...between para and quad!

[Pony]

Between Para and Quad

Sometimes it feels like an extra burden has been laid on me. It’s not enough to be a C5/C6 SCI, but the fact I push and live my days mostly on my own makes for an incredible amount of physical struggle and precision. You see, the muscles I have in shoulders and Biceps are strong, and deceiving, as most people, even old friends, don’t realize the extent of my being a Quadriplegic.

I can push very good on a flat surface, but any changes in surface can throw me a wrong way, sometimes into things. The simplest things can lead to severe struggle. Even things I do everyday can frustrate the hell out of me, but there’s no time to whine. I bitch myself out, then move to the next challenge because everything I do, especially if I’m doing something new, or in a new area, requires my full attention. Focusing on exactly how do something is half the battle.

For instance, getting my seatbelt off in my van can be mind-blowing if I don’t concentrate. That’s just one small thing. Today, I decided to go to my favorite Pizza joint, but decided on the backdoor because the front is so hard for me to get to. Surface levels can really make things crazy fast, but I made it in with help of a guy who got me up a step. Leaving, I had the owner’s wife help me down. Feeling home free, I cruised down a hill of a parking lot when suddenly a spot on the surface throws me directly towards telephone pole. My chair had good speed when I crashed, nearly throwing me out of chair. But I was quick-thinking, grabbing the pole with one arm, righting myself.

I want people to know there’s an ‘in between’ a paraplegic and quadriplegic. Most people think if you have ANY movement in arms, you’re a paraplegic, full-use of hands, play basketball, fully independent, etc. The media doesn’t help by always referring to a wheelchair user as paralyzed from waist-down, or full quad - neck-down!

I’m proud of being in-between! My struggles far-exceed that of a para, and my banged up hands are a badge-of-honor. Despite needing help in mornings for an hour, and hour at night, I live independently.

Independently in-between!

[paulbe]

Thanks for sharing.

[britishtetra]

I know what you mean, I'm C4/5 and my right arm basically does everything, feed myself, do my joystick, teeth, paint, write etc.. My left arm is useless, but if both of my arms were C5 my life would of been so different, better, then again C4 either side would of been tougher. It'll be 23 years next month for me, once a soldier, so I've got from action to traction. I suppose looking back I'm so glad that I can see, talk, hear etc....to me being blind is a tough disability...
I wish I could live independent sometimes...but I've got a lot to be thankful for...

Pete in a sunny conservatory in Brum...

[Deleted]

Thanks for sharing Pony and bt! I enjoyed the insight...

[paulbe]

Aug 28, 2013 15:44:42 GMT -5 Pony said:

Between Para and Quad

Sometimes it feels like an extra burden has been laid on me. It’s not enough to be a C5/C6 SCI, but the fact I push and live my days mostly on my own makes for an incredible amount of physical struggle and precision. You see, the muscles I have in shoulders and Biceps are strong, and deceiving, as most people, even old friends, don’t realize the extent of my being a Quadriplegic.

I can push very good on a flat surface, but any changes in surface can throw me a wrong way, sometimes into things. The simplest things can lead to severe struggle. Even things I do everyday can frustrate the hell out of me, but there’s no time to whine. I bitch myself out, then move to the next challenge because everything I do, especially if I’m doing something new, or in a new area, requires my full attention. Focusing on exactly how do something is half the battle.

For instance, getting my seatbelt off in my van can be mind-blowing if I don’t concentrate. That’s just one small thing. Today, I decided to go to my favorite Pizza joint, but decided on the backdoor because the front is so hard for me to get to. Surface levels can really make things crazy fast, but I made it in with help of a guy who got me up a step. Leaving, I had the owner’s wife help me down. Feeling home free, I cruised down a hill of a parking lot when suddenly a spot on the surface throws me directly towards telephone pole. My chair had good speed when I crashed, nearly throwing me out of chair. But I was quick-thinking, grabbing the pole with one arm, righting myself.

I want people to know there’s an ‘in between’ a paraplegic and quadriplegic. Most people think if you have ANY movement in arms, you’re a paraplegic, full-use of hands, play basketball, fully independent, etc. The media doesn’t help by always referring to a wheelchair user as paralyzed from waist-down, or full quad - neck-down!

I’m proud of being in-between! My struggles far-exceed that of a para, and my banged up hands are a badge-of-honor. Despite needing help in mornings for an hour, and hour at night, I live independently.

Independently in-between!

[BA]

Thanks for this post, guys. One or two quads that I've known have told me that they have some sense of resentment when they hear a para complaining. I think maybe there is some kind of "hierarchy" in the sci community.

