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Post by doe on Aug 6, 2009 22:19:00 GMT -5
I've read your replys and they are interesting. The takeaways that I get from your responses, (in order of importance) are: - always ask before you help
- always ask in a friendly, not threatening way - humour probably helps
- just like in the general population there are friendly wheelers and crabby wheelers
- assuming I follow 1 and 2 above first - if I get a crabby answer, it's them not me
- if I hold a door open for a wheeler, get the hell out of the way fast
- always carry a walnut because you never know when you are going to meet one of the crabby ones
- hanging around a supermarket is probably not the best way to meet a hot wheeler
- Windy should write a manual entitled 101 ways to surreptitiously turn every day encounters into dev experiences.
Thanks guys, this has been a real revelation! ;D I hope I passed!
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Post by doe on Aug 6, 2009 22:25:43 GMT -5
Peeps don't really get on my nerves TOO much. I realize they're in new territory, and they are blinded by the light, so if they say something stupid, I just give em the ole 1/2 laugh. As for 'asking for help', I don't mind at all, and when I do need something, like a door, i just ask. One thing that KINDA drives me nuts is if i'm in very close quarters, people don't seem to have an idea that a chair needs more room to get by than a person walking. And so i have to keep asking them TO GET THE f*ck OUT OF THE WAY!!! lol Tony, I'm really interested that you say this. When I am standing near a wheeler I always stand a bit away thinking they are going to need room to maneuver. But I have always thought that this probably (and unintentionally) comes off as really rude and standoffish. Once again a fine line.
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Post by Ouch on Aug 7, 2009 9:45:53 GMT -5
Peeps don't really get on my nerves TOO much. I realize they're in new territory, and they are blinded by the light, so if they say something stupid, I just give em the ole 1/2 laugh. As for 'asking for help', I don't mind at all, and when I do need something, like a door, i just ask. One thing that KINDA drives me nuts is if i'm in very close quarters, people don't seem to have an idea that a chair needs more room to get by than a person walking. And so i have to keep asking them TO GET THE f*ck OUT OF THE WAY!!! lol Amen, Brother Tony! Yeah, one of my biggest complaints, is when people know that you're there...notice you, look at you, may even say something to you, then proceed to swarm as close as possible, so that when you try to instinctively move out of the way, you end up running over someone, and they come out with some stupid comment, placing the blame on you... ...it's like: "Err...you just saw me, and told me how I needed a license to operate this thing...and then you proceed to drag your feet as close as possible to my casters in order to get hit by them, when their presence is obviously known..." ...Tri, I think you nailed it on the head - the people who are stupid, ignorant, etc. don't know that they are...
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Post by Pony on Aug 7, 2009 18:13:49 GMT -5
Well Wind, I just think some peeps don't have good space-perception, and to be fair, they just don't have any idea about space you need. Sometimes if i'm pushing between dinner tables in a restaurant or behind bar stools peeps will see me, pull in a tiny bit, or just sit and stare, when there's no room to get by. I have to get them to move two or three times coz i'm hitting the legs of the stool. We're in the thing all day, and if ur like me, i know exactly how much room is needed, missing things by inches. So, while it gets on my nerves sometimes, I realize they're just oblivious to space, or how we turn.
Doe, you are now equipped for any chairdude encounter. Print your mini pamphlet out, and next time you see some killer handsome para/quad run over flash those puppy dog eyes, smile and say 'you need a hand, or am i going to have to KISS YOU RIGHT HERE???' hehe
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Post by doe on Aug 7, 2009 18:56:31 GMT -5
always ask in a friendly, not threatening way Is that really something you wouldn't just do naturally and needed wheelers to tell you not to do Of course not, sorry if I was stating the obvious.
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Post by doe on Aug 9, 2009 7:30:27 GMT -5
Well Wind, I just think some peeps don't have good space-perception, and to be fair, they just don't have any idea about space you need. Sometimes if i'm pushing between dinner tables in a restaurant or behind bar stools peeps will see me, pull in a tiny bit, or just sit and stare, when there's no room to get by. I have to get them to move two or three times coz i'm hitting the legs of the stool. We're in the thing all day, and if ur like me, i know exactly how much room is needed, missing things by inches. So, while it gets on my nerves sometimes, I realize they're just oblivious to space, or how we turn. Doe, you are now equipped for any chairdude encounter. Print your mini pamphlet out, and next time you see some killer handsome para/quad run over flash those puppy dog eyes, smile and say 'you need a hand, or am i going to have to KISS YOU RIGHT HERE???' hehe And I bet you also moonlight as a relationship counsellor on the side, right ;D !?!
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Post by Pony on Aug 9, 2009 9:21:53 GMT -5
Humor and counseling are the two BIG GUNS in winning chicks. hehe
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Post by E on Aug 10, 2009 0:26:06 GMT -5
I have an example of how not to help.
Saturday night, I'm exiting a movie, heading down that long corridor that leads to the well-lit common area that joins the other theaters, concessions, etc. At the end of the corridor are the big familiar double-doors, perpetually held open by the steady stream of movie-goers making their way out. As I near the doors, the man beside me hastens up and makes sure the door is held open for me as I pass. I tell him "thanks" as I pass by. No problem so far.
"The man I live with is in a wheelchair," he says. "So, I don't mind helping."
