|
|
Post by devogirl on Dec 21, 2010 20:51:18 GMT -5
Ugh, I am a veteran of dating sites, both general and disabled. I emailed with a lot of guys, some nearby, some not. A few turned into IRL dates, but nothing ever lasted more than a few months. Do be careful, there are some really crazy people. I only met one creep, but that was plenty. As for the rest, it was very easy for me to get my hopes up early on when I would meet a guy who seemed totally right, even when he really wasn't. I also encountered a lot of guys who had very mixed feelings about devs, similar to what a lot of guys express on this board; they like the idea of being sexy but also want us to look past the disability.
Sorry to be a downer. I don't want to discourage you. I guess my advice is to keep your eyes open and your expectations realistic. And be open and honest about yourself--don't hold back on important things like what kind of relationship you want and if you're willing to move, just because you think he might not want to hear the truth.
|
|
|
|
Post by BA on Dec 21, 2010 21:06:30 GMT -5
Lucretia, I have always found it great to meet other people via networking through other people. Maybe you can tell some of us the qualities you are looking for in a guy (either on this thread or privately) and we may know somebody we think you might want to chat with.
|
|
|
|
Post by jordsbaby on Dec 21, 2010 21:18:17 GMT -5
Nothing wrong with liking clean fingernails.
|
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Dec 21, 2010 21:50:20 GMT -5
I think I have told you my general advice as far as not getting your hopes up and being very careful. I'll share my experiences from Whispers4u since it is fairly brief. I had a profile up there for a while, years maybe, but like other dating sites I didn't get results until I actually started putting in work contacting guys did anything come of it. The way it was set up back then, women could contact guys for free but guys had to pay to do anything but "wink" back. I think I only found 3 guys with pictures who fit my criteria in terms of age and looks. I remember not really bothering with guys w/o pictures but also don't think I had a picture up  . I think all three guys I contacted responded to me with the free "wink". One didn't respond beyond that. Another guy and I ended up exchanging some pics over e-mail and having a phone conversation but he stopped contacting me after the phone conversation. The third guy is my husband. I can't remember details but know I was contacted often by creeps and people who to me seemed like fakers. I also had to do a LOT of sifting through profiles. I was also often asked if I was an amputee so ended up clearly putting in the text of my profile that I was a devotee and explained what a devotee was briefly for those who didn't know. I do remember the guy I talked on the phone with said "So do you just go around and have sex with amputees?" SO funny to me at the time since I had never even met an amputee then. I hope this helps. My husband and I started chatting through yahoo after I sent him my ID through Whispers. I did all kinds of things to verify he was real like googling him, asking for him to take a pic on his camera phone and send it to me immediately and calling him randomly for the first time at 11am to catch him off guard. We video chatted, talked daily on the phone, exchanged sexual pictures and were Myspace friends before we even met. So I was very careful to make sure he was real which I think is a big issue on those sites. |
|
|
|
Post by jordsbaby on Dec 22, 2010 4:31:19 GMT -5
I do have to say, your criteria is very, very specific. That certainly cuts down your chances of meeting someone who you could potentially spend an extended part of your life with. A man doesn't need to fit your criteria in order for you to fit in his arms my criteria is brief. A disability, over the height of 5'3" and able to carry a conversation. The rest of it is a matter of adjusting to fit each others' wishes. I haven't been on Whispers for a long time, it's not somewhere I spend time trawling profiles. If something comes up that interests me I'll take a chance. |
|
|
|
Post by Neffie on Dec 27, 2010 9:27:37 GMT -5
Hiya, well I see your point of view and think I am picky too or at least thought I was. Now I see things very differently and look back on my "dating" history with a giggle.
I was on only one dating website about 4 years ago and it was militarysingles.com
I always had a thing for a man in uniform but that's as much because of Coming Home than Rambo LOL. I think part of the reason was that I am such a nomad and the wars are also in very hot country's so I figured I could relate.
I didn't specify a type and my profile was pretty much geared towards Special Forces guys and I got a lot of hits but didn't speak to many.
I am still in touch with one guy on FB now and he's lovely but heading back to Afganistan in February (he invited me to Washington bless him) when I say he is drop dead gorgeous I am not kidding you, he's literally got film star looks and a wicked sense of humour but I don't think of him as more than a friend although we flirt.
