...Love, Sex and a Quad

[lisa]

I know, I've said it before. I will say it again.
Thanks for sharing your story, I really like it!

[Pony]

thanks so much, Lisa....I just need to know someone is reading it and enjoying my story to keep me going!! I'm enjoying remembering these things!!!

[Dreamer5678]

You can definitely count me in as one of the people reading your story!! Keep it coming, I am really enjoying it!!!

[Pony]

...installation!





As time went on, Susan and I kind of drifted away. Her boyfriend was finally recovering after many months, but I could tell their bond had changed dramatically, and they didn’t remained ‘dating’ status. I did feel a certain amount of guilt for having sexual relationship with her, and maybe she did, too. She never revealed that to me, but somewhere in all of it the novelty wore off. I still run into Susan, at times, as she lives close to me, and she moved on with a marriage, divorce and kids.

I must say here that while it looks like I’ve had many sexual relationships, I really searched for the girl that I could really settle down with. i’d be lying if I said there was no loneliness or desires in between these girls. One thing I’ve learned about myself throughout the quad-life is I need love, or maybe affection, more than most people seem to. It’s like a fuel for my engines! I don’t operate as well without a love-interest, or someone that cares about me. I might even go as far as saying ‘love and sex’ are my drug of choice. I don’t have to get high with that drug all the time, but it’s definitely what makes my motor go. Some people seem to love alcohol, or other drugs, to be their vice. For me, it’s love. That being said, I’m deprived of that more than I get it, and most times the girls i’ve had don’t meet the level of affection I want, or need, to sustain my interest. At times this has been my own fault, but I also realize I cannot change someone. They either possess this high-octane love and sex, or they don’t. Once i know the girl is never really going to hit that intensity, I tend to lose interest. It’s a fault of mine, I know. I’ve wanted a girl that accepts my disability, sees the man I am, and holds on with everything she will have to go through to be with me. As one girl has told me, I’m ‘heaven and hell.’ And that’s so true!

Through the personal ads I’d really managed to put together a string of relationships, but nothing that really took off for over a year. There were a few girls that I couldn’t get in their apartments because no elevator. That definitely put a damper on things, but of course I used my voice in phone sex. My house was not always a great option. However, looking back, it was not really the main issues that led to breaking up. It just ran it’s course, that’s all. at least a few of these relationships weren’t very healthy for me, as I’ve always been susceptible to playing psychologist to girls. I don’t know why that is, but I wish that side of me would go away. See, I’m not really good at talking about my woes, or struggles, and I find many girls love to talk about theirs. It’s ok, I’m good at letting them run with it, but pretty soon, I find it’s not about me. It’s about them having someone to make them feel better - sometimes that’s involved sex, too.

I’ve always searched for the girl that has all the elements that can be everything to me. I have a tattoo that says ‘Baby, hold on! it’s from a song that helped pull me through the first months after my wreck, but it’s also a statement to the girl that wants me, needs me, in her life. She has to ‘hold on to me.’ I’m worth it if she can!

[Deleted]

Tony, fun stuff and you definitely sound like a play boy...makes me think about posting some of my explicit material....LOL

[Pony]

I, for one, would love to read em, Miss Dani...lol

[Dreamer5678]

Great instalment Tony ...I feel like we are getting to see all your different facets... Keep the story coming

[Pony]

Thanks, lil dreamer. There's no writing this without exposing TOO much! This place is probably the only place I can let anyone read this. If it ever got published, I would have to be under a different name.

New Installation...




I bought my first personal computer in 1993, just as the whole PC/Internet revolution started to take off. The internet was still in it’s infancy, as PCs were very slow, and the biggest online service, America Online, only had, maybe, one million subscribers, including moi, and we had to pay monthly - plus, pay for extra minutes over your monthly allowed!

I probably don’t have to tell you how exciting it was to be able to log on in those days and join a chat room. Just the idea of interacting, and meeting, then getting to know people without leaving your home was something so wild. I felt like we were pioneers venturing into the Wild West, hardly any rules, and I felt empowered immediately. It was a way for me to leave the whole wheelchair thing behind, at least short-term, and compete on a more level field for female attention. I found out very fast that, despite having to type with a pen in one hand, I was good at being funny and quick-witted via writing - winning over girl’s attention! And let’s face it, I was not spending all that time in a chat room to talk to some dude about cars. I was hunting females, forming online friendships with them, and sometimes taking it to phone. A few did, in fact, materialized into physical meetings, but most played out online, then faded.