Yeah Tony, there are so many kinds of in between and function even with the exact same injury.

I'd love to hear more thoughts about this from you guys.

[Pony]

Yup, I admit to a 'little' jealousy of paras…maybe not strong as resentment!! I do kind of hate how society generally focuses on paras, and how they are so incredible for moving with their life (ala Push Girls). Quads my level that push have REAL physical challenges. I'm not pulling 'my disability is better than yours'. I'm just throwing this out there as fact, and just shedding light on how i feel about that 'in between' level I am. If you've ever watched Push Girls, and i've only watched 2-3 times, they kinda bitch a lot…lol It's funny how u compare yourself with other chair dudes….when i'm around quads in power chairs, i feel so supreme physically. When i'm around a para, i feel like shit…lol And i'd much rather lose a girl to an AB dude than another chair guy…make any sense?

[BA]

Lol, well what kind of reality show isn't about bitching and scripted drama? One of the girls on the show is a quad thought. Like you, I've only watched it 2 or 3 times and it was a typical reality show, but with wheels. I soooo much prefer something like the beer commercial where the wheeler is kind of 'matter of fact', but oh well, that's off topic.

Yeah, I think you have the right word when you say jealousy, and from my conversations, I know you are not the only one who feels the way you do. No matter what our 'physicality' (word?) can make us feel better than or like shit. Then there are people who are just so zen with the whole physical plane that they never compare themselves to anyone else, because it's all about the inside. I am jealous of THEM. How does someone get that cool with who they are?

Here is a question about the whole other wheeler dude thing: what would make you feel worse .... losing a girl to a para or losing a girl to another quad?

[Deleted]

Dec 10, 2013 17:07:41 GMT -5 BA said:

Lol, well what kind of reality show isn't about bitching and scripted drama? One of the girls on the show is a quad thought. Like you, I've only watched it 2 or 3 times and it was a typical reality show, but with wheels. I soooo much prefer something like the beer commercial where the wheeler is kind of 'matter of fact', but oh well, that's off topic.

Yeah, I think you have the right word when you say jealousy, and from my conversations, I know you are not the only one who feels the way you do. No matter what our 'physicality' (word?) can make us feel better than or like shit. Then there are people who are just so zen with the whole physical plane that they never compare themselves to anyone else, because it's all about the inside. I am jealous of THEM. How does someone get that cool with who they are?

Here is a question about the whole other wheeler dude thing: what would make you feel worse .... losing a girl to a para or losing a girl to another quad?

It honestly wouldn't matter to me, I still lost the girl. (unless she was worthy of losing )

The para vs. quad debate is interesting to me because there does seem to be this unspoken rivalry. I don't ever feel inferior or superior to anyone based on their level of injury but I do feel a little annoyed by the media treating them as heroes for doing stuff completely within the realm of their capabilities. I guess that goes for anyone but paras seem to get all the glory. I often joke that paras aren't really disabled, more like mildly inconvenienced.

[Pony]

This is great topic…thinking about yur question, BA. I think losing a girl a chair guy would really mess with my head, quad or para. And while we're on it, it's one fear of having a Dev…if i knew she was attracted to chair guys, i might feel more competition with a chair dude that met her particular ideal attraction. But, i'm kind of competitive ANYWAY.

Nicguy, it does seem 'inconvenienced' more than disabled…they can move smoothly, never dependent, never overly-struggle. I'm always struggling. It's my life. And I accept it, but man, if i was a para, I'd be kicking ass. But hey, i'd be kicking ass on feet, too. And hey, I'm STILL kicking ass as quad!!! lol

loved your responses really!!

[Deleted]

Just two cents into it… not meant to offend.. everyone is entitled to the way they feel. When it comes to para's vs quad.. it's a strange feeling. You relate the most to people that identify with your struggle and your experiences.. why I relate better to someone that is hispanic, that has been in the army, is a para.. and so it can go down to everything that you identify with. Some things you identify with more than others. I relate to anyone with this injury that is always trying to make themselves better or get better first and foremost.. but I realize that I can never truly relate to quads. Just like abled bodied could never truly relate to anyone that has any type of paralysis. It was tough to see them struggle with things (at Craig) that I never had to. Some on a respirator fighting to get off of it… learning to grip utensils. I also worked around a soldier that had a brain stem injury. Nothing was completely paralyzed but everything was damaged enough to where he couldn't draw deep enough breaths to speak OR he had to have his extra spit sucked up by this machine. Being a para is exponentially easier than his injury, than a quads injury… you can assign a hierarchy if that's what you need to do to make yourself feel better. Fact of the matter is everyone has their own crosses to bare. HELL there are some abled bodied guys with nothing wrong with them that live less fulfilling lives than I do. Don't run… don't exercise.. don't dance.. don't fight.. don't flirt with girls (or men… whatever their cup o tea is).. POINT… begrudge others and claim they have it easier if that makes you feel better. I will never admit to having it harder than any quad. BUT I would rather not have this injury at all. To tell me that I'm not disabled doesn't make me mad (in fact I hate that word.. I like to use injured), insecure, or angry.. but it does make me feel MORE sorry for you. That you have to tell yourself things like that to make yourself feel better (or whatever the motivation is). We are all going through this struggle and would all rather NOT be injured.. but you don't get to pick what happens in this life.. you only get to pick how you react to it and how you move forward.

