My BIID Story

[Deleted]

Hello!
I agree it's a very interesting intro. I've never been very "kind" towards biid and pretenders but your post made me think. I hope it'll brings up a fruitful discussion. I hope you find a good place to discuss here.

[Cake]

Welcome! I think you wrote a very sensible and insightful thing here. I never understood the extreme hate towards BIID (especially coming from devs), so I'll keep my fingers crossed that you won't get any angry responses

[mike]

DD,

I can't speak for others, but my impression has been that people have no problem with BIID per se; however they do get upset when the person with BIID attempts to deceive others about their situation. Quite clearly this does not apply to you, so it would be surprising to me if people got upset with you.

In my opinion, you could separate things into two piles: volitional and non-volitional. When the issue is volitional, the full spectrum of reaction from admiration, through indifference and sometimes scorn may apply. So for example, when someone steals, that is volitional negative behavior and subject to scorn. When the issue is not volitional, like being attracted to an uncommon characteristic, or perhaps something like your eye color or height, admiration or scorn are inappropriate because you don't choose those things. BIID falls into the non volitional side, as clearly it isn't something you choose. When people attempt to deceive, that is negative volitional behavior, therefore open for criticism. It's easy to see where the line becomes blurred. Dev's often get criticized based upon negative behaviors exercised by some (few). The issue is NOT the attraction, but negative behavior (such as stalking), though again the line becomes blurry and some people associate the bad behavior with the attraction, when clearly they are entirely different things.

[queenjane]

Hi Devvydowner! Thank you for your honest and eloquent intro, I really do hope this generates a new sort of conversation around BIID. You are a female dev and as such you are wholly welcome here I hope this proves to be an empowering experience for you!

I don't identify as BIID but of course I know what it feels like for my sense of self, not just my sexuality but my personal identity, to be inextricably tied up with the concept of disability. And to me it's natural that everyone processes those feelings in different ways. Your feelings aren't wrong or unnatural, any more so than mine are, they're simply different. You're you, and I for one am happy to have you here.

[mike]

DD,

My point of view (though based upon speculation, not experience) is this: There are several parallels between BIID and gender dysphoria.
1. You don't choose it.
2. There is no immediate 'cure' for it.
3. People who experience either condition likely undergo a lot of emotional pain & turmoil.
4. Because both conditions are rare, there are few people you can discuss the issue with.
5. Though there are both advantages/disadvantages to either male/female or AB/dis, people with dysphoria reap some of the disadvantages without any of the advantages.
6. Both conditions can stimulate a good deal of criticism, based primarily upon prejudice.
7. Nobody would CHOOSE to have either condition, though many people (naively) assume you could simply choose not to be that way.

[Kiran]

Sept 18, 2014 22:07:03 GMT -5 @devvydowner said:

Sept 18, 2014 21:24:39 GMT -5 lucretia said:

All of my personal ire comes as a result of deception and the appropriation of resources to fuel that deception.

Neither of that appears to apply to you. So welcome!! I hope you enjoy your time here.

Thank you very much for the welcome.

I sort of just touched on this in my last post, but I'll ask because I'm curious (and in a self-flagellating mood, I guess): If a person with BIID self-injured (either secretly now, or legally in some alternate future), would you consider it deception for them not to reveal that they had chosen to become disabled? And would it anger you if they then, say, used insurance and government programs and the full force of the ADA to get the things they needed for life as a disabled person?

I'm so torn on this. My first reaction is that we shouldn't be allowed to use the limited resources disabled people need, regardless of if we achieve the disability we'd like.

But then I think how teensy-tiny the BIID community is and wonder if it would really be such a tremendous strain on the system. Especially because, even among BIID folks, the number of them "hard-core" enough to actually permanently disable themselves seems like an even teensier-tinier subset.

I also wonder if there might be some good to come out of an increased population of disabled people, and disabled people who are proud and happy to be so. I've been peripherally involved in disability activism. Peripherally because, as an AB person whose only option is to be an ally, I don't have the right to be much more. If I were actually disabled (oh, happy day), I can imagine I'd be much more vocal.

