Post by Nia on Oct 3, 2016 16:46:42 GMT -5
HI all.
During my last dev high I tried to vent in all possible ways I could think of and this story was just one of them. I wrote it a couple months ago and flirted with the idea to share it with you but felt ashamed and insecure both because I never shared anything like this with another person and also because of my pure English that is not nearly good enough for such things. But... Somehow I decided to post it no matter the fact that the language is poor... So pls, if you can, overlook the mistakes and try to imagine the scene and the atmosphere I have been indulging in my mind for so many times. This is how I dream about "him" and this is how I see it coming...
Pls be gentle with comments
and I hope you will enjoy.
THE STORY
The club we went to that night was my favorite. Small but always packed it was the only shelter in the city for a small community of obscure dance music lovers.
As always I went there with couple of friends, met 20 more there on the floor but as the night went by each of us glided into our own worlds not interested to communicate but only to dance carried away by the beat and drugs.
I saw him couple of times when I opened my eyes to take a sip of Red Bull or to check my iPhone. Each time he was just 2 steps away looking at me and he never turned head when our eyes met. But still, it was not odd. I liked his look on me. And since it lasted for almost an hour I started posing for him. At first I was not aware of it but as the evening went by it kind of grew into a little game we played. I was dancing for him and he indulged what I did waiting for my next move.
He was not very tall. Barely a bit taller than me. He had dark hair and beard, very pale skin and masculine nose. Eyes I could not see. But I felt his look on me and somehow knew they were dark and somewhat boyishly sad and naughty at the same time. He was wearing dark, perfectly fitted jeans and white T-shirt. He wasn’t dancing. He just stood there.
Even though my eyes were closed at that moment I felt that he headed towards me. I felt ashamed when I figured that my heart started to bump. I was such a girl… I couldn’t resist and I looked at his direction just as I wanted to welcome him. I gave him a smile that said: “Finally… I feared you will never make a move”. He just smiled back. As he made that last step towards me, it seemed to me that he limped a bit. My stomach dropped and I said to myself “No love. It’s not that.”
“Hi. I am Ewan”. His voice was totally different from what I expected and imagined.
“Nia”. I was flirting like a very bad third-class actress.
“Are you alone?”
“Sort of… Came with like 30 friends but I don’t know where they went…” I could not pull myself together and I saw him feeding from my insecurity.
“And you?” I stuttered.
“I’m alone too, I believe. My friends left 2 hours ago. I stayed. I like it here. The music is great.”
“Yes it is. How come I never met you here before?”
“I don’t go out much… Hardly ever”, he said and took a sip of Heineken from the bottle that was in his right arm. I watched his masculine, hairy arm moving up and down again and I think I lost it for a second when he woke me up with the next question:
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No!”
Oh my god. That was embarrassing. I literally yelled “No!” before he finished the question. But, instead of laughing at me he grabbed me by my waist and “pushed” his right leg between mine legs. I accepted, closed my eyes and we started to dance... Swing actually. I felt his amazingly fresh scent. He got closer to my chin and I felt his breath on my neck.
You know those boys who appear to be harmless and melancholic at first sight so your first reaction is “Oh, how cute he is” and you welcome them without restraint or walls? You start talking and then out of nowhere your eyes meet and he suddenly gives you “that” look. The one you never saw coming. Naughty and piercing. The look that can read your mind, feel your every thought. You feel naked but you cannot look away. Boy – man. That was him. And I remember thinking: “Nia, this is going to be interesting.”
I am not sure about time. When magic happens you don’t know if it lasted for a second or for hours. I only remember I couldn’t take my eyes off him and that we cuddled unaware of space, time and people around us.
At some point my hand slipped down his waist to his hip and continued towards his thigh when he stepped back. I stopped immediately and looked him in the eyes with the look that asked: “What did I do wrong?”
“Don’t go further” he said.
