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Post by newmn on Sept 19, 2020 6:37:28 GMT -5
Maybe the guy has Aspergers or on the autism spectrum. Just a thought in his defense. They often have difficulty with socially appropriate conversations.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2020 10:50:31 GMT -5
I use moments like this as opportunities to educate people, I have been asked weird questions as a German in the US. I always try to explain why I am here, maybe give a little history lesson why my husband is American. Most people are interested and surprised. especially the younger generation. This is my way to try to counter ignorance and replace with education.
I stand by my comment, maybe he just had no idea what SB is, I had no idea before I met people here....but again, best thing nowadays is never to engage with people because noone wants to be bothered or talked to, everyone is in their own little world and offended by every little thing seems like....I am so tired...
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Post by myrrh on Sept 19, 2020 12:58:34 GMT -5
"Are you disabled? Is it mental?" is just like if an American asked "You're German? Are you a Nazi?"
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Post by Amee on Sept 19, 2020 13:07:03 GMT -5
"Are you disabled? Is it mental?" is just like if an American asked "You're German? Are you a Nazi?" I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but to imply that assuming that someone has a mental disability is somehow as offensive as assuming someone is a Nazi seems a little off to me. I mean, being a Nazi is clearly a horrible thing. But should having a mental disability really be such a horrible thing? Just a random thought that popped into my head, but what's so offensive about a mental disability anyway? Doesn't that also say quite a bit about how we view mental disabilities? Not that I don't understand how it can be annoying, if people assume you have a mental disability, when you don't. But just a thought... |
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Post by missparkle on Sept 19, 2020 13:41:17 GMT -5
I truly understand how it can be offensive, annoying, whatever... I really do. And I even understand "fuck you, mind your own business" mentality. But I also think people are simply different, which of course doesn't justify anyone's intruder behaviour. However, not every curiosity, nor even ignorance is with bad intentions per se.🤷🏻♀️
I know a wheeler who is pretty lonely and bored lately and who would appreciate even that kind of human contact, he's craving so much! He would even find it pretty entertaining and would turn it into joke to tell later. He'll recognise himself when he reads it! 😉
I'm just trying to say we are not all the same. And it's more about our own perception and attitude what to make out of it. We can't influence the all the other people on this world, we can our attitude.
It was 26 yeas ago, I was 16 and on big international math competition. At that time it was war raging in my country, Yugoslavia at that moment. I was sporting really short hair, Sinead O'Connor style, being young and foolish I thought I was SO damn cool. With best possible intentions, some people from "Western" countries asked if I have my hair short because I can't afford long hair care in war conditions.😂🤣 That question was absolutely ridiculous, but I wasn't offended at all, I found it highly entertaining! I used the opportunity to explain situation in this area. And today I have a joke to tell! I gained something, haven't I?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2020 14:38:41 GMT -5
"Are you disabled? Is it mental?" is just like if an American asked "You're German? Are you a Nazi?" Yeah, I have had to explain that before that I don't know if my grandpa was...I am getting weird questions a lot. ...on a side note, not sure why I am the punching bag lately but after all these years here on PD, I would imagine some people know me better than to assume certain things about me, go at me for no reason and treat me like an ignorant person, just because I voice an opinion or respond factually. I am not discrediting brace's experience but I don't believe every question or inquiry about maybe not so jolly topics is meant in a bad way. Sometimes people just don't know and have questions. The only way we can learn about others and our world is by asking questions. Sometimes those questions are a bit uncomfortable but again I think it's good practice to try to educate people. I am very curious about people but here in the US lots of times people take it offensive when someone asks anything beyond shallow. Apart from that, the guy asking brace didn't push on, so he didn't go at it for details. I would think a short explanation about SB would have been a positive thing and would have taught the guy what SB is. You all can back off now...I am getting tired of being jumped here. You should know me better... |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2020 15:02:28 GMT -5
It’s awful to be put in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, I always think of brilliant responses about a week after the incident. In my opinion disability is a very personal thing, I wouldn’t ask a stranger about it anymore than a random question about gender or sexuality but sadly too many people think they can ask deeply personal questions. I’ve spent most of my life practicing “the look”....years of testing it on my kids has elevated “the look” into family legend, that’s my go to when I can’t verbalise my irritation.
