Just in time for the holidays, a new devy book!
Feb 6, 2022 10:49:17 GMT -5
blueskye101, ayla, and 2 more like this
Post by ruthmadison on Feb 6, 2022 10:49:17 GMT -5
I think PWD guys are more receptive to the idea.
That makes sense. Women tend to be desired just by virtue of their gender. Whether that's traditional societal norms at play or biological, it doesn't matter. They generally don't need any "help" to be pursued.
Now, obviously this isn't always the case, but almost every heterosexual woman with a disability I know in a relationship (particularly with AB men) are with more alpha types.
For men with disabilities, I think it's definitely harder to be seen as protectors, being able to provide safety and security; so the dynamic is reversed. If their disability is part of the attraction... that's a bonus that women generally don't need or want but that can make a man feel very good.
Is this the case for everyone? No. But it's true much of the time.
My observation has been that women are already in a vulnerable position and most of us spend a good deal of time online and off fending off strange men who may or may not harm us if we aren't receptive to their advances. Add a disability to that and a disabled woman is doubly vulnerable so it is fair that she would be extra cautious about dev attention. Perhaps they are more drawn to a protector type of man who can keep them safe.
Men who are not born disabled are more used to feeling safe. They haven't faced those same kind of risks and fears. They don't have their mother telling them not to let a date pick them up because they could be chopped into pieces and stuffed in a trunk (yes, this is a legit fear my mother has). So once they become disabled it is affirming and fun to be seen in a sexual way and maybe even objectified.
No research study but that's what I have observed in my years of being open about being a dev.
I'm not a big fan of alpha male types in fiction or real life. I prefer sweet and kind men who can speak about their feelings and don't get easily defensive. However, what is always attractive is confidence, being comfortable in your skin, owning who you are.
That might get mistaken for alpha male sometimes but it is not the same.
Once I dated a man who was 450 lbs. It's not a particular attraction of mine. But his energy of just being secure with who he was was extremely attractive. Later he told me that he had only recently decided to stop trying to date and just let things be what they would be. That was what drew me to him. No desperation, just being himself and allowing his good qualities to shine.
This is why people say confidence is always sexy.
It's not always easy to be secure and confident with yourself but it's worth working on because it pays off big time in making you a person that people like to be around.