Sometimes thinking about it way too much takes all the "romance" out of it...I believe marriage is a good thing and I'm not talking about financial or practical reasons, just plain for romance and love.
I do believe in growing old together and taking care of that person through bad and good times. Unfortunately nowadays people don't even make it past a couple of years, people throw in the towel at the first little issue. And I think it's a generational thing. My parents had it rough but they battled through it and I have seen that with lots of families in my generation, my friend's parents and such. Yes, divorces happened but usually only after everything was tried to make it work and only if it didn't then maybe get divorced. Of course some of those people also stayed in a marriage that they shouldn't have stayed in.
Even for my parents, my mom kept things together and she was committed to my dad who had lots of issues. Deep inside she did love him and even on the day he died, she was there with him by his bedside taking turns with his girlfriend (my dad had left my mom after 20 years of marriage for another woman, not the one that was there when he died).
I think these crazy big weddings are horrible and cost way too much, having to go into debt for a wedding is plain dumb imo. I would have never wanted a big wedding. My husband is American, I'm German, we met in Germany, he was supposed to leave to go back to the US (he was in the US Army stationed in Germany), we wanted to stay together because we were so in love and the only way for me to go with him and actually be able to stay, was to get married. Our "marriage" happened plainly out of love and because we couldn't imagine living without each other...
So we got married signing papers at the courthouse with four people present, my husband's friend as best man (witness), my friend as best woman (witness), my mom and my sister. My dad didn't come because he couldn't deal with me getting married to an American soldier.
Us six people then squeezed in one car without buckling up, we went to eat lunch at a nice restaurant and as my mom wanted to pay, we were told it had been paid for by an anonymous person, my mom cried (later we come to find out it was the owner of a restaurant my mom washed dishes at for a side job to her full time job). In the afternoon we had coffee at my place (which was basically my mom's place) and unwrapped the presents from friends, coworkers and neighbors (still have that awesome pot set).
Anyways, on the eve of the "wedding" my mom and my husband and I went to the local Pizzeria and got drunk on Lambrusco, my wedding night was spent in my teenage room on my twin size mattress on the floor, where I usually rolled off and ended on the floor because my husband spread out so much.
I was 20, my husband turned 21 the day we got married. We basically didn't think much about any of it, we only knew we wanted to be together and the outlook of him having to leave was unbearable. So, I do believe in romance.
And the question of "what if it doesn't work out"...well, we didn't know that either. It could have backfired big time but it didn't. It's the same with having kids, the time is never right, you just have to do it or you don't.
Our life was lined with lots of moves between different continents and with that our life was really never boring. When everything around us changed all the time, our "marriage" was a constant and the home base we could always come back to. It's probably old fashioned but being married to me is this extra thing that maybe makes you think twice about leaving or throwing in the towel. I think it is a sign to the other person that you are willing to commit to them and be there for them unconditionally.
After almost 29 years of being married, we have seen ups and downs, we have fought to keep going, we have been scared, we have been angry, we have been in love, we have been more like friends, we have missed each other so much, we have been annoyed with being together in the same place all the time, we give each other space, we want to hang out and do stuff together, we had two kids which is a challenge of a whole other kind, we have been apart, we have had fun, we have had medical scares, we have seen each other at our worst and our best...and, and, and...my having discovered my devness and lots of other things with that has been a tremendous challenge for us, one that almost messed us up but we battled through and implemented some changes to the marriage to deal with this big thing which had a huge impact on us.
We decided even if we would not be together as a married couple anymore, we will still be friends and we will be there for each other. I won't get married again unless the marriage is for a practical reasons age or health related for example. If I should be with someone else, that person has to accept that my husband will always be important to me as are my kids. I also think that a marriage can be open for purely physical connections with other partners but the "love" aspect is reserved for the spouse.
So, in general I guess "marriage" could be an outdated instance but it could also still be a good thing for some, it depends on the circumstances and individual situations.
I think about how sometimes people who have no kids "judge" parents for the way they raise their kids and such things, like "I would never do that if I had kids"...I always just think to myself "Yeah, let's see when the time comes". We sometimes don't know until we are in the situation. So we can speculate and analyze all we want until we actually find ourselves in a particular situation and all our views go out the window...
