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Post by MarineAmp on Oct 21, 2019 17:08:16 GMT -5
Maybe this is weird but I'm not into the "telling lies" on how you got hurt and ended up in a chair...is it an issue to just tell the truth? I don't know, something about it throws me off. Also, why would a AB/PWD couple lie on how they met? If the dev thing is an issue, yeah, you could say something like "we met online", don't have to be specific that it was a disabiltiy dating site or anything if there is concern about the dev thing being outed. Also, like for example I feel it's a bit strange to lie and say something about having been injured in war or something, it seems like an insult to veterans who have actually gotten hurt in combat or wars...maybe I'm just sensitive in that matter because I have been around military for so long. I tell my lies to little little kids, because they just don't comprehend what it means to be, "blown up by a bomb" or understand what a war is. I tell my absurd lies, just to get a laugh, the truth gets told sometime after the laugh. I also sometimes avoid admitting that I am a veteran. I am not always in the mood to be hassled, and be the target of someone trying to make themselves feel better. Lying about being a veteran thing is only bad if you're trying to benefit more than just a free beer at a bar. I would think you're a bit of a tool if you used that solely, but if some jerk just assumes you're a veteran, go ahead and tell a whale of a lie. For example (the Navy Corpsman I was injured with told a nurse that he bicycle kicked an RPG out of the air to save the convoy, and she believed it).
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j
Junior Member
Hold on .. If it's A good thing baby!
Posts: 83
Gender: Male
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Lies
Oct 21, 2019 18:48:52 GMT -5
Post by j on Oct 21, 2019 18:48:52 GMT -5
I lie all the time Cause I get negative reactions mostly it is better to just say an accident then it seems less tragic than If I tell the truth it makes people bring up questions If you say accident it's like it was out of anyone's control so it was just bad luck with no one to blame.
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Lies
Oct 22, 2019 2:16:40 GMT -5
Post by feelsunshine on Oct 22, 2019 2:16:40 GMT -5
I can totally understand both sides all of you are taking. I get the idea that Dani says that it's actually not nice to lie to people in general, devogirl made a super interesting statement about if the guys tell their real story, it probably makes them to repeat the worst day in their lives over and over again, hence the lies. And of course I can totally for that reason understand all of you who made up stories. I can see that a lot of people might ask you and you don't want to talk to them because they are strangers and you're not interested in having this conversation right now. And to a certain extend I can see that it's interesting to make up a story just for the benefit of seeing the reaction of people and to see if they beliefe it or not... Just like, "ask me a dumb question out of the blue, I'll come up with a dumb answer out of the blue". As long as you're honest to people who are truly interested in getting to know you as a person, I think it's totally fine. And having heard now that it also seems ok for actual veterans if PWDs lie about being a veteran, and as long as you're not trying to get any benefit out of it, I can agree to that, too. Interesting, that actual veterans seem to avoid that topic ( @legoless , right? ) and find another lie, however non-veterans like to say they are.
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Post by devogirl on Oct 22, 2019 3:09:27 GMT -5
Interesting, that actual veterans seem to avoid that topic ( @legoless , right? ) and find another lie, however non-veterans like to say they are. Not surprising really, it's the difference between revisiting actual lived trauma vs a made-up story. Same for people who were shot not wanting to mention it at all vs those injured some other way making up a silly obviously fake story about being shot. You can only really joke about something if it doesn't have emotional resonance for you.
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Lies
Oct 22, 2019 11:53:04 GMT -5
sy likes this
Post by Amee on Oct 22, 2019 11:53:04 GMT -5
I don't like lies either and am quite sensitive to them. But I also get that when people you barely know ask an inappropriately personal question, it's a little more up to you how you choose to deal with that. And imo it really is an inappropriately personal question, whether the person asking is genuinely interested or not. I know that some people are very open and forward about these things and of course it's perfectly fine if PWDs themselves are - but the other way around... Both health issues and traumatic life events aren't really things you ask people about in smalltalk. It isn't any different just because the question presents itself very obviously or because it's normal for people to be curious. I'm curious about all kinds of things about people... that doesn't mean it's appropriate to ask about all those things.
I also really like the idea of dealing with it with some (polite, humorous?) form of "none of your business/too personal" or a fantastically obvious lie (which then isn't really a lie at all, if you're not actually trying to mislead someone) - that way the person asking has at least the chance to learn something from the exchange. Whereas, if you just tell them an irrecognizable lie, they'll come away from the exchange thinking what they asked was perfectly fine, because they got a perfectly fine answer. Of course, I also get that there are circumstances where this is easiest for the PWD.
As for very elaborate lies that people actually fall for (like pretending to be a veteran)... not really a fan.
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Post by cilantro on Oct 22, 2019 12:41:36 GMT -5
I feel like if making up a wild story about something to a stranger spices up your day, go for it. It sounds like people are mostly having these convos with people they won’t interact with again and in essence it will have no effect on that person whether they know the truth, or think they know the truth or what. Once I had to return an unreasonable amount of men’s boxers that had been bought for a show and when the cashier gave me “that look,” like wtf is this, I sent us on a ROLLER COASTER of a tall tale. Whatever, that cashier had no negative affect and it made me giggle. Life is hard, if “lying” gives you something to smile about, who am I to deny you laughter (definitively the best medicine).