“I am sorry…” I mumbled not knowing what I did wrong… Only 10 minutes ago a guy was touching my nipple for God’s sake!
“You did nothing wrong. I stopped you because I don’t want you to panic…”
“Panic? Why would I…”
“Wait… Stop talking. Give me your hand.”
My hand found his. He placed my open palm over his hip and covered it with his palm. And then he slowly pushed it down. I felt his jeans and concentrated on each fold on our way down waiting to see where he headed. I looked him in the eyes and felt for a second like he wandered off. We kept gliding down when he closed his eyes and faintly raised his head… at that same moment I felt that my palm went over a bump and I recognized firm material instead of a body… My stomach collapsed but somehow I managed to put on my poker face and act calmly. I just asked him:
“Wh... what is that..?”
“I don’t have my left leg. I’ve lost it 9 years ago. It’s prosthetic leg… so I can walk.”
As he said those words I felt something like a worm wave inside my abdomen. I lost it and I started to panic inside. I swear to god my first and by far the most logical explanation for this was that I am either tripping or dreaming. It was none of those two. He was real. And what he said was real also. We were actually having that conversation. Somehow I’ve managed to catch my breath and say something in return. But only wrong things came out…
“No… You’re joking”
“No, I don’t. Have a look.”
He took one step back. I leaned a bit and looked down but saw nothing except his very nice jeans and white sneakers with blue stripes.
“I cannot tell… really…”
“It’s dark here… You’ll see when we go out. Will you go out with me… despite…” he even smiled.
“Of course I will… I… I just don’t know what to say… I mean please don’t get me wrong, I will explain… my reaction does not at all reflect what I feel about what you just said…”
I could see his face changing from slight disappointment to total confusion. In desperation, I continued to talk nonsense…s
“Thanks for telling me but you really didn’t have to… I mean… don’t tell me there are girls who react badly?” I finally caught my breath and asked this last question in a new, all serious voice, switching the direction of the conversation.
“You would not believe. Once I tell them, or they notice by themselves, half of them disappear in no time under unknown circumstances. They often make excuse and go to a ladies room but they never return. The other half reacts somewhat like you but when we go home and they see me naked without my prosthetic they start crying and eventually leave in tears holding shoes and clothes under the arm making lame excuses. I prefer the first half.”
I was left speechless. The worst thing was the sound of his voice. He wasn’t mad or sad or in any way in search for compassion. He was just someone who made peace with this tremendous injustice in life but you can tell that prior to that peace he screamed, cried, hated god, asked “why” and received no answer and eventually broke to pieces to finally become who he is now. A wonderful creature who lives among us monsters and who managed to survive us, outgrow us, and who, at the end, even learned to love us with the same love people love stubborn puppies who keep nibbling shoes and furniture understanding none of what we say to them.
I knew that I have less than a minute to pull myself together or he will kiss my forehead and leave to save himself from another idiot. The music was loud and at that moment I didn’t like it at all. I remember asking myself how could I ever dance to this shit. But the fact was that I was suddenly dead sober. I finally spoke.
“Listen to me please. I swear I will not leave. Not now and not if you decide to take me home later. I am none of those girls you described. I have completely different problem now. I am scared to death that when you see ME – you will leave and never come back.” My svoice started to shake as I approached the end of that line.
He was confused. Thank you god! At least he didn’t immediately figure it all out, spit on me and left. I was blessed with some extra time with him…
“Don’t tell me you are a boy?” he tried to make a joke but I could tell that he got me seriously and that he didn’t feel pleasant about what I mysteriously implied.
“No! God no!” I burst into hysterical laugh.
“Wait… I know! Both your legs are gone – don’t worry I can cope…” he started to play the fucking quiz.
“Please don’t do that OK?” I asked and he immediately stopped. “Can we just please go somewhere else and talk?”
