messybun
New Member
Posts: 40
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
|
Post by messybun on Jan 25, 2021 22:38:07 GMT -5
It seems that devs are special type of women and I am happy that I belong in this category of women. I feel I have deeper understanding of people who are different in their abilities just like I am different in the way I am. Being a dev enables me to see life from different perspective and has taught me so much about problems that disabled persons face.
|
|
Celeste
Full Member
Posts: 125
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by Celeste on Jan 31, 2021 23:25:27 GMT -5
Finally, and this one is something that I wasn't able to appreciate for a long time: I know exactly what type of people I am attracted to. There are so many people out there who can't really pinpoint it or for who the attraction is more about internal things. And this is something that I have hoped for myself for a long time. But I had to admit to myself that internal factors just aren't enough. And this is fine, as long as they still do play a role. And I know exactly the type of man I am or would be most attracted to. It is super hard to find someone to check all the boxes, as always, but at least I have some clue where to begin looking (not that I am looking  ). Ugh, this truth hurts. In general, I am super positive about being a dev. But sometimes I worry that I won't ever find anyone who checks all the boxes. Especially because growing up with Annabelle's stories has made me afraid of turning 30 while I'm single (jk). |
|
|
|
Post by devogirl on Feb 1, 2021 7:16:28 GMT -5
Ugh, this truth hurts. In general, I am super positive about being a dev. But sometimes I worry that I won't ever find anyone who checks all the boxes. Especially because growing up with Annabelle's stories has made me afraid of turning 30 while I'm single (jk).
I also struggled with this for so long! I was certain I would never find the right partner because being a dev makes it so hard. But like Dan Savage says, there is never someone 100% perfect. You have to round up from 80% or 75%. Sometimes that 80% perfect guy is AB.
Don't be afraid of turning 30. My 30s were way, way happier and more fun than my 20s. I was also increasingly certain I would be alone forever, but I had so many more relationships in my 30s, and I met my husband when I was 36. Meanwhile, all my friends who got married in their 20s got divorced in their 30s. Dating sucks but there are advantages to taking longer to meet the right person.
|
|
Celeste
Full Member
Posts: 125
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by Celeste on Feb 1, 2021 22:12:05 GMT -5
I also struggled with this for so long! I was certain I would never find the right partner because being a dev makes it so hard. But like Dan Savage says, there is never someone 100% perfect. You have to round up from 80% or 75%. Sometimes that 80% perfect guy is AB. Don't be afraid of turning 30. My 30s were way, way happier and more fun than my 20s. I was also increasingly certain I would be alone forever, but I had so many more relationships in my 30s, and I met my husband when I was 36. Meanwhile, all my friends who got married in their 20s got divorced in their 30s. Dating sucks but there are advantages to taking longer to meet the right person.
Thanks, devogirl! I really appreciate the reassurance.  |
|
|
|
Post by devogirl on Feb 2, 2021 3:49:42 GMT -5
You're welcome! When I was single and very unhappy about it, everyone always told me "you'll meet someone eventually" which I found so frustrating and unhelpful, but in the end they were right. I wish I had worried less about it.
And don't worry about getting older. Our culture is ridiculously obsessed with youth but the fact is most people tend to get happier as they get older.
|
|
|
|
Post by ayla on Feb 9, 2021 16:27:40 GMT -5
Once you get past the guilt and shame that most of us experience at some point, it's really quite nice to be a dev. For starters, I think it helps me understand my desires and communicate them to a partner. It's helped me gain perspective on human sexuality. It definitely helps me connect with interesting and unique people like the ones on this board. And then in a practical sense, there are fewer guys that can arouse me to distraction (a double edged sword when seeking a partner, but very convenient when I want to avoid distracting crushes or competition with others). Finally — well not finally, as I’m sure there are more advantages — I am in a unique position to make some men very happy indeed, which feels like a special gift. Everyone wants to feel seen and have their bodies appreciated so I’m glad my devness exists in the world for that reason too. Great topic!
|
|
|
|
Post by koala on Apr 17, 2021 22:13:08 GMT -5
What a GREAT thread! I love being a dev for so many reasons. It's hard to put them all into words, so I'll just cover the highlights.
First and foremost, it led me to my husband and gave me the opportunity to experience a truly unique and special type of love. I am attracted to interesting people who have so much more to offer than the average person sees. I also think that it has allowed me to be more open minded and see people as people...no judgement, just acceptance...which has blessed me with some really deep and meaningful friendships. It has given me an appreciation for all things "different", which has resulted in some wonderfully unusual interests and experiences, and I actually derive a lot of pleasure and fulfillment from that aspect of myself. I really do love the fact that I am not like everyone else...I see the true beauty in people and things. And finally, of course, it led me here where I feel so heard and understood and have already met so many amazing people.
Honestly, other than feeling like I had to keep it a secret my whole life, I can't think of any negatives. If you ask me, being a dev is the BEST!!
|
|
|
|
Post by Amee on Apr 18, 2021 5:32:21 GMT -5
Can't believe I haven't contributed to this thread yet and I can really just repeat what others have already said...
The major positives for me:
It has given me a perspective on the world and humans that I would otherwise probably not have had and for which I am incredibly grateful. I grew up in a fairly conservative home (by European, not American standards) and while I obviously can't know for sure, I assume I probably would have been slightly more narrow-minded, if the universe hadn't given me this funny attraction.
Differing from the norm in a somewhat significant way, being part of a minority that gets a lot of bad press... those are things that - once you manage to overcome the negative psychological impact (which I wouldn't say I've been completely able to do) - I think can be very positively formative. I do immensely appreciate the ability to learn and grow from that in so many small and big ways.
Obviously the amazing people I got to meet. I've had deep and interesting conversations with people in life circumstances I would otherwise never have met. And because of this unique shared, otherwise often isolating, trait, there is such a deep connection with the dev friends I've made on here. Both the feeling of finding people "like me" and the feeling of being not just accepted, but appreciated for the way I am by a PWD after such a long time of shame and isolation, were incredibly profound and exhilarating feelings.
|
|
).
