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Post by Braced4Impact on Apr 24, 2020 14:39:30 GMT -5
Thanks for the response
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Post by vegmama on Apr 24, 2020 16:06:54 GMT -5
Great thread, Braced!
I have said that if things didn’t work out in my current (PWD) relationship, I’d be done with relationships altogether. Buttttt, IF I was to try dating again I can say with much certainty I would only seek out another PWD. I can’t really see myself ever being with an AB guy again. I’d never say it was impossible but very unlikely given my experience.
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Post by Braced4Impact on Apr 25, 2020 19:11:09 GMT -5
Great thread, Braced! I have said that if things didn’t work out in my current (PWD) relationship, I’d be done with relationships altogether. Buttttt, IF I was to try dating again I can say with much certainty I would only seek out another PWD. I can’t really see myself ever being with an AB guy. I’d never say it was impossible but very unlikely given my experience. Well, I see by your status you're engaged, so congratulations and all the best for you and him, and I'm sure that scenario will remain just a hypothetical
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Post by feelsunshine on Apr 29, 2020 12:49:56 GMT -5
A couple of months ago, I said to myself I won’t date anyone unless it’s a para. I’m going on a date tomorrow with an AB guy. That’s how well my plans worked out LOL. sorry if I hijack this thread just a little bit: question for those devs who are in AB relationships - does your partner know about your devness? If so, at what point of time did you tell them? Maybe this has already been discussed earlier. If so, sorry and I don’t remember. so, a little update from my side if anyone wants to hear it - we’ve met twice so far. Saturday will be the third date. He’s already in like “wow, we’d make a great couple”.. and in my inside I’m like “hell, no!” I feel really bad because I know he’ll be disappointed but as much as I want myself to be interested in him, I’m not. I should probably go back to my original plan: only a date with a para can become a good date :-)
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Post by Braced4Impact on Apr 29, 2020 13:07:55 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear that he didn't spark the fire for you, hopefully a PWD in the future will.
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Post by feelsunshine on Apr 29, 2020 13:21:47 GMT -5
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DaredevilDev
New Member
Posts: 26
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by DaredevilDev on May 3, 2020 23:23:21 GMT -5
That's a good question. I guess I never really thought about it because, really, other than PD, I don't get to interact with many PWD's. Let alone guys that are interesting to me and interested by me at the same time.
But, as much and PWD's are atractive to me. Nothing beats having someone that you just click with you know?
But I think its unlikely that I'll ever even date a PWD, just because there are not many around me. Not all fantasies come true right?
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Post by Braced4Impact on May 4, 2020 0:12:06 GMT -5
That's a good question. I guess I never really thought about it because, really, other than PD, I don't get to interact with many PWD's. Let alone guys that are interesting to me and interested by me at the same time. But, as much and PWD's are atractive to me. Nothing beats having someone that you just click with you know? But I think its unlikely that I'll ever even date a PWD, just because there are not many around me. Not all fantasies come true right? I totally get where you're coming from. I wouldn't date any old dev just because she's a dev. Personality and interests matter!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2020 13:41:55 GMT -5
Sorry feelsunshine that the date wasn't magical. Do you think it's only the lack of disability or you just don't vibe either way?
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Post by feelsunshine on May 5, 2020 3:44:52 GMT -5
Sorry feelsunshine that the date wasn't magical. Do you think it's only the lack of disability or you just don't vibe either way? We just didn’t click. I think if he was a Para, he would have been more interesting for me. But still, I think a relationship wouldn’t have been possible either.
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Post by Braced4Impact on May 5, 2020 7:43:29 GMT -5
Sorry feelsunshine that the date wasn't magical. Do you think it's only the lack of disability or you just don't vibe either way? We just didn’t click. I think if he was a Para, he would have been more interesting for me. But still, I think a relationship wouldn’t have been possible either. Yeah, having a physical connection is great, but only one of the pillars to a solid relationship. Personality, interests, intelligence, sexual compatibility, so many other things are necessary for a relationship to really bloom.
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Post by Dr. BiPAP Sachin on May 7, 2020 12:41:01 GMT -5
Excellent post sugarmag! As of now, I'm not really into the dating scene mainly due to severe physical, mobility, and chronic health challenges associated with my form of Duchenne muscular dystrophy (frankly, circumstances that are not in my control). In addition, thanks to the practice of social distancing because of this deadly COVID-19 pandemic, I gotta worry about my personal well-being before I can even think of dating. As to your question aimed at PWDs, once I regain some mobility independence (being able to drive my wheelchair again) and financial independence (landing a decent job), and this pandemic (hopefully) settles down, then in terms of potentially dating somebody, I wouldn't have a preference regarding whether she's a dev or not. To me what really matters is if we click, so to speak.
