How to Talk About Devness to your Friends

[dutchdev]

Nov 29, 2023 19:10:17 GMT -5 Dr. BiPAP Sachin said:

I'm sorry zacc , but I don't think this friend of yours is much of a social justice warrior if that's the sort of attitude he harbors towards devs. He certainly doesn't seem open-minded about them either. I doubt he's manipulative himself, but I bet he probably has some fetishes himself, lol!! Please don't tell him I said that, haha.

I think everybody has prejudices, even if you aim to be open minded and treat everybody equal. While I also consider myself a SJW, I have a prejudice which I am aware of and know I shouldn't have, it still is very instrumental on the opinion I form of people. 

[mnquad07]

I could be absolutely wrong on this one, and I probably am. if they are good enough friends, they might already know or will be fine whenever you are comfortable telling them. If not, screw them! It's not like coming out, which I hate people having to, but it kind of is. it's a lot like telling someone about dev's from person on the other side? No? I don't know, I will shut up now.

[ParaDevGuy]

I don’t know there’s a “right way” to explain it to someone. All I can explain is how I see myself as a dev: for me, and I think Ayla said it best in an earlier post in this thread, but it’s not that I’m attracted to vulnerability or helplessness or anything of the sort. In fact, my personal view on people with disabilities is that they are incredibly normal people….just disabled. I mean, I wouldn’t go up to someone disabled and say they’re brave or a hero or anything like that (of course unless they became disabled through acts of heroism). It’s just they had an accident in their lives that left them paralyzed, for those paras and quads, or had a biological condition that led them to be in a wheelchair. Their lives are different as a result, compared to most people’s lives, but you just play the hand you’re dealt.

But more on point to this thread, for me, it’s simply what I’m attracted to. Paralyzed guys. There’s no smoke and mirrors about it. Just as I like smooth guys or men’s necks. Yes, being attracted to a paralyzed guy is unusual, but it’s certainly not harmful. I’m
Not here to, or trying to, prey on anyone with a disability. I don’t take pity on you guys. I just think you’re hot. 😂

As far as “coming out,” I can again only speak for myself. I have literally never expressed this feeling to anyone. Or told anyone. Literally, no one. Probably some of it is irrational shame, even though, yes, I 100% know it’s natural (in that I didn’t consciously choose to be attracted to what I’m attracted to). Here, I’ve had the luxury of telling all of you—and quite a relief, if I’m honest—but that’s only because of the anonymity that the internet provides. I’d love to be able to be open and honest about it to my friends and family, but as OP said, it’s still tough to wrap “normal people’s” heads around. I think they’d always look at me funny when I’d show up with my dream boyfriend in a wheelchair. I know he’s just a normal guy in a chair, but I fear they’d judge him while judging me, even subconsciously.

I’m not sure if any of that adds to your original question, OP, but I hope it shed some light nonetheless.

[hotwheelzzz9890]

Nov 16, 2023 0:37:41 GMT -5 justmae said:

Being a dev to me is about being able to see and interact with life DIFFERENTLY and together. While it's most definitely sexual as well, it's about the whole person. Perhaps being a dev, for me, is being open and accepting that I am a relative stranger to your world and exploring the ways that the PWD and I's lives can be navigated together.

This is such a refreshing and incredibly open-minded perspective. What impresses me most is the emphasis on "together." Yes, as a person with a disability, I am different than you, but when we appreciate our differences, we can come together in meaningful ways. And, when those differences are appreciated together, within a sexual context, it should enhance intimacy and the bond two people experience with each other.

[scottishgaydevotee]

There are a couple of good videos on youtube (especially conversations between devs and disabled people) which are a really good introduction as to why devs are judged inaccurately. I would maybe send your friend a link to one. It kind of is a social justice issue but not in the way your friend is thinking.