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Post by someonerandom on Sept 19, 2020 15:04:18 GMT -5
I really wish we could just agree as a society that it’s not okay to approach strangers and start asking about their medical history. But whatever, I guess this is pretty low on the totem pole of shittiness. I think it doesn’t so much bother me that people do this in the first place, as much as it bothers me that people will go to such lengths to defend this behavior, even devotees.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2020 15:52:33 GMT -5
If you are talking to me someonerandom I am not defending anyone, I am just offering another perspective.. We also don't know anything about the person who asked brace, maybe they are actually mentally disabled |
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Post by Amee on Sept 19, 2020 17:24:37 GMT -5
Dani I hope you didn't feel like I jumped you, that was certainly not my intention. I agree with you that people are way too easily offended these days and the way the Covid discussions on here go with the name calling and people declaring everyone evil or an idiot, who disagrees with them, is so frustrating that I didn't even want to get involved. I'm not trying to argue, just offering my perspective on this: To me, there is a difference between a political discussion and a social situation. In political discussions the goal is to find truth and/or a consensus in a society. In order to do that effectively, you can't shut people up by declaring that you feel offended. I mean you can, clearly, as people do it all the time now, but it's not a good idea. However, I think in social situations the goal is usually to form some kind of personal connection, however intense or superficial. And in order to do that, I think it's a good idea to consider what might make the other person uncomfortable. It's an interesting question actually, why we think certain things are inappropriate - would be very interesting to know what kind of cultural differences there might be about that. But on average, I would assume that most people find very personal questions by strangers uncomfortable. That's why I think it's considered social etiquette not to do that. That being said, I think it's great and admirable, if people take such moments to educate others. I can imagine you get a lot of the Nazi-stuff, because I get a little bit of that too, when I'm abroad.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2020 18:05:17 GMT -5
You didn't do anything Amee I completely understand where you are coming from...again I am merely offering another perspective on this that veered off the common consensus and again it was taken to another level, that is simply it. I don't walk around asking strangers personal questions, I am not just running through life not thinking about when what is appropriate. I am old enough and been around the block a few times to know how to behave and act Heck, you won't find me saying anything to anyone really...I am shier than shy, but I also don't mind answering questions even if they are personal, actually sometimes they are welcome in this superficial world. It may also be a cultural thing because Germans either don't talk much or once you get to know them, they will talk your ear off...if you ask them at the register how they are, they may actually tell you how they really are... People are so on the edge over here in the US, it's not even funny anymore. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2020 18:09:07 GMT -5
Maybe the guy has Aspergers or on the autism spectrum. Just a thought in his defense. They often have difficulty with socially appropriate conversations. This exactly... What do we know about this other person, nothing.... |
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Post by myrrh on Sept 19, 2020 19:20:44 GMT -5
"Are you disabled? Is it mental?" is just like if an American asked "You're German? Are you a Nazi?" I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but to imply that assuming that someone has a mental disability is somehow as offensive as assuming someone is a Nazi seems a little off to me. I mean, being a Nazi is clearly a horrible thing. But should having a mental disability really be such a horrible thing? Just a random thought that popped into my head, but what's so offensive about a mental disability anyway? Doesn't that also say quite a bit about how we view mental disabilities? Not that I don't understand how it can be annoying, if people assume you have a mental disability, when you don't. But just a thought... Both things are stigmatized, and both things are true for a very small percent of the population. Generally it's rude to apply a stereotype to a person based upon something unusual and them. Not only does that show ignorance, it's demanding the other person do emotional labor to either educate them, or graciously overlook their ignorance. Mental disability being undeserving of that stigma is a different conversation. That is ableist, but at the same time, it is very degrading to assume a person is less capable because of something that is totally unrelated. I see women taken less seriously in professional settings all the time because it's assumed that someone feminine can't be a good engineer. |
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Post by Braced4Impact on Sept 19, 2020 20:45:07 GMT -5
"Are you disabled? Is it mental?" is just like if an American asked "You're German? Are you a Nazi?" I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but to imply that assuming that someone has a mental disability is somehow as offensive as assuming someone is a Nazi seems a little off to me. I mean, being a Nazi is clearly a horrible thing. But should having a mental disability really be such a horrible thing? Just a random thought that popped into my head, but what's so offensive about a mental disability anyway? Doesn't that also say quite a bit about how we view mental disabilities? Not that I don't understand how it can be annoying, if people assume you have a mental disability, when you don't. But just a thought... While I have nothing against people with mental disabilities, having lived through high school and being on the same bus as those who did have mental disabilities, and having to have a chip on my shoulder to prove I didn't by association to my fellow classmates, the question did get under my skin. I don't mean to brag, but I have an IQ of over 135, two college degrees plus two additional college certifications, have published numerous books and even competed on my high school competitive trivia team, I don't like having my physical disability associated with mental. Again, I hold no ill-will against those who do have mental disabilities, but I think it has to do with proper categorization. It would be like assuming a person is a transvestite if they're gay, or some other baseless association. |
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Sept 20, 2020 21:03:53 GMT -5
So, this popped in my head today after reading this thread. Do you think the person confused spinal bifida with schizophrenia? Both “S” Words, maybe unfamiliar with both, maybe confused them? Might be silly but just a thought...
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