Lastly, I wonder how perceptions of disability might change if the AB world realized that there were a group of people who willfully, joyfully disabled themselves. It might be an eye-opener to realize that some people prefer a disabled body to an able-bodied one. Of course, this presupposes that we move away from considering BIID a mental disorder, and embrace it as just an example of the diversity of our human experience. I'm not sure we're there yet. I'm not sure I'M there yet. It's such a complicated issue. 

What can I say about the part I marked in bold is: Here in Brazil where I live, perhaps because of the PwD community still not be properly mobilized, the AB people who remain surrounding them (like parents, spouses, children, friends, etc.) are the ones that with greater intensity struggle for their rights.

So if you were Brazilian, certainly your voice would be heard with the same deference that our own voices are!

By the way, be welcome!

I hope you enjoy the board just as I do! 

[mike]

DD,

Regarding deliberately acquiring a disability, don't think of it as a black & white issue, but rather a continuum. At one end are those who have no responsibility for their condition, then those who didn't become disabled through choice, but rather through risky behavior. Then extend to those whose behavior was downright irresponsible, such as drunken driving. How about alcoholism, overeating or smoking? At some point in the continuum, most people start to get annoyed, but where that point is will be different for everyone, and probably different from day to day.

If you need accommodation due to your physical condition, we don't currently have a "litmus test" to determine whether you are responsible for your condition, nor do I anticipate one in the future. If such a test existed, where would you draw the line?

[Emma]

I don't have time to write an eloquent welcome like many others have done (I've had a crazy few days on top of my regularly crazy life) but did want to welcome you. It's so nice to see a female dev who also happens to have BIID. I don't think I have been around for any members like you. The only BIID labeled people have been males who regularly pretend which is so very different than you. So welcome!

I'm interested in hearing more from you. How did you talk to your husband about it all? How do you manage it all? It's tough enough to being a dev in a world of non-devs, I imagine adding your desire to be disabled really ups the difficulty. Is the disability you are attracted to the same as your desired disability?

[margottenenbaum]

Wow - congratulations on finding such self acceptance! I look forward to hearing more about your journey. I'm very new to the board and I'm still in the early stages of exploring this part of myself. It can be very challenging to "live your truth" but also incredibly liberating! Congrats

[kivic]

Welcome. It's a pretty big step opening up to people you don't know, but perhaps that's a bit easier because we are all avatars

I like that you bring a rational, normal face to BIID/devoteeism. There seems to be many misconceptions regarding it. You obviously are in touch with what's going on inside your head with your attractions and all the emotions that go hand in hand with it and can express them well enough for us to understand somewhat.

Congrats on taking the plunge!

[kivic]

Yeah, I'm sure many of us having normal exteriors with a normal life and family (I even have a white picket fence), yet what lurks below....

[darthoso]

BIID people, this is how you avoid getting shit on by the Cripple Brigade and Dev Corps, listen to what DD is saying.


Regarding self injury, its a matter of being tolerant of free speech while honoring the social contract. Meaning if you self injury, I'm going to call you an idiot and be upset for all the reasons you listed, BUT the social contract requires we take care of everyone, even those we don't understand. To use a larger example: do I like that US Military medical personnel treat enemy fighters who are wounding trying to kill our troops? No, but I find the alternative worse.

My feelings on a litmus test more involves separating ourselves from those who use the disability system as a back door welfare system. If we can so that I think the community's access to resources and opportunity will expand greatly since you've removed those who are viewed as "lazy" from the system. I think ADLs are a great metric for measuring true need. This is the exact model the blind and deaf community used successfully.

[Corey]

Hello DD and welcome. Thanks for sharing. It seems like you were nervous posting it so it must have taken some courage to go through with it!

I was hoping you would comment on the treatments you tried. The one involving guilt and religion seems like an interesting story haha.

[lars]

Welcome on board!

Thoughtful posts and quite a lot of them in such a short time. Going through a bit of catharsis, are you?
You also did a nice job avoiding turning this thread into some Electric Hellfire Club, so it's been a curious experience to read your thoughts about your BIID.
I can't say that I understand or encourage the desire to acquire a SCI, but I do hope you find some peace eventually.

L

[rollingman]

Welcome aboard. Thanks for sharing your interesting life with us. I think you will make a great addition around here. Sounds like you have a great husband, even if he is vanilla, but you can hold that against him.
Glad you have come to terms with you self, after all its just who you are. Hugs