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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2020 22:07:55 GMT -5
After 3000-something posts, after the latest "reprimanding" once again from some members, calling me "ableist", listing exaggerated scenarios as some weirdo asking people personal questions, making me look like I'm an idiot and don't know how to act in the world, I'm done. Do you actually believe that I walk around asking people about their "medical histories"...this is ridiculous.
I have been around the block a few times in this world and I'm pretty sure, I know how to act in social settings with people of all backgrounds, ethnicities, disabilities, cultures, social structures, sexual orientations and what not. You know what would actually happen in a social setting with me - I wouldn't say a word, because out there irl, I am not very talkative and actually very shy to the point of it keeping me from making contact with people. I can't even talk good on the phone...so there, you got me judged a bit wrong. I can "write your ear off" but when it comes to talking, very different scenario.
First, it was the thread with the girl flying to her lover during Covid times, now the thread with brace's odd encounter. Lots of people fly right now btw, I'm NOT one of them and it makes me pretty sad to not being able to fly like I had planned to. Oh, and I didn't discredit brace's encounter nor what had happened to him, but I saw it from a slightly different perspective and whoa, that backfired...I tried to stay factual in explaining my views, but it didn't work. I would have really thought that people would know me better than that, but I guess I was wrong.
I also was called "defensive"...yes, I am fucking defensive...I have defended PD for the past ten years, I have defended PD when people tried to come in here with the wrong intentions, I have defended devs and PWD (btw out in the real world to close minded friends), I have loved being here, I have fought some battles, I have made great connections and friends, I have learned so much about so many things on PD but here I get called "ableist" today...wtf... I have always been defensive when it was about PD. So, yeah, I am defensive like "I always am" as someone put it so nicely.
Some people reached out in PM's and asked if I was okay...I thought I could overlook it and maybe credit it to people being on the edge atm and I was okay, but actually I'm not okay with the way I got "portrayed" so wrongly today, so there... People are on the edge right now, I am too and on top of all the "shittiness" in the world, I get put on the spot here on PD, the place where I actually felt like people are open minded. I'm not just some new, random person coming in here, not knowing how to act and what this place is about. This tipped my "not okay" over...
This place has been my life saver, my haven, my source for learning, my fuzzy place, and my dev sanctuary, so I'm not letting anyone call me "ableist" and be compared to some ignorant being who doesn't know how to act. It's better for me to stay out of any discussions and the only thing you will see of me on here will be my writing stuff, because I want devs to know. Other than that, stay safe everyone, take care.
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Had enough
Sept 19, 2020 22:31:26 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by sy on Sept 19, 2020 22:31:26 GMT -5
Yeah I can't blame you, people on here are sensitive and combative they will hit you with a wall of text. It can get pretty cringe to be honest.
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Post by mike on Sept 19, 2020 23:16:29 GMT -5
I completely understand Dani, I have also experienced people (intentionally?) misconstruing what I have said & then being critical. It's frustrating and occasionally like trying to have a serious conversation with an angry adolescent. Like you, I have consequently severely limited what I say. Claim the sky is blue, and someone will distort the issue & imply you're an idiot to think it's green.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2020 0:43:33 GMT -5
I am sitting here tonight crying and my heart is breaking. Apparently, someone believes I am "not an ally of PWD" because I am "excusing ableist behavior". This is completely false and has hurt me tremendously, but I was also told that I shouldn't be "such a baby" and just suck it up. Everyone who connected with me over the years should know how much PD has meant to me, how important it is for so many of us, how I feel about this board and that I am a dev all the way and would do anything to counter ableism.
Someone basically telling me I don't need to be here, just because I had an alternative perspective on a topic, has been so painful. I love PD for everything it has done for me and what it stands for. It's so tremendously important for devs. Honestly, at the moment, I don't know how I will live without coming here daily to check in. Thank you to the moderators for keeping PD alive and thanks to everyone who sticks around. Love you all, Dani
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Post by robbb on Sept 20, 2020 1:13:01 GMT -5
So sad to see your post Dani hopefully you will come back to the boards sometime. R.x
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Post by myrrh on Sept 20, 2020 1:56:41 GMT -5
Creating a thread to put personal grievances center stage is just creating more disturbance... Especially after saying multiple times that people are too damn sensitive lately.
Someone sent me a cold PM a little while ago, telling me that something I'd posted was hurtful to him personally and to PWDs. I apologized profusely, and then we talked about it and had a really constructive conversation that lead to me reconsidering several things. We're buddies now and text about the weather.
I hope you find some peace, stability, and strength.
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Post by Amee on Sept 20, 2020 5:02:41 GMT -5
Creating a thread to put personal grievances center stage is just creating more disturbance... Really, you think that's the problem? Not maybe someone feeling the need to tell her not to be a baby after she was personally attacked for having a different opinion and very clearly felt hurt by that? I'm so tired of this "ally"-rhetoric. We're not in a war, where you're either with or against a group of people. People can have different opinions and yeah, devs can have different opinions than PWDs even about disability issues without that being some kind of affront to PWDs. I mean, it's not like PWDs are some homogenous group, who all have the same opinions. I disagreed with Dani in the other thread. But all she did was calmly voice a different perspective/opinion and someone felt the need to personally attack her with things like calling her "always defensive" or implying that she's an ableist (which is really just an empty attack, not an argument). And then send her a message telling her not to be a baby (don't know if it was the same person, but either way). Anyway, it's heartbreaking to see her gone. Makes me sad to think that I might have contributed a little bit, although I hope she understood that I wasn't attacking her personally.
