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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2020 9:32:45 GMT -5
I read a reply to another thread which got me thinking about this question. For the pwd ( or devs that have experienced a serious or long term illness) do you think your disability has brought you closer to family and friends or isolated you ?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2020 9:34:52 GMT -5
My own reply to the question is that during my illness i felt isolated. I seemed to spend a lot of time and energy hiding the depth of how ill i felt because i didnt want to seem negative, but i also didnt think they would be able to understand.
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Post by zacc on Feb 19, 2020 11:23:00 GMT -5
@delight, I felt the same way at times. Like I don’t want to share fully how I’m feeling physically and emotionally so I don’t sound too down, and don’t bring other folks down.
But, I will also say that having a disability has definitely brought me closer to the people who are already close to me, like my family and friends. Because of my isolation I feel I really cherish the few people that regularly are there, and appreciate/love me for who I am.
However lately my disability has isolated me pretty drastically from the outside world so, I haven’t been able to participate in as many activities that I would want to participate in with my friends and family. So all in all I would say it’s a pretty mixed bag, my disability has both isolated me but also caused me to feel closer to friends and family.
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parawheeler
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Post by parawheeler on Feb 19, 2020 11:55:39 GMT -5
I would say my SCI has definitely brought me a little closer to family and friends, but I always had a strong bond with them pre Injury so not a great deal has changed really, although there was one really good friend that I’ve known for over 10 years all of a sudden stopped coming to see me and he would take days to reply to my calls? Still doesn’t come round or call but if I see him around town he chats away like nothing has happened?? Very strange!
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cripman33
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Post by cripman33 on Feb 19, 2020 13:48:23 GMT -5
Isolated. I hated myself for how much I needed them and it made me push them (really everyone) away.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2020 18:10:43 GMT -5
I think if I would be faced with long term or serious illness I would pull away, because I don't want to put this on anyone. As for my mom, I would probably keep it secret, because it would be too difficult for her and she is too old to deal with something like that. She is dealing with her own things as in possible onset of dementia so no, I would not tell her. We live far apart so I could hide it from her. My dad has been gone for a long time but I was closer to him. Not sure how that would have played out. As for my sister, I would possibly tell her, but probably not for a while. We are not very close. I'm not close to any family and relatives anyways.
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cripman33
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Post by cripman33 on Feb 19, 2020 18:51:45 GMT -5
I think if I would be faced with long term or serious illness I would pull away, because I don't want to put this on anyone. This is exactly the thing that a lot of us struggle with, it's such an awful internal struggle.
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cripman33
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Post by cripman33 on Feb 19, 2020 19:02:10 GMT -5
I think if I would be faced with long term or serious illness I would pull away, because I don't want to put this on anyone. This is exactly the thing that a lot of us struggle with, it's such an awful internal struggle. And no matter how many people tell you that they genuinely want to help you, all it takes is one person seeming even the slightest bit annoyed with you to make you start getting down on yourself again.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2020 20:33:10 GMT -5
This is exactly the thing that a lot of us struggle with, it's such an awful internal struggle. And no matter how many people tell you that they genuinely want to help you, all it takes is one person seeming even the slightest bit annoyed with you to make you start getting down on yourself again. That’s exactly my problem cripman33 . I’m a massive over thinker so I constantly perceive or second guess people’s reactions. I guess internally most of us are a little (or a lot) self critical and just assume the worst.
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cripman33
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Post by cripman33 on Feb 19, 2020 20:35:23 GMT -5
It's tough to find value in yourself when you assume the worst
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2020 20:46:11 GMT -5
It's tough to find value in yourself when you assume the worst That’s very true, I give a very confident and positive appearance but inside it’s very different. It’s exhausting to project an impression when I’m around people so I isolate myself because it’s easier.
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cripman33
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Post by cripman33 on Feb 19, 2020 20:53:50 GMT -5
It's tough to find value in yourself when you assume the worst That’s very true, I give a very confident and positive appearance but inside it’s very different. It’s exhausting to project an impression when I’m around people so I isolate myself because it’s easier. I do the same
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2020 20:55:28 GMT -5
I had already posted here today and then deleted the post because I was not sure if it would fit in here at all. I hnever had any particularly serious or disability related illnesses. Mostly it was surgeries that put me out of action for a longer time. Like the last time I had a intestinal obstruction almost 4 years ago now. My mother and I got on each other's nerves a lot, too. Because she was always a "mother hen" and with me she is even more. Just because of my disability. And at that time I really needed her. Usually I'm always trying not to be a burden to anybody and to let me help as little as possible. Although my whole family would always be there if I would need help. Nobody was ever annoyed by my disability(except myself from time to time). I was never excluded by my friends, because they were all disabled themselves. Meanwhile I only have one true buddy who stayed with me. I think that would be the only one I would tell if I was seriously ill. And then maybe to my siblings. I think it would depend on the illness. But I don't usually talk to my family when something's bothering me.
I don't know if that came across correctly, but what I actually wanted to say was: I am relatively close to my family (due to the disability), but in a way not at all. As far as my psyche or interpersonal problems are concerned, I like to leave them all out. Because there are simply things that you don't understand if you are not disabled yourself.
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Post by britishtetra on Feb 20, 2020 16:10:37 GMT -5
When I first had my accident, I was told to take it easy, go to small places first. I came out of hospital in March 91, and in April I went to Wembley with 80,000 people, and in July I went to Tenerife. I continue to do lots of things through the years, and in all that time only one school friend visited me. I went to my army reunion 28 years after I was discharged. My parents have protected me, and I respect their intentions of looking after me, but once in awhile I wish I had taken the blue pill. I was given the choice, live with my parents or carers. If I had lived with my carers, I know that I would’ve been in the worse situation, probably dead. But I am probably would’ve done more, travelled more and had relationships. I’ll be honest I don’t have lots of friends, I have family. Sisters nieces and nephews, a great brother-in-law and the odd neighbour. Over the years, I have told my school friends I am still the same person, yet none have visited. I often think perhaps I should go to the school reunion, how many would come and talk to me. We are all together on Facebook, and everyone can see by my pictures I am in a wheelchair. But even then, they still do not write. I often think so if I was to meet one of my friends in the café, would they talk to me, or would it be I don’t know him.
Pete,
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Post by linda on Feb 20, 2020 16:38:02 GMT -5
If I were you, britishtetra, I think I couldn’t refrain from putting those thoughts exactly this way put there on Facebook. Ask them why they keep away. I am pretty sure most people simply don’t know how to behave. First of all they are terrified that something like this might happen to themselves. To look away is one way to deal with fear. But more than that, they are probably just insecure. And they don’t know what to do. Maybe they also feel that you have enough people around you. They simply cannot picture how your life really is and how you feel. You say you‘ve told them over the years that you are still the same. And it seems the most normal thing in the world if one only once tries to put themselves in your shoes. But still, I think sometimes people need a more direct approach in order to realize the obvious. What do you have to lose? I would give it a try and make a post on Facebook. I have one friend who is a para. He is allergic to people showing compassion. There are also some family related issues in his life which make me simply really feel so sorry for him. I can’t help it, when he tells me about it I cannot but say „I am so sorry“ from the bottom of my heart. But then he immediately replies „I don’t want you to feel sorry for me“. I find it difficult. I am not made from stone. Feeling compassion is something I cannot avoid, but it does not mean that I pity him or look down on him or respect him less in any way. But he is so sensitive about it. I think this is often a little bit tricky when dealing with PWD.
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