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Post by feelsunshine on Jul 1, 2020 3:37:26 GMT -5
I was out for dinner with a female friend and I got lucky that in the direction of my view, there sat a couple. They were both aged around 50 I guess. He was a quad in a manual wheelchair. It was nice to sometimes glance over to their table. I hope it wasn’t to obvious 🙈😁 They seemed to have a a good time. It was interesting to watch them. When he spoke he gesticulated a lot with his arms hands. When their dinner arrived, she walked over to his side of the table and cut his food while standing next to him. I thought this was kind of awkward. I’d imagine it so much easier and less conspicuous to just take the guy’s plate, cut the food and move the plate back to his side of the table, right? Yea, that does seem awkward. Wonder if they had been a couple for long. Well, it wasn’t obvious that they were a couple, I really only assumed. Maybe they were only two friends hanging out together. But in any constellation I can think of, it’s odd the way she handled the food situation.
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Post by ContingentlyComposite on Jul 1, 2020 8:53:44 GMT -5
Yea, that does seem awkward. Wonder if they had been a couple for long. Well, it wasn’t obvious that they were a couple, I really only assumed. Maybe they were only two friends hanging out together. But in any constellation I can think of, it’s odd the way she handled the food situation. I find it's way faster/easier to cut up a bunch of food when you're standing (although preferably at a counter not a table). It's a more ergonomic way to use a knife I think. But I agree it's a pretty awkward thing to do at a restaurant.
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Post by feelsunshine on Jul 1, 2020 10:02:35 GMT -5
I don’t know why this bugs me, but I think it’s just that the way she performed it was almost like shouting “hey, look at me. He can’t cut his own food, so I’ll do it for him”. I don’t know... I would handle this “discreet” and I’m sure this would also be the way that the guys would prefer it to be handled. Or they just wouldn’t care. Depends on the person I guess.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2020 13:44:11 GMT -5
I wouldn't even think to get up and cut up food. Like I never did that with my kids when they were little, just pull the plate over and cut it up. So, yeah, I agree, it's weird, either she was just awkward around him or really like showing off or something
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Jul 16, 2020 15:39:56 GMT -5
Wheeler Spotting During COVID-19 goes like this: I spot those wheels a mile away and I start getting excited. As I get closer I notice it’s a cool chair, the back view looks yummy and I can’t wait to see the face that goes with it all. Then I notice-baseball cap, sunglasses and a mask. No way to even tell what this wheeler looks like. COVID-19 is a real bummer in so many ways. Dev struggles. 🤷🏻♀️
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Post by Amee on Jul 17, 2020 12:50:33 GMT -5
Wheeler Spotting During COVID-19 goes like this: I spot those wheels a mile away and I start getting excited. As I get closer I notice it’s a cool chair, the back view looks yummy and I can’t wait to see the face that goes with it all. Then I notice-baseball cap, sunglasses and a mask. No way to even tell what this wheeler looks like. COVID-19 is a real bummer in so many ways. Dev struggles. 🤷🏻♀️ #firstworldcovidproblems The upside is, you get to imagine him as hot as you like! I had something really funny happen to me a few weeks ago, which I meant to tell you guys about. So I've been on tinder forever and some other dating site also for quite a while now and I've never, ever, ever seen anyone with any disability on there. And then one day a couple of weeks ago, I get a message from a guy on this dating site and I'm fairly certain that in his blurry (because not yet unlocked) profile picture, he's playing wheelchair rugby. I stared at it for a couple of minutes in disbelief. It's not just that there's a wheeler in my age range on this dating site, but he actually sent me a message. So I respond without even really checking his profile, because duh (big mistake). We exchange two short messages (he unlocks his pictures, and yes he's in a wheelchair and playing wheelchair rugby, though not really my type - because that would just be too much luck for one dev, right? ). And then out of the blue after two super-short messages, he sends me this long message about how he just wants to get this out of the way right from the start: If I have a problem with the fact that he has a disability since birth, I should just tell him right away, because [ going on about how it would be unfair to pretend like I'm interested, but really have a problem with it and so on and so forth]. Then at the end, he tells me that I should just know that he can dress and shower himself and can generally do most things for himself (which kind of broke my heart a little bit, that he felt the need to point that out). So I stare at this message once again in disbelief. How unbelievably ironic. The problem? I finally did check his profile and we're super-incompatible. No chance that this would work. But how do I get out of it now, without him thinking that I'm rejecting him for his disability? So I rack my brain over it for a while and I finally decide that the best option is [ drumroll]... the truth. I wrote back that No, I don't have a problem with his disability, that I actually find guys with physical disabilities quite attractive, that I have a bit of a funny preference there (acting all nonchalant about it, like it was no big deal for me). And then I told him that that was actually the reason I responded to his first message, because I saw him playing wheelchair rugby in his profile picture and just thought that was really cool. Buuut, that I'm afraid we're not really compatible from his profile information and that I'd be happy to keep chatting in just a friendly way, but wanted to be upfront about it. That was actually the first time in my life that I told someone about my devness (even if in a vague way), who didn't already know. I was extremely nervous about how he would react. The next morning I get a message from him, telling me that he likes my views. "views"... Turned out he hadn't really read the part about not being compatible and then kept on going all romantic on me. So I told him again that I want to be really clear that I'm happy to keep chatting, but that I'm not interested romantically. And then he sent me this really angry message about how I'm just like all the other women... I sent him another message, explaining how I thought that was a bit unfair and also explaining why I thought we weren't compatible and he then sent me a very nice and sweet answer, apologizing and wishing me all the best. And that's how we ended it. Weirdest thing that's happened to me on a dating site/app ever.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Jul 17, 2020 15:39:49 GMT -5
Amee - that is just such a coincidence! I am glad that he was not angry once you explained your thoughts on why you believed you were incompatible. I'm curious as to what made you think that?
