Hi, new girl here and a little confused!

[~Z28gal~]

Hi everyone... Well, to just jump right in, I've known since I was little that I'm drawn to wheelers, but I've always felt guilty about it I guess, so I tried to ignore it. I FINALLY got up the guts to actually USE Google, and found this website! I'm really relieved to know I'm not the only one out there! Now that I've actually admitted that I am a "dev", well, I guess I want to know more! I'm currently studying to be an engineer, so I won't have a professional "outlet" as far as I can see. Is it possible to be satisfied by a relationship with an AB guy, or am I always going to feel like I'm missing something? Any advice/experience would be appreciated!

[BA]

What a great question! Welcome and thanks for joining us! It is quite a relief to be "out". At least it was for me. I guess everyone will have their own take on your question, so I can only speak for myself. I have been with both non-disabled and disabled guys. No matter how wonderful, handsome, intelligent, etc. a non-dis. partner has been there has always been the sense that "something is missing". I have certainly been sexually satisfied with able partners, but not to the same extent that I could be with a disabled partner. That's just the way it is for me.

[faith]

Welcome Z.

I agree with AB.... for me able bodied guys do not fill the dev part of me, leaving me then with a feeling of "something missing."

They can be generous and handsome, they can have a good body, confident and a successful career, they can be funny and charming. They can be all that and more- but none of those take the place of the desire to be with a wheeler.

The word that best describes it for me would be "complete". A wheeler is just part of the complete picture for me... how it should be. And without the complete package, something is missing.

Can you be satisfied in a relationship that isn't fully complete? Only you can decide.

For me, I wish years ago I would have made different choices.
I will know better next time.

[~Z28gal~]

Thanks for the input!
I guess I will have to ponder that.... I've always felt that I was *designed* for someone different, if that makes sense. Not so much a sexual thing as just how it's supposed to be.

[Inigo Montoya]

I can't speak to what Faith and AB said. But what you said resonates with me. Yeah, I understand.

[faith]

Z- I totally agree with this... " just how it's supposed to be."

Although it is a sexual thing for me, it is way, way more than that. It encompasses it all- sexual, emotional, physical.

[irishclaire]

Z, I understand your confusion! I've been with AB guys and am currently with a T4 para. For me, it depends on the person. Sexually, I've definitely been more satisfied with my current partner. He's more tuned in to my body etc. But there's also a much stronger emotional connection with him than there has been with anyone else. It's so strong that we're actually getting married! So I guess it's just about finding the "one"

[faith]

Congrats Claire. That is exciting news.

[dolly]

hi z28gal! i'm so glad you found us. i think we were all relieved to find this place and discover we weren't "the only one".

Jan 8, 2009 9:28:38 GMT -5 ~Z28gal~ said:

I've always felt that I was *designed* for someone different, if that makes sense.

i totally relate to that feeling.



i also agree with what faith said:

Jan 8, 2009 17:01:08 GMT -5 faith said:

Although it is a sexual thing for me, it is way, way more than that. It encompasses it all- sexual, emotional, physical.

when i've dated AB guys, i always think it's a "waste" of my devness.



claire, that's fantastic news. where did you meet your guy?

[irishclaire]

Thank you! Online, purely by chance. It wasn't on this site either. I guess it was just meant to be! Going over to see him in 3weeks, very excited

[~Z28gal~]

=D Glad to be here!

dolly - have to agree with the feeling of "wasting" a part of yourself. It's like I'm not fulfilling my purpose!

Claire - Congrats! I'm so glad you found someone special!!

You know what's really depressing about the expression "finding the one?" One is a very small number.

[Emma]

Wow I just came across this thread with your new post Z28 (is that a car?). What you all said resonates so well with me. The whole idea of a dev being wasted. I too always felt that with AB guys something was missing. I was unfulfilled and once I was with my type of guy, an amputee, I realized that was true but not before I was with an amputee. I always thought like you Z28 that maybe I could just ignore it and be happy with an AB guy.

[ruthmadison]

Jan 6, 2011 22:30:43 GMT -5 Emma said:

Wow I just came across this thread with your new post Z28 (is that a car?). What you all said resonates so well with me. The whole idea of a dev being wasted. I too always felt that with AB guys something was missing. I was unfulfilled and once I was with my type of guy, an amputee, I realized that was true but not before I was with an amputee. I always thought like you Z28 that maybe I could just ignore it and be happy with an AB guy.

Totally agree. It's like I was made for a relationship with a disabled man, it's how I was built!

And thank goodness for the variety of attractions there are in the world, we don't all have to look like plastic Barbie dolls.

[Neffie]

Z I love you already, welcome to the board and Ruth I don't think I said Hi either so I'm going all out.

You seem really young Zcars (I'll call you that cos it's an old tv show from England). In which case I think it's amazing you're so together and on board with it.
Personally I can have sex with AB guys but don't enjoy it. I was hardwired for a wheeler since the day I was born. I don't see another option for me personally but you will find your own path (God I sound mature).
Read the threads, chat with people and just go with what makes you happy, congrats for finding us though xxx