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Post by Braced4Impact on May 7, 2020 19:58:37 GMT -5
Hi all, I've recently come back to PD after being pretty busy with work until the coronavirus pandemic. Although I just got an email last night indicating I'll again start being pretty busy with work unfortunately. All the thoughts here are so interesting and different. Some I really see myself in, and others I don't at all, but are nonetheless insightful and eye-opening. Three interesting questions I see brought up so far. 1. Do you persist or give up on dating a PWD if it's hard to meet PWDs? I think I am lower on the dev scale, so although I've gone out with a few PWDs on a few dates, it's not so much of a problem for me if I can't meet PWDs. All my relationships have been with able-bodied guys. I think it would be nice to explore dating PWDs more, but it's so much easier to date able-bodied guys since there are so many more and much closer. I live in the Bay Area, and although I do see some PWDs out in the street, I don't see them as much in situations where it would be more normal to strike up a conversation, like a bar or cafe. There were two times I saw PWDs at breweries, but it seems that using a wheelchair means that often a friend brings you a drink. If the PWD person doesn't go up to the bar alone there is no normal time to introduce myself one-on-one. I think it would have seemed super weird to walk up to a group of 10 guys and introduce myself to this one guy in the middle of everyone, and that's not even taking into account it might seem more strange to most people I picked the one using a wheelchair. Other issues are that when I have seen people with more severe disabilities, it seems like communication would be more difficult, and randomly flirting with a stranger is awkward enough even when you can hear and understand the person perfectly. Additionally, PWDs seem less likely to make the first move than able-bodied guys. As far as meeting people online, I haven't found any websites for dating PWDs that seem legitimate. Let me know if they exist. I've never come across a guy with a disability on Tinder. 2. Have you told able-bodied partners about being a dev? I have never told any able-bodied partners about being a dev, but as some others have said, I don't see it as a big part of my identity. I don't see it as a sexual orientation either. I see disability as an aspect of a person I can find attractive, like other physical or personality attributes. Also, although I've always thought PWDs were attractive, I did not have a good understanding of what a devotee was until about two years ago. I doubt most able-bodied guys know what devotee means. I did tell my two most recent boyfriends that I had been on dates with PWDs. I think it could be a good idea to mention dating PWDs more in conversation to friends or people I'm dating in order to break the taboo. I think another very interesting question would be, have you told PWDs you are a devotee? I personally have not discussed devoteeism with the few PWDs I have gone on dates with, mostly because I didn't really know what a devotee was and didn't meet them on disability-focused sites. Now that I know what devoteeism is, I'm not sure how I would handle it if I met another PWD outside of PD. It seems like some women have said a lot of PWDs have issues with the idea of devoteeism even if they aren't aware or open about theses issue themselves. PWDs, would most of you prefer to date a non-devotee, a devotee, or do you not have a preference? 3. How would you like to explore devness with a PWD who is aware and accepting of you as a devotee? I think it would be fun to do all the same things as with an able-bodied person at the beginning of dating, like go out for dinner or a drink or watch a movie at home. I'm curious if or how those things would be different with a PWD. I think a bit further along, it would be fun to explore intimacy and a physical relationship. I'm not so far on the devotee scale, as I've said before, so I don't know if I have very specific ideas in mind of what I'd want to try, but more than anything I'm curious. Thank you for the thorough response, I'm honored that it was my post that got you back to posting, however long that may be. Interesting and thought provoking responses!
