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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 18:07:32 GMT -5
I was using the "high horse" metaphor like you used the "fetish land" one
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Post by Dr. BiPAP Sachin on Dec 19, 2019 18:11:40 GMT -5
Oh you guys… geez! I think it's time for a virtual group hug. C'mon y'all, chill.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 18:11:56 GMT -5
brinzerdecalli , I am sorry if you feel attacked or not welcomed. But you have to understand that many of us have dissected our souls, even in this thread, to such a depths, to try to answer your questions. To such a depths that even our close friends, family, partners never had a chance to peek in. And in a way, it hurts being so completely cut open in front of you and yet, you are not looking inside, but read your manual instead, trying to find truth there. Yes, you expressed it missparkle... That is what I meant about "Listen and Learn" or stepping back a bit, read what the devs here have to say and take it to heart and not take it and dig deeper and further and what not and just keep going at it as has apparently happened. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 18:12:25 GMT -5
I don't think it has been dissected, just different views and opinions and also people in different stages of their devness giving their input. I don't think anyone said its "weird" or maybe I missed that part. I also don't think we are questioning devness, we are just discussing it in its various versions. At least I think that's what happened or is happening. We have to be accepting that devness is different for each and everyone of us and for some devs it is not easy to open up here and when they do, it should be treated with the utmost respect and should never be belittled, especially not by the PWD. And maybe some of the PWD are dealing with their own issues. This board should never be used to downplay or belittle devness. Sorry Dani i probably wasnt clear, i didnt mean your thread, just in general on pd. As far as "weird" that was meaning how other people view our attractions. Didnt mean at all to offend, its just a subject that comes up soooo often on pd and i just wish we could normalize our feelings x |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 18:13:56 GMT -5
I don't think it has been dissected, just different views and opinions and also people in different stages of their devness giving their input. I don't think anyone said its "weird" or maybe I missed that part. I also don't think we are questioning devness, we are just discussing it in its various versions. At least I think that's what happened or is happening. We have to be accepting that devness is different for each and everyone of us and for some devs it is not easy to open up here and when they do, it should be treated with the utmost respect and should never be belittled, especially not by the PWD. And maybe some of the PWD are dealing with their own issues. This board should never be used to downplay or belittle devness. I have to quote myself here because I wasn't sure if this was aimed at the devs or not. From the devs perspective I still stick to what I wrote above. Of course not from the dev perspective, yeah...it probably did get dissected... |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 18:14:42 GMT -5
Same thought @delight I needed to clarify too  |
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Post by infinatedreams on Dec 19, 2019 18:30:49 GMT -5
brinzerdecalli dude I do think you are being over analytical and condicting an exercise in futility trying to pigeon hole what term is appropriate. Best advice is to drop it, it stimulated some interesting conversation but surely you can see an agreement won't be reached. Take it from someone who knows, if you ever get to meet or be intimate with a dev you wont care what the 'label' is, all you will care about is seeing her smile as you approach, just wheeling or opening the door for her can be foreplay, seeing her nervous excitement as you chat and revel as you loose yourselves in each other's eyes and if your lucky enough you might experience her body react in a way you (and possibly her) has never experienced before. Treasure that moment, that level of intimacy most can only dream about and put the analytics the bottom drawer and forget about it, just see the woman who is into you in a massive way and enjoy being the guy she has chosen to share her devness with. Not many guys get to be in a position of being her 'ideal man' that pushes all her buttons, there is a chance of that with a dev and that my friend is very special indeed 👍🏻
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Dec 19, 2019 18:32:28 GMT -5
I am finding this thread tiring. And, brinzerdecalli, tbh, I find your posts in this thread tiring too. Loosen up and quit trying to analyze EVERYTHING!! I went out with a college professor for a short period of time. I was initially attracted to his intellect (there's a name for that right)? But, he turned out to be quite boring because he analyzed EVERYTHING!!!! He drove me CRAZY on our dates and couldn't loosen up and have fun. A couple of dates...and that was too many. Revel in the fact that some people think PWDs are attractive - woo hoo! A lot of us have shared a lot in this thread about our feelings and thoughts regarding our devness. Some Emotional Intelligence on your part would be appreciated. There are some cues in what some of us wrote to tread lightly. Amen to what missparkle said too! Okay, I am done with my rant - it's been a day! |
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Dec 19, 2019 18:34:51 GMT -5
Thank you infinatedreams!! Now, that is a post with some Emotional Intelligence!!!! |
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Post by infinatedreams on Dec 19, 2019 18:41:15 GMT -5
Thank you infinatedreams!! Now, that is a post with some Emotional Intelligence!!!! it happens occasionally, I'm drained now as I've used up my emotional intelligence quota ... back to being a regular male numpty now 😊 |
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Post by Amee on Dec 19, 2019 18:42:14 GMT -5
