|
|
Post by linda on Nov 22, 2019 10:40:07 GMT -5
While I like to participate in the discussions or to share thoughts or experiences in the other thread here on PD, I am usually rather reluctant when it comes to my very personal feelings about my devness. Once because it is so very personal. Another reason might be that I am still far from overcoming my dev-guilt. I have noticed that many times, also when I was with my para boyfriend. It’s a process... I want to jump over my shadow today sharing one observation I‘ve made very recently about myself which made me think a lot about what devness is to me. I‘m still trying to figure it out.
My devness is not primarily sexual. I was very surprised when I noticed this after my first encounter with a PWD in real life back in April. It can become sexual in second instance, in the sense that I feel a certain sympathy and tenderness about the person which foster also a sexual encounter in a way. But my genuine devvy feeling is not a sexual arousal. It’s more a certain deep tenderness in a way like I never felt it in any other situation before, while I often feel tenderness for my friends and for my children, of course, but that’s different. My devness is also something that I can locate somewhere in the stomach. Funny.
Even though I haven’t been in the situation for a very long time, I came to remember recently that my devvy feeling is something that I recall from encounters in intimate situations from previous relationships with AB men. I am quite short-sighted. Not to an extreme extent, but enough to make me feel very helpless when not wearing glasses or contacts. Which is usually the case when being in bed with my partner. And I recall having this devvy feeling in situations when I was the one who felt vulnerable due to my own visual impairment. I don’t know how to put it right, since it is something I just came to think about recently, but one sentence that doesn’t go off my mind is „feeling devvy on behalf of my partner in regards to myself“. It’s a quite interesting idea. Can anyone relate to this?
As always, I would like to express my sincere hope that „devs only“ is being respected here. I don’t know. Even though I feel very connected to this community as a whole and to some of the PWD members in particular, it feels very strange to share these things with others than devs...
|
|
|
|
Post by feelsunshine on Nov 22, 2019 14:25:13 GMT -5
Hey lindaI think I can a lot relate to your second paragraph. same thing here. Seeing a cute wheeler or watching a transfer is enjoyable to the eye but it doesn't exactly trigger sexual feelings (as there is totally other stuff for me that triggers that). I want to quote Dani here, from an earlier thread, because that really sums it up as far as my (non-)sexual attraction to PWDs go: "For me being a dev is not primarily sexual. I don't think about a guy in a chair and get off on it or masturbate while watching YouTube videos of SCI guys. If I do watch a video or something, I do it because either I "research" or I love just seeing them do their thing and I enjoy watching them but it doesn't get me off. When I do see an attractive SCI guy in a wheelchair out and about, I do have a strong psychological reaction usually and it can kind of mess me up for a few days, it has a very strong pull on me but I don't understand really why that is. I don't get a tingling feeling between my legs or anything, but just a very strong mental pull. " Here's the whole thread: paradevo.proboards.com/thread/8803/dev-attraction-pwdsRegarding the part with your short-sightedness... I have to admit I had to read that paragraph twice and then run it through google translate (LOL Germans talking to Germans in English :-D) .... buuuut I think I understood and can relate to that as well. I'll try to state what you said in my own words - or at least the way I can relate to that: I have the same problem with the short-sightedness. When I'm at home, I could pretty much find my way around without glasses, but it's uncomfortable. However if I'm in an environment that I am not comfortable with (e. g. don't know the place well), I really want my glasses. So if I understand you correctly, when you're "blind" in bed with your partner, you feel vulnerable and that gives you devy feelings because it seems to you, that this is devy for your partner? I somehow have this "slightly devy" moment at the exact point when for example having spent the night at the partner's place and getting the glasses back on in the morning. I kind of like if my partner sees that moment when I get my glasses back on because it's so much of a relief for me or something, I don't know exactly why. But maybe I misunderstood totally. If so, please enlighten me. Thanks! |
|
allison101
New Member
Posts: 18 
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
|
Post by allison101 on Nov 22, 2019 22:25:15 GMT -5
The whole idea of “feeling secondhand devvy” kind of sounds like the whole idea of pretending??
