usdragon
Junior Member
Posts: 56
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by usdragon on Jul 31, 2020 15:16:44 GMT -5
I know your post was aimed at PWD on here, and you've already received good advice so far, but I'll throw in a couple things that have helped me deal with dating rejection. I'm super sensitive and it's taken me a while to reach a place in life where I can cope with early-stage rejection well. It used to eat me alive for weeks or longer. (Rejection after a long-term relationship with someone is its own beast and I can't say my coping strategies have moved beyond sliding into depression and lots of excessive drinking. ) IMO the best advice for early-stage rejection (dev or not) has already been mentioned by someonerandom, which is try to avoid being in a situation where you are just talking to one person on a dating app or PD as much as possible. Having more than one person on your radar means you aren't unintentionally throwing all your emotional energy and hopes into one person. Relatedly, I'd say try to resist pulling away from dating after a rejection, keep putting yourself out there. The sooner you make a new potentially promising connection, the quicker you'll forget about the prior rejection. I've also found it helpful just to remind myself that I would probably eventually reject the person who's rejecting me anyway. If they're rejecting me, we probably just aren't very compatible--they just beat me to it. I also remind myself that with chatting online, there's so much potential to misread each other, or get the wrong impression, that sometimes the rejection is just a result of a meaningless misreading of each other, and that that's ok-- there are people out there who will love me, even if it takes a while to find a good match. I also think it can be therapeutic to just commiserate about the shittiness of dating and rejection with other single friends over beers. This may be a strategy best reserved for a post-pandemic future though. Best of luck! Excellent advice. Thank you for taking time to give me advice and encouragement.
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usdragon
Junior Member
Posts: 56
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by usdragon on Jul 31, 2020 15:23:17 GMT -5
Anyway, just want to know how other PWDs deal with rejection on PD. It’s my guess is that it is my fault, and I need to rethink my expectations. Tell me if I’m wrong and give advice on how to deal. I am wondering...when you talk about rejection here on PD, what type of rejection are you referring to: like you are rejected in a private message or publicly on the board in some way? And in a private message, is it just a dev possibly not interested in anything more intimate? The type of rejection that I have faced recently is all-encompassing, really. Devs, non-devs, my ex, of course, privately and publicly. I’m find myself in a weird place in my life. I don’t have a great number of things to be unhappy about but, like anyone else, loneliness brings doubts and insecurities. After some thought and great advice, I realize that I just need to be patient.
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Post by Dr. BiPAP Sachin on Aug 1, 2020 18:37:03 GMT -5
Rejection smejection. You know what beautiful thing will never reject me? It's this sexy hottie called life. I've been on this earth for 33 years now, and whatever is in store for my future, I'm ready to take it one step at a time. If that includes the woman of my dreams, great, and if not, that's ok with me.
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j
Junior Member
Hold on .. If it's A good thing baby!
Posts: 83
Gender: Male
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Post by j on Aug 1, 2020 19:13:15 GMT -5
I embrace being rejected and alone can survive and thrive in a solitude environment
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j
Junior Member
Hold on .. If it's A good thing baby!
Posts: 83
Gender: Male
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Post by j on Aug 2, 2020 5:53:41 GMT -5
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
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j
Junior Member
Hold on .. If it's A good thing baby!
Posts: 83
Gender: Male
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Post by j on Aug 2, 2020 6:47:27 GMT -5
you a real human being may be to real for some people. maybe our time is not for everyone and it does hurt more when devs reject you
get the reward system outta your head we still live in the game and the system humans are still unpredictable I would suggest finding love in the core of your life find time to date yourself treat yourself like you would someone your dating in real-time challenge, your reality push all limits go 150 % and rise in the whirlwinds
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usdragon
Junior Member
Posts: 56
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by usdragon on Aug 2, 2020 11:57:32 GMT -5
Rejection smejection. You know what beautiful thing will never reject me? It's this sexy hottie called life. I've been on this earth for 33 years now, and whatever is in store for my future, I'm ready to take it one step at a time. If that includes the woman of my dreams, great, and if not, that's ok with me. Doc, I am positively influenced by your support and optimism. Very appreciative of your wisdom.
