ellabella
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by ellabella on Oct 1, 2023 0:28:22 GMT -5
Hey folks, I'm new here, and new to this whole scene. I'm pleasantly surprised to find this place. I'm still wrapping my head around the whole concept of 'devness' as, while I've known that I find people with certain disabilities attractive, I didn't realize it was a whole 'sexuality', if you will, that a ton of people seem to experience.
Since signing up for PD not very long ago, I have already been warmly and enthusiastically greeted by some of you very nice men, and I thought I would pose a question. I haven't gone back into old threads, so maybe this has been asked before, apologies if it has.
I saw a couple of posts on here that were interesting to me. One in particular was about possibly making content specifically for devs, as in filming yourself or having video chats doing things that devs are into. Of course now that I want to go back to the post I can't find it.
Anyway, that post coupled with the fact that the gentlemen on here are obviously comfortable that devs are turned on by specific things relating to their disabilities, and in fact many of you guys show a ready willingness to lean into our devvy desires, has led me to my question.
What do you get out of it? And I mean purely in the more baser sense.
I understand why someone would want to be in a loving relationship with a dev, because in theory that person would be more likely to accept the unique things that arise from your disability, would be more attracted to you, would understand you better, etc. That's not what I'm referring to.
My question specifically is, why would you guys want to create content for devs, or video chat doing devvy things, or be so open and vulnerable about your disabilities?
This may sound cynical, but in my experience with men y'all don't often do sexual things just out of the goodness of your heart. You tend to want something in return.
So, do you get off on us wanting you so bad? Or is it just fulfilling to feel a connection with someone, even if it is over something somewhat random? Are you selling the chats to an AI bot company for smut novels? Or what?
I ask because I really do NOT want to objectify anyone, and I don't find it sexy to get off to something when I don't think my partner is getting anything out of it. Thinking of sitting behind a computer being turned on by some guy who is watching football while talking dirty to me is NOT appealing. Reminds me a little too much of sexting with guys in high school while I was bored out of my mind watching America's Next Top Model.
Disabled guys, when you're being steamy with a dev are you getting anything out of it? Are you turned on? Is it sexual, or just a fun way to kill time?
My fellow devs, how do you feel about it? Are you into the sexy chat, or genuinely just here to make friends?
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relladev
New Member
Posts: 35
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by relladev on Oct 1, 2023 2:51:05 GMT -5
I think you just asked a very bold question which also bothers me for a long time but I’m not ready to poke at it yet I’m ok but not really into sexy chat as all the wonderful dev novels generally take good care of that part. Trust me a real guy disabled or not can never compete with our fellow female writers’ genius creation. Maybe it’s too old fashioned, but I’m here to make friends. If the friendship works well then probably more.
Seriously videos are scary. If someone I only know from internet prompts a video chat at me I’ll probably have a heart attack.
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Post by justnick on Oct 1, 2023 7:42:13 GMT -5
Hey folks, I'm new here, and new to this whole scene. I'm pleasantly surprised to find this place. I'm still wrapping my head around the whole concept of 'devness' as, while I've known that I find people with certain disabilities attractive, I didn't realize it was a whole 'sexuality', if you will, that a ton of people seem to experience. Since signing up for PD not very long ago, I have already been warmly and enthusiastically greeted by some of you very nice men, and I thought I would pose a question. I haven't gone back into old threads, so maybe this has been asked before, apologies if it has. I saw a couple of posts on here that were interesting to me. One in particular was about possibly making content specifically for devs, as in filming yourself or having video chats doing things that devs are into. Of course now that I want to go back to the post I can't find it. Anyway, that post coupled with the fact that the gentlemen on here are obviously comfortable that devs are turned on by specific things relating to their disabilities, and in fact many of you guys show a ready willingness to lean into our devvy desires, has led me to my question. What do you get out of it? And I mean purely in the more baser sense. I understand why someone would want to be in a loving relationship with a dev, because in theory that person would be more likely to accept the unique things that arise from your disability, would be more attracted to you, would understand you better, etc. That's not what I'm referring to. My question specifically is, why would you guys want to create content for devs, or video chat doing devvy things, or be so open and vulnerable about your disabilities? This may sound cynical, but in my experience with men y'all don't often do sexual things just out of the goodness of your heart. You tend to want something in return. So, do you get off on us wanting you so bad? Or is it just fulfilling to feel a connection with someone, even if it is over something somewhat random? Are you selling the chats to an AI bot company for smut novels? Or what? I ask because I really do NOT want to objectify anyone, and I don't find it sexy to get off to something when I don't think my partner is getting anything out of it. Thinking of sitting behind a computer being turned on by some guy who is watching football while talking dirty to me is NOT appealing. Reminds me a little too much of sexting with guys in high school while I was bored out of my mind watching America's Next Top Model. Disabled guys, when you're being steamy with a dev are you getting anything out of it? Are you turned on? Is it sexual, or just a fun way to kill time? My fellow devs, how do you feel about it? Are you into the sexy chat, or genuinely just here to make friends? Great question. I can obviously only speak for myself on this. I have offered in the past but not as something I would want to be ongoing. I would say more of a way to show what I’m all about in hopes of enticing someone to take it further. There is an end goal in mind. There is also a strong desire to be desired. For myself, I realize that I hold a very little physical value in the dating marketplace but here, I can be someone’s fantasy. Going from mostly rejected and almost untouchable to being an object of desire is intoxicating in a way that I can fully explain.
