Work, relationship, family, next level shit

[IcarusFellOnce]

Really only have a quick second and really this topic deserves a lot more thorough and descriptive of a start. BUT... currently undergoing probably the 3rd most difficult personal and professional undertaking in my life at this time. 1. Being combat / 2. Fighting for my life, recovery, regaining my independence.... and this current endeavor being 3rd. It has been extremely rewarding but I am noticing that is has taken its toll on my friendships, my family, and on my relationship. That being said I've learned more than I have before as a wheeler and is definitely even up there compared to some undertakings as a leg walker. This has obviously forced me to grow in many expected and unexpected ways... I've gained a personal wisdom from it that I probably NEVER would have gotten otherwise... and ultimately redirected an ultimate personal goal of mine to be a bridge builder and attitude changer to try and pick my battles more carefully.. try and empathetically understand where others might be coming from.. trying to never take anything personally and attempt to redirect any and all energy always into something positive. I probably would not take back the decision to do this despite all the difficulties. I mean.. everyone knows that living with a brain/central nervous system illness/disease is a full time job unto itself... you throw in trying to balance a personal life, a relationship with a vibrant, active, wildly intelligent, and sexy woman... staying fit and keeping your weight down because that translates into negatively impacting your independence and overall health if you let it get out of control... and with this new undertaking... it truly has taken its toll. I am almost at the end of this most intense endeavor and I find myself utterly fucking  drained and exhausted. I have been trying to take more time for myself.. be more patient with myself. 

This is all to say... do any of my PWD siblings been through similar times? Does balancing all get easier? OR did you have to take steps back and try again? A follow up questions... were you doing this while also having kids? 

I can NOT imagine doing all this with the added stressor and time constraints of having kids. 

[ContingentlyComposite]

I was on the edge of my seat--I thought at the end you were going to tell us what this exciting current endeavor IS! Not that it's any of my (our) business.

[missparkle]

Sept 22, 2020 17:32:01 GMT -5 ContingentlyComposite said:

I was on the edge of my seat--I thought at the end you were going to tell us what this exciting current endeavor IS! Not that it's any of my (our) business.

And I thought I was the only one not to understand, due to my English! LOL

[infinatedreams]

IcarusFellOnce a lot of what you said resonates with me, apart from the combat unless you count having 4 daughters as combative, more a blue helmet peace keeper 😂😂😂

does it become easier? probably not but it does become 'normal', ive done all the stuff you have and then chucked in a full time job/career and raising 6 kids. i dont think having kids weighed harder on me bacause of my paraplegia than if i was AB. ok maybe the odd time when i felt it emotionally dads/sons footy that i couldnt do. but nothing major.

only advice i could give is dont go over the top with the keeping fit. Sure keep healthy but our shoulders n elbows arent made to do the daily stuff we need them for. and as paras are living longer we really are fucked if our shoulders or elbows pack in. ive a para mate from rehab days (35yrs ago) who was a gym freak, he now needs an electric chair and a hoist for transfers because his shoulders have gone. Its something my consultant commented on last time i saw him. Eating healthy and gentle exercise more important than being musclebound n ripped. Ive never worked out, a fair bit of wheeling but never weights and my elbows are starting to go. was my cue to take ill health retirement, as much as i loved my job it aint worth your health.

but hey im a grandad now so after being a hero to my kids im now a god to my grandchildren. if grandad cant fix it nobody can. Go hiking in Alaska when you have kids and come back for the grandkids 👍🏻

[IcarusFellOnce]

Sept 23, 2020 15:55:43 GMT -5 infinatedreams said:

IcarusFellOnce a lot of what you said resonates with me, apart from the combat unless you count having 4 daughters as combative, more a blue helmet peace keeper 😂😂😂

does it become easier? probably not but it does become 'normal', ive done all the stuff you have and then chucked in a full time job/career and raising 6 kids. i dont think having kids weighed harder on me bacause of my paraplegia than if i was AB. ok maybe the odd time when i felt it emotionally dads/sons footy that i couldnt do. but nothing major.

only advice i could give is dont go over the top with the keeping fit. Sure keep healthy but our shoulders n elbows arent made to do the daily stuff we need them for. and as paras are living longer we really are fucked if our shoulders or elbows pack in. ive a para mate from rehab days (35yrs ago) who was a gym freak, he now needs an electric chair and a hoist for transfers because his shoulders have gone. Its something my consultant commented on last time i saw him. Eating healthy and gentle exercise more important than being musclebound n ripped. Ive never worked out, a fair bit of wheeling but never weights and my elbows are starting to go. was my cue to take ill health retirement, as much as i loved my job it aint worth your health.

but hey im a grandad now so after being a hero to my kids im now a god to my grandchildren. if grandad cant fix it nobody can. Go hiking in Alaska when you have kids and come back for the grandkids 👍🏻

Gonna give your comment a full response.. but already with the first statement. It wins. Blue Helmet Peacekeepers INDEED!!! Made me laugh and brightened my day. Looking forward to joining your ranks as a future blue helmet wearing peacekeeping parent. 

