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Post by TotalBias on Jun 2, 2018 14:57:01 GMT -5
For those of you who are sort of ‘out’ as liking PWD, how do you talk about your attractions with friends? If you don’t currently gush over PWD IRL, how would you want to talk about your attractions with friends? For me, I tend to gush over certain features like it’s totally typical. For example, I go on about contractures like they’re abs. Instead of saying, “Guys... his abs were so hard,” I say, “Guys... his contractures were so stiff.” Or instead of saying, “His muscles are soooo big. I love how strong he is,” I might say, “His bones are so sharp. I love how boney he is.” It was a bit weird for my friends at first to hear me going on about contractures and bones and what not, but they got used to it. Now they see a guy with my tastes and point him out on the street. P.S. Above descriptions pertain to my boyfriends with SMA.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2018 17:02:20 GMT -5
My three best friends know I'm a dev but even though we have talked about it, I don't emphasize on it or keep bringing it up.
One reason for that is that it's difficult for them to understand. They know I'm attracted to parapelgic men but even though I have tried to explain why, it's difficult for them to understand so I really don't bother. We mostly joke in a friendly way about it when it comes up.
For them it's even harder to understand that it's not primarily a sexual thing. Like the question about "But if his thing is not working, why?" So I pretty much don't really talk about it. They are not devs and I don't hold that against them but I also won't be talking over and over about my attraction to paraplegic men. Apart from that, I don't even understand it all the way myself.
Like they may find a guy hot and I say "Yeah, he is hot all right but would be hotter with legs not working or in a wheelchair." So it's really just a lose, fun conversation when it comes up.
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Post by lucretia on Jun 2, 2018 17:16:11 GMT -5
Most of my friends and family know, but I don't gush. I did most of my gushing here and with other devs. I definitely talked about the guys I dated or was into, but not full-on gushing.
It wasn't because I was shy, but gushing to people who don't really get it, who have no frame of reference, wasn't all that fun to me.
But with other devs, it's totally different. We DO get it, even if we find something else attractive and think the guy our friend is gushing about is definitely not our type. LOL But we understand the attraction, and that makes all the difference.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2018 17:25:33 GMT -5
Most of my friends and family know, but I don't gush. I did most of my gushing here and with other devs. I definitely talked about the guys I dated or was into, but not full-on gushing. It wasn't because I was shy, but gushing to people who don't really get it, who have no frame of reference, wasn't all that fun to me. But with other devs, it's totally different. We DO get it, even if we find something else attractive and think the guy our friend is gushing about is definitely not our type. LOL But we understand the attraction, and that makes all the difference. I totally agree and I guess the word is "gushing". I don't gush over it either, I don't want to weird my friends out even more with something they don't really understand. That's why I have my dev friends here.
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Post by pam on Jun 2, 2018 21:34:28 GMT -5
None of my friends know about it. And since I never see any PWD guys around where I live, I can't really gush on here either☹
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Jun 2, 2018 23:01:02 GMT -5
My best friend knows and she really doesn't get it. However, she lives in the BMX world and has friends who utilize chairs and have women who LOVE them. She keeps asking me if they are DEVS! I keep telling her I Don't know !!!
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junebug
New Member
Posts: 41
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by junebug on Jun 3, 2018 2:04:42 GMT -5
My close friends know, as well as current and past partners. My best friend doesn't share it, but she doesn't think it's all that strange. We really enjoy discussing our sexualities with each other. I think she conceptualizes it as a kind of mommy-domme thing. I recently disclosed to an up-and-coming friend because we share many of the same kinks, and while I don't consider devoteeism a kink per se, I was curious if she shared that as well. She didn't, but she was pretty cool about it.
Reactions with past partners have ranged from indifference, to bemused, to indulgence. All my partners have been AB. I had a super sudden and awkward outing with my current partner when I ran into a celeb pwd crush at the movie theatre. I held the door open for him, recognized him, and compulsively called him by his name and told him I enjoyed his book. My partner looked at me like "what was that all about?" When we were in my car, he started asking me more questions, and I disclosed to him that I was a devotee. He was cool about it, but was concerned I was attracted to him because he is a person who stutters. I reassured him that wasn't the case. It's not a dev turn-on for me, but it's definitely not a turn off either. Anyway, I was pleased that he wasn't dismissive or confused. He's pretty woke though. When I told him I am pansexual, he didn't bat an eye, so this wasn't that big of a deal either.
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xana
Junior Member
Posts: 67
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by xana on Jun 3, 2018 9:48:23 GMT -5
None of my friends know about it. And since I never see any PWD guys around where I live, I can't really gush on here either☹ I am with pam, we are in the same boat. When you are from a small country like Seychelles talking about your attraction especially for PWD even with friends will become national news i.e. half the country will know about it within a day so no gushing I keep it to myself and the only one who knew was my grandma and she took it to her grave.
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Post by robbb on Jun 3, 2018 10:47:26 GMT -5
Never discussed it with friends. Don't think I ever would unless I meet a guy worthy of outing myself for.
R.
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Post by mona on Jun 3, 2018 13:23:58 GMT -5
I feel a little weird but I hardly ever gush on anyone with anyone, nor do the people I've hung out with. I can't remember a conversation where my friends talked about the physical features they feel attracted to. It's something I only know from teenager comedies. When we talked about our boyfriends (or now our SOs) it was about their personalities, their behaviour etc.