Anyway, there was one who contacted me who was the only Brit in the whole lot and he was persistent. This is where you have to be careful.
Before I joined this site and realised I had been lying to myself all along I started to chatting to Phil who was obsessed by sex. I saw no harm in it but didn't partake in webcam stuff with him. Anyway, he ended up coming to Egypt on a whim. He literally gave me 3 days notice, quit his job (he was a mercenary earning an absolute fortune in Baghdad) and I booked him a room.
Anyway, after 5 years in Iraq the guy was a mess....he hadn't had sex or alcohol in over a year and it was pretty terrifying being around him. Everyone who met him loved him cos he bought them all drinks and told them stories, he was the life and soul of the party seriously.
That was until the party ended.
I realise this is an extreme example and he didn't mean to be agressive but he scared the crap out of me half the time. Sex lasted about 2 minutes if that...he wouldn't touch or kiss me at all and he only saw me without my clothes off once (taking them off would cost valuable seconds!). This wasn't much of a shocker but there was one thing that was: he couldn't do anything for himself. At all. He had been institutionalized for so long he wanted me to order his food for him at dinner, he drank what I drank (wine) and when he went to buy clothes he took another hotel guest with him as he didn't know what to buy.
The whole week taught me a thing or two and I realised right away I needed to be true to myself and just go for what I wanted in life; a wheeler. I'm not saying foreplay comes as standard but I find it funny when some of these guys worry about their efforts in the sack when they would be infinitely better than what this guy could do and he was a Hercules ya know?
I can't offer advice because I've messed it up so many times but I would say that you should go with your instincts and even if he's not Ben Affleck he might just be Casey Affleck LOL
|
|
|
|
Post by ruthmadison on Jan 6, 2011 13:20:15 GMT -5
Ugh, I am a veteran of dating sites, both general and disabled. I emailed with a lot of guys, some nearby, some not. A few turned into IRL dates, but nothing ever lasted more than a few months. Do be careful, there are some really crazy people. I only met one creep, but that was plenty. As for the rest, it was very easy for me to get my hopes up early on when I would meet a guy who seemed totally right, even when he really wasn't. I also encountered a lot of guys who had very mixed feelings about devs, similar to what a lot of guys express on this board; they like the idea of being sexy but also want us to look past the disability. Sorry to be a downer. I don't want to discourage you. I guess my advice is to keep your eyes open and your expectations realistic. And be open and honest about yourself--don't hold back on important things like what kind of relationship you want and if you're willing to move, just because you think he might not want to hear the truth. When you go to standard dating sites, like match.com or whatever, do you put in your profile that you want disabled men? I never know how to get what I'm looking for without sounding scary. And my experience has been that men who are disabled on those sites, hide it, since they think people will be turned off by it. I'm on dating4disabled.com and there are a ton of creeps. A TON. They don't even pretend to be nice most of the time. I get naked pictures of penises and no pretense of there being any mistake. If they want to send me a picture to turn me on, why don't they ever send one of themselves in a wheelchair? Duh. Being on that site is mostly just incredibly discouraging. I've tried going to events where I can meet disabled men in person and start conversations, I'm pretty outgoing and I'm good looking, so that's never a problem, except it is really hard to find events to go to! I don't know how to tap into it. I don't know how to locate any events. |
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Jan 6, 2011 14:40:03 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by Inigo Montoya on Jan 6, 2011 22:46:59 GMT -5
Yeah, dating4disabled sucked... I recently signed up on whispers4u... the first guy I chatted with over there told me that enable romance is the free site (bless him) and it seems to be... slightly better? I did put my devness in my profile there (pm me and I'll give you a copy, if you're interested)... when I was on match I didn't have it in my profile but I did search for guys in the appropriate age range using the words like disabled. I had the best luck with wheelchair and the worst with limp (turned up a bunch of guys who liked Limp Bizkit  ) I winked at at least 20 guys in the appropriate age range and got one wink back. I waver minute by minute with being done altogether with dating. I'm 38 and in a rural area and I think my next plan is to purchase spermies and have a baby. I'm hoping to get on that in late summer early fall. Then I guess I'll be done with the dating game period for a bit, huh? lol I was never any good at it anyway. Dating... |