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usdragon
Junior Member
Posts: 56
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by usdragon on Aug 2, 2020 12:01:51 GMT -5
you a real human being may be to real for some people. maybe our time is not for everyone and it does hurt more when devs reject you get the reward system outta your head we still live in the game and the system humans are still unpredictable I would suggest finding love in the core of your life find time to date yourself treat yourself like you would someone your dating in real-time challenge, your reality push all limits go 150 % and rise in the whirlwinds That’s great advice. It’s actually advice that I give people: “You have to love yourself before you can love someone new.” I should divert my energy into self-improvement. Thanks, J.
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j
Junior Member
Hold on .. If it's A good thing baby!
Posts: 83
Gender: Male
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Post by j on Aug 5, 2020 4:46:09 GMT -5
you a real human being may be to real for some people. maybe our time is not for everyone and it does hurt more when devs reject you get the reward system outta your head we still live in the game and the system humans are still unpredictable I would suggest finding love in the core of your life find time to date yourself treat yourself like you would someone your dating in real-time challenge, your reality push all limits go 150 % and rise in the whirlwinds That’s great advice. It’s actually advice that I give people: “You have to love yourself before you can love someone new.” I should divert my energy into self-improvement. Thanks, J. It is easier done then said I try to.. do whatever it take to find your own peace I hate myself most of the time And cant stand to see myself I might break this mirror. If you can do it then go an do it make good peace be with you
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Post by britishtetra on Aug 5, 2020 7:01:32 GMT -5
I have been rejected that many times, that I have built up a housing estate in my mind. When I was a kid, are used to walk to my grans every day through Druids Heath. So every rejection, I place a person behind the garage door, a tree, cul-de-sacs, roads, pathways etc. There are literally thousands! I have been on dating site since 1996, and got exactly nowhere. I have come to the conclusion that I will always be single, perhaps that is negative, but realistic. What did I read once, chance favours the prepared mind. So you never know. I hope you find somebody someday.
Cheerio for now,
Pete,
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Post by lisa on Aug 5, 2020 9:50:00 GMT -5
Personally, being a dev, I am also hurt more being rejected by PWD, than AB guy. There are at least two reasons for that. First, I'd like that my attraction to his disability is very attractive for him. Now, with that assumption, if I get rejected, I have to deal with the fact that the rest of my personality is not "good enough" for him. And it sucks. LOL 😂 The other, more important reason is that in a relationship with PWD, I'm emotionally deeper into it, my expectations are higher, I dream bigger, I'm engaged more. I haven't dated a lot of PWDs and only started more or less actively looking into getting to know disabled guys like a year ago. But in this time I've learnt that yes, being rejected by a PWD hurts a lot more than by an AB guy. Partly because of the emotional attachment missparkle mentioned, but also because of the fear that there aren't any options left for me once it doesn't work out with PWDs. With ABs I could always say: Well, he is an AB, so it was bound to break apart at some point, better look for someone who is really attractive to you. But when PWDs reject me, there's literally nothing left for me. (Obviously, other PWDs, but yeah, it's not as if they'd line up in front of my house :P. ) Maybe it's been out of this fear that I took so long to actively engage in looking for a PWD. And when I got rejected in the past year (it happened multiple times), it felt worse than I had ever experienced before. And this was just with "random" guys I had met once or twice or not at all. And totally not in the realm of seeking a serious relationship, so it should be a shrug and moving on. But it isn't, because it feels special and somehow intimate every time.
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Post by Braced4Impact on Aug 5, 2020 10:10:38 GMT -5
Rejection always sucks, whether it's from a dev, a non-dev, or a PWD. It can certainly be frustrating when it happens over and over again, but if you're trying and doing your best, then it's out of your control if someone doesn't find you attractive. If there are things you can improve about yourself, and they're the reason for being rejected, you have an opportunity to work on those weaknesses. Unfortunately, it's a part of life, and each one is a learning experience, but man...it does suck to be...well educated...like that.
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Post by Utahquad on Aug 13, 2020 18:31:16 GMT -5
The way I look at it is that you can't be everybody's superhero. So just stay positive and whatever happens, happens. My therapist told me my narcissism causes me to misread social situations, but I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
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Post by ProudRealist on Aug 18, 2020 19:51:28 GMT -5
For me personally, rejection (devs or otherwise) is always an invitation for a period of self-realisation - using time tested methods involving alcohol, loud music and other prescribed acts of debauchery Honestly though, disability or not, rejection just sucks... you either numb it (as above) or let time eventually deal with it.
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