This time he said nothing. He just grabbed my hand and took me through the crowd. He was one step ahead of me and as we moved towards the exit I could see him limping noticeably. One could immediately see that this is just the way he walks and not just twisted ankle. I loved that walk and for a moment I wished to spend my life watching him walk like that in front of me.
Cold air whipped my cheeks and I speeded up a bit to catch his step and walk beside him. He kept holding my hand but he wasn’t looking at my direction. He stopped the first cab, opened the back door and let me get in first. Then he entered as well but his technique was something I have never seen before. Odd but trained to perfection so he was beside me in a second.
He gave direction to the cab driver, leaned back and finally looked at me. I understood that as an invitation to finally take a decent look. I started from his face and then I slowly slipped down to his legs. The difference in thickness was obvious and the shape of the left knee was strange. I could tell it’s rather a mechanical joint then the human knee. I gently touched it. He did not react. I raised my head and looked him right in the eyes. He was so calm… waiting for me to finish my childish research. I felt drawn to him and the next thing I knew is that we kissed. Our tongues found each other in a split of a second and I remember how surprised I was to find out how soft and fragrant his beard was.
We kissed during the entire ride. When we arrived he paid for the ride and went out of the car repeating that same strange routine he did while entering 15 minutes ago. He held the door for me and helped me pick up the bag and a scarf. We entered his building in silence and kissed again in the elevator.
His place was all white and empty. I stayed in the lobby like a 15 year old clutching nervously my bag with both arms while I waited for him to close the door behind us and to take off his jacket.
“Feel at home please…” he pointed towards the living room.
I could hear my shoes making recognizable sounds every time I made a step on his wooden floor.
His living room was spacious with lots of windows, plants and books. A pair of crutches were leaning against the wall in one of the corners and I could see the bedroom through the half open doors on the other side of the room. We were standing in the middle of the room. He was relaxed, I was in agony.
“What’s wrong Nia? What can possible be so bad that you are terrified to tell me?”
I stayed numb.
“You are so beautiful. You know that. I watched you all evening as you danced asking myself who is this girl and will you ever notice me.”
He took my head with both hands, squeezed my face and kissed me again. He dived his fingers into my hair and pressed my skull as he wanted to tuck them in. In no time my shirt was undone and I stood there half naked doing the same thing to him. Button by button, piece by piece we made it to the point where we were both just in jeans. Like we had some previously trained choreography we separated a bit and stood before each other. Simultaneously as we were mirroring each other we unbuttoned and took of our jeans.
There he was standing before me with pale and hairy skin and natural muscles tone. He had colorful underwear that was perfect on him. His left leg was there just a little below his hip and after that point he stood on a futuristic, perfectly shaped artificial leg made of a black material unknown to my eye. I could not stop looking at him. He was the most beautiful sight I have ever laid my eyes on. He immediately recognized that expression on my face and became relaxed and calm as he waited for me to “learn” all his curves and lines by heart.
I don’t know how long I stared. But it was not staring. Later he told me that he felt warm from that look of mine…
Finally I knew it was time. I was not afraid any more. Somewhere between the back seat of the cab and his living room he figured it all out. I was safe. He knew it even though we didn’t say a word. He didn’t want me to go. He was not offended by me. He didn’t throw me out. He was there and he was relieved waiting for me to say the words and take away that last fear that he got it all wrong and that everything will change once he sees me…
I was already naked with my jeans wrapped around my wrists so I just made a small move to reveal my right thigh to him. He just looked towards the spot I revealed… Took him a second to realize what exactly he was looking at. It was a large tattoo of pirate trying to escape from the mad crocodile by climbing the rope. He was naked from the waist up, bearded, tattooed and handsome. And he did not have his left leg high above the knee. He had a peg leg instead. Just like real pirate should. He smiled. I turned him the other thigh.
The tattoo on this one said: “ I am 4 (d) 5 (e) 22 (v) 15 (o) 20 (t) 5 (e) 5 (e)”.