|
|
|
Post by ruthmadison on Jan 7, 2011 11:01:33 GMT -5
Yeah, dating4disabled sucked... I recently signed up on whispers4u... the first guy I chatted with over there told me that enable romance is the free site (bless him) and it seems to be... slightly better? I did put my devness in my profile there (pm me and I'll give you a copy, if you're interested)... when I was on match I didn't have it in my profile but I did search for guys in the appropriate age range using the words like disabled. I had the best luck with wheelchair and the worst with limp (turned up a bunch of guys who liked Limp Bizkit ) I winked at at least 20 guys in the appropriate age range and got one wink back. I waver minute by minute with being done altogether with dating. I'm 38 and in a rural area and I think my next plan is to purchase spermies and have a baby. I'm hoping to get on that in late summer early fall. Then I guess I'll be done with the dating game period for a bit, huh? lol I was never any good at it anyway. Dating... Search terms, that's a good idea. I'm taking a relaxed approach to dating these days. I've got profiles up, but I'm not worrying too much about whether anyone is turning up. Pretty soon I'm going to start trying to get involved with volunteering for events in the area and just try to meet people without the pressure of dating. I'll try that other site too. Emma told me about whispers4u, I didn't know that one. Do you know D4D is charging now? They have a terrible website and they want people to give money for it. :/ |
|
|
|
Post by devogirl on Jan 7, 2011 22:19:35 GMT -5
I met one guy through one of those disabled dating sites. He was nice enough but it didn't work out between us. I met several guys through yahoo personals, match.com, and craigslist, by doing key word searches. But I was living in San Francisco at the time, which I think is the key. The odds of meeting a wheeler are much higher if you live in a big city with a mild climate and good accessibility. Actually the guys I met were not in SF itself but San Jose and other more suburban (ie, accessible) areas.
I should also add, even though I went on a ton of internet dates in SF, I never met any scary-crazy people there (although some were assholes). That only happened when I moved to a small town, go figure. Luckily when that happened, he revealed his crackhead behavior on the phone, saving me the trouble of meeting him in person.
I also went to w/c basketball games, because I was friends with one of the guys on the team. I would hang out with his girlfriend on the sidelines, she was not a dev but she knew I was, and we would check out the guys together. It was great. It really makes a difference to have platonic wheeler friends.
|
|
|
|
Post by ruthmadison on Jan 9, 2011 9:37:47 GMT -5
I took advice and signed up for whispers4u and did a search at match.com
Match.com searching for "disabled" didn't help because I got people who like to work with "the disabled." I guess they want that to make them look like good people :/ However, searching for "Wheelchair" turned up three cute guys in my area and I sent friendly intro messages to each.
I got my first message from whispers this morning. Non-disabled (I state very clearly in the profile that I'm a dev), 56 year old man (I am 28) of a different religion. I can't imagine why he thinks I would be interested in him.
|
|
|
|
Post by ruthmadison on Jan 10, 2011 14:19:30 GMT -5
Just got another one at whispers, 46 years old and not disabled. No picture.
What is it with able-bodied men sending me messages? What on earth do they think they're going to get?
|
|
|
|
Post by Emma on Jan 10, 2011 21:12:28 GMT -5
I have said it before. Whispers is 90% a waste of time. If you hang in there maybe you will get in contact with a real, normal person.
|
|
|
|
Post by Inigo Montoya on Jan 10, 2011 21:13:42 GMT -5
I don't know what they think... that's not the reason... but I just deleted my profile from there.
I think I'm just gonna give. I don't have the energy and fortitude to throw at it and... fuck it.
I shall shred that particular dream card.
|
|
. I think all three guys I contacted responded to me with the free "wink". One didn't respond beyond that. Another guy and I ended up exchanging some pics over e-mail and having a phone conversation but he stopped contacting me after the phone conversation. The third guy is my husband. I can't remember details but know I was contacted often by creeps and people who to me seemed like fakers. I also had to do a LOT of sifting through profiles. I was also often asked if I was an amputee so ended up clearly putting in the text of my profile that I was a devotee and explained what a devotee was briefly for those who didn't know. I do remember the guy I talked on the phone with said "So do you just go around and have sex with amputees?" SO funny to me at the time since I had never even met an amputee then. I hope this helps.
) I winked at at least 20 guys in the appropriate age range and got one wink back.