Brittle Bones anyone?

[kwhi13]

This is interesting…I have never been diagnosed with anything but I am the survivor of 32 fractures including skull-neurological trauma loss of sight left eye-arms, legs, pelvis-6 week’s traction-major rehab. Who knows why-I have a genetic theory-but my experience here while positive, has been tepid. I think I understand why, and I’m cool with it. I’m also in the upper end of the PD age range. As far as the devotee community is concerned me love you all madly, while my fractures, and neuropathy require my chair use, I am aware that this is simply not enough for many women here. I am on Match, and I show one photo of me in my chair, and make small mention of my being an “ambulatory/chair user” and the response has been interesting, a couple of women didn’t see it, so now I include it in all upfront communication, it makes a difference. Also the chair photo is an effective filter as any woman that reaches out to me knows about my chair and either really likes me, and it don’t matter, or, possibly…I don’t feel as if I have had a dev response, but, I think it might be quite nice…

Anyway, those are my thoughts regarding non-paralytic fractures. If this seems tounge-in cheek, it is…see my amputee status… Again a bit of a deal for some on Match

[dutchdev]

If wheelers messaging Devs is "obviously totally prohibited", I think there are some guys that need to read the rules again . I can provide a list based on my inbox, would be a rule I'd regret though.

I can only speak for myself, but I am used to guys making the first move, I sometimes wonder what I missed out on by being such a pussy, who knows. The only part of equality between sexes, I am not good at, at all. I have send maybe five initial messages on this board and 3 of them where with devs.

So waiting for that magical DM in your inbox, might not be the best approach, especially knowing that even devs that are not 22 get quite some messages when they sign up. Besides that, don't give up if the initial reaction is not as enthusiastic as you hope (do if they say not interested). The guy I have talked to the most on here said that my initial reply was short and brisk and reading back, he is right. I was answering a bunch of messages and based on a couple of lines you can hardly decide who is interesting (to you) and who isn't. I am glad he decided to send a reply regardless because at the very least I have gained a friend, and who knows we might meet up if live aligns.

You know a lot of devs dislike the question "are you into my disability" but I don't really mind and kind of get the insecurity that question portrays, I mean guys saying they are into small boobs get me insecure even if I don't like the guy.

I can only speak for myself but I am not even completely sure were those boundaries are. For me it has to be a mobility/physical disability, hearing or seeing impaired don't do anything for me. Besides that, I skew towards congenital disabilities. Yet I know if a para or quad comes along with the right personality, I would appreciate that as well.

Even though we are obviously here based on physical attributions I really believe that the movie "Shallow Hal" was on to something, when I like someone's personality their attractiveness rises and when I don't it goes down. The most gorgeous guy can get really unattractive if he says some racist bullshit, and I physically get repulsed. It also goes the other way around, I consider people more attractive when their personality, interests and values align with mine.

[allisonsr]

Guys (PWD) initiate messaging with devs all the time on here. I think it's also that (and I've made this observation elsewhere), while a lot of the PWDs see this as a dating site, the proportion is lower among devs. I, for one, came here to find community, understand myself better, and face the shame I feel about my dev feelings head on. I was frankly surprised to learn how much pure "wanna hook up" happens in the DMs.

Like dutchdev said, I don't initiate flirtation. The one time I tried, eons ago in college with a good friend, I was met with, "I like blondes". I'm a person of color. I never tried again. Just walking around being female generates a lot of straight guy interest IRL, and I think that, fair though it isn't, translates here.

Raising a lesbian child has made me realize how deeply socialized my expectation is that it's on the man to make the first move. I haven't had any good advice on how to initiate such a conversation while being true to her femininity. Thankfully, she has mentors in her life who are lesbian and can fill in for mom.

[devogirl]

Feb 29, 2024 14:08:21 GMT -5 PacMan said:

I pretty much took it for granted messaging a Dev on the board here out of the blue and without permission was totally forbidden, sending such an unwanted message I thought would most likely get yourself an instant ban from the site if it upset the Dev enough. However I have a couple of times sent DM’s first and without talking the Dev first a couple of times but ONLY if I read they didn’t mind DM’s without approval first.

And the second thing I’d like to say is I really didn’t think there was any harm or that Dev’s would really mind when a PWD asked what disabilities they found more attractive than others since I’ve seen many polls created asking the very same question?

1. The Board Guidelines are here: paradevo.proboards.com/thread/1773/board-guidelines-new-members-read

It doesn't say anything in the guidelines about not messaging members. This is something you made up. The guidelines say, "Members who are disruptive or abusive may be banned at the discretion of the moderators" which includes harassment in DMs. But we have never banned anyone for sending a single unsolicited DM, and certainly not an instant ban without warning.

2. Those polls about which disabilities devs prefer are in the devs only section. The guidelines state, "The purpose of the Devs Only section is to have a safe place where devs can talk to each other. It is not privacy protected and content remains Web searchable but we ask that non-devotees respectfully do not read that section. Content is not to be quoted or paraphrased in any other section of the board."

3. The guidelines also state: "If you are looking for a partner, you are welcome to post a message in the "Personals" section. However, be aware that the primary function of this board is chatting, not dating. Don't take it personally if you don't find a partner here. Many of our members are not looking for dates." 

Please read the Board Guidelines carefully.

[allisonsr]

What would an invitation to DM look like? From my perspective as a long time lurker who recently signed up, it seems that you've expected devs to do what you say you thought was a rule not to do: initiate a non-public conversation.

[ayla]

I think an unsolicited DM to anybody is fine as long as it is courteous. Especially fine (IMO) if you have been "constructively contributing to the board and not just pestering people with unwanted DM’s" as PacMan stated. The people who tend to be DM pests tend to be the 10-posts-and-gone crowd. Still, the block function exists for a reason.

[allisonsr]

*I'm* the longtime lurker who just signed up. I was trying to be helpful, not attack you.

[dutchdev]

Mar 1, 2024 17:31:43 GMT -5 PacMan said:

Mar 1, 2024 15:18:35 GMT -5 allisonsr said:

What would an invitation to DM look like? From my perspective as a long time lurker who recently signed up, it seems that you've expected devs to do what you say you thought was a rule not to do: initiate a non-public conversation.

Well I don’t think you could really describe me as a long-time lurker allisonsr as I pointed out before I’m on the board nearly 15 years with over 250 posts.

As for trying to strike up a private conversation via DM’s I’d have no problem simply asking someone on the open board if they minded if I DM’ed them if there was a subject being talked about that I found really interesting but wanted to talk about it with someone who’s opinion I liked or found interesting in private?

I think she considered herself a longtime lurker, and all any of is saying is, just go for it.

[wheelzoffortune]

From the title, I totally thought this was going to be able the type of osteoporosis that a lot of wheelchair users get because of the lack of weight bearing on our legs.

Hope you find what you are looking for, TC.