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Lies
Oct 22, 2019 12:58:22 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by sy on Oct 22, 2019 12:58:22 GMT -5
cilantro seems to be one of the only devs who gets it!
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Lies
Oct 22, 2019 13:26:13 GMT -5
linda likes this
Post by Nate on Oct 22, 2019 13:26:13 GMT -5
I feel like if making up a wild story about something to a stranger spices up your day, go for it. It sounds like people are mostly having these convos with people they won’t interact with again and in essence it will have no effect on that person whether they know the truth, or think they know the truth or what. Once I had to return an unreasonable amount of men’s boxers that had been bought for a show and when the cashier gave me “that look,” like wtf is this, I sent us on a ROLLER COASTER of a tall tale. Whatever, that cashier had no negative affect and it made me giggle. Life is hard, if “lying” gives you something to smile about, who am I to deny you laughter (definitively the best medicine). I just want to know what an "unreasonable" number of boxers looks like. And how you transported them. Did you have them stacked so high that you were bumping into people from not being able to see? Did anyone, for even just a split second, have a pair of boxers on their head from being bumped into? Did he or she try to leave the store with them?
I'm assuming this was somewhere in New York, but did the cashier have a California valley accent? How big were her earrings? Was she chewing gum? Was it bubble gum? Which did she do more of: Sighing or eyerolling? Did she at any point hit the table so it sounded like she was wearing a ring, but you later realized that it was just her fingernails?
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Post by MarineAmp on Oct 22, 2019 14:37:55 GMT -5
Interesting, that actual veterans seem to avoid that topic ( @legoless , right? ) and find another lie, however non-veterans like to say they are. I can't say that it happens at a very high rate. I was asked today by the lady that cut my hair, and don't really have to go into detail, I can just say I was in the Marines and was injured in Iraq. I don't really feel like I'm living out the whole event. People that get the whole story are people that I am either stuck next to for a while (like on a plane). Or people that I am going to see on a regular basis and they care to ask. Now that I think about it, I never freely give that information, it always has to be asked for.
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Lies
Oct 22, 2019 18:54:19 GMT -5
linda likes this
Post by cilantro on Oct 22, 2019 18:54:19 GMT -5
I feel like if making up a wild story about something to a stranger spices up your day, go for it. It sounds like people are mostly having these convos with people they won’t interact with again and in essence it will have no effect on that person whether they know the truth, or think they know the truth or what. Once I had to return an unreasonable amount of men’s boxers that had been bought for a show and when the cashier gave me “that look,” like wtf is this, I sent us on a ROLLER COASTER of a tall tale. Whatever, that cashier had no negative affect and it made me giggle. Life is hard, if “lying” gives you something to smile about, who am I to deny you laughter (definitively the best medicine). I just want to know what an "unreasonable" number of boxers looks like. And how you transported them. Did you have them stacked so high that you were bumping into people from not being able to see? Did anyone, for even just a split second, have a pair of boxers on their head from being bumped into? Did he or she try to leave the store with them?
I'm assuming this was somewhere in New York, but did the cashier have a California valley accent? How big were her earrings? Was she chewing gum? Was it bubble gum? Which did she do more of: Sighing or eyerolling? Did she at any point hit the table so it sounded like she was wearing a ring, but you later realized that it was just her fingernails? Wow! Were you there?! This is exactly how it went down! Haha, no, but in all seriousness it probably wasn't as bad as I felt it was, but I had to return them to the K-mart in Penn Station. Let me repeat that for the people in the back... THE K-MART IN PENN STATION... and it was a LOT of boxers for a woman to be returning.
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Lies
Oct 22, 2019 19:32:09 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by ProudRealist on Oct 22, 2019 19:32:09 GMT -5
I almost ALWAYS coff up a crap story about how i was injured... so much so that I'm starting to forget how it actually happened
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Post by Nate on Oct 22, 2019 20:24:52 GMT -5
I just want to know what an "unreasonable" number of boxers looks like. And how you transported them. Did you have them stacked so high that you were bumping into people from not being able to see? Did anyone, for even just a split second, have a pair of boxers on their head from being bumped into? Did he or she try to leave the store with them?
I'm assuming this was somewhere in New York, but did the cashier have a California valley accent? How big were her earrings? Was she chewing gum? Was it bubble gum? Which did she do more of: Sighing or eyerolling? Did she at any point hit the table so it sounded like she was wearing a ring, but you later realized that it was just her fingernails? Wow! Were you there?! This is exactly how it went down! Haha, no, but in all seriousness it probably wasn't as bad as I felt it was, but I had to return them to the K-mart in Penn Station. Let me repeat that for the people in the back... THE K-MART IN PENN STATION... and it was a LOT of boxers for a woman to be returning. It is well-documented that Billy Joel wrote "No Man's Land" after a similar experience in that particular K-Mart.
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