Just something I wrote. And re-wote..multiple times...
Jul 27, 2013 4:07:58 GMT -5
jess, lavly, and 13 more like this
Post by forloveofneedles on Jul 27, 2013 4:07:58 GMT -5
No, it doesn't have a title. No, I don't know how to post it on the real story page.
His hands were constantly moving on his lap, as if he was rubbing his thighs. In fact, his whole upper half squirmed. Like his body was trying to use every little bit of movement it had... Constantly. "Spasms," he said simply when he noticed I was looking. I guess he was used to it by now.
“Promise you won’t be mad as long as I try to make as little mess as possible? I’ve never fed anyone before. Not that I don't want to...” So much for not making things awkward. I could tell how hard it was for him to ask me for help after his midday aide had cancelled. I’d been in his home for two months and this last half hour was the most time we’d spent face to face since his sister helped me move my stuff in. My hand was shaking as I lifted the fork to his mouth, and I quietly prayed that I wouldn’t spill pasta sauce all over him. I made it though, without dropping anything and I could see the look of pleasant surprise on his face when he tasted what I had made. He had some at the corner of his mouth, so I used the towel he had directed me to lay across his arm and shoulder. I had to keep adjusting it anyway, it slid a little farther down with every jerk and tremor. Still he said nothing.
Why couldn’t I have had more time to ease into being so close to him? I couldn’t remember any other man who had made me nervous, but as I sat so close to him that I could smell the scent of his soap I was clearly nervous. It was easy to notice things about him while I was this close...the slumping of his shoulders, the trach scar on his neck, the grey hairs on his unshaven jaw. He he didnt seem to have much controllable movement in his arms, even when I saw how he operated his chair, it seemed that his chest and shoulders were just as much responsible.
I continued to feed him in silence. I had no idea what to say, but I desperately wished he would speak. I had wanted to get to know him for so long, but he never left his room without one of his attendants, usually long enough to eat before he went right back inside. I wanted to know what it was like in there... what he was like. I looked at the few decorations and furiture that were in the common rooms of the house, but they lacked personality. More of a courtesy to any guests I suppose, like me. Finally, just when I thought I couldn’t stand the silence anymore, he looked down at his lap and thanked me.
“You’re very welcome. It was a pleasure to have lunch with you. Nice to have some company.” I took the towel from him, wiping his mouth again before offering the straw to his lips so he could drink. Another long pause. “Please...say something.”
“I’m someone’s job, Renee.” He sighs. “ You shouldn’t have had to do any of this and I apologize. I should never have asked.” He tried to back up his chair, his large hand batting the joystick in vain. He must have forgotten that he had turned it off so he didn’t accidentally run into me. “Fuck.”
“Wait..WAIT, please...Can we just start over? I don’t want you to be my job, but I sleep in your home, and I want to help you with whatever if you let me. I don’t mind, I swear. Just....talk to me sometimes while I do it. About whatever you want.” I stood and started clearing our dishes from the table so I could give him some space. I listened for the click and whir of his chair behind me, but I was so glad not to hear it.
“I guess I didn’t think you’d really want to get to know me. You have to be atleast ten years younger than me. Probably more than that. Not to mention my sister and I aren’t very much alike. I thought you would be more like her. That was my bad, right? Because you clearly are not. I broke my neck eight years ago and she’s never so much as offered me a drink of water. So I apologize for assuming.”
“Drinks are easy...feeding you is a skill. I’m just glad I didn’t make soup. That could’ve turned out badly for both of us.” As I said this I made sure I was facing him so he could see me smile. “I didn’t do near as bad of a job as I thought I would either. You’re still presentable.”
He smiled, and dare I say I heard a soft chuckle, “no, you did a good job. Better than most. You’ll be a pro in no time. I mean...nevermind. What am I even saying?”
I reached out to touch his shoulder, hoping it would relieve some of the tension in the air, or maybe part of me just needed to touch him. The contact caught us both a little off guard and I was shocked at myself for being so forward. Even though I slept on the other side of the wall from him he was still almost a stranger. “Dinner..maybe?” I moved my hand down his arm before pulling away from him. He didn’t seem to notice. “I can do a little better than all of those frozen dinners you’ve got.”
“If you want to. I really would enjoy that. I know it didn’t seem like it but...I liked getting a chance to be out here with you. I spend a lot of my time in there alone, so my manners are a little shitty when it comes to being around someone, especially if they aren't paid to be here. I don’t want to offend you, but if you smoke - and its cool if you don’t, you’re welcome to come back and have a bowl with me.”