[quadversation]

Sept 23, 2020 15:55:43 GMT -5 infinatedreams said:

IcarusFellOnce a lot of what you said resonates with me, apart from the combat unless you count having 4 daughters as combative, more a blue helmet peace keeper 😂😂😂

does it become easier? probably not but it does become 'normal', ive done all the stuff you have and then chucked in a full time job/career and raising 6 kids. i dont think having kids weighed harder on me bacause of my paraplegia than if i was AB. ok maybe the odd time when i felt it emotionally dads/sons footy that i couldnt do. but nothing major.

only advice i could give is dont go over the top with the keeping fit. Sure keep healthy but our shoulders n elbows arent made to do the daily stuff we need them for. and as paras are living longer we really are fucked if our shoulders or elbows pack in. ive a para mate from rehab days (35yrs ago) who was a gym freak, he now needs an electric chair and a hoist for transfers because his shoulders have gone. Its something my consultant commented on last time i saw him. Eating healthy and gentle exercise more important than being musclebound n ripped. Ive never worked out, a fair bit of wheeling but never weights and my elbows are starting to go. was my cue to take ill health retirement, as much as i loved my job it aint worth your health.

but hey im a grandad now so after being a hero to my kids im now a god to my grandchildren. if grandad cant fix it nobody can. Go hiking in Alaska when you have kids and come back for the grandkids 👍🏻

What you wrote infinatedreams is very much the path I'm taking.  When I was young I was very focused on my independence, my career and proving to myself and the world that quadriplegia wasn't a death sentence.  Those things are still important to me, but now that I have a family my focus has shifted.  I started to look at each day as a new opportunity as opposed to a new challenge.  Time and the experiences with my family hold a much higher importance now more than ever. 

I was also concerned with staying fit and taking it to extremes.  I learned that you need to keep strength to help maintain independence, but you don't need to crush the weights.  Controlling weight gain by choosing the right diet is also important because its harder on the shoulders and elbows when transferring and wheeling with unnecessary weight. 

I'm now 25 years post injury, in my forties and I'm focused on keeping my body from falling apart by limiting the physical activities that are too strenuous.  For example, I switched to power assist wheels 9 years ago and I limit unnecessary transfers and/or lifting objects that are too heavy.  I've learned to delegate my independence by asking for help and being ok with that.  I too struggled with not being able to play various sports with my boys, but learned that being there in the moment with them was equally important.

So in closing I don't think there's an easy answer, but the ride is what you make of it.  Quarantine has made it difficult to maintain the level of physical and emotional independence that I'm used to, but I'm channeling it in different avenues.  You need to be open minded and take each day one step at a time, but most importantly youneed to focus your energy on the things that make you happy.  Build on the small victories and don't dwell on the large ones that may be out of your control.  But I can honestly say having children has been one of the best experiences in my life.  I look forward to teaching my boys as much as possible by leading them by example.    

[IcarusFellOnce]

Sept 23, 2020 15:55:43 GMT -5 infinatedreams said:

IcarusFellOnce a lot of what you said resonates with me, apart from the combat unless you count having 4 daughters as combative, more a blue helmet peace keeper 😂😂😂

does it become easier? probably not but it does become 'normal', ive done all the stuff you have and then chucked in a full time job/career and raising 6 kids. i dont think having kids weighed harder on me bacause of my paraplegia than if i was AB. ok maybe the odd time when i felt it emotionally dads/sons footy that i couldnt do. but nothing major.

only advice i could give is dont go over the top with the keeping fit. Sure keep healthy but our shoulders n elbows arent made to do the daily stuff we need them for. and as paras are living longer we really are fucked if our shoulders or elbows pack in. ive a para mate from rehab days (35yrs ago) who was a gym freak, he now needs an electric chair and a hoist for transfers because his shoulders have gone. Its something my consultant commented on last time i saw him. Eating healthy and gentle exercise more important than being musclebound n ripped. Ive never worked out, a fair bit of wheeling but never weights and my elbows are starting to go. was my cue to take ill health retirement, as much as i loved my job it aint worth your health.

but hey im a grandad now so after being a hero to my kids im now a god to my grandchildren. if grandad cant fix it nobody can. Go hiking in Alaska when you have kids and come back for the grandkids 👍🏻

I know you are probably right. Sure having kids makes NOTHING easier.. it's just something else you adapt to and get used to.

Yeah.. as far as keeping fit.. I'm not trying to do anything over the top like send it down the highest peak at Jackson Hole.... or climb Mt Everest. I just want to stay trim.. light... toned... and as healthy and independent as possible. Just know with us living life in a chair.. if we get too sedentary then we BALLOON with our weight.

The one thing I need to dig into more is stretches and focusing on counter muscles that we do not tend to use in our daily lives and in the sports I choose to do the most. As a leg walkers THIS WAS EASY for me. That is what allowed me to run 10 miles on my long days and run two miles on my active rest days... at the end of my leg walking days I really had it down to a science and that allowed me to get so many milage in a month while avoiding and preventing injury. If anyone out there has some tips on this.. let me know. I do have those weighted bands that are anchored and attached to the wall that ALL PTs say we PWDs should have. BUT I know that's only a start.

ALSO thinking that if I can make the financial room for it, that I should hire some help.. might help me with meal prepping and light cleaning as well as help with the kids. Maybe try and get a live in situation. BUT that is something that is at least a few years off.

REALLY appreciate you BOTH offering you perspective and input. The thought of balancing it all... INCLUDING kids is pretty daunting. BUT knowing I can pick the brains of some here, makes it a little less intimidating. Thanks!!