printline
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Post by printline on Jul 31, 2020 10:43:33 GMT -5
I came across this site and I'm trying to understand devotees. What are the core thoughts/motivations of your average dev? What are some personal stories from PWD actually meeting up with a dev?
I'm 41 and have been in a wheelchair since 30 after having a sudden rare autoimmune reaction. After going through a divorce, years of depression and confusion, I've come to the displeasing reality of a life without emotional intimacy. I've tried disabled dating sites without much success.
So when I heard there are actual women interested in PWD it kind of peaked my interest. At first thought the concept of a dev seems odd. Could it be some form of a rare sexual fetish? As a man I suppose I could empathize with this just by examination of my personal YouPorn searches. Maybe it's related to something like the Florence Nightingale effect? This might be harder for me to understand but I do know the psyche is very complex.
Whatever the reasons I'd be interested in hearing a few thoughts from a dev or PWD. Possibly this topic has been frequently addressed on this forum.
Anyway, my name is Rich and I look forward to any responses.
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Post by dolly on Jul 31, 2020 13:40:47 GMT -5
Welcome.
This whole board (or at least most of it) is a response.
Dig around in old posts, use the search function, participate in some conversations, and people will be happy to answer your questions that arise from doing so.
There is a pinned post at the top of this section called Best Threads of PD which is there because it’s a good place for new members to start. I also recommend familiarizing yourself with the board guidelines.
Hope you enjoy it here.
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Post by Inkdevil on Jul 31, 2020 14:09:51 GMT -5
I came across this site and I'm trying to understand devotees. What are the core thoughts/motivations of your average dev? What are some personal stories from PWD actually meeting up with a dev? I'm 41 and have been in a wheelchair since 30 after having a sudden rare autoimmune reaction. After going through a divorce, years of depression and confusion, I've come to the displeasing reality of a life without emotional intimacy. I've tried disabled dating sites without much success. So when I heard there are actual women interested in PWD it kind of peaked my interest. At first thought the concept of a dev seems odd. Could it be some form of a rare sexual fetish? As a man I suppose I could empathize with this just by examination of my personal YouPorn searches. Maybe it's related to something like the Florence Nightingale effect? This might be harder for me to understand but I do know the psyche is very complex. Whatever the reasons I'd be interested in hearing a few thoughts from a dev or PWD. Possibly this topic has been frequently addressed on this forum. Anyway, my name is Rich and I look forward to any responses. Hi Rich. Welcome to PD. In answer to your questions. First of all - there are no average devs!! :-) Therefore, other than an attraction/interest in PWDs (person with a disability), it’s hard to name core thoughts, because we all have different aspects to our attraction. Not sure what you mean by ‘motivators’? You may as well ask what motivates a gay person to be gay? I’m a dev just...because. I’m not motivated to be one. I didn’t choose to be one. I’ve always been a dev. I just didn’t realise it for a long time. Forgive me if I’ve not understood your question. I’m happy to explain further if I’ve misunderstood what you’ve asked. To some it’s predominantly a sexual attraction, for others it’s mostly a lifestyle attraction. Some want to pursue relationships with PWDs in real life, while some are content to read dev fiction, watch YouTube, or films. There’s no one definitive type of dev. Everyone will give you a different answer, so I can only tell you what it is to me personally. A sexual fetish? No. Maybe 10% of my attraction is sexual. The need to look after/nurse someone? No. No more than I’d wish to look after any man - and in return have him look after me. Mine is an attraction to the whole lifestyle of men with an acquired SCI. Specifically only that type of disability. I want to be as close to every aspect of that lifestyle with someone I care deeply about, without actually being disabled myself. Although I’d dearly love to know what it feels like myself, just for a short while. I love to be with that person and see how they see the world; how the world sees them; how they do everything I do, but differently; be there when and if things go wrong (as they inevitably do) to support that person, but not be flustered or bothered by the shitty side of their disability; to be a fly on the wall for every mundane activity you can think of; to be trusted enough to be let in and share that world with someone. I’m lucky to have that relationship in real life. It’s also important that he is aware and accepting of the fact that I’m a dev (he is), so I can be 100% myself. The fact he not only accepts this side of me but plays up to it is a bonus. Ever thought about nudging your footplate into your girlfriend’s ankles in a lift with a knowing smile, or squeezing into her thigh with your cold metal push rims because you know it makes her tummy do flips? This could add a whole new layer to a future relationship. Trust me. To me, living my life as a dev dating a para man, is like watching a film in HD colour, versus dating AB men, who are all a little, um...monochrome, shall we say. I’ve waffled on, but hope this helps you understand things from this dev’s POV at least.