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ellabella
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by ellabella on Oct 1, 2023 10:06:30 GMT -5
I think you just asked a very bold question which also bothers me for a long time but I’m not ready to poke at it yet I’m ok but not really into sexy chat as all the wonderful dev novels generally take good care of that part. Trust me a real guy disabled or not can never compete with our fellow female writers’ genius creation. Maybe it’s too old fashioned, but I’m here to make friends. If the friendship works well then probably more. Seriously videos are scary. If someone I only know from internet prompts a video chat at me I’ll probably have a heart attack. My boldness has definitely gotten me in trouble before so hopefully I haven't offended anyone. I totally respect being here for friendship! I joined this place because it was so awesome to see other women who feel the same, and to have somewhere to talk about all of this. It's still so interesting to me, maybe even a bit unbelievable, that the guys seem to be just as into it as we are. I also see your point about video chat. You never know if someone is recording you or something sketch like that. You would have to trust someone a lot for that. Thanks for replying!
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ellabella
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by ellabella on Oct 1, 2023 10:15:24 GMT -5
Hey folks, I'm new here, and new to this whole scene. I'm pleasantly surprised to find this place. I'm still wrapping my head around the whole concept of 'devness' as, while I've known that I find people with certain disabilities attractive, I didn't realize it was a whole 'sexuality', if you will, that a ton of people seem to experience. Since signing up for PD not very long ago, I have already been warmly and enthusiastically greeted by some of you very nice men, and I thought I would pose a question. I haven't gone back into old threads, so maybe this has been asked before, apologies if it has. I saw a couple of posts on here that were interesting to me. One in particular was about possibly making content specifically for devs, as in filming yourself or having video chats doing things that devs are into. Of course now that I want to go back to the post I can't find it. Anyway, that post coupled with the fact that the gentlemen on here are obviously comfortable that devs are turned on by specific things relating to their disabilities, and in fact many of you guys show a ready willingness to lean into our devvy desires, has led me to my question. What do you get out of it? And I mean purely in the more baser sense. I understand why someone would want to be in a loving relationship with a dev, because in theory that person would be more likely to accept the unique things that arise from your disability, would be more attracted to you, would understand you better, etc. That's not what I'm referring to. My question specifically is, why would you guys want to create content for devs, or video chat doing devvy things, or be so open and vulnerable about your disabilities? This may sound cynical, but in my experience with men y'all don't often do sexual things just out of the goodness of your heart. You tend to want something in return. So, do you get off on us wanting you so bad? Or is it just fulfilling to feel a connection with someone, even if it is over something somewhat random? Are you selling the chats to an AI bot company for smut novels? Or what? I ask because I really do NOT want to objectify anyone, and I don't find it sexy to get off to something when I don't think my partner is getting anything out of it. Thinking of sitting behind a computer being turned on by some guy who is watching football while talking dirty to me is NOT appealing. Reminds me a little too much of sexting with guys in high school while I was bored out of my mind watching America's Next Top Model. Disabled guys, when you're being steamy with a dev are you getting anything out of it? Are you turned on? Is it sexual, or just a fun way to kill time? My fellow devs, how do you feel about it? Are you into the sexy chat, or genuinely just here to make friends? Great question. I can obviously only speak for myself on this. I have offered in the past but not as something I would want to be ongoing. I would say more of a way to show what I’m all about in hopes of enticing someone to take it further. There is an end goal in mind. There is also a strong desire to be desired. For myself, I realize that I hold a very little physical value in the dating marketplace but here, I can be someone’s fantasy. Going from mostly rejected and almost untouchable to being an object of desire is intoxicating in a way that I can fully explain. Thanks for the reply and bit of an explanation. I appreciate the insight. So you do get something out of it, in a way? It's not just something you suffer through until a gal shows up to fulfill your end goal?
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Post by justnick on Oct 1, 2023 10:27:00 GMT -5
Thanks for the reply and bit of an explanation. I appreciate the insight. So you do get something out of it, in a way? It's not just something you suffer through until a gal shows up to fulfill your end goal? First of all, making videos isn't something I find inherently unpleasant. I'm not shy and to be honest, they're a much more effective way to explain how things work (e.g., use of splints, how I move, type, that sort of thing). Beyond the practical, I very much enjoy "showing off" for someone that is actually buying what I'm selling.