AND as far as losing a girl to an abled bodied or incomplete injured guy (or a para in quad's case).. even when I was abled bodied IF (on the rare occasion) I lost a girl to another guy… it would seriously not make me bat my eye for a second… because if she doesn't want to be with me and see me for what I am… THEN she sure is hell isn't worthy of what I bring to the table.. or maybe it's better to say that she wasn't right for me and there is someone better for me out there. Why would anyone want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them? Eh… it is what it is. Two cents on the table and I'm not looking for change.

[Deleted]

Dec 10, 2013 20:57:18 GMT -5 @feetgearsnrotor said:

Just two cents into it… not meant to offend.. everyone is entitled to the way they feel. When it comes to para's vs quad.. it's a strange feeling. You relate the most to people that identify with your struggle and your experiences.. why I relate better to someone that is hispanic, that has been in the army, is a para.. and so it can go down to everything that you identify with. Some things you identify with more than others. I relate to anyone with this injury that is always trying to make themselves better or get better first and foremost.. but I realize that I can never truly relate to quads. Just like abled bodied could never truly relate to anyone that has any type of paralysis. It was tough to see them struggle with things (at Craig) that I never had to. Some on a respirator fighting to get off of it… learning to grip utensils. I also worked around a soldier that had a brain stem injury. Nothing was completely paralyzed but everything was damaged enough to where he couldn't draw deep enough breaths to speak OR he had to have his extra spit sucked up by this machine. Being a para is exponentially easier than his injury, than a quads injury… you can assign a hierarchy if that's what you need to do to make yourself feel better. Fact of the matter is everyone has their own crosses to bare. HELL there are some abled bodied guys with nothing wrong with them that live less fulfilling lives than I do. Don't run… don't exercise.. don't dance.. don't fight.. don't flirt with girls (or men… whatever their cup o tea is).. POINT… begrudge others and claim they have it easier if that makes you feel better. I will never admit to having it harder than any quad. BUT I would rather not have this injury at all. To tell me that I'm not disabled doesn't make me mad (in fact I hate that word.. I like to use injured), insecure, or angry.. but it does make me feel MORE sorry for you. That you have to tell yourself things like that to make yourself feel better (or whatever the motivation is). We are all going through this struggle and would all rather NOT be injured.. but you don't get to pick what happens in this life.. you only get to pick how you react to it and how you move forward.

AND as far as losing a girl to an abled bodied or incomplete injured guy (or a para in quad's case).. even when I was abled bodied IF (on the rare occasion) I lost a girl to another guy… it would seriously not make me bat my eye for a second… because if she doesn't want to be with me and see me for what I am… THEN she sure is hell isn't worthy of what I bring to the table.. or maybe it's better to say that she wasn't right for me and there is someone better for me out there. Why would anyone want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them? Eh… it is what it is. Two cents on the table and I'm not looking for change.

Well said.

I totally agree and the "mildly inconvenienced" thing was truly a joke. Of course any SCI is a significant disability (I really hate that word too, btw, I just don't know a better one in this context) The part I get annoyed with is the media turning a low para that skies, for example, into a hero for doing something that he/she admits isn't that big of a struggle. It's the same as when people are "inspired" because I have a full time job or worse yet, see me out drinking with friends. We all have our abilities and our own struggles. And yes, drinking IS an ability!

[Pony]

yahh, I'm half-kidding about 'mildly inconvenienced' too!! As for comparing, there's a LOT of AB dudes I wouldn't want to trade places with. And truth is, many of them have their own struggles that may be greater than mine. it's all in how you play the hand you were dealt. attitude is REALLY everything!!

I have had quads shun me before after saying hi to them…more than one has done this! I don't understand that at all, but it does go on. I have zero probs with paras…I just wish I was one!!! lol