An (old) VICE video about disability and sex life

[Jay]

I know this is an old article, but I haven't posted here in a while and it was a good excuse.

I quite like the video - it's no-bullshit, from a respectful perspective and it's nice to see how caring and empowering people can be.

www.vice.com/en_uk/article/gqk5bb/sexuality-with-a-disability

Hope everyone is doing well

[Apis]

Thanks for sharing, His columns are interesting, in one of them he has written about his reserved opinions about devotees dating.

[devogirl]

www.vice.com/en_uk/article/bn373a/are-disability-fetishists-exploiting-people-with-disabilities

Yup, this is it. Basically he admits he doesn't know anything about devotees beyond some Youtube comments but he doesn't like the idea of it. He doesn't find his wheelchair sexy, so why should we? Ugh, so tired of these misconceptions, as if this is something we choose on a whim, rather than something that chose us.

[Emma]

ugg I hate articles like this^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Amee]

Saw both the video and the anti-dev article a while ago. I find it so odd, that he's on the one hand so open and positive about things like sex workers and basically makes "sex and disability" his cause. But on the other hand he seems completely ignorant about devs (or just sexual attraction in general).
There's this one line where he says "I'm not some giant vibrator on wheels."
Yes, obviously, anyone who sees anyone else as sexually attractive considers them *just* a sexual object...
I always wonder why people can't draw the connection between bad male dev behaviour and general bad male behaviour. Why it's so hard for them to understand that there may be a silent majority that's actually behaving normally.

[lisa]

For general bad male behaviour, people understand that this is not a thing that goes for every guy. Because they know people who wouldn't fall into that category. For devs the situation is different: The only thing that comes up if you do a superficial or even a bit longer search on the topic is bad stuff. Devs who are stalkers, who are fixated on the disability and only want sexual release and so on.

I think a major problem is that there aren't many visible "good" devs. (I'm a bit hesitant to have those two categories though, because I know how easily a dev's behaviour can be thrown into the "bad" category even if it wasn't intended as such.) To find the "good" devs you have to look a lot longer and on a much more profound level. Who takes the time and the effort? And even if someone does - there are very few good cases against a lot of negativity. At least what is visible from internet research. But on the positive side: There are more dev-friendly things out there than a few years ago and I just hope that one day the existence of devs will be more accepted among PWDs.

[Amee]

100% agree with you lisa! I think to a certain degree it's on us to change perceptions. It's only natural that most PWDs only have "bad experiences" with devs, because unless you specifically search devs out or happen to date one, you're usually only going to recognize the bad ones - since the bad behaviour is what you recognize them by. Those devs among a "public PWD"s followers, who behave perfectly normally? He/she probably won't ever know they're devs.

So I get it. Of course people are entiteld to their personal opinions and I empathize with them, if they've had bad experiences.

What I have a bit of a problem with, however, is when someone speaks on a topic with some perceived authority and then just doesn't care to do the research. If you write about "sex and disability" for a job and you have a platform as big as Vice, I absolutely believe you have a responsibility to not make generalized and mildly dehumanizing statements about a group of people you're obviously ignorant about. We recognize how wrong it is to generalize based on a few bad examples when it comes to other minority groups. So, if someone chooses to write an article about devs on a big public platform like Vice, then "But I don't know any better" is not an excuse imo.
Although, the saving grace of that article was that in the end he restated that he's still learning about the topic and asks people to email the editor, if they have something to say about the topic. I actually thought about doing that, but the article is from 2016 so I assume nobody cares anymore.

[devogirl]

Totally agree Amee! Usually I just say that PWDs who dislike devs are welcome to their opinions, especially women who have suffered harassment. But this dude is so proudly, willfully ignorant of not just devs but how human sexuality works. What pisses me off about that article is that it isn't based on any experience at all, and he didn't bother to do any research or talk to a single dev. It's crazy that he could get paid to write an article that says "I don't know anything about this topic--email me and tell me about it!"