My first online girlfriend was Ayanna, a girl from southern part of Massachusetts and the daughter of a man who was in the Mafia. Ayanna was 7 years old when her dad was murdered in front of her. Her mother went back to Ireland, while her Uncle Joe, who wasn’t her Uncle at all, but high-ranking Mafia guy that loved her Dad, took her in. Uncle Joe lived in New Jersey and raised her great, but had her living in his daughter’s home in Mass. Ayanna had a big bodyguard named Bobby, and it was made clear to me by her that Bobby shouldn’t know about us talking on phone, so we always waited until late at night when he was asleep. Most of those phone calls were the hottest phone sex calls EVER! Ayanna had grown up going to an all-girl Catholic school, and let me tell you, the more they suppressed her feelings, the more she had trapped inside. And when she let them out, it was really something I’d never experienced. Ayanna really knew how to play as I talked to her in naughty, but also romantic way. I sent her a vibrator to a post office box she got so Bobby wouldn’t find, and it only made her cum harder and longer. She was the only girl I’d ever heard cry after cumming - not all the time, but it did happen. That was so powerful it pushed my emotions to new heights.

I’d say we played for three months before we traded pictures by snail-mail, and should say here Ayanna already knew about my accident that left me in a chair. She was always very sweet about it, and so accepting. She could be a very sweet girl. For my birthday she sent me a beautiful Michael Parkes print already framed. It still hangs in my office.

It all sounds great, but there was a few problems. First, I couldn’t see how I would ever meet her with her Mafia boss Uncle Joe never letting her fly to Florida to meet some dude in a wheelchair. In fact, I was a little scared if he was to find out. I could’ve been sleeping wit da fishes! The other problem that might’ve been worse was that after seeing her pictures I wasn’t attracted at all. I mean she just wasn’t my type, and I agonized over that because we both were into this so heavily. But how do you change your inner feelings? I didn’t want to lie, but I sure didn’t want to hurt her feelings either. I started disappearing more, but of course, she knew something was wrong. She confronted me, and so I broke the truth. I learned a lesson that day - don’t ever tell the truth when you know it will hurt someone badly. I should’ve lied, but I’ve always hated lying. It was too late, the knife was already in, and I felt terrible. She broke away from me, and we had little contact after that.

[Deleted]

Tony, Tony, Tony....poor Ayanna...:-)

[Pony]

Yah, you're right, Dani...and I regretted it, but guess we all take that risk in relationships!


New Installment...




As I remember, it didn’t take long to find another internet love-interest. Like I said, in those days it was adventurous, and it seemed so easy to strike up some chemistry with someone. I’m not sure exactly how I met Marci, but w exchanged pictures fairly quick considering my last affair that was similar to a roller coaster throwing the brakes on at full-speed. I really didn’t want a repeat.

Marci lived with her two young daughters in a beautiful house in West Palm Beach, Florida. Yes, someone in my own state! She was going back to college for a degree in music. She was a fine Jazz singer, and of course, I had just recorded some original songs in the studio and was writing as a freelance music journalist for local music magazine. Also, my Father was a Jazz musician in the Miami-area, not far from her. So, we hit it off about music. We both enjoyed our friendship very much although coming from very different backgrounds. Marci was the granddaughter of the man who founded Caterpillar, one of the world’s biggest manufacturers of construction equipment. “Rich” was an understatement for what her grandfather was worth, and she lived off interest, dividends and investments. Marci came from incredible money, and she looked, and acted, like it.