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Post by missparkle on Jul 31, 2020 15:36:12 GMT -5
Inkdevil, I've never read anything so accurate and concise, that would explain exactly how I feel. This is IT. Thank you.
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Post by Inkdevil on Jul 31, 2020 15:58:30 GMT -5
Not sure about the concise bit, but thank you anyway missparkle x
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Post by robbb on Jul 31, 2020 18:38:41 GMT -5
What inkdevil said, minus the boyfriend.
R.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2020 18:59:08 GMT -5
I am also echoing Inkdevil Most of what she wrote is true for me as well. And what dolly wrote, check out this board, there is so much info here I think I will go with bullets...being a dev for me is: - not a fetish (I do have those but a paraplegic is not one of them 😉) - not a caregiver syndrome (I don't wish to be a caregiver to a PWD but I have no issues in helping in a normal way as with anyone) - not primarily sexual (see above, I have actual fetishes for that 😉) - not a power thing (I don't wish to be in power of a PWD or something) - a profound interest in the person with the disability (in my case paraplegia or anything affecting the functioning of legs or lack thereof) - an utter fascination with how a person has been affected by the trauma (acquired disability) and how they have adjusted and live their life - a visual attraction to the person in the wheelchair or other assistive devices (I just find it super appealing to see an attractive guy in a wheelchair) Being a dev for me is also sometimes very lonely and that is why I am here and will always be here where I don't feel so alone. To quote Lady Gaga "I was born this way" but when I was young, we didn't have access to Internet (didn't even exist yet) or any recent technology (still used a dial plate phone to call my friends) and so even though I now know there was always something inside of me (proof and pointers in my teenage writing), I just learned about all of it about ten years ago. The discovery turned into the roller coaster ride of my life, it was shaky, I was scared, I was happy, I thought I would fall off, it turned my life upside down, sometimes I cried, sometimes I wanted to scream, I almost didn't make it, but here I am ... Being a dev is who I am and there is no factual explanation really. It is part of my psychological make up, I don't know why, I can't really explain but guys in wheelchairs or guys who can't walk will always and forever have a soft spot in my heart.
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printline
New Member
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Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by printline on Aug 1, 2020 10:47:12 GMT -5
I am also echoing Inkdevil Most of what she wrote is true for me as well. And what dolly wrote, check out this board, there is so much info here I think I will go with bullets...being a dev for me is: - not a fetish (I do have those but a paraplegic is not one of them 😉) - not a caregiver syndrome (I don't wish to be a caregiver to a PWD but I have no issues in helping in a normal way as with anyone) - not primarily sexual (see above, I have actual fetishes for that 😉) - not a power thing (I don't wish to be in power of a PWD or something) - a profound interest in the person with the disability (in my case paraplegia or anything affecting the functioning of legs or lack thereof) - an utter fascination with how a person has been affected by the trauma (acquired disability) and how they have adjusted and live their life - a visual attraction to the person in the wheelchair or other assistive devices (I just find it super appealing to see an attractive guy in a wheelchair) Being a dev for me is also sometimes very lonely and that is why I am here and will always be here where I don't feel so alone. To quote Lady Gaga "I was born this way" but when I was young, we didn't have access to Internet (didn't even exist yet) or any recent technology (still used a dial plate phone to call my friends) and so even though I now know there was always something inside of me (proof and pointers in my teenage writing), I just learned about all of it about ten years ago. The discovery turned into the roller coaster ride of my life, it was shaky, I was scared, I was happy, I thought I would fall off, it turned my life upside down, sometimes I cried, sometimes I wanted to scream, I almost didn't make it, but here I am ... Being a dev is who I am and there is no factual explanation really. It is part of my psychological make up, I don't know why, I can't really explain but guys in wheelchairs or guys who can't walk will always and forever have a soft spot in my heart. Thanks for your responses. It's always good to find a community to understand you're not really alone. I'm coming from that same perspective.
