Being rejected because of a disability

[ilovecardgames]

Hi, i'm a 22 yo arm amputee since i was some days old due to fetal problems. I'm blessed with a loving family and a good life overall, but sadly my romantic life has been crushed out by bullying and rejections since i was a teenager.

Some time ago i met this girl online, we had an extremely strong connections since the beginning and we talked about starting a long distance relationship until i travel to met her, everything was going perfectly, at this point i haven't talked about my disability to her but she's a graduated doctor, i had the hope that she may understand me, so i talked to her about it. She took it really bad, saying that wouldn't be sure if she can start a relationship with a disabled man and stopped messaging for some days, then today she sent me a long message with some of the most heartless stuff i have never read in my life.

Basically she said im a good handsome man and that would start a relationship with me but i'm "weak" not "strong to save her" and so much shit she said, i'm destroyed right now, i dont have any piece of self esteem inside me. I think i will stop talking women for a while, i'm sorry to make you read about this, it's my first post here, really needed a safe space to share my experience, i feel ashamed to talk about this with my friends or family, they will not understand me

[ayla]

That sounds like a terrible experience; I'm so sorry you went through that. At 22 you still have SOOOO much dating ahead of you, so please don't let this get you down too much. It says much more about who this woman is than it does about you. I'm curious though, what kind of amputee are you and was there a reason you didn't share it in your profile picture? Assuming you met on a dating platform -- if not, my question is irrelevant. I ask because there will always be people that reject others for physical appearance reasons, and having a photo allows you to avoid some of the cruelest ones. Also, bear in mind that everyone has different tastes. I have personally rejected many handsome able bodied men who "liked" me on dating sites, because I didn't find them attractive without a disability! That's pretty shallow too when you think about it!

[ilovecardgames]

I am amputated a little lower than short sleeves on a t-shirt, I don't put it on my profile on the dating site because I don't feel comfortable with that, I know it's a good idea to avoid unpleasant people, but at the moment I prefer not to do it. I have a good self esteem when it comes to my personal appearence, i'm not ugly at all, and i dont mind if a girl thinks im not her type, that's completely understable. The problem comes when it's all attached to my condition, because i can't do anything to help on it. Anyway i understand your point and thank you for your time to reply, i'll keep it on mind

[sy]

Honestly what did you really expect, you can't just jump scare that girl with your disability and expect her to understand. Imagine it like this scenario. You are talking to a girl for a few months. All of a sudden she tells you she was born a man. Now you maybe you're okay with the the fact that she's transgender. I don't think you would be would be appreciative of the fact that you have been tricked for a few months.

Anyway I do not think you should not give up on talking to women for a while that will probably end up making you a weird guy. And don't forget make sure you let girls know you're disabled beforehand.

[andyca]

Hi friend,
Sorry you experienced that. Thats a terrible human being, a bullet you dodged for sure. Like the earlier responder said, this speaks more about her than you. At 22, you are just getting started. You have a long dating future ahead of you. I know this hurts right now, but trust me, you will find far better people in life than her. Just think of this as a learning experience and see what you could do differently.

[ichbin]

hi ilovecardgames I am very sorry what you have to go through right now and I think it´s great you shared your grief about it on this board. It must feel absolutely horrible to have made that wonderful connection and then be dumped because of your disability!

From my own experience and that of so many other devs and PWD on that server dating is much easier when you share from the beginning that you are disabled. It can prevent you from such hurting experiences. Why put in the effort to get to know someone more closely if you don´t know what will happen when she gets to know about your disability?

[britishtetra]

Hi, I am sorry that you have experienced these but my only advice is get yourself a backbone because it’s gonna happen the rest of your life. People are cruel, it’s just the way the world. And it’s not just because you are disabled, it happens to everyone. I have been recently rejected by someone online after supporting them for ages, and that’s it for me now I am stopping single for the rest of my life. It’s strange because before we started talking, she told me she was selfish, horrible and I didn’t believe her. I am 51! I hope you don’t get to my age and feel like this, you are still young and hopefully you will find the one.

Pete, 👍

[Dani]

I would definitely prefer honesty and transparency about a disability upfront in a dating profile.

[talkingdeafgirl]

Apr 13, 2024 17:40:41 GMT -5 Dani said:

I would definitely prefer honesty and transparency about a disability upfront in a dating profile.

You know Dani, I agree with you. But many avoid disclosing it initially, especially the invisible disabilities, thinking to draw someone in and then be rejected. It's not a good idea at all. I have at times disclosed my hard of hearing status initially or later, different times with different people experimentally to see the reaction. I now find it easier to tell upfront sooner rather than later to prevent nasty shocks.

But yes, once out in the open, I don't have many takers. It's like a big sticker on my forehead saying "Undateable". Such is an attitude of the people nowadays.

And also it is easier for me to find other disabled guys, LOL!