|
|
|
|
Post by linda on Nov 23, 2019 4:31:58 GMT -5
No, it doesn’t have anything to do with pretending. It’s hard to describe, maybe the title was chosen poorly. Maybe feeling devvy on one’s own behalf would be more accurate. Oh, no, feeling devvy about oneself is the thing! But only when being with someone else. That’s it. Feeling devvy about my own impairment, but any feeling of devness only comes up when being with a man. Devness coming up in a certain situation where an impairment plays a role, and since I am a dev, I get that devvy feeling. Even if I myself am the one with the impairment. Good you asked, allison101! That would have been a terrible misunderstanding. |
|
|
|
Post by feelsunshine on Nov 23, 2019 5:17:57 GMT -5
The whole idea of “feeling secondhand devvy” kind of sounds like the whole idea of pretending?? I have to admit, the term “pretending” came to my mind yesterday when I wrote my reply. But I immediately dropped the thought because, same thing for me, it doesn’t feel like it would have to do with pretending since it’s an actual impairment, however on a way lower scale than an actual disability would be. So the slightly devy feeling, is close to not being there at all, takes a split of a second and is gone soon. Totally different from what an actual wheeler spotting or something would arouse in me. |
|
|
|
Post by missparkle on Nov 23, 2019 6:04:03 GMT -5
linda, it seems that I fail to understand this one, too.  Isn't it just a feeling of being vulnerable? Isn't it what all of us experience sometimes, no matter if it is some physical impairment or simply any kind of insecurity? We all have those! And than the feeling of being able to be vulnerable in front of someone is overwhelming?
|
|
|
|
Post by linda on Nov 23, 2019 6:38:22 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 23, 2019 10:41:53 GMT -5
Reading through this, one word kept coming to mind - “vulnerability.” I think missparkle summarized it like I would. |
|
|
|
Post by devogirl on Nov 24, 2019 21:29:17 GMT -5
My devness is also something that I can locate somewhere in the stomach. Funny. It is funny, but I think a lot of us feel that way. I get this weird sort of twisting sensation in my stomach, and a lot of other devs here have reported the same thing. It’s a very intense feeling, although I do consider it also sexual for me. |
|
|
|
Post by cilantro on Nov 26, 2019 0:11:32 GMT -5
I absolutely get that strong butterflies in my stomach thing, but for me it is slightly sexual. Also, this is slightly diff and might dip into the pretending topic, but as far as feeling devvy about myself-- I used to have a recurring dream where one of my guy friends found me in the forest unable to walk and would carry me out. It was definitely a *hot* dream, the image of feeling so safe and secure in his arms, but also feeling so vulnerable and small and fragile. Idk if this really answers your question at all, but it made me think of it.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2019 1:26:46 GMT -5
I am trying to figure out what Linda is describing...but I can't really pinpoint it.
I can also only come up with feeling "vulnerable" in front of a partner/man with whom there is sexual interaction. The vulnerability of having a "disability" such as not seeing well or anything else really, even like an injury for example a sprained ankle or other temporary injury/illness that could happen at any time to any of us.
I don't see it as devy feelings on another person's behalf though, I would also just call it "being vulnerable" and feeling esepcially close or drawn to that significant other by having to give up control and letting oneself fully fall into the significant other's care/attention/sexual attraction or tenderness because the "disability" limits oneself to keep control of the situation.
And as for the significant other feeling devy I feel it would only be if the "SO" is a dev himself that he would find a type of attraction in the woman being "helpless" due to for example severe vision problems.