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Post by ProudRealist on Aug 18, 2020 19:57:41 GMT -5
What is a dev all about? After years of friendships, get togethers, and one-too-many D&M's, I'm still trying to figure that one out But then again, the devs i know are all women... so there is that age-old complexity to deal with as swell (a paradigm summed up quite succinctly by the phrase: men are from mars women are from venus")
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ukparaguy
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Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by ukparaguy on Aug 20, 2020 18:16:54 GMT -5
I am very new to the world of the dev and this is a very interesting and enlightening thread especially understanding that for many it isnt a fetish but just how they are
I was hoping that someone may be able to explain the differences between prenteders and devotees, can a person be both or are they entirely separate entities ?
(please be kind, honest question?
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Post by ContingentlyComposite on Aug 21, 2020 10:09:35 GMT -5
I am very new to the world of the dev and this is a very interesting and enlightening thread especially understanding that for many it isnt a fetish but just how they are I was hoping that someone may be able to explain the differences between prenteders and devotees, can a person be both or are they entirely separate entities ? (please be kind, honest question? Pretenders like pretending they have a disability. For some it's a sexual thing, for others it may be a way of coping with BIID, others may have different reasons for pretending. Pretenders *may* also be devs (some descriptions of what being a dev means above) but the vast majority of devs are not pretenders.
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Post by ContingentlyComposite on Aug 21, 2020 10:41:30 GMT -5
Just for another perspective on being a dev:
For me I'd say the attraction is very much sexual, and a component of it is sort of a fetish. There's a significant romantic fantasy element as well though. I can't say I fully understand my devness, but I think for me a lot of it has to do with this idea that disability *could* foster vulnerability between two people in a way that makes for a very deep sort of intimacy. I've always craved intimacy and vulnerability from others in a really intense way. I can be sort of aloof with people I don't know, but once I'm friends with someone, or sometimes even just wanting to be friends with someone, I'm like "hey, let me tell you about my most disturbing thoughts and my enduring emotional despair in detail. Can you relate? Let's do drugs together and meld our souls for the night."
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printline
New Member
Single
Posts: 7
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by printline on Aug 21, 2020 11:26:19 GMT -5
Just for another perspective on being a dev: For me I'd say the attraction is very much sexual, and a component of it is sort of a fetish. There's a significant romantic fantasy element as well though. I can't say I fully understand my devness, but I think for me a lot of it has to do with this idea that disability *could* foster vulnerability between two people in a way that makes for a very deep sort of intimacy. I've always craved intimacy and vulnerability from others in a really intense way. I can be sort of aloof with people I don't know, but once I'm friends with someone, or sometimes even just wanting to be friends with someone, I'm like "hey, let me tell you about my most disturbing thoughts and my enduring emotional despair in detail. Can you relate? Let's do drugs together and meld our souls for the night." I can relate. Missing these kinds of connections with my x-wife is likely the main cause of our divorce. Once our relationship had no sexual dynamic, it became clear our relationship was only based on parental duty and loyalty. Possibly if we had a deeper mental relationship we could have worked around the issues that arise from a sudden handicap.
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Post by cilantro on Aug 21, 2020 12:34:34 GMT -5
Just for another perspective on being a dev: For me I'd say the attraction is very much sexual, and a component of it is sort of a fetish. There's a significant romantic fantasy element as well though. I can't say I fully understand my devness, but I think for me a lot of it has to do with this idea that disability *could* foster vulnerability between two people in a way that makes for a very deep sort of intimacy. I've always craved intimacy and vulnerability from others in a really intense way. I can be sort of aloof with people I don't know, but once I'm friends with someone, or sometimes even just wanting to be friends with someone, I'm like "hey, let me tell you about my most disturbing thoughts and my enduring emotional despair in detail. Can you relate? Let's do drugs together and meld our souls for the night." Wow ME! This is totally what I think is the root of my devness as well. Just tell me all your deepest things please and let me KNOW YOU
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ukparaguy
New Member
Posts: 32
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by ukparaguy on Aug 21, 2020 15:00:41 GMT -5
I am very new to the world of the dev and this is a very interesting and enlightening thread especially understanding that for many it isnt a fetish but just how they are I was hoping that someone may be able to explain the differences between prenteders and devotees, can a person be both or are they entirely separate entities ? (please be kind, honest question? Pretenders like pretending they have a disability. For some it's a sexual thing, for others it may be a way of coping with BIID, others may have different reasons for pretending. Pretenders *may* also be devs (some descriptions of what being a dev means above) but the vast majority of devs are not pretenders. thank you very much for this insight, also can I please ask what BIID means?
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