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Post by missparkle on Jul 17, 2020 15:50:05 GMT -5
Amee , wow, it's such an interesting story! Ain't life a bitch?! LOL
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Post by Amee on Jul 17, 2020 16:25:23 GMT -5
Amee - that is just such a coincidence! I am glad that he was not angry once you explained your thoughts on why you believed you were incompatible. I'm curious as to what made you think that? I was afraid someone would ask that He wasn't the smartest guy and very uneducated (the lowest level of schooling you can have here). He was really sweet in his messages, but very "simple". I'm pretty sure he understood (or at least guessed) that that was the reason, because my job is on my profile and he also said in his first angry message that he's intelligent (among many other good qualities, which he pointed out to me). I spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out how to explain this in a way that wouldn't make him feel bad and me sound like a b*tch. So I told him that I believe him that he's intelligent (which was a little bit of a white lie, but whatever), but that something I really care about in a partner is intellectual curiosity. I told him that I'd spent all of my life up until now studying and learning and that I love to read and learn about all kinds of scientific topics and that I need a partner to share that interest and my understanding from his profile and the few messages we've exchanged is that he doesn't. Apparently he agreed with that, because his answer after that was really sweet again. I still wonder, if I was unnecessarily overexplaining, but I just really felt this need to make sure he didn't think I rejected him for his disability. I know that's possibly a little silly. But I just thought it would have been too ironic that he would have found possibly the only dev on this dating site and then think she rejected him for his disability. I just felt like I couldn't let that happen Amee , wow, it's such an interesting story! Ain't karma a bitch?! LOL Karma??? What did I do wrong?
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Post by missparkle on Jul 17, 2020 16:49:48 GMT -5
Amee , wow, it's such an interesting story! Ain't karma a bitch?! LOL Karma??? What did I do wrong? You didn't, I did! 🙈 I wrote "karma" where I should've written "life"! Idiot!😂
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Jul 17, 2020 16:51:30 GMT -5
Amee, I totally agree with how you handled and I completely understand why that was not compatible. Too bad though...
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Post by rebeckers84 on Jul 18, 2020 18:43:46 GMT -5
Wow!!! So many thoughts!!! I’m happy you told him though, such a great step. I’m sorry you weren’t compatible. Maybe about one will pop up soon I’ve started to see a few more. Maybe they’re finally turning to online dating apps!!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2020 19:20:50 GMT -5
Amee I’m really glad you took the time to explain why you weren’t interested. He sounds like it took a lot of courage for him to post a profile so I’m sure you’ve boosted his confidence in regard to his disability.
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Post by Emma on Jul 21, 2020 23:16:11 GMT -5
I get the whole long term incompatibility thing, but why not just meet for coffee and make a friend? I'm pretty sure that is what I would do in your situation.
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Post by rebeckers84 on Aug 23, 2020 13:16:29 GMT -5
Not really “wheeler” spotting but.... the universe almost got it right for me (almost). One of my best friends had a bday get together at the beach last weekend (I hate the beach, I’ll add) but I went cause she’s my bestie. One of her longtime childhood friends comes who she’s never mentioned to me before and he’s a double amputee! We had a really good time at the beach hanging out, body surfing waves etc... then we all got together again today for diving. Super great guy. Amputees aren’t really my dev thing but I dunno... maybe I’ll give it a whirl. Or maybe I should share with one of you! Haha
But it was cool diving today. He didn’t need much help but a little. And we had to do a little on the fly thinking/troubleshooting through some stuff which I love. I think that’s one of the things that draws me to pwds. I just love the constant troubleshooting/problem solving. It’s so fun for me!
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