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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2018 18:05:44 GMT -5
I have told maybe 10 friends and family that I’m a dev and I’m glad I did, but I don’t and can’t gush about my likes with them. They just, don’t, get, it. The more I try to explain it, the more confused they look. It was even worse in high school when I hadn’t yet found PD until the end and hadn’t even told any of my friends about being a dev. I only could gush to myself in a journal, lol. I know now that my devness was one of the reasons I was more of a loner in HS, had only one or two besties and we were weirdos. Never belonged to the popular kids and or the girls who had boyfriends and all that. Spent hours on end writing stories and into journals about those boys who were somehow different, I just didn't know yet at that time what was driving my fantasies and my longings. I remember crushing long term secretly on one boy and then another who each broke their leg at some point and it ignited a lot of thoughts in my young mind but had no idea what was going on inside of me.
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Post by TotalBias on Jul 18, 2018 5:35:47 GMT -5
I'm late to this thread...but anyway... I gush to my boyfriend? About it? I guess? Am I the only one? I know many devs here are closeted or may be with a pwd and don't tell them about their devoteeism, but the guy I'm with now is almost more into it than I am, so I find myself talking to HIM about it. It's like, disability jokes all the time, sexual button pushing, innuendo, calling each other dev/wheeler. It's almost like I'm the only person HE can talk so openly about his disability with, too, so we just drown each other in it sometimes and it's incredibly freeing. I've never hidden my dev feelings from guys in the past and I have dated other pwds, but I kind of just never pushed it either. Nonetheless, if I couldn't gush to him, I would sadly have nobody else to do it with. I often wish I had dev friends, even one, who got what I was feeling and who I could gush to about my guy, and/or about dudes that I see out and about. Or even talk to about the day to day issues and life stuff he and I deal with. I'd do it here, but I'd kind of rather do it where the guys can't read it. That doesn't exist...does it? Also my best friend is very aware of my feelings, but she doesn't share the attraction at ALL, and likes to point out homeless guys who happen to be sitting in wheelchairs and ask me if I want to date them....at least it shows she's comfortable joking about it This is karotix and I all the way. He and I are very playful, but also go out of our way to really show off for each other. For example, I’m a contractures dev and he’s an FA (fat admirer). I regularly send him pics of my belly and thighs and whatnot and he’s always sendingg me pics of his wrists or of his arms stretching. We also cater to these interests a lot while video chatting. It’s reallg freeing. I definitely feel the most comfortable talking about my dev tastes with him. It’s nice for him too because usually the main focus is always on his wheelchair and for me wheelchairs themselves are sort of whatever. Him being a ‘wheeler’ rarely comes up. Everyone else OF COURSE just wants to point out wheelchairs to me 24/7. Lol.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2018 18:48:53 GMT -5
I havent specifically told anyone about my attractions. Mostly because im so sick of negative reactions and i cant afford to lose anymore friends lol. Im in a relationship with a pwd but again i havent mentioned devotees or anything connected. I do, constantly, tell him how sexy he looks especially in his new cool wheelchair. I am super happy to give him foot massages etc but i love occasionally being able to push if its a tricky pavement etc and leaning over to kiss his neck or shoulder. So in some ways its really obvious how into him i am but i havent said it out loud.
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Post by pam on Aug 14, 2018 21:04:19 GMT -5
I havent specifically told anyone about my attractions. Mostly because im so sick of negative reactions and i cant afford to lose anymore friends lol. Im in a relationship with a pwd but again i havent mentioned devotees or anything connected. I do, constantly, tell him how sexy he looks especially in his new cool wheelchair. I am super happy to give him foot massages etc but i love occasionally being able to push if its a tricky pavement etc and leaning over to kiss his neck or shoulder. So in some ways its really obvious how into him i am but i havent said it out loud. Do you think he would break up with you if he knew?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2018 5:03:49 GMT -5
I havent specifically told anyone about my attractions. Mostly because im so sick of negative reactions and i cant afford to lose anymore friends lol. Im in a relationship with a pwd but again i havent mentioned devotees or anything connected. I do, constantly, tell him how sexy he looks especially in his new cool wheelchair. I am super happy to give him foot massages etc but i love occasionally being able to push if its a tricky pavement etc and leaning over to kiss his neck or shoulder. So in some ways its really obvious how into him i am but i havent said it out loud. Do you think he would break up with you if he knew? I honestly dont know. I would doubt it, but im not prepared to take that chance. I think ive left it too long, if i was going to say it then it should have been sooner....but when is it ever "the right time" ? Also, i dont see a benefit to telling him now, he knows im very attracted to all aspects of his personality, that i find him super sexy and nothing about his injury bothers me in the slightest. I know that i love him totally, there is far too much risk involved as peoples reactions to devotees can be extreme if they find it abhorrent.