He laughed loudly, grabbed me by my waist and said “Welcome and never leave.”
During my last dev high I tried to vent in all possible ways I could think of and this story was just one of them. I wrote it a couple months ago and flirted with the idea to share it with you but felt ashamed and insecure both because I never shared anything like this with another person and also because of my pure English that is not nearly good enough for such things. But... Somehow I decided to post it no matter the fact that the language is poor... So pls, if you can, overlook the mistakes and try to imagine the scene and the atmosphere I have been indulging in my mind for so many times. This is how I dream about "him" and this is how I see it coming...
Pls be gentle with comments
and I hope you will enjoy.THE STORY
The club we went to that night was my favorite. Small but always packed it was the only shelter in the city for a small community of obscure dance music lovers.
As always I went there with couple of friends, met 20 more there on the floor but as the night went by each of us glided into our own worlds not interested to communicate but only to dance carried away by the beat and drugs.
I saw him couple of times when I opened my eyes to take a sip of Red Bull or to check my iPhone. Each time he was just 2 steps away looking at me and he never turned head when our eyes met. But still, it was not odd. I liked his look on me. And since it lasted for almost an hour I started posing for him. At first I was not aware of it but as the evening went by it kind of grew into a little game we played. I was dancing for him and he indulged what I did waiting for my next move.
He was not very tall. Barely a bit taller than me. He had dark hair and beard, very pale skin and masculine nose. Eyes I could not see. But I felt his look on me and somehow knew they were dark and somewhat boyishly sad and naughty at the same time. He was wearing dark, perfectly fitted jeans and white T-shirt. He wasn’t dancing. He just stood there.
Even though my eyes were closed at that moment I felt that he headed towards me. I felt ashamed when I figured that my heart started to bump. I was such a girl… I couldn’t resist and I looked at his direction just as I wanted to welcome him. I gave him a smile that said: “Finally… I feared you will never make a move”. He just smiled back. As he made that last step towards me, it seemed to me that he limped a bit. My stomach dropped and I said to myself “No love. It’s not that.”
“Hi. I am Ewan”. His voice was totally different from what I expected and imagined.
“Nia”. I was flirting like a very bad third-class actress.
“Are you alone?”
“Sort of… Came with like 30 friends but I don’t know where they went…” I could not pull myself together and I saw him feeding from my insecurity.
“And you?” I stuttered.
“I’m alone too, I believe. My friends left 2 hours ago. I stayed. I like it here. The music is great.”
“Yes it is. How come I never met you here before?”
“I don’t go out much… Hardly ever”, he said and took a sip of Heineken from the bottle that was in his right arm. I watched his masculine, hairy arm moving up and down again and I think I lost it for a second when he woke me up with the next question:
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No!”
Oh my god. That was embarrassing. I literally yelled “No!” before he finished the question. But, instead of laughing at me he grabbed me by my waist and “pushed” his right leg between mine legs. I accepted, closed my eyes and we started to dance... Swing actually. I felt his amazingly fresh scent. He got closer to my chin and I felt his breath on my neck.
You know those boys who appear to be harmless and melancholic at first sight so your first reaction is “Oh, how cute he is” and you welcome them without restraint or walls? You start talking and then out of nowhere your eyes meet and he suddenly gives you “that” look. The one you never saw coming. Naughty and piercing. The look that can read your mind, feel your every thought. You feel naked but you cannot look away. Boy – man. That was him. And I remember thinking: “Nia, this is going to be interesting.”
I am not sure about time. When magic happens you don’t know if it lasted for a second or for hours. I only remember I couldn’t take my eyes off him and that we cuddled unaware of space, time and people around us.
At some point my hand slipped down his waist to his hip and continued towards his thigh when he stepped back. I stopped immediately and looked him in the eyes with the look that asked: “What did I do wrong?”
“Don’t go further” he said.
“I am sorry…” I mumbled not knowing what I did wrong… Only 10 minutes ago a guy was touching my nipple for God’s sake!
