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Post by Julia on Jul 17, 2020 10:02:41 GMT -5
Sounds like she is a dev, or doesn't know it yet. I wouldn't straight up ask her but if you both are talking about disabilities or attractions I don't think it would hurt to mention how you heard of women attracted to guys with disabilities and how you don't have an issue with it. If I didn't tell a guy I was a dev yet and he said in my head I would go "Hell yeahhhhhh" and probably admit it. Or you could wait until she brings it up or see if you notice any dev-like attributes.
With that being said, I think it matters how close you too are before bringing it up.
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Post by Amee on Jul 17, 2020 11:21:03 GMT -5
I agree with missparkle that it depends a lot on where she's at with her devness (assuming she is a dev). To me personally, it would be a relief if a guy, who is dev-positive, brought it up, pretty early on (because for me it would take off the pressure of if and when and how to tell him). But as others have pointed out, being asked directly could be very uncomfortable for her, depending on how she feels about it. I wouldn't enjoy being asked directly unless it's very clear from the context that you're positive about devs. Of course there's also the possibility that she's not self-aware, in which case the question could also be uncomfortable (or confusing) for her. And if she's not a dev, it could also be weird for her that you're making assumptions about sexual preferences, which is a pretty intimate thing. Personally, I think the best option would be to mention that you're cool with devs, when and if that could be dropped naturally in a conversation. If you talk about dating or something like that. If she knows you're cool with it, it's going to make it easier for her to tell you, if she wants to, but she's not put on the spot. If she's a dev, but not self-aware, it'll give her some time to think about it and process it for herself, without having to answer directly.
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Post by Dr. BiPAP Sachin on Jul 17, 2020 12:02:53 GMT -5
So far, there's this German woman I chat online with almost daily to whom I recently asked if it was ok that I take her for a ride on my wheelchair if we met in person after this pandemic subsides. I also added that if she was uncomfortable, we didn't have to. Her response was that if it were possible, it would be fun to try!
I haven't yet asked her if she's a dev, but I think she might be since I've noticed that she's following a number of PWDs on Instagram.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Jul 17, 2020 16:10:48 GMT -5
sungod, as a dev, I think I would like to be asked by a PWD. But, it could go 1 of 2 ways - the PWD is totally cool with it like you are and the reception to the answer would be positive or the PWD could hate the idea of devs and it would be a setup for something awful for the dev. Also, I think it depends on where the dev is at with accepting herself and her dev feelings. Three years ago, I would have said no - now, I am comfortable with my dev feelings and wouldn't mind the random PWD in the wild asking me if he saw that I was extra interested.
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Post by dolly on Jul 17, 2020 20:57:56 GMT -5
She sounds like a dev, but not every dev is self-aware about being a dev. Some may be in denial and others may not even realize that it’s a ”thing” that exists.
I would advise not to ask yet. If you do, I wouldn’t label it, merely inquire if she’s particularly into disabled guys, given her dating history.
If the relationship progresses, you could bring up the topic super casually at some point. That may actually give her a welcome opening to reveal herself, at a stage when she is more comfortable, if she has wanted to.
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Post by devogirl on Jul 17, 2020 22:47:12 GMT -5
What do you mean "call out"? And why exactly do you want to do that? Just so you can spot one in the wild?
Please examine your motives on this and think hard about what she has told you so far. If you honestly think she's waiting to confess to you, try dropping a few casual hints in a non-confrontational way. But if she seems at all uncomfortable or not self-aware, leave the poor woman in peace.
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Post by sungod on Jul 22, 2020 9:40:08 GMT -5
Thanks for all the feedback. My phrasing wasn’t great in the OP. I was interested in if/how to ask if she is a dev, and how likely she might respond poorly if she felt like she was being exposed or called out. As others have mentioned, I also consider the possibility that she is one, but has no idea that it’s a thing or that there are others like her.
There were a lot of great ideas, but I’m waiting for a Point where it’s organic to talk about it. It doesn’t matter right away anyway, but it would be nice to know at some point.
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KingRichard
Full Member
Posts: 200
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by KingRichard on Jul 22, 2020 10:06:36 GMT -5
Thanks for all the feedback. My phrasing wasn’t great in the OP. I was interested in if/how to ask if she is a dev, and how likely she might respond poorly if she felt like she was being exposed or called out. As others have mentioned, I also consider the possibility that she is one, but has no idea that it’s a thing or that there are others like her. There were a lot of great ideas, but I’m waiting for a Point where it’s organic to talk about it. It doesn’t matter right away anyway, but it would be nice to know at some point. I think that's for the best it's not something you should ask on a first date
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raindrop
Full Member
Posts: 244
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by raindrop on Jul 22, 2020 10:27:31 GMT -5
I’ve recently met someone locally that has previously dated a quad and a para. We’re just chatting, so it’s very casual. Would it be a good or bad idea to ask if she’s a dev? I mean, there’s an incredibly good chance considering the history, but there’s an off chance it could be coincidence. Or even that she’s just comfortable with it. Would devs feel irritated to be called out? Why the need to know? I don’t get it! Just enjoy your new friend, if she is or isn’t - who cares. Is it worth it to upset her, if she is offended? Just enjoy her, have fun! I wish you both happiness!!!! Just Friends Or more - friendship is to be treasured, no need to analyze it.
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Post by feelsunshine on Jul 30, 2020 16:37:26 GMT -5
So far, there's this German woman I chat online with almost daily Think global - I like that!
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Post by Reddwheels on Aug 2, 2020 19:37:40 GMT -5
I'd let her tell you ...and if she does and you are in that moment where she pushes you over the edge, that edge most other women cant get you to and you blurt out 'ooof you fooking dev bitch' ... you and her will be glad she did tell you, or so I would imagine 😇 Making me spit out my Mountain Dew lol
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2020 2:17:25 GMT -5
If someone asked me if I was a dev based upon my dating history, I'm pretty sure my soul would exit my body. Are quad hands good for CPR? The best hands to do CPR
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Post by kivic on Aug 14, 2020 14:43:45 GMT -5
Personally if I was in her situation, I would appreciate being allowed to talk about my devness in my own time. If she’s even aware of her sexual preferences you may be exposing her unnecessarily, which could have negative emotional consequences.
In the whole grand scheme of things does it make a difference if she is a Dev or not? Would you see her differently?
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