Some thoughts about disability, sex, and touch

[Green]

Touch is an important part of everyday life. I don't mean something as common as being aware of a hot stove. I'm talking about things like reaching out and touching a pillow, touching your own arm, scratching an itch, and being aware of your body in space when you walk. Your sense of touch grounds you to the world around you! Intuitively, all your movements give you a feeling, not exactly touch, but the feeling of your body being somewhere.

With my disability, Duchenne muscular dystrophy, my sensation throughout my body is normal. But all the things I listed about touch before? I can't do any of those things. I can't touch a pillow myself, I can't touch my own arm, I can't scratch my nose. So while I can experience touch, I can't make touch for myself. All I can really do is react if something bumps up against me. Neurologically, there is a difference between receiving touch, and touching things: there are neurons that send signals to the brain, and there are neurons that send signals from the brain. When you choose to touch something, the sensation is a little different, the awareness of your body is a little different. These different kind of signals are the reason you can't tickle yourself. In other words, my experience of the world is significantly different than an able-bodied person. On top of that, since I can't walk, there's a disconnect from my body when I'm not actively using all of it.

Think of a mind that can reach out to the world, while inside a body that waits for things to happen. Technology today can expand my potential to interact with things physically, such as robotic technology. But this doesn't change things on a more sensual level. On the most direct level possible. What is it like to feel a paintbrush in your hand, and all the little movements when you adjust it and decide how to make a brushstroke? Many decades in the future, it may be possible to have prosthetic equipment that has the same sensitivity as skin and duplicate what an able-bodied person feels. But that day hasn't arrived yet.

Touch from other people is the closest thing I've ever experienced to fulfilling and easing what I lack about touching my life. When a person hugs me, and I really seek it out, and I focus on the small movements I can make, the touch sensations are probably far more sensitive and intense than able-bodied person. And sexual connection? That brings a sense of bodily awareness that is powerful enough that at the time I don't feel like I'm lacking very much in terms of touch. My small movements make an even bigger difference compared to more platonic affection, and the person I'm with is that much more connected with the sexual connection because the little things become noticeable.

Physical affection from others and sex to someone with a physical disability isn't only a matter of filling a common human need. It's a matter of filling an even deeper need for interacting with the world around you and integration with your body! It's about feeling more human in your own body.

[Braced4Impact]

Disability is such a weird animal, ain't it? We're almost polar opposites, in that I am ambulatory, but there are large parts of my body which feel little to nothing at all. I sometimes wonder if there will be any technology or procedure that will one day allow me to experience those sensations, but it's not something I put too much stock into.

[Emma]

I have often wondered about some of those same things when it comes to acquired amputees who have lost both hands. I also remember reading something about touch when it comes to high level quads. I think it was possibly written by King Cripple.

[Deleted]

In my case, I feel everything all over my body and I can also touch myself, but I still know what it is like to lack physical closeness and intimacy. The only touches are usually hugs from family members. Of course, these cannot replace touching by a woman for whom I may possibly also have sexual feelings.

That's why I always want to make jumps around when a woman outside my family hugs and squeezes me. Even if the touches are perhaps only short and the relationship with the person in question is perhaps only platonic.
I think many people cannot imagine that.

I totally sympathize with all of you who can feel less physically than I do and I hope very much that a way will be found for you to feel everything normally. Because the emptiness that I often feel in me must be much more oppressive for you.

[linda]

I don’t have much to say about this because to be honest, I’ve never really thought about it. Except for knowing, that the touch of a person or a hug means so much.
But I wanted to thank you for sharing this new insight, Green. It gives me a lot to think about. I wish for all of you who have limitations in that sense that you can still enjoy and experience some of that.

[blindLeap]

To me, touch is incredibly important. Interestingly enough, my disability actually contributes to that.
Touch, to me, is a way to confer affection when my eyes might not be able to. It is my way to ground someone, explore someone, reassure and support someone.
But it is also a sense that, because of my eyesight falling away, is elevated to a very primary position right next to my sense of hearing. To not have that available to me, frankly, is quite a scary thought.
Thank you so much for sharing OP, I really enjoyed reading your viewpoint and, forgive the slight pun, it certainly opened my eyes to a circumstance I hadn't previously considered before.

[medman]

Green i know some of what your fealings are or can be . I am. A total t10 para and its exactly like a chart shows for my level of injury . I was in rehab for 6 months after my accident and met a lot of different level people there . One of the strangest ones was a walking quad that was paralyzed directly down the center of his body . When he sweat it would be only one half of his face BUT the strangest part of his injury was the side that he could feel was the side that was impaired so the the side he had full range movement he could not feel so took him a while for therapy to get used to his injury .