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cygnus
Junior Member
Posts: 57
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by cygnus on Oct 1, 2023 11:25:58 GMT -5
I haven't actually done this with any devs, although I'm not necessarily opposed to it haha. But I imagine it's mostly what Nick said, it's a turn-on to be someone else's turn-on, especially if you assume most people can't even conceive of you as a sexual being. It's certainly not something I would "suffer through". Like for me at least, the end goal is a long-term partner, and it'd be very cool if that was a dev, so if things like that were "suffering" than a dev wouldn't be a viable partner for me.
And in general I try to be open about things related to disability, because I don't want friends to feel weirded out by it, or to think something's a "sensitive topic" when it really isn't.
uhhh I feel like there was something else I was gonna say but I've forgotten already.....
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Post by Dani on Oct 1, 2023 14:40:10 GMT -5
Personally, I wouldn't pay to watch any videos. I'd rather actually "meet" that person online in one on one chats and such, ideally in real life. Generally, I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be desired or knowing someone is really into a person, even if it may just be physical in that moment. I used to be active on Fetlife with my interests, and I know guys probably jerked off to my pictures, which is fine, really. I don't care. I think the part about objectification is always interesting. If someone is secure, happy and confident in who they are with their sexuality and their being, the chance of feeling objectified is maybe less. That being said, everyone is different, and some people may not have a problem with being "just" a physical attraction at the moment, and another person may never want to feel like that. In the long run, I would assume most normal people long to be connected to someone on a deeper and emotional level than just physical. We should always tune in to the other person and not limit a person solely to their sexual being unless the moment is right and it calls for just primal ravage We should never forget that we are dealing with another human and so different things need to be considered in our interactions with each other. Everyone longs to be fulfilled in their physical and emotional needs, getting to where we know what we want and need is a journey. Just a small example...a PWD writes to me very focused on sexual matters, saying he is looking for a relationship in the long run. The moment I tell him to mingle with the dev community, he gets weird and doesn't really want to dive in. That to me is strange...so you want to talk to me about your sex stuff and you want a relationship, we're probably not going to happen for different reasons, but he is not wiling to meet other devs and maybe start there with finding his one and only. It makes me feel like he's separating me from the herd to get his needs met but is really not secure in himself to meet other devs. And that's a guy who's experienced. To me, that situation leaves a bit of a bad taste. So what does he actually want?
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ellabella
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by ellabella on Oct 1, 2023 14:52:48 GMT -5
I haven't actually done this with any devs, although I'm not necessarily opposed to it haha. But I imagine it's mostly what Nick said, it's a turn-on to be someone else's turn-on, especially if you assume most people can't even conceive of you as a sexual being. It's certainly not something I would "suffer through". Like for me at least, the end goal is a long-term partner, and it'd be very cool if that was a dev, so if things like that were "suffering" than a dev wouldn't be a viable partner for me. And in general I try to be open about things related to disability, because I don't want friends to feel weirded out by it, or to think something's a "sensitive topic" when it really isn't. uhhh I feel like there was something else I was gonna say but I've forgotten already..... Thanks a bunch for the reply, that makes sense for sure. It’s good to know that it seems like an equally beneficial endeavor. I think maybe we as women are unfortunately more used to just grinning and bearing it when it comes to things that the guys we date are into. Like if I want to find a nice guy to settle down with a bit of awkward sexting is almost a requirement just to make it past the talking phase into something more real, so I worry about putting someone in that situation. It’s reassuring to hear that you guys can get a good experience out of being with or even just chatting with a dev as well.
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Post by justnick on Oct 1, 2023 15:06:47 GMT -5
Thanks a bunch for the reply, that makes sense for sure. It’s good to know that it seems like an equally beneficial endeavor. I think maybe we as women are unfortunately more used to just grinning and bearing it when it comes to things that the guys we date are into. Like if I want to find a nice guy to settle down with a bit of awkward sexting is almost a requirement just to make it past the talking phase into something more real, so I worry about putting someone in that situation. It’s reassuring to hear that you guys can get a good experience out of being with or even just chatting with a dev as well. Nowhere else in my life do I have the opportunity to talk about most of this. It's refreshing to be able to discuss the topic of disability and sexuality with someone that is actually interested. Most of why I seek out devs for dating is that rare intimacy and bond that can't really develop with someone else. There's a HUGE difference between a romantic partner being able to "look past" my disability and being with someone who actually sees it as a positive.