“You did nothing wrong. I stopped you because I don’t want you to panic…”
“Panic? Why would I…”
“Wait… Stop talking. Give me your hand.”
My hand found his. He placed my open palm over his hip and covered it with his palm. And then he slowly pushed it down. I felt his jeans and concentrated on each fold on our way down waiting to see where he headed. I looked him in the eyes and felt for a second like he wandered off. We kept gliding down when he closed his eyes and faintly raised his head… at that same moment I felt that my palm went over a bump and I recognized firm material instead of a body… My stomach collapsed but somehow I managed to put on my poker face and act calmly. I just asked him:
“Wh... what is that..?”
“I don’t have my left leg. I’ve lost it 9 years ago. It’s prosthetic leg… so I can walk.”
As he said those words I felt something like a worm wave inside my abdomen. I lost it and I started to panic inside. I swear to god my first and by far the most logical explanation for this was that I am either tripping or dreaming. It was none of those two. He was real. And what he said was real also. We were actually having that conversation. Somehow I’ve managed to catch my breath and say something in return. But only wrong things came out…
“No… You’re joking”
“No, I don’t. Have a look.”
He took one step back. I leaned a bit and looked down but saw nothing except his very nice jeans and white sneakers with blue stripes.
“I cannot tell… really…”
“It’s dark here… You’ll see when we go out. Will you go out with me… despite…” he even smiled.
“Of course I will… I… I just don’t know what to say… I mean please don’t get me wrong, I will explain… my reaction does not at all reflect what I feel about what you just said…”
I could see his face changing from slight disappointment to total confusion. In desperation, I continued to talk nonsense…s
“Thanks for telling me but you really didn’t have to… I mean… don’t tell me there are girls who react badly?” I finally caught my breath and asked this last question in a new, all serious voice, switching the direction of the conversation.
“You would not believe. Once I tell them, or they notice by themselves, half of them disappear in no time under unknown circumstances. They often make excuse and go to a ladies room but they never return. The other half reacts somewhat like you but when we go home and they see me naked without my prosthetic they start crying and eventually leave in tears holding shoes and clothes under the arm making lame excuses. I prefer the first half.”
I was left speechless. The worst thing was the sound of his voice. He wasn’t mad or sad or in any way in search for compassion. He was just someone who made peace with this tremendous injustice in life but you can tell that prior to that peace he screamed, cried, hated god, asked “why” and received no answer and eventually broke to pieces to finally become who he is now. A wonderful creature who lives among us monsters and who managed to survive us, outgrow us, and who, at the end, even learned to love us with the same love people love stubborn puppies who keep nibbling shoes and furniture understanding none of what we say to them.
I knew that I have less than a minute to pull myself together or he will kiss my forehead and leave to save himself from another idiot. The music was loud and at that moment I didn’t like it at all. I remember asking myself how could I ever dance to this shit. But the fact was that I was suddenly dead sober. I finally spoke.
“Listen to me please. I swear I will not leave. Not now and not if you decide to take me home later. I am none of those girls you described. I have completely different problem now. I am scared to death that when you see ME – you will leave and never come back.” My svoice started to shake as I approached the end of that line.
He was confused. Thank you god! At least he didn’t immediately figure it all out, spit on me and left. I was blessed with some extra time with him…
“Don’t tell me you are a boy?” he tried to make a joke but I could tell that he got me seriously and that he didn’t feel pleasant about what I mysteriously implied.
“No! God no!” I burst into hysterical laugh.
“Wait… I know! Both your legs are gone – don’t worry I can cope…” he started to play the fucking quiz.
“Please don’t do that OK?” I asked and he immediately stopped. “Can we just please go somewhere else and talk?”
This time he said nothing. He just grabbed my hand and took me through the crowd. He was one step ahead of me and as we moved towards the exit I could see him limping noticeably. One could immediately see that this is just the way he walks and not just twisted ankle. I loved that walk and for a moment I wished to spend my life watching him walk like that in front of me.