After playing around for a while, we decided we had to meet in person. Oh, I didn’t mention the photos she sent to me were professional shots, and she was absolutely beautiful with these big soulful dark eyes. I was definitely turned on by her, and I think she liked me. Anyway, Marci flew up to Tampa, rented a hotel room for three days at the Hilton overlooking Tampa Bay. It was a perfect view for sunsets looking West, and of course I joined her for much of the time, but I never stayed overnight. Remember, I’m a quad, can’t transfer! So, I did what I could. I drove her to Clearwater Beach, dinners, hanging out in her room was the best time. Yes, we had fun sex, but nothing that was mind-blowing. I got the impression she really wasn’t that into sex. I think she’d been through a lot with her ex-husband, and the whole thing might have tainted her feelings towards sex. I do remember spending New Year’s Eve with her in room. She had this wonderful dinner served to our room, and it was so cool. I felt like a Prince looking out over the bay, eating this gourmet meal with wine. Wow!

We definitely had fun for those three days, but once some time went by we just faded away.
As the internet quickly took the place of newspaper personal ads, I met Paula. Paula was from Delaware, worked as a legal secretary for a popular attorney. She was recently divorced from a self-consumed guitar player, and in fact, Paula was a good vocalist in bands before her falling out with her husband. According to Paula the sex was routine, boring and just a chore he performed on weekend morning. Paula was also a runner with a really nice strong body. She wasn’t a fashionista by any means, but very cute with shoulder length brown hair and eyes. We hit it off very quickly, even talking on phone within a few conversations. It just felt so damn comfortable that we couldn’t resist phone sex. She always said there was something hypnotic about my voice, and I loved using this tool I’d discovered was very effective with the right girl.

One thing I had been neglecting was my chair. I kept saying I have to tell her, but it never felt right. After we played around on phone the first time I wrote her an email explaining my feelings for her, but that I had to explain something about me. I still remember how nervous I felt about it before going to work. I thought I’ll let her think about things while I was at work. All day it bothered me, and I was scared to check my email when arriving home. On the other hand, I’d come to grips that she might reevaluate everything and decide it’s not for her.

Somehow I summoned up the courage to open her reply. I couldn’t believe it, but she was so cool about it, telling me she cried for me, feeling the weight of my situation, knowing my whole story. It was no problem. She asked me if how I talked to her sexually was how I would have sex with her, and was I satisfied with it. I told her that’s exactly how I fuck now, leaving behind the need for physical pleasure with cock. Paula simply said, ‘Ok, I’m fine with it!’

Within a month or two Paula flew down to hang out with me for a week. I picked her up at airport in Tampa, and I whisked her off to Clearwater Beach, where she had a beautiful hotel room waiting right on the beach. That first night in hotel room was so fun teasing, kissing, talking, and yes, I did enjoy licking her pretty smooth pussy. I pulled my chair next to the bed very close, locking my brakes, placing a pillow right on edge of bed. She lay back with another pillow behind her head. I dragged the back of my hand slowly up her open thighs, over her panties, slipping my fingers under her panties, pulling them across her pussy, then tightly up against her clitoris. I’ve always loved building the fire slowly, talking to her, telling her things I knew were making her pussy hot. Soon, her panties were down, and my mouth was licking and sucking her. The tension of a few months building up in her meant she would cum so good for me.

Throughout the week we really had a good time together. She was very good at entertaining herself when I was at work, or home. She loved running on the beach in morning, laying out and collecting shells. I would come down later to take her out to lunch or dinner.

We were in constant contact when Paula went home, and there was talk of her moving down to Florida, but she had this very good job, great benefits and family there. So, she visited two or three times a year. I can honestly say we had memorable times together every visit. It was the hottest sex ever which included the use of vibrators and tease-games. While the sex was always white-hot, we were also very close, just like family somehow. So, when we both decided to move on it was emotional, yet very honest and filled with feeling. She remains a friend today, despite not talking much anymore, as she has a family, complete with a step-daughter she has raised in a difficult situation, and done a fine job.

[Pony]

....installment




It would be some years before I had a close girlfriend like Paula again, but it didn’t stop my quest to find the girl that would heal me somehow, albeit in the short term. You see, there’s a validation that comes with love and sex. Most everyone needs, or at least, wants this in their life. It’s so much harder to reach satisfaction than most people will admit, but still we search for the love that will make us the best person we can be. In my case, being knocked down to a very low level on the official Attractive Partner Scale, made it even more important. Despite my experiences, which are pretty good for a quad, i think, I still never found the girl that will withstand the pressures to be with, and love, me forever. For sure, being with me means certain hardships most women will not have to face, however, I’ve seen so many men that caused many other hardships. It’s just that physically a woman, even if attracted, might decline any serious involvement. For one, the pressures from friends and family can be too much to handle. I’ve seen this kind of prejudice up close and personal, and honestly, it’s very hurtful. It’s like being a different kind of human, and the girl that really falls for a guy in a chair must be strong enough to take the heat.