A few months ago, I told a friend about the pwd I was following on instagram and I had a crush on. I showed her his pics and she just said she liked his tattoos and his pixie ears. No word about him being in a wheelchair. So I thought there was no need to tell her what it was that I had found attractive in the first place ("Yeah, his tattoed arms are gorgeous but look how elegantly he wheels!"). This would have felt wrong and awkward and just not necessary.
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Post by pam on Jun 3, 2018 13:30:35 GMT -5
Maybe I need to go on Instagram lol. If I was single, I think I would be more likely to tell people. But being married, there really is no point. I'll keep it to myself for now.
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Post by ada on Jun 3, 2018 17:20:50 GMT -5
I have a friend who knows about it since high school. And she only knew because it was a few months after I discovered PD, and I was on the highest dev high ever, and I needed to gush about it with someone. I told her because she told me, after a lot of convincing from me, that she was into infantilism (I think that's what it's called), and she is REALLY closeted about it. So we turned out to be each other's safe haven. I know everything there is to know about her thing, and she knows everything there is to know about mine. I taught her how to differ a nice wheelchair from a horrendous one, and she still texts me every so often to tell me about the wheelers she's seen and how she thought of me. And I text to her every time I have an encounter, or a funny joke, or a remark regarding my devness, because she just gets it. Like today I received a pamphlet warning people not to drink and drive, and there was the HOTTEST wheeler in it, crossing a street with a bunch of people, and I sent her a picture of it saying "why can't I find one of those around here?! " (Seriously though, he had the nicest wheelchair, and he's most likely from my city... Where can I get his #? Lol). So I consider her a dev sister, even though she isn't a dev. It's such a relief to have someone to explode with, after holding back from everyone else. Now why does she get me, while other people who also know about it (though in a superficial level) don't? Why does she try to understand the little things about my attraction? Why does she gush with me, and often bring it up, and elbow me to death when we walk past a cute disabled guy? And why, pray tell, I told her of all people about my devoteeism in such a detailed, molecular level, when I can't get past "i like wheeler's arms/shoulders' with my closest friend? I don't know. Maybe she can understand it, somewhat, because she also has her own thing, and I know about it too. And we can and like to discuss it together.
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marmar
New Member
Posts: 40
Gender: Trans
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by marmar on Jun 3, 2018 19:46:09 GMT -5
Only my closest friends are aware. 2/3 times I’ve told someone it was because the topic of conversation turned to “fetishes” (i don’t consider my devness a fetish but ya kno) or other topics of that sort since I am 19 years old haha. All that happened was just explaining that it’s been the most constant thing for me from the age of 5-6. I don’t go into the details or specifics unless they ask but it never comes up? I haven’t had any terrible reactions. Im pretty sure my mom knew since she’s walked in on me watching videos and uhhhh you know when I was about 11? But I don’t know if she knows I’m still attracted to sci people. It’s a tricky thing for sure! But I’m trying to no longer be ashamed of myself for it
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Post by blueskye101 on Jun 3, 2018 23:42:12 GMT -5
Never discussed it with friends. Don't think I ever would unless I meet a guy worthy of outing myself for. R. Same here. Would need to be very serious about a guy to out myself. Even my friends do not know about the wheelers I have met. My ex knows and my youngest son looks at me a little strange sometimes because of my movie and reading material. And he knows I have 2 " friends" both in wheelchairs. He never has come out and asked. I'm sure it never clicks that this is a thing.
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Post by Emma on Jun 3, 2018 23:47:46 GMT -5
Now why does she get me, while other people who also know about it (though in a superficial level) don't? Why does she try to understand the little things about my attraction? Why does she gush with me, and often bring it up, and elbow me to death when we walk past a cute disabled guy? And why, pray tell, I told her of all people about my devoteeism in such a detailed, molecular level, when I can't get past "i like wheeler's arms/shoulders' with my closest friend? I don't know. Maybe she can understand it, somewhat, because she also has her own thing, and I know about it too. And we can and like to discuss it together. Oh wow, that's so great you found a non-dev you can share devy things with. You asked why, I think you are just lucky. I know we have talked about this here before. Maybe I'll find the thread and link it later. I have struggled with the frustration of telling several non-dev friends and after the initial conversation (and a few of the common questions) none of them have brought it up again. I even brought it up to them again and shared how it hurt me that they didn't ask about it at all but nothing came of that. That was years ago. Several of them have told me that they have no reference point and don't even know what to ask, so ask nothing. I guess that makes sense somewhat. IDK it still hurts be a bit but I have mostly accepted it. Mostly I have given up on mentioning it to non-devs. Maybe one day I will meet another non-dev I'll tell but I'm not counting on it. When I'm around the friends who know, I don't hide my devness but also don't throw it in their face. I'd never gush about how I love that my husband is a high DAK with short leg stumps to a non-dev. That seems like it would be really out of place. Sure if someone was really pushing me about what I was turned on about him I'd get into that but I'm almost 40 and at my age I guess women don;t really get into conversations about that. When i'm around the friends who know I try to be natural and comment on disability related things like I would when around devs or my husband. So far, none of those comments have ever opened up the conversation again but I still make them. What it comes down to is that dev friends are REALLY important to me. I need to be able to talk about this type of stuff when it comes up and IRL friends will never understand.
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