Cold air whipped my cheeks and I speeded up a bit to catch his step and walk beside him. He kept holding my hand but he wasn’t looking at my direction. He stopped the first cab, opened the back door and let me get in first. Then he entered as well but his technique was something I have never seen before. Odd but trained to perfection so he was beside me in a second.
He gave direction to the cab driver, leaned back and finally looked at me. I understood that as an invitation to finally take a decent look. I started from his face and then I slowly slipped down to his legs. The difference in thickness was obvious and the shape of the left knee was strange. I could tell it’s rather a mechanical joint then the human knee. I gently touched it. He did not react. I raised my head and looked him right in the eyes. He was so calm… waiting for me to finish my childish research. I felt drawn to him and the next thing I knew is that we kissed. Our tongues found each other in a split of a second and I remember how surprised I was to find out how soft and fragrant his beard was.
We kissed during the entire ride. When we arrived he paid for the ride and went out of the car repeating that same strange routine he did while entering 15 minutes ago. He held the door for me and helped me pick up the bag and a scarf. We entered his building in silence and kissed again in the elevator.
His place was all white and empty. I stayed in the lobby like a 15 year old clutching nervously my bag with both arms while I waited for him to close the door behind us and to take off his jacket.
“Feel at home please…” he pointed towards the living room.
I could hear my shoes making recognizable sounds every time I made a step on his wooden floor.
His living room was spacious with lots of windows, plants and books. A pair of crutches were leaning against the wall in one of the corners and I could see the bedroom through the half open doors on the other side of the room. We were standing in the middle of the room. He was relaxed, I was in agony.
“What’s wrong Nia? What can possible be so bad that you are terrified to tell me?”
I stayed numb.
“You are so beautiful. You know that. I watched you all evening as you danced asking myself who is this girl and will you ever notice me.”
He took my head with both hands, squeezed my face and kissed me again. He dived his fingers into my hair and pressed my skull as he wanted to tuck them in. In no time my shirt was undone and I stood there half naked doing the same thing to him. Button by button, piece by piece we made it to the point where we were both just in jeans. Like we had some previously trained choreography we separated a bit and stood before each other. Simultaneously as we were mirroring each other we unbuttoned and took of our jeans.
There he was standing before me with pale and hairy skin and natural muscles tone. He had colorful underwear that was perfect on him. His left leg was there just a little below his hip and after that point he stood on a futuristic, perfectly shaped artificial leg made of a black material unknown to my eye. I could not stop looking at him. He was the most beautiful sight I have ever laid my eyes on. He immediately recognized that expression on my face and became relaxed and calm as he waited for me to “learn” all his curves and lines by heart.
I don’t know how long I stared. But it was not staring. Later he told me that he felt warm from that look of mine…
Finally I knew it was time. I was not afraid any more. Somewhere between the back seat of the cab and his living room he figured it all out. I was safe. He knew it even though we didn’t say a word. He didn’t want me to go. He was not offended by me. He didn’t throw me out. He was there and he was relieved waiting for me to say the words and take away that last fear that he got it all wrong and that everything will change once he sees me…
I was already naked with my jeans wrapped around my wrists so I just made a small move to reveal my right thigh to him. He just looked towards the spot I revealed… Took him a second to realize what exactly he was looking at. It was a large tattoo of pirate trying to escape from the mad crocodile by climbing the rope. He was naked from the waist up, bearded, tattooed and handsome. And he did not have his left leg high above the knee. He had a peg leg instead. Just like real pirate should. He smiled. I turned him the other thigh.
The tattoo on this one said: “ I am 4 (d) 5 (e) 22 (v) 15 (o) 20 (t) 5 (e) 5 (e)”.
He laughed loudly, grabbed me by my waist and said “Welcome and never leave.”