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Post by Corey on May 8, 2020 2:38:50 GMT -5
I think I am lower on the dev scale, so although I've gone out with a few PWDs on a few dates, it's not so much of a problem for me if I can't meet PWDs. All my relationships have been with able-bodied guys. I think it would be nice to explore dating PWDs more, but it's so much easier to date able-bodied guys since there are so many more and much closer. I live in the Bay Area, and although I do see some PWDs out in the street, I don't see them as much in situations where it would be more normal to strike up a conversation, like a bar or cafe. There were two times I saw PWDs at breweries, but it seems that using a wheelchair means that often a friend brings you a drink. If the PWD person doesn't go up to the bar alone there is no normal time to introduce myself one-on-one. I think it would have seemed super weird to walk up to a group of 10 guys and introduce myself to this one guy in the middle of everyone, and that's not even taking into account it might seem more strange to most people I picked the one using a wheelchair. Other issues are that when I have seen people with more severe disabilities, it seems like communication would be more difficult, and randomly flirting with a stranger is awkward enough even when you can hear and understand the person perfectly. Additionally, PWDs seem less likely to make the first move than able-bodied guys. As far as meeting people online, I haven't found any websites for dating PWDs that seem legitimate. Let me know if they exist. I've never come across a guy with a disability on Tinder. I would say to be more confident approaching wheelers. I think most people generally are nice and willing to make a connection or at least talk with someone new. You could say almost anything and things will probably turn out okay. I admit though that talking to someone while they are in a group is a daunting task. Maybe make up an excuse to give him your number, and hope he gets what’s going on. There are no good dating sites for disabled people. One where people make profiles that you can search may work. You can do this on okcupid, the search doesn’t work great though. I am also in the Bay Area, for a few months now. Ive seen some wheelers here and there. So they are around. Next time you see a good looking wheeler, don’t think just go for it. Worst thing that could happen is there is an awkward moment, which you will find funny a few months from now.
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anish124
New Member
Posts: 21
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by anish124 on May 12, 2020 7:16:46 GMT -5
Hi all, I've recently come back to PD after being pretty busy with work until the coronavirus pandemic. Although I just got an email last night indicating I'll again start being pretty busy with work unfortunately. All the thoughts here are so interesting and different. Some I really see myself in, and others I don't at all, but are nonetheless insightful and eye-opening. Three interesting questions I see brought up so far. 1. Do you persist or give up on dating a PWD if it's hard to meet PWDs? I think I am lower on the dev scale, so although I've gone out with a few PWDs on a few dates, it's not so much of a problem for me if I can't meet PWDs. All my relationships have been with able-bodied guys. I think it would be nice to explore dating PWDs more, but it's so much easier to date able-bodied guys since there are so many more and much closer. I live in the Bay Area, and although I do see some PWDs out in the street, I don't see them as much in situations where it would be more normal to strike up a conversation, like a bar or cafe. There were two times I saw PWDs at breweries, but it seems that using a wheelchair means that often a friend brings you a drink. If the PWD person doesn't go up to the bar alone there is no normal time to introduce myself one-on-one. I think it would have seemed super weird to walk up to a group of 10 guys and introduce myself to this one guy in the middle of everyone, and that's not even taking into account it might seem more strange to most people I picked the one using a wheelchair. Other issues are that when I have seen people with more severe disabilities, it seems like communication would be more difficult, and randomly flirting with a stranger is awkward enough even when you can hear and understand the person perfectly. Additionally, PWDs seem less likely to make the first move than able-bodied guys. As far as meeting people online, I haven't found any websites for dating PWDs that seem legitimate. Let me know if they exist. I've never come across a guy with a disability on Tinder. 2. Have you told able-bodied partners about being a dev? I have never told any able-bodied partners about being a dev, but as some others have said, I don't see it as a big part of my identity. I don't see it as a sexual orientation either. I see disability as an aspect of a person I can find attractive, like other physical or personality attributes. Also, although I've always thought PWDs were attractive, I did not have a good understanding of what a devotee was until about two years ago. I doubt most able-bodied guys know what devotee means. I did tell my two most recent boyfriends that I had been on dates with PWDs. I think it could be a good idea to mention dating PWDs more in conversation to friends or people I'm dating in order to break the taboo. I think another very interesting question would be, have you told PWDs you are a devotee? I personally have not discussed devoteeism with the few PWDs I have gone on dates with, mostly because I didn't really know what a devotee was and didn't meet them on disability-focused sites. Now that I know what devoteeism is, I'm not sure how I would handle it if I met another PWD outside of PD. It seems like some women have said a lot of PWDs have issues with the idea of devoteeism even if they aren't aware or open about theses issue themselves. PWDs, would most of you prefer to date a non-devotee, a devotee, or do you not have a preference? 3. How would you like to explore devness with a PWD who is aware and accepting of you as a devotee? I think it would be fun to do all the same things as with an able-bodied person at the beginning of dating, like go out for dinner or a drink or watch a movie at home. I'm curious if or how those things would be different with a PWD. I think a bit further along, it would be fun to explore intimacy and a physical relationship. I'm not so far on the devotee scale, as I've said before, so I don't know if I have very specific ideas in mind of what I'd want to try, but more than anything I'm curious. Thank you for the thorough response, I'm honored that it was my post that got you back to posting, however long that may be. Interesting and thought provoking responses! hey man
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