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Post by infinatedreams on Sept 20, 2020 8:16:49 GMT -5
arghh this is a real fucking shame ... one of the few devs id get on a plane for (and i really really hate flying), just to hang out and have a laugh it would have been a trip worth the hassle.
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Post by Manda2212 on Sept 20, 2020 9:35:33 GMT -5
This is honestly a great example of what this board has become. We cannot have open and honest conversation anymore because everyone is extremely fucking butthurt about everything. Amee is 100% correct, calling someone ableist or racist has just become a way to shut down a conversation you don't like. It doesn't even mean anything anymore. Dani has been the embodiment of PD to me. PD was her life. This is not the first time someone who represents PD to me had been run off by the social justice brigade. It's soooo rich to call her a cry baby when you all literally cannot tolerate a dissenting opinion to your own. PD, I fear, is going to continue to go down this road until it is a shadow of its former self if a select few members attack the others on their every opinion.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2020 9:52:59 GMT -5
Im so angry right now. Dani has contributed a lot to this forum over her time with us and she has been driven out. For a group of people that are supposed to be inclusive and welcoming a few have turned it into a negative and aggressive place where opinions have to follow theirs. Thats pretty disturbing and not a good way of dealing with things. There will always be differences of outlook and opinion, we are a varied group from many countries, but NO ONE should feel their opinion isnt welcome. We should all take a good hard look at whats happened to one of our long term contributors and make sure it doesnt happen again.
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Post by myrrh on Sept 20, 2020 10:03:33 GMT -5
Don't lose sight of the fact that she posted a free days ago in the mental health thread: "I feel like I'm constantly battling against melancholy, anger, rage, fear, anxiety, frustration and deep sadness. I am on the edge a lot and I go off for nothing, actually just yesterday at my son, the day before at my husband, even at work a few weeks ago and my boss even asked what is going on with me."
This sucks, but trying to say it's because of big bad social justice warriors is missing soooo much of the issue. She's having a hard time right now. At home, at work, and now online too. Hopefully she'll take some time off, calm down, and we'll see her agaim some day.
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Post by Manda2212 on Sept 20, 2020 10:10:28 GMT -5
Don't lose sight of the fact that she posted a free days ago in the mental health thread: "I feel like I'm constantly battling against melancholy, anger, rage, fear, anxiety, frustration and deep sadness. I am on the edge a lot and I go off for nothing, actually just yesterday at my son, the day before at my husband, even at work a few weeks ago and my boss even asked what is going on with me." This sucks, but trying to say it's because of big bad social justice warriors is missing soooo much of the issue. She's having a hard time right now. At home, at work, and now online too. Hopefully she'll take some time off, calm down, and we'll see her agaim some day. Okay, so now you are minimizing your part in this and blame-shifting? You think your behavior is a-okay and it's just her anxiety and depression that sent her over the edge? Take ownership over the fact that you, and a few others, have made this place into an echo chamber of far left ideology and you have run off several long standing members with your absolute intolerance for diversity of thought. You sound like an abusive spouse blaming their partner for their own shit behavior. Not a good look.
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Post by newjess on Sept 20, 2020 10:17:24 GMT -5
I mean, I think it's not a good look to turn this into a political argument in support of your "side" Manda2212. You jumped real quick at the opportunity to make this about right vs. left. I love dani and this REALLY sucks. I as much as anyone want to find a solution to this. I do believe there are some opinions that SHOULD be pushed back against (i.e. opinions in line with or in support of hate groups for one). This has nothing to do with dani or any opinions she ever expressed, I'm just using this as an example that not every opinion should be welcomed with open arms. But I also don't believe in resorting to attacks or ad hominem. I agree that there has been a lot of that here, on BOTH sides of the political spectrum. Including you manda, you have been guilty of this yourself. And I know I have too at times, I am not perfect and I welcome the opportunity to be better and learn from this. So can we PLEASE not turn this into a political argument and focus on what we can all do to be better? Most importantly, dani, I really hope you come back. Sending my love you and support to you <3
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Post by Manda2212 on Sept 20, 2020 10:25:57 GMT -5
Pushed back on? Yes. But on BOTH sides...not just the side you personally agree with.
Called names and personally attacked? No.
And it absolutely has everything to do with political ideologies and what happened here is a perfect analogy to the climate of our world right now.
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Post by newjess on Sept 20, 2020 10:29:30 GMT -5
Nope, disagree Manda2212. I think you're being pretty biased if you honestly think this is just something only members on the left have done here. Literally things YOU have said have been extremely aggressive and on the attack. You have said things that have had me in tears and sleepless nights. So PLEASE for the love of god back off of the politicizing for ONCE
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