His hands were constantly moving on his lap, as if he was rubbing his thighs. In fact, his whole upper half squirmed. Like his body was trying to use every little bit of movement it had... Constantly. "Spasms," he said simply when he noticed I was looking. I guess he was used to it by now.
“Promise you won’t be mad as long as I try to make as little mess as possible? I’ve never fed anyone before. Not that I don't want to...” So much for not making things awkward. I could tell how hard it was for him to ask me for help after his midday aide had cancelled. I’d been in his home for two months and this last half hour was the most time we’d spent face to face since his sister helped me move my stuff in. My hand was shaking as I lifted the fork to his mouth, and I quietly prayed that I wouldn’t spill pasta sauce all over him. I made it though, without dropping anything and I could see the look of pleasant surprise on his face when he tasted what I had made. He had some at the corner of his mouth, so I used the towel he had directed me to lay across his arm and shoulder. I had to keep adjusting it anyway, it slid a little farther down with every jerk and tremor. Still he said nothing.
Why couldn’t I have had more time to ease into being so close to him? I couldn’t remember any other man who had made me nervous, but as I sat so close to him that I could smell the scent of his soap I was clearly nervous. It was easy to notice things about him while I was this close...the slumping of his shoulders, the trach scar on his neck, the grey hairs on his unshaven jaw. He he didnt seem to have much controllable movement in his arms, even when I saw how he operated his chair, it seemed that his chest and shoulders were just as much responsible.
I continued to feed him in silence. I had no idea what to say, but I desperately wished he would speak. I had wanted to get to know him for so long, but he never left his room without one of his attendants, usually long enough to eat before he went right back inside. I wanted to know what it was like in there... what he was like. I looked at the few decorations and furiture that were in the common rooms of the house, but they lacked personality. More of a courtesy to any guests I suppose, like me. Finally, just when I thought I couldn’t stand the silence anymore, he looked down at his lap and thanked me.
“You’re very welcome. It was a pleasure to have lunch with you. Nice to have some company.” I took the towel from him, wiping his mouth again before offering the straw to his lips so he could drink. Another long pause. “Please...say something.”
“I’m someone’s job, Renee.” He sighs. “ You shouldn’t have had to do any of this and I apologize. I should never have asked.” He tried to back up his chair, his large hand batting the joystick in vain. He must have forgotten that he had turned it off so he didn’t accidentally run into me. “Fuck.”
“Wait..WAIT, please...Can we just start over? I don’t want you to be my job, but I sleep in your home, and I want to help you with whatever if you let me. I don’t mind, I swear. Just....talk to me sometimes while I do it. About whatever you want.” I stood and started clearing our dishes from the table so I could give him some space. I listened for the click and whir of his chair behind me, but I was so glad not to hear it.
“I guess I didn’t think you’d really want to get to know me. You have to be atleast ten years younger than me. Probably more than that. Not to mention my sister and I aren’t very much alike. I thought you would be more like her. That was my bad, right? Because you clearly are not. I broke my neck eight years ago and she’s never so much as offered me a drink of water. So I apologize for assuming.”
“Drinks are easy...feeding you is a skill. I’m just glad I didn’t make soup. That could’ve turned out badly for both of us.” As I said this I made sure I was facing him so he could see me smile. “I didn’t do near as bad of a job as I thought I would either. You’re still presentable.”
He smiled, and dare I say I heard a soft chuckle, “no, you did a good job. Better than most. You’ll be a pro in no time. I mean...nevermind. What am I even saying?”
I reached out to touch his shoulder, hoping it would relieve some of the tension in the air, or maybe part of me just needed to touch him. The contact caught us both a little off guard and I was shocked at myself for being so forward. Even though I slept on the other side of the wall from him he was still almost a stranger. “Dinner..maybe?” I moved my hand down his arm before pulling away from him. He didn’t seem to notice. “I can do a little better than all of those frozen dinners you’ve got.”
“If you want to. I really would enjoy that. I know it didn’t seem like it but...I liked getting a chance to be out here with you. I spend a lot of my time in there alone, so my manners are a little shitty when it comes to being around someone, especially if they aren't paid to be here. I don’t want to offend you, but if you smoke - and its cool if you don’t, you’re welcome to come back and have a bowl with me.”
.