So, for my own emotional needs, I searched everywhere I could, including overseas. Back in the 1990s there was an international personals website that had personal ads from just about every country you could imagine. Always being very interested in other cultures, especially South American and Asian history and lifestyle, meant finding international females irresistible to me, and I was already learning some Spanish through my Hispanic coworkers. My skills at writing and voice were my tools to intriguing women, and I never hid the fact of being in a wheelchair, but there were creative ways to revealing my situation that I utilized to romanticize the harsh reality. Plus, the fact I was somewhat photogenic, humorous and had written short stories that, at times, would lure a girl close to me. You can feel the chemistry change from mere friendship to all out sexual attraction, and maybe that’s the high I needed so much. Make no mistake, I fell for these women the same as they fell for me, and while there was the obvious obstacle of distance, there was also a deep closeness, and dare I say, love. Of course, in my life, sex is very much part of love. To me, i’s the glue that bonds me with the girl I love. I want to take her to places no other guys, or at least, rarely ever take her. I confess to being extremely naughty, but just as romantic, and when mixed together can be explosive. Once you reach this boiling point, nothing else will do.

The fact that my focus is always on the girl, not my cock-pleasure, seems to simplify things. Girls want you to appreciate, if not worship, their mind, heart, and yes, pussy. And when you have all three, then you’re achieving more than most men - ever will.

[Pony]

^ above

[Dreamer5678]

Thanks for the honesty Pony and again really interesting story...

[Pony]

install,,,



i was playing music, singing with a trio called, Free Spirit. It was a great point in my life. I really felt i was achieving part of my dream, and really my personal calling. There’s nothing like the feeling of playing in a band. Your bandmates become your brothers, and Aaron (guitarist) and Chris (Violin) were so accepting of me, and respecting, of my situation. I can’t tell you how many stairs and stages they had to pull me up, and they had no weirdness about it. They were both married, but I loved showing girls in audiences something different - a dude in wheelchair singing the hell out of songs! Guys were just as intrigued, but for me, it was a great ice-breaker with girls.

One of my coworkers’ wife, who was pretty hot at the time, like to come out and watch us play. She worked hard during the day, and I got the impression things weren’t going that great between my coworker and her, but I considered this off limits as I worked with her husband in the same department. Plus, I really didn’t know if she was into me. I mean she was very friendly, but I’ve never been one to assume friendliness is a come on. Besides, I had this lone distance affair going on with a girl, named Gabriela, from Peru, and I was so in love with her. I’m not exaggerating when I say she was gorgeous - wavy coal-black hair, tan skin, small, yet curvy body. We had met via the One and Only website, and we had gotten very close - daily contact! We traded emails, spoke on phone, and naturally we played sexually whenever we could. Gabriela lived with her parents and brother in an apartment over a dentist office. She was an amazing girl, and had I been on my feet I would’ve traveled to meet her, and who knows what the possibilities would have been, but traveling is not easy for me, as you can imagine, and her traveling here to meet me was difficult, too, if not impossible. It’s not easy to obtain a travel Visa through Immigration to visit the United States if you’re not financially secure. Anyway, after about a year of an intense relationship Gabriela met another man that she decided to go towards. I didn’t blame her, as it seemed a dead end with me, but I have to tell you, it hit me very hard. It was like a punch to the stomach, and I think it was the first, and only, time I cried because of a relationship. But looking back, I was living in a fantasy world that had to eventually come crashing down.

