New member saying hello

[BA]

On the wannabee issue, I agree Rollin'. I totally agree.

Triassic, yes it was pretty agressive, tho' how passive is up to others to determine. Rarely do I get pissy on this board. I did on this post. Cest la vie.

[Pony]

.........thanks for the good laugh, Thunder!!! lol

[obscure]

Welcome to the board. Don't worry, you learn pretty quickly how to ignore the assholes.

[wannabepara]

Thanks for the welcome. I'm truly sorry if I hit a nerve. You have every right to feel that way. I honestly didn't want to upset anyone. Well anyway, I wish everyone a good start to the weekend!

[obscure]

Don't apologize, wanna. This website is all about things that deviate from the "norm" (whatever the hell that is). You have just as much right to your personal desires as anyone else on this site does.

[jenny]

Thunder, do you actually know anything about BIID or are you just being snippy because it feels good?

[Jocker]

This whole topic has brought up some thought from me. I, as many of you have also, get complimented on how I have handled my injury. And I do appreciate the compliments but I do like to say that no one really knows how they would handle a "catastrophic injury" or any major life adversity until they are really confronted with it. I wouldn't have thought I could deal with being in a chair the day/minute/second before my injury, but here I am now. I always do think that your true colors do show when you are confronted with tests in life. We all have seen people who don't handle these tests well, chair or no chair.
I do understand the resentment that there is towards people who believe they want to be a para/quad/disabled. Are they needy for attention? Do they think a chair may fullfill a missing something that there life is without? The manifestation of resentment isn't as easy as getting in an accident or driving into a brick wall. It's the years hard work that we all have put in after that split second in life. The test of character that we all faced. And to have someone want to put themselves in that position voluntarily without going through the emotional/physical pain maybe lessens our own accomplishments.
I am a believer that there are a great many people who are alot worse off in life than I am. In fact I feel that I have been very fortunate in life overall. I passed a big test of character and am overall a better person for that. I have been blessed with great friends and a good family. I sleep well at night.
I do not feel that people who are "wannabes" should just be dimissed and mocked. There are obviously other issues at play here. I do think that they should seek therapy and talk about the underlying issues of why they want to be so. And it would be very helpful before they may possibly do something they surely will regret. I don't think any of us chose to be in a chair, but we have all overcame it to some extent.
So to wannabe I think this board may be the start of some theraputic discussion you may need to have. And I hope you find what you are truly needing.

[devogirl]

Thank you Jocker for the thoughtful comment. I fully understand why the wheeler guys get so angry and sarcastic with the the wannabes, and they are all welcome to vent their feelings here. But I really think that response reflects a misunderstanding of what makes people want to be disabled. It's not just a bid for attention or a flimsy fantasy based on insufficient understanding of the experience of disability, but rather IMHO a mental illness. If it were just based on a rosy view of the experience of disability ("the attention!" "the cool gadgets!") then the wannabe desire could be very quickly quashed after even a brief conversation with a disabled person, but this is clearly not the case. It's a profound mental disconnect with the sense of self and the body one sees in the mirror, similar to other body disorders like anorexia or transgender. Because it arises from the subconscious, the wannabe desire will not respond to rational arguments ("Don't you realize how hard it would really be?"). Therapy is probably the best answer, although as with other disorders, it may not fully work.
Anyway, I say all this just from what I have observed, I am not a wannabe or pretender myself--I'm very happy with my body the way it is, thank you. I do find the concept disturbing, but ultimately I try to think of it with compassion. It's tough to be stuck with a compulsion you can't make disappear, no matter how strange or socially unacceptable.
Finally, as moderator, I feel I must repeat what has always been the policy here: wannabes and pretenders are welcome to post, but so are their detractors.

[Pony]

Jocker, you have my feelings exactly about being in this chair....there's something to be said for having your back shoved against a wall, and there's no other way to find out the character you possess inside without that.

The rocky road always teaches us more than the smooth one.

i was sincere with my apology to the wanna bes. It's not my call to knock them, and i admitted to my mistake, but i also explained why it struck a nerve. I think it's an interesting discussion, but i never take anything too damn serious, and that's why i thought Thunder's post was funny.

[Triassic]

Hmm. I can't say that I feel I'm a better person for my physical disability. It may have brought some good qualities to the fore in how I deal with it, etc, etc...but if I'm honest, its probably encouraged just as many negative ones, particularily in my youth.

Unquestionably, I'm damaged by it. But-paraphrasing Socrates-I know where I'm screwed up; and that almost makes me "OK".

[ozedave]

To be honest, before I came here I had only vaguely heard of pretenders and I thought it was bs, like one of those urban myths.
Or maybe a scam to get better parking spots lol.

I can't understand it, and probably never will.
Gotta admit at first I was very offended by it tho.

[BA]

I try to understand (with some difficultly), both sides of the wannabe coin. First of all, who am I to judge anyone, because as a 'dev', I can't help my feelings and I suppose that the same thing goes for the wannabe as well. It's been said many times before in that it's kind of like being gay or transgendered. I don't think we can basically change our nature.

My greatest concern is that I see a wannabe as someone who puposefully wants to hurt themselves and this is where I have such a hard time. Yet, my feelings about pretenders is equally uncomfortable. Isn't that unfair of me too?

BTW, Jocker, Devogirl and Tony. You all are such gifted writers and so articulate on this board. It is such a pleasure to listen to what you have to say.

[E]

The problem that I have with pretenders is the inherent dishonesty and lying that comes along with it. No matter how you candy coat it, it's still deception. You deceive everyone you meet and form a relationship with. How can you begin a friendship like this? Nobody likes to be lied to. Even Ahiru was upset when she was tricked by a pretender. (See paradevo.proboards43.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=1150416746&page=2)

I have this deep-seated issue with liars, though. That's probably my fault.

[BA]

I was tricked by a pretender when I was in nursing school, before I even knew what I pretender was. He wanted to hire me as a PCA. I knew something was NOT right. It really freaked me out.

Even if the pretender is forthcoming within a relationship and the partner "knows" about the pretending, once it is taken into the outside world, it is still presenting oneself as a lie.

To me, it would seem OK, if it was only done at home, within the confines of a relationship for sex play or whatever turns the couple on.

[Triassic]

Is a pre or post-op transexual a liar.