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ellabella
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by ellabella on Oct 1, 2023 15:07:15 GMT -5
Personally, I wouldn't pay to watch any videos. I'd rather actually "meet" that person online in one on one chats and such, ideally in real life. Generally, I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be desired or knowing someone is really into a person, even if it may just be physical in that moment. I used to be active on Fetlife with my interests, and I know guys probably jerked off to my pictures, which is fine, really. I don't care. I think the part about objectification is always interesting. If someone is secure, happy and confident in who they are with their sexuality and their being, the chance of feeling objectified is maybe less. That being said, everyone is different, and some people may not have a problem with being "just" a physical attraction at the moment, and another person may never want to feel like that. In the long run, I would assume most normal people long to be connected to someone on a deeper and emotional level than just physical. We should always tune in to the other person and not limit a person solely to their sexual being unless the moment is right and it calls for just primal ravage We should never forget that we are dealing with another human and so different things need to be considered in our interactions with each other. Everyone longs to be fulfilled in their physical and emotional needs, getting to where we know what we want and need is a journey. Just a small example...a PWD writes to me very focused on sexual matters, saying he is looking for a relationship in the long run. The moment I tell him to mingle with the dev community, he gets weird and doesn't really want to dive in. That to me is strange...so you want to talk to me about your sex stuff and you want a relationship, we're probably not going to happen for different reasons, but he is not wiling to meet other devs and maybe start there with finding his one and only. It makes me feel like he's separating me from the herd to get his needs met but is really not secure in himself to meet other devs. And that's a guy who's experienced. To me, that situation leaves a bit of a bad taste. So what does he actually want? I completely get what you’re saying, and that scenario you’ve shared about the guy unwilling to explore the community is super interesting. I wonder if it comes from fear of way the community is perceived. Like you’re one of the good ones and the rest of the community are scary creeps or something. I could see how that would leave a bad taste, it’s very much “you’re not like the other girls” and I’ve always found that super annoying. Thanks for sharing!
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ellabella
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by ellabella on Oct 1, 2023 15:12:32 GMT -5
Thanks a bunch for the reply, that makes sense for sure. It’s good to know that it seems like an equally beneficial endeavor. I think maybe we as women are unfortunately more used to just grinning and bearing it when it comes to things that the guys we date are into. Like if I want to find a nice guy to settle down with a bit of awkward sexting is almost a requirement just to make it past the talking phase into something more real, so I worry about putting someone in that situation. It’s reassuring to hear that you guys can get a good experience out of being with or even just chatting with a dev as well. Nowhere else in my life do I have the opportunity to talk about most of this. It's refreshing to be able to discuss the topic of disability and sexuality with someone that is actually interested. Most of why I seek out devs for dating is that rare intimacy and bond that can't really develop with someone else. There's a HUGE difference between a romantic partner being able to "look past" my disability and being with someone who actually sees it as a positive. That last sentence explains a lot. Why would anybody want to be with someone who just puts up with their differences, I want someone to embrace mine as well. I love talking about this stuff and I find it really interesting how many parallels there are between you guys’ experience as disabled men dating and my experience as a woman dating, where as I find the male dating experience (let’s say general or able bodied at least) so different from the average female dating experience. Even the concerns you guys face from creepy devs is a lot more similar to our experiences with creepy guys, something most average AB men don’t even need to think about.
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Post by justnick on Oct 1, 2023 15:34:53 GMT -5
Why would anybody want to be with someone who just puts up with their differences, I want someone to embrace mine as well. Sometimes, that's the only choice we're given when tiptoeing through a rapidly evaporating mud puddle of a dating pool. There was a thread a week or two ago about creepy encounters with devs (they're pretty rare) but I wonder what the numbers are for creepiness toward devs coming from the PWDs. I'm guessing those are much less rare.
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ellabella
New Member
Posts: 13
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by ellabella on Oct 1, 2023 16:02:33 GMT -5
Why would anybody want to be with someone who just puts up with their differences, I want someone to embrace mine as well. Sometimes, that's the only choice we're given when tiptoeing through a rapidly evaporating mud puddle of a dating pool. There was a thread a week or two ago about creepy encounters with devs (they're pretty rare) but I wonder what the numbers are for creepiness toward devs coming from the PWDs. I'm guessing those are much less rare. Yes I saw that post. That is a really interesting question. I hope nobody takes this the wrong way but I could see it happening more than one would assume. Not in a malicious way but I could see guys thinking, hey you’re into me because I’m disabled so therefore of course you’ll want to see a picture of me in an intimate situation and I’m not going to ask for consent before I send it. Or maybe coming on a little strong and it’s just good natured overeagerness but could also come across as creepy. Which is what I imagine a lot of devs wind up doing when they’re being “creepy” as well. Just putting your own desires and thoughts first without considering the other person’s comfort level. Which, again, is a common theme in able bodied dating too.
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Post by justnick on Oct 1, 2023 16:12:40 GMT -5
Just putting your own desires and thoughts first without considering the other person’s comfort level. Which, again, is a common theme in able bodied dating too. That is such a nice way to put it.
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