Ok, so back to Chris, who was my coworker’s wife. My coworker and Chris finally split, and guess where my coworker wanted to stay? Yup, in my spare bedroom! He had moved to a different department at work, and I had no intentions with his wife anyway, so I let him rent my room on a temporary basis. Eight or nine moths went by, and Chris continued to come out and see my band play, but now she was writing me emails from her job. One thing led to another, and we met out for a drink. Well, I had to keep this quiet because her soon to be ex was living in my house - weird situation, or what? But, mistakingly, I thought what harm can come from having a drink with Chris? They were apart, I was needing some love-interest after the heartbreak delivered by Gabriela, so what the hell? I did it! naturally, we ended up in the back of my van on a parking lot, Chris in my lap, kissing, licking and feeling. She showed me how wet she was, and that’s as far as we went that night. After all, it was our first date, and her husband was home - at my house! Awkward!

Chris had never had phone sex, so there were times when James (coworker) was out, and I really wanted her to feel that with me. She was an eager student, doing exactly the things I told her, and maybe some extra. She loved it and told me she never knew you could have have so much fun over the phone.

My band, Free Spirit, played a club near my house, and Chris came out. James, her ex/my coworker, had moved out, and, I think, was living with a girl he met over internet. After the gig, Chris came back home with me just to say good night privately. We got back, and of course, we started in sexually. She was in my lap, and when things got hot I laid her back on my bed. She was so ready for this, and told me later it was her plan. She rubbed clit in between my licks, and was more assertive about how I licked her than any girl I’d had. At some point, Chris told me to fuck her pussy with my tongue while she rubbed clit at fast paced. Eventually she orgasmed hard, and let me lick her up slowly after.

We had other fun times, but I started to noticed strange traits about her, like calling me up and talking incessantly about James, or her work. It had gotten to the ‘obsessed’ point, and I was feeling like Chris just needed someone to unload all her problems on. And so I wrote her an email about us just being friends. I really didn’t expect it to be a big deal, but let me tell you, she wrote me a hyper-mean email back, and I never heard from her again.

[Pony]

...final installment! Thanks for reading, really.





So, again, I found myself on that endless search for the girl that would complete my quest of love and sex. There would be other long-distant relationships with girls from South America and the Philippines, but nothing that materialize beyond fascination and phone sex. Things had changed on the internet, not so novel anymore, and maybe my age was changing my swagger in person - not sure! All I know is it was getting harder to attract. The personal ads weren’t working like they used to, and even the international website that I met some great girls from Brazil, Colombia and Peru had been bought out by a bigger website, and it changed dramatically. I even found a website dedicated to girls that were attracted to guys in wheelchairs, sometimes called ‘Devotees.’ And while there have been a few interesting relationships that have developed, really nothing that grew to a partner.

There have been other very satisfying, emotionally, and yes, sexually, charged relationships, or as one friend calls me her ‘whatever,’ and her ‘heaven and hell,’ which makes me laugh and proud all at once. However, never reaching the ultimate goal of a life long partner.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m looking for ANY partner. In fact, I’m really quite picky - definitely not a desperate man, as I can still do okay for myself, despite the chair. It’s the mental connection, emotional bond I crave so much - someone who really GETS who I am, and how they feel with me. I love knowing a girl like no other man - deep, and where her buttons are. And the combination of pushing those buttons. Women are such an interesting enigma, each has their own way that we (men) are to figure out. Sadly, most men never take the time to know their girl with such closeness, creating a lot of frustration and confusion. I’ve said it before, but it would be very frustrating to be a girl. Guys can be deceiving, not giving, unless trying to win the girl over. A quad that can get past the initial wall a girl naturally might throw up is a quad that can beat the able-body males out much of the time. Not all the time. A quad faces enormous obstacles, but obstacles that CAN be overcome, sometimes.

I know that the girl I’m looking for is a rare Diamond among millions of rocks, and being a quad in a wheelchair makes this search even harder, although worth every bit of the effort. Beautiful jewels have been found along the way. They have given me the warmth I’ve needed in a cold, more difficult, world than I ever thought could be possible. A spiritual healing, even if my Spinal Cord can not. Their love, and sex, gave me the strength to never feel 2nd class - accepted in a way that no other human experience really can.

It may very well be that I never find the girl to marry me and give her heart, mind, and pussy, to me forever, but it’s ok. I might just be the best boyfriend she’ll ever have, if given the chance.

Remember love and sex are maybe the most important part of being human - disabled, or not! Never underestimate the power of love and sex. It’s magic!