I don't think anyone has to label themselves, if they don't want to. I'm certainly not going to label anyone against their will But personally, I have some "academic" interest in devness as well and I think there's nothing wrong with that. By academic interest I mean I'm interest in what commonalities the majority of devs share and I'm interested in where it comes from and what exactly it is on the level of the brain or the psyche or on whatever level it exists (which in itself is part of the question). And I'll be honest, based on everything I've read on PD so far and based on the kinds of stories most devs seem to enjoy, I do think there are some very strong commonolities most of us share - even if there are differences in how exactly it manifests in each person and their experience. There are a lot of other factors that can play into that as well. So while I agree that the experience of devness is unique for every one of us and there are certainly differences, I also don't think it's outrageous or offensive to notice that there are many things we have in common. Nor do I find it offensive to say that we have some kind of "thing" (orientation, attraction, preference, whatever) that is abnormal or extraordinary in a way. We're not here by accident, after all. And when you talk about this in a quasi-academic way (it's far from being really academic, since we're still just vaguely making assumptions based on personal experiences), then you need descriptors and categories (yes, labels) to use. If you want to talk about something, you need to use words and words are labels. I'm not a fan of uselessly using labels for things that seem obvious or common to everyone (like sapiosexual for people, who like smart people, because duh.  ), but devness is not quite like that. It clearly diverges from the "norm", whatever exactly that may be. I'm also interested in figuring out the most accurate "label" to use for my devness, because outside of PD people label us all the time with words and categories that are often based on misinformation, prejudice etc. I think it can be useful to have a "proper" descriptor to correct that. Of course, it doesn't mean we all have to agree on one, but I still think it can be a valid and useful discussion to have Edit: Aaand once again I wrote a post while half a dozen posts got written in between. Jeez, I have to be faster... brinzerdecalli I get your interest to anaylze and dissect and I didn't find your post about "fetish land" (or any other posts that I remember) offensive. But it seems our enthusiasm for analyzing has been voted out - maybe we should make our own thread, where we can have tiring academic discussions from our high horses  |
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Post by missparkle on Dec 19, 2019 18:44:10 GMT -5
brinzerdecalli dude I do think you are being over analytical and condicting an exercise in futility trying to pigeon hole what term is appropriate. Best advice is to drop it, it stimulated some interesting conversation but surely you can see an agreement won't be reached. Take it from someone who knows, if you ever get to meet or be intimate with a dev you wont care what the 'label' is, all you will care about is seeing her smile as you approach, just wheeling or opening the door for her can be foreplay, seeing her nervous excitement as you chat and revel as you loose yourselves in each other's eyes and if your lucky enough you might experience her body react in a way you (and possibly her) has never experienced before. Treasure that moment, that level of intimacy most can only dream about and put the analytics the bottom drawer and forget about it, just see the woman who is into you in a massive way and enjoy being the guy she has chosen to share her devness with. Not many guys get to be in a position of being her 'ideal man' that pushes all her buttons, there is a chance of that with a dev and that my friend is very special indeed 👍🏻 I really miss a ❤️ for posts like this. Simple 👍 is so... Not enough devy response! |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 18:44:50 GMT -5
Thank you infinatedreams!! Now, that is a post with some Emotional Intelligence!!!! it happens occasionally, I'm drained now as I've used up my emotional intelligence quota ... back to being a regular male numpty now 😊 I know how you feel lol. I need to stop logging onto pd in the evening when my last remaining brain cell is flickering and my patience is in minus figures 😂. Im sure most people here think im a totally grinchlike bitch |
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Post by infinatedreams on Dec 19, 2019 18:48:04 GMT -5
Im sure I could think of an appropriate devy response. Oooops told you I'd reverted to neanderthal man. I'm off to bed whilst I'm on a roll ... roll 🙄😂
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Post by newjess on Dec 19, 2019 18:58:22 GMT -5
I think there are like 3 different topics going on, simultaneously, and intertwining with each other
1. What "devoteeism" is, as a concept, from a sort of sociological perspective. How "devoteeism" is defined and understood from this perspective
2. How the devs here identify with their own "devoteeism", i.e. fetish, preference, etc. from their personal perspective, their own experience
3. Whether or not defining it as a fetish is a "bad" thing/a semantics argument
Personally, I don't really feel like anyone is rejecting the "fetish" label because they are afraid if it or they think it's this bad thing, I think it's just not accurate for everyone. It's certainly not for me.
I have other things that I definitely consider fetishes and kinks, but the dev stuff is just in an entirely different realm. It's like a part of my being in a very deep, complicated way. Whereas bondage and D/s and what not is pretty much just my sex life. I have no desire to take that stuff out of the bedroom or in any other aspect other than sex, which is VASTLY different than my dev side
Even though being a dev is not a fetish for me, I completely understand how it is for others
I think why a lot of the devs are sort of pushing back on the "sociological"/"academic" definitions and perspective is because we live in a world where being a dev is incredibly misunderstood. We've had to deal with society/academics/etc labeling us, vilifying us, concluding we're sick in the head, and just largely misrepresenting us. Pretty much every manuscript, article, blog, documentary, etc etc regarding "devoteeism" completely and utterly misrepresents us.
At the end of the day, for many of us (, not speaking for everyone), it's really not an easy thing to live with. It can be incredibly amazing and beautiful, but just as painful and cruel.
Honestly I can understand wanting to explore it from more of a sociological sense, as I'm a researcher myself in the social science realm. It can be really fascinating and interesting to look at things through that lens.
But I think the issue is that recently there has been some misunderstanding of what this place really is, what it means to the people here, how complicated and deep and significant the dev journey can be, and how important that is.
I think some people feel that is being undermined. That's my take at least
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), but devness is not quite like that. It clearly diverges from the "norm", whatever exactly that may be.
