To all the Dev Ladies, what do you prefer...

[Robson]

...a guy who is more independent and can handle everyday life well on his own, or someone who needs help with many things?

[hayleyxxd]

I prefer the second, caregiving too

[ayla]

Maximally independent. Any need for caregiving/assistance has nothing to do with my attraction, it is just a side effect of a physical condition I find attractive. In a perfect world disability would not be a negative to the guy in any way (it sucks to have the thing you find attractive be negative for someone else).

[ayla]

Also, re: independence, it is important to me that a guy be as independent as his physical condition allows. Obviously there are some things that are impossible (and more things in this category for more severe conditions) but I find it a huge turnoff when someone uses that as an excuse for anything he doesn't feel like doing. For example, a guy who could shop online for his own clothing and order it himself but instead just has his mom pick it out for him... red flag!! Same for the guys who don't even consider getting a part time job of any kind because they don't "have" to. Like... live your life how you want, but it IS unattractive to me.

[Robson]

oh yeah, I see your point ayla
Independence must also be learned. If everything is always shoved up your ass, it can be difficult...

[curiousginger]

Strength of character and a sense of determination. Low level quad who needs to use tendonesis as part of their adaptations.

[dutchdev]

Apr 24, 2024 13:56:20 GMT -5 ayla said:

Also, re: independence, it is important to me that a guy be as independent as his physical condition allows. Obviously there are some things that are impossible (and more things in this category for more severe conditions) but I find it a huge turnoff when someone uses that as an excuse for anything he doesn't feel like doing. For example, a guy who could shop online for his own clothing and order it himself but instead just has his mom pick it out for him... red flag!! Same for the guys who don't even consider getting a part time job of any kind because they don't "have" to. Like... live your life how you want, but it IS unattractive to me.

This so so much, you can be as physically dependent as might be (consequence of the attraction) but that does not mean you are dependent in every other way. A AB guy having his mom arrange his finances is a red flag, being physically disabled same red flag. Spending your days playing video games, red flag both in AB and PWD.

[Dani]

Caregiving is not part of my attraction.
Generally, independence is a good thing, but if the need for assistance arises, I don't have a problem with it.

[ayla]

dutchdev I think we devs don't easily accept excuses! We know that disability does pose some challenges, but I think our lack of pity means we are less likely to extend a blanket "get out of jail free" pass. We hold pwd to the same standard we'd hold any able bodied guy -- he should do what he can, and if he doesn't, that's a red flag regarding his character. And there are plenty of AB guys out there with these same flags, so we aren't holding pwd to an unrealistic, "supercrip" standard either. You don't have to go to the Paralympics. Just show me that you're an adult who can take responsibility for himself. I know many guys with severe disabilities who are amazing project managers of their own care for example (and often much more than that, too). Character matters to me a lot more than what a guy can or can't do physically.

[Robson]

It is of course in the spirit of the PWD. Who would want their partner to be more restrictive? That would be sick!
And I absolutely agree, ayla, the PWD should be challenged and not make it too easy for himself.
my Mom always pushed me. "with effort you can reach almost any goal!"

[ichbin]

Apr 24, 2024 3:56:15 GMT -5 Robson said:

...a guy who is more independent and can handle everyday life well on his own, or someone who needs help with many things?

I definitely prefer most independent.