I don't know if it's worth following up 4 years later. Maybe! But rather than changing the mind of one person who has already decided he doesn't like us, I think it's more productive to reach out to the people who are neutral and willing to learn, if you feel like doing that.

[lisa]

Yes to both of you. My comment wasn't focused so much on the article but more general on Amee's question about why people don't understand that there is a silent majority. About people who get money for writing articles on the topic and the only thing they do is having an opinion based on hearsay, I totally agree with you. Unfortunately there are a lot of articles out there with this particular approach. (I'm now especially thinking of a German one where the author writes a lot of good stuff about how people shouldn't assume PWDs don't have or want sexuality in their lives. Just to add at the very end that she excludes devs from that because they don't help to achieve this goal, more on the contrary. I wrote to the author back when the articled was published and she asked me for positive examples of dev-PWD-relationships. I gave her some links and then never heard from her again.)

[mona]

May 16, 2020 5:42:15 GMT -5 Amee said:

I actually thought about doing that, but the article is from 2016 so I assume nobody cares anymore.

Please, do it.

[mona]

I agree with all what's been said and would like to add: He isn't only doing wrong to devs but also to the pwds who date them.

[midwestguy]

That opinion piece is pure click bate for Vice. More time and thought was put into creating that article illustration then was spent writing the article.

[matisse]

So he's willing to pay for sex but doesn't want to get it for free from someone who likes his disability? And, the women he pays for sex could easily include some devs, since that service is specific for wheelers.

[lars]

There's a lot of crap on the internet - Guy's got quite a silly attitude on his high horse. A weird, moral twist into this too, meh. So, dude's got a problem with someone seeing him extra sexy due to something that comes from his disability? It's sad that dude can't feel ok enough with himself and his body, to a degree that it is an alien or repulsing thought that someone gets excited by the guy. I don't know know him, I don't pretend to what he thinks or how he feels, but it sucks that he feels that way. It also sucks that he's spewing ignorant, hateful shit out there.

We do have problems. Dude's got a long way with his self-image and his sexuality. Obviously it's been extra challenging for the dude.

Then again, is it worth bothering? It's tiring to feeling shit because of some crap some twerp wrote online? The world isn't going to run out of people spewing negative shit about this and that, but you can normalize some attitudes towards the unspeakable, someone having the hots for a disabled guy, by getting yourself a summer date and make that shit look hot! Twerps are going to remains, but nothing beats positive PR. We judge with our eyes and we do that a lot, so as a disabled guy - do yourself a favour and don't feel about your body in such a way that it's such an insult towards nature! Have some motherfucking pride! Live a little and have some fun

Girls, for every twerp out there, there are also lots of PWDs who accept you. It's not like people here haven't been writing about self-image and how it is important for us PWDs to be accepted as well? Does it not feel good to be desired? It's madness to feel repulsed by someone feeling aroused by who you are. Pfft, why can't it be something good? What is there to be said about it being exciting that someone can have such powerful hots for you, the way you are? There's more to life than negative shit.

Penpals and old-school stuff like that is trendy these days, with 'rona and all.

[Deleted]

May 16, 2020 18:38:17 GMT -5 lars said:

It's not like people here haven't been writing about self-image and how it is important for us PWDs to be accepted as well? Does it not feel good to be desired? It's madness to feel repulsed by someone feeling aroused by who you are. Pfft, why can't it be something good? What is there to be said about it being exciting that someone can have such powerful hots for you, the way you are? There's more to life than negative shit.

Penpals and old-school stuff like that is trendy these days, with 'rona and all.

You’re so right lars everyone is attracted to a person for some reason. I’ve had a lot of attention (petite and busty) why would I have a problem with a man finding my shape attractive ? Most people have a type of partner that they prefer, I can’t see any issue if a Physical  disability Is one of those types.
Its just a shame that some pwd have such a strong negative opinion to a very diverse range of people based solely on a single reason.