I give him a brief nod and smile of acknowledgement as I keep with the flow of traffic. My companion wants to use the restroom, I tell her to go ahead, and I wait, not too far from the theater exit.
"The gentleman I live with happens to be in a wheelchair." He's speaking to me again, a few yards away, presumably also waiting for someone. Either he thinks I didn't hear him the first time... or I didn't give him his proper recognition. He's awaiting my reply.
I'm incredibly verbose. "Yeah?"
"Yep, sure is. So, I don't mind helping at all. I know how it can be."
"Well, that's nice. Thanks." I conjure up the best "I'm not a bitter gimp and I appreciate your gracious assistance of holding open the already open door" smile I can muster, before turning my head away, exhaling.
"He's a great guy, so I just do what I can. I guess that's the kind of person I am. He needs different things, but it's no big deal." He's actually speaking to the back of my head. I'm somewhat amazed by that. I spy my friend coming from the bathroom and I move to meet her, saving me from having to come up with some decent response. He tells us "good night" as we pass and I give him a nod.
But yeah, that's the wrong way to help.
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Post by Ray T on Aug 10, 2009 0:48:54 GMT -5
lol you know i get things like that all the time... my who ever is in a chair, or the ever popular i wan in a chair for 6 weeks/months/ years and know what it is like... lol Why do i care if you , a stranger, knows some one in a chair or was in a chair yourself. that is not information to share with someone you do not know lol i dont go around telling Ab people "my best friend is AB and i help out when I can so I do not mind helping you... lol but that is a bit off topic... I like it when people ask nicely "would you like some help with that" and respect my reply... By the way girls... a hot woman always gets the please do help reply wheather i need it or not...lol
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Post by Sova on Aug 10, 2009 0:55:52 GMT -5
I have an example of how not to help. Saturday night, I'm exiting a movie, heading down that long corridor that leads to the well-lit common area that joins the other theaters, concessions, etc. At the end of the corridor are the big familiar double-doors, perpetually held open by the steady stream of movie-goers making their way out. As I near the doors, the man beside me hastens up and makes sure the door is held open for me as I pass. I tell him "thanks" as I pass by. No problem so far. "The man I live with is in a wheelchair," he says. "So, I don't mind helping." I give him a brief nod and smile of acknowledgement as I keep with the flow of traffic. My companion wants to use the restroom, I tell her to go ahead, and I wait, not too far from the theater exit. "The gentleman I live with happens to be in a wheelchair." He's speaking to me again, a few yards away, presumably also waiting for someone. Either he thinks I didn't hear him the first time... or I didn't give him his proper recognition. He's awaiting my reply. I'm incredibly verbose. "Yeah?" "Yep, sure is. So, I don't mind helping at all. I know how it can be." "Well, that's nice. Thanks." I conjure up the best "I'm not a bitter gimp and I appreciate your gracious assistance of holding open the already open door" smile I can muster, before turning my head away, exhaling. "He's a great guy, so I just do what I can. I guess that's the kind of person I am. He needs different things, but it's no big deal." He's actually speaking to the back of my head. I'm somewhat amazed by that. I spy my friend coming from the bathroom and I move to meet her, saving me from having to come up with some decent response. He tells us "good night" as we pass and I give him a nod. But yeah, that's the wrong way to help. *Applause* E, I'm dying here man lol
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Post by Ciao Bella on Aug 10, 2009 10:58:44 GMT -5
yeah, why does that happen? When we were on holidays late last year, we went to this honey farm and of course he took the ramp and I the stairs, meeting up at the doorway. An elderly lady nearly pushed me aside to open the door for him, and said that her late husband was in a wheelchair for some time so she knows "how it is"...
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Post by E on Aug 10, 2009 11:11:44 GMT -5
yeah, why does that happen? When we were on holidays late last year, we went to this honey farm and of course he took the ramp and I the stairs, meeting up at the doorway. An elderly lady nearly pushed me aside to open the door for him, and said that her late husband was in a wheelchair for some time so she knows "how it is"... I love when people push my friends aside so I can get by. It's hilarious. One will routinely act offended that he move for "this cripple" and tell me off, occasionally with a shove. It's really quite hysterrical to see the aghast spectators.
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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 10, 2009 11:37:27 GMT -5
yeah, why does that happen? When we were on holidays late last year, we went to this honey farm and of course he took the ramp and I the stairs, meeting up at the doorway. An elderly lady nearly pushed me aside to open the door for him, and said that her late husband was in a wheelchair for some time so she knows "how it is"... As annoying as it can be, I think people are just trying to make conversation. They are everywhere - in the mall, in the supermarket, at the bus stop - complete strangers just talking to you randomly. I´ve experienced it many times, they´re always able to find a subject to initiate a conversation and they don´t necessarily respect your need for privacy; thus can be quite difficult to get rid of. Either that - or some - when it comes to wheelers - may be (male) devs. That would maybe explain their eagerness (explain, not excuse). The guy, E met, kept telling that his partner - another man - was a wheeler. He might have been a gay dev
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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 10, 2009 11:44:03 GMT -5
...Tri, I think you nailed it on the head - the people who are stupid, ignorant, etc. don't know that they are... That´s probably the biggest part of the problem; if only they knew, they could start doing something about it ... well, one can only hope, I guess.
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