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Post by pam on Aug 15, 2018 7:19:56 GMT -5
Do you think he would break up with you if he knew? I honestly dont know. I would doubt it, but im not prepared to take that chance. I think ive left it too long, if i was going to say it then it should have been sooner....but when is it ever "the right time" ? Also, i dont see a benefit to telling him now, he knows im very attracted to all aspects of his personality, that i find him super sexy and nothing about his injury bothers me in the slightest. I know that i love him totally, there is far too much risk involved as peoples reactions to devotees can be extreme if they find it abhorrent. I have to say I dont blame you for not saying anything. I woundnt want to mess up a great relationship. You are lucky you found a wonderful guy!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2018 12:30:42 GMT -5
I honestly dont know. I would doubt it, but im not prepared to take that chance. I think ive left it too long, if i was going to say it then it should have been sooner....but when is it ever "the right time" ? Also, i dont see a benefit to telling him now, he knows im very attracted to all aspects of his personality, that i find him super sexy and nothing about his injury bothers me in the slightest. I know that i love him totally, there is far too much risk involved as peoples reactions to devotees can be extreme if they find it abhorrent. I have to say I dont blame you for not saying anything. I woundnt want to mess up a great relationship. You are lucky you found a wonderful guy! Thanks, i cant quite believe it myself. He is a truly decent and genuine man, i feel very lucky. Honestly though, i had to work through a few frogs to find a prince !
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Post by robbb on Aug 15, 2018 14:09:55 GMT -5
I hate frogs!
R.
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Post by pam on Aug 16, 2018 12:58:43 GMT -5
I went through some AB frogs when I was dating so I guess it's the same with PWDs. They are just people, after all. Frogs can teach us good lessons on what to look for in the future.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2018 16:10:17 GMT -5
I went through some AB frogs when I was dating so I guess it's the same with PWDs. They are just people, after all. Frogs can teach us good lessons on what to look for in the future. Definitely, got to meet a few frogs so you recognise the ones that should be left on their own under a rock in a slimy pond lol
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Post by shadowdancer on Aug 16, 2018 16:43:41 GMT -5
I can't imagine telling anybody about my devness. Just the idea of someone finding out makes me feel a bit anxious and lightheaded.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2018 18:13:04 GMT -5
I can't imagine telling anybody about my devness. Just the idea of someone finding out makes me feel a bit anxious and lightheaded. I think a lot of us feel this way. It would be great to have someone to share our thoughts with but the risks are big...thats why PD is such an important group for us.
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Post by Inkdevil on Aug 18, 2018 12:34:01 GMT -5
I can't imagine telling anybody about my devness. Just the idea of someone finding out makes me feel a bit anxious and lightheaded. That’s just it though...you can’t imagine telling anyone, until you actually do. Then you can’t imagine how you ever kept it to yourself for so long. It feels like a weight being lifted from your shoulders, even though you didn’t realise the weight was there until it went. I buried this part of me so deep, for so long, hiding it wasn’t even a conscious decision. But a work colleague gently pried the information out of me over the course of a few days. When the moment eventually came and I told him I was a dev, he was so completely underwhelmed by the news, I was able to get things a bit more in perspective in my head. It suddenly wasn’t the monster in the closet any more. If you can find a ‘safe’ person in your life to tell, I highly recommend it. I don’t really feel the need to tell many people anymore, but it means a lot to me that the ones I have told have been okay with it. My close family all know, my close friends know and my boyfriend knows. They are all fine with it and that’s all that matters.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2018 14:46:08 GMT -5
I can't imagine telling anybody about my devness. Just the idea of someone finding out makes me feel a bit anxious and lightheaded. That’s just it though...you can’t imagine telling anyone, until you actually do. Then you can’t imagine how you ever kept it to yourself for so long. It feels like a weight being lifted from your shoulders, even though you didn’t realise the weight was there until it went. I buried this part of me so deep, for so long, hiding it wasn’t even a conscious decision. But a work colleague gently pried the information out of me over the course of a few days. When the moment eventually came and I told him I was a dev, he was so completely underwhelmed by the news, I was able to get things a bit more in perspective in my head. It suddenly wasn’t the monster in the closet any more. If you can find a ‘safe’ person in your life to tell, I highly recommend it. I don’t really feel the need to tell many people anymore, but it means a lot to me that the ones I have told have been okay with it. My close family all know, my close friends know and my boyfriend knows. They are all fine with it and that’s all that matters. I agree that its probably not as big an issue as we devs think if you tell the "right" person, someone openminded. But the reaction i had from (sadly) most people when i told them i was in a relationship with a PWD just reinforced my secrecy. An awful lot of people are still very prejudiced against disability and would not make us feel positive about honesty.
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xana
Junior Member
Posts: 67
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by xana on Aug 20, 2018 13:17:33 GMT -5
I can't imagine telling anybody about my devness. Just the idea of someone finding out makes me feel a bit anxious and lightheaded. I felt the same way too anxious and terrified that someone will find out. But then one night I just decided to tell the person who loves me the most and who will be happy for me no matter what (that was my grandma) you must have a person like that. My grandma was the only person whose opinion mattered to me though, so I was scared and terrified but I am happy I did. I am sure you will feel that way when you tell that special person. We all have been there
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