[medman]

And I got off track the last post but i have certain areas that i have a dull fealing but not pain (dont remember the name) but also hyper sensitivity in some other areas .
And sex is strange as well because I can feel like certain light touches and really during sex is a whole different story .
It does get interesting during some acts with a woman because the more we get into it (not sure of how graphic to get) anyway Its really hard to explain during certain acts It takes a long time but I can cum but not like I used to . It is almost like a really great orgasm that lasts a while when finished so I usually have to take a lot of time with her to have it timed right for the both of us .
Trying not to get too graphic without having the post deleated but no problem if they do I guess .
And nice long 69 really help and then a lot of times it would have a double finish and I would have long fast shaking spasms at the Time when i came which she loved as well .
Ok I will stop there dont want to get banned from the site

[zacc]

Feb 17, 2020 22:39:16 GMT -5 Green said:

Touch is an important part of everyday life. I don't mean something as common as being aware of a hot stove. I'm talking about things like reaching out and touching a pillow, touching your own arm, scratching an itch, and being aware of your body in space when you walk. Your sense of touch grounds you to the world around you! Intuitively, all your movements give you a feeling, not exactly touch, but the feeling of your body being somewhere.

With my disability, Duchenne muscular dystrophy, my sensation throughout my body is normal. But all the things I listed about touch before? I can't do any of those things. I can't touch a pillow myself, I can't touch my own arm, I can't scratch my nose. So while I can experience touch, I can't make touch for myself. All I can really do is react if something bumps up against me. Neurologically, there is a difference between receiving touch, and touching things: there are neurons that send signals to the brain, and there are neurons that send signals from the brain. When you choose to touch something, the sensation is a little different, the awareness of your body is a little different. These different kind of signals are the reason you can't tickle yourself. In other words, my experience of the world is significantly different than an able-bodied person. On top of that, since I can't walk, there's a disconnect from my body when I'm not actively using all of it.

Think of a mind that can reach out to the world, while inside a body that waits for things to happen. Technology today can expand my potential to interact with things physically, such as robotic technology. But this doesn't change things on a more sensual level. On the most direct level possible. What is it like to feel a paintbrush in your hand, and all the little movements when you adjust it and decide how to make a brushstroke? Many decades in the future, it may be possible to have prosthetic equipment that has the same sensitivity as skin and duplicate what an able-bodied person feels. But that day hasn't arrived yet.

Touch from other people is the closest thing I've ever experienced to fulfilling and easing what I lack about touching my life. When a person hugs me, and I really seek it out, and I focus on the small movements I can make, the touch sensations are probably far more sensitive and intense than able-bodied person. And sexual connection? That brings a sense of bodily awareness that is powerful enough that at the time I don't feel like I'm lacking very much in terms of touch. My small movements make an even bigger difference compared to more platonic affection, and the person I'm with is that much more connected with the sexual connection because the little things become noticeable.

Physical affection from others and sex to someone with a physical disability isn't only a matter of filling a common human need. It's a matter of filling an even deeper need for interacting with the world around you and integration with your body! It's about feeling more human in your own body.

I totally agree, and have put a bunch of thought into this as well. I also really enjoy a hug, and I sometimes find myself just feeling things I can feel, like a fuzzy blanket, or the wooden table in my dining room, or even just the plastic place mat I have. It’s sort of a way to counteract the touch isolation. And I think to make up for the lack of touch I use my hearing a lot more, like I listen to a lot of music and sometimes just sit and listen to the sounds of my house, like my fridge, or the rain, or the heater, or the sounds of folks passing by.

In the end though I am in my head a lot which can be nice at times because thinking can be fun, but it’s mostly not so fun and pretty tiring. I overthink things a lot so instead I seek distractions, ways I can take myself out of my head, like video games or art or music.

[Green]

Feb 18, 2020 10:40:31 GMT -5 linda said:

I don’t have much to say about this because to be honest, I’ve never really thought about it. Except for knowing, that the touch of a person or a hug means so much.

This is why I posted it. I'm not sure many people consider that touch is something that can shape who you are. Physical disability, no matter what kind, causes you to experience life in a way different than any able-bodied person. How it feels like on the inside to be disabled. For me, touching is an additional dimension to all the possible connections I have with people, as if I actually have more options for how I want to lead my connections with people. So on the one hand it might be frustrating, but on the other hand, that gives touch a degree of depth that able-bodied probably will never experience.

[linda]

That is very interesting, Green, really, thank you for sharing.

One thing came to my mind. I once read a book „The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat“ by the neurologist Oliver Sacks. It must have been about 30 years ago, I don’t remember too much of it. But the one story that really stuck with me was the one about a man who loved to ride (or be taken for a ride) in a cabriolet so he could feel the sensation of the wind in his face because he had basically missed all other sensations.