It's kind of funny because my husband for example says he is more attracted to me when I wear my glasses, even when we are in bed together...
|
|
|
|
Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 26, 2019 9:42:57 GMT -5
My devness is also something that I can locate somewhere in the stomach. Funny. It is funny, but I think a lot of us feel that way. I get this weird sort of twisting sensation in my stomach, and a lot of other devs here have reported the same thing. It’s a very intense feeling, although I do consider it also sexual for me. I get it too! I call it a “swarm of butterflies” because it is way more intense. Even corresponding with a PWD in certain instances can evoke the swarm 😂. Although, my dev feelings are complex like others, I do consider this feeling/sensation somewhat sexual in nature as well. But, mixed with all those other feelings that I now refer to as “heart feelings” because they are so deep inside of me and have been there for almost as long as I have been alive. I hope that all makes some sense 😉. |
|
|
|
Post by missparkle on Nov 26, 2019 16:17:31 GMT -5
It is funny, but I think a lot of us feel that way. I get this weird sort of twisting sensation in my stomach, and a lot of other devs here have reported the same thing. It’s a very intense feeling, although I do consider it also sexual for me. I get it too! I call it a “swarm of butterflies” because it is way more intense. Even corresponding with a PWD in certain instances can evoke the swarm 😂. Although, my dev feelings are complex like others, I do consider this feeling/sensation somewhat sexual in nature as well. But, mixed with all those other feelings that I now refer to as “heart feelings” because they are so deep inside of me and have been there for almost as long as I have been alive. I hope that all makes some sense 😉. I tend to describe it like "millions of butterflies disturbingly bumping into walls of my womb". I can 100% relate to SouthernCalGal, all those layers of different feelings are completely intertwined, but there is sexual part of it, definitely.
However, I find one thing interesting. I was in denial, myself, of the sexual aspect of devness. I came to conclusion that it was my defense mechanism, I felt less ashamed and guilty if I thought of it as something not sexual. "Oh no, nothing, it is just exaggerated empathy", probably made me look better in my own eyes and feel better in my own skin.
But today I am very well aware it is sexual, too. The only question that may remain is WHAT we consider sexual and what not, it is very relative, I believe. Anyway, I am sure if the scientists would measure level of hormones in dev's blood or make brain MRI of dev thrill, results would be the same as in any other sexual act. Now, to measure intensity of it would be quite interesting!
|
|
|
|
Post by pam on Nov 26, 2019 19:06:01 GMT -5
It is funny, but I think a lot of us feel that way. I get this weird sort of twisting sensation in my stomach, and a lot of other devs here have reported the same thing. It’s a very intense feeling, although I do consider it also sexual for me. I get it too! I call it a “swarm of butterflies” because it is way more intense. Even corresponding with a PWD in certain instances can evoke the swarm 😂. Although, my dev feelings are complex like others, I do consider this feeling/sensation somewhat sexual in nature as well. But, mixed with all those other feelings that I now refer to as “heart feelings” because they are so deep inside of me and have been there for almost as long as I have been alive. I hope that all makes some sense 😉. oh this describes how I feel also. Butterflies are definitely something I experience! I also like the term "heart feelings" as I feel them deep down. It's amazing how we have these things in common. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2019 20:59:18 GMT -5
I don't think I feel "butterflies" because that to me seems like something good and when I see someone that triggers my dev it's not all good.
For me when I see an attractive para out and about my heart races and my focus turns completely to that person and I bascially ignore everything around me. My brain goes into overdrive with all kinds of emotions, not all good...
I am then completely taken in by this person and everything revolves around them, seeing them, being near them, and thinking about them.
It's like I go into a "zone" of some sorts and everything around me literally means nothing for the time being. I also feel a type of euphoria but at the same time a deep sadness. It's usually not a good thing for me and that is why I mostly don't really want to see an attractive guy in a wheelchair out and about.
|
|
Isn't it just a feeling of being vulnerable? Isn't it what all of us experience sometimes, no matter if it is some physical impairment or simply any kind of insecurity? We all have those! And than the feeling of being able to be vulnerable in front of someone is overwhelming?
