the newspaper reporter. I was nervous calling Denise, but after we started talking it was instant chemistry. Maybe it was her laugh at the situation, or just such a natural way of talking to me without any fixation on my accident. It was perfect timing because here I was brand new to Florida and I needed a friend, maybe a love-interest. After a long fun phone call she asked if could come over, and of course I said yes. Now you never know what to think when you’ve built this kind of attraction in the first phone call without seeing the person. Remember, this was pre-internet days, no Facebook. I was fearful that she would not be attractive, and in spite of the cute voice and sexiness we both were feeling it could all fall flat. My fear was also that I might not be attractive to her in person. I had an advantage because my picture was in the paper, so she saw me, but you never know, real life can be different that some single shot photo.

This was well before I had my van adapted, so I couldn’t drive to her. There was no choice, she had to drive to me, but this didn’t bother Denise at all - she was so confident, and comfortable!

Feeling slightly nervous, Denise showed up with her friend. i couldn’t believe it, but Denise was just gorgeous - on the thin side and kinda lankly, beautiful light blue eyes that stared directly into yours as she spoke, 80s-style sandy-blond ‘big’ hair-do and just classy-aura about her, but with a quick smile. Her friend was just as pretty, and we had fun just talking.

From that moment on Denise and I were inseparable! For me, it was so important to have this love enter my life at that time. I hadn’t been riding n this chair very long, and was still dealing with this giant adjustment to my life - trying to plan for a future, while really grieving over my huge loss of independence. The first few years after an injury like mine is all adjusting, learning to accept yourself, learning to find purpose - a direction. The stress level is big as the frustrations can push you over the edge. I remember screaming at myself, and God, and even fantasies of suicide, but when Denise came into my life she gave me something solid to hold on to. Let me tell you, there’s no better medicine in the world than the touch and love of a woman. There I was at one of the all-time low points that anyone can ever imagine, until it happens to them, and here’s this beautiful girl that’s kissing me, loving me, getting sexually excited with how I touch her and talk to her. No, when I think of how much that meant to me at that crucial time of growing after ending up in wheelchair a quadriplegic, there’s no counseling that could have built my self-esteem the way having a girl love me did.

Denise handled my injury, and limitations, so easily that the chair was no big deal. In fact, we were mostly like any other couple, except she drove my van. She even learned how to transfer me to bed, and we would hang out. Of course things became sexual very quickly as I’ve always been a highly sexual person, and she was really just learning in that department. She’d had sex only one other time, and that was some idiot taking advantage of her at a party, where she was intoxicated. There’s no way I was going to let the non-function of my tool stop me from making Denise hot, and so I used the tools I had - my mouth, hands and mind! We played a LOT, and I loved taking her to areas of her sexuality she’d never discovered. I showed her every step of the way until she very comfortable with sitting in my lap facing me. My hands around her little waist and her arms around my neck. Long make out sessions with me rubbing my curled up hand on her panties would happen before laying her back on my bed. I’ve always had a penchant for romance and naughtiness mixed together, and while she took her leads from me, I was also learning how operate within my zone. I discovered my sexual pleasure would come in the way of mental, not so much physical, anymore. It was through her physical pleasure that I would get excited, and there’s no better pleasure to me than having a girl get very hot and wet, and then licking her pretty pussy.

I left my need for physical satisfaction in the dust. I was moving forward with what really turned me on, and her.

We carried on for, maybe, a year when I started getting tired of her. With all the wonderful things came traits i wasn’t so fond of, and so I broke up with her. She was extremely upset and angry, but I couldn’t fake it. It was how I felt. Looking back, we were both young, and hell, I know I had my weird ways. I should’ve worked through our troubles and held on this great girl, but I was looking to move on - a decision I regretted later! I did happen to introduce her my very good looking friend I’d met in my apartment complex, and they started dating, and even married and had kids. Oh well, I chose a different road!

[Deleted]

bravo bud - not only are you a great story teller -
you have great stories to tell

[Dreamer5678]

This is a really intersting story Tony! You definitely have a way with words and I so want to know what happens next.