Another story about touch and being touched – I had a very lonely time for a while when I was in university. One day I went to do the groceries, and when I took a piece of soft cheese wrapped in cling film in my hand, I suddenly intensively had this feeling of touch, ironically enough the one of „being touched“. It was soft and comforting, so I bought this piece of cheese mainly for that feeling of comfort. I ate it in the end too. Just saying, don’t get me wrong here. I am not crazy... 😂

[cripman33]

Feb 17, 2020 22:39:16 GMT -5 Green said:

Physical affection from others and sex to someone with a physical disability isn't only a matter of filling a common human need. It's a matter of filling an even deeper need for interacting with the world around you and integration with your body! It's about feeling more human in your own body.

This is such good content

[Dr. BiPAP Sachin]

Feb 18, 2020 14:20:12 GMT -5 zacc said:

Feb 17, 2020 22:39:16 GMT -5 Green said:

Touch is an important part of everyday life. I don't mean something as common as being aware of a hot stove. I'm talking about things like reaching out and touching a pillow, touching your own arm, scratching an itch, and being aware of your body in space when you walk. Your sense of touch grounds you to the world around you! Intuitively, all your movements give you a feeling, not exactly touch, but the feeling of your body being somewhere.

With my disability, Duchenne muscular dystrophy, my sensation throughout my body is normal. But all the things I listed about touch before? I can't do any of those things. I can't touch a pillow myself, I can't touch my own arm, I can't scratch my nose. So while I can experience touch, I can't make touch for myself. All I can really do is react if something bumps up against me. Neurologically, there is a difference between receiving touch, and touching things: there are neurons that send signals to the brain, and there are neurons that send signals from the brain. When you choose to touch something, the sensation is a little different, the awareness of your body is a little different. These different kind of signals are the reason you can't tickle yourself. In other words, my experience of the world is significantly different than an able-bodied person. On top of that, since I can't walk, there's a disconnect from my body when I'm not actively using all of it.

Think of a mind that can reach out to the world, while inside a body that waits for things to happen. Technology today can expand my potential to interact with things physically, such as robotic technology. But this doesn't change things on a more sensual level. On the most direct level possible. What is it like to feel a paintbrush in your hand, and all the little movements when you adjust it and decide how to make a brushstroke? Many decades in the future, it may be possible to have prosthetic equipment that has the same sensitivity as skin and duplicate what an able-bodied person feels. But that day hasn't arrived yet.

Touch from other people is the closest thing I've ever experienced to fulfilling and easing what I lack about touching my life. When a person hugs me, and I really seek it out, and I focus on the small movements I can make, the touch sensations are probably far more sensitive and intense than able-bodied person. And sexual connection? That brings a sense of bodily awareness that is powerful enough that at the time I don't feel like I'm lacking very much in terms of touch. My small movements make an even bigger difference compared to more platonic affection, and the person I'm with is that much more connected with the sexual connection because the little things become noticeable.

Physical affection from others and sex to someone with a physical disability isn't only a matter of filling a common human need. It's a matter of filling an even deeper need for interacting with the world around you and integration with your body! It's about feeling more human in your own body.

I totally agree, and have put a bunch of thought into this as well. I also really enjoy a hug, and I sometimes find myself just feeling things I can feel, like a fuzzy blanket, or the wooden table in my dining room, or even just the plastic place mat I have. It’s sort of a way to counteract the touch isolation. And I think to make up for the lack of touch I use my hearing a lot more, like I listen to a lot of music and sometimes just sit and listen to the sounds of my house, like my fridge, or the rain, or the heater, or the sounds of folks passing by.

In the end though I am in my head a lot which can be nice at times because thinking can be fun, but it’s mostly not so fun and pretty tiring. I overthink things a lot so instead I seek distractions, ways I can take myself out of my head, like video games or art or music.

Ditto.

[britishtetra]

This is a great topic— touch.

When I moved into my home I had a Springer Spaniel come with me, from mum’s house. It was small, and I could never pat it.
So the next dog I got was a Saint Bernard, and in time it sat beside my wheelchair, and I stroked its head. I never felt it, it wasn’t until he jumped on my foot plates and placed it’s slobbering head in front of me, that I did. Which at the time wasn’t a pleasant thing!
I cannot feel when I am hot or cold, so I often ask people to touch my forehead. Like others I enjoy a hug, but I have a mother like granite —so that never happens.
Twice a week I have aromatherapy, and I have a good massage on my neck and shoulders. This is the only interaction I get off a woman, and even though she is nearly 80 with hands like a builder; I enjoy the experience.

Pete 👍

[Deleted]

I’ve seen videos or read articles with people who have an acquired injury and they say that there is no point looking for a sexual relationship if they can’t fully appreciate it. My response is that intimacy is about SO much more than sex, it’s touching, talking holding each other and just generally being next to someone. Regardless of the areas where you have limited or no sensation, there will always be somewhere that you can feel and the mental connection is just as important. I feel really strongly that connecting in any way possible is a basic need that we all want.