Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 12, 2011 15:02:09 GMT -5
BA and I had a long, involved discussion. (It had been a while, thanks BA! 
)
We were talking about sexuality and sci. Which is what this thread is about... so this thread is not for those guys who've retained a lot or even all of their sexual function. This is not a place for anyone to crow about how his penis still works.
We were discussing how, in rehab, they appear to totally ignore how you can still get pleasure from sex with out a functioning penis. They shy away from the subject, ignoring the fact that sexuality is such a huge part of the male psyche and identity and the fact that this huge part of a person has just come to a screeching halt. I don't even know about people who grow up with SCI. How or even if they address this stuff with a pubescent boy...
So, it's just not dealt with. Men are not offered advice on enjoying sex in different ways, or ways that they can experiment with to try to encourage hard those all-important (to them) hard ons or ejaculation, even if they can't feel it. No one gives them permission to experiment or even play with themselves. This may be mostly an American thing... because we are not known for sexual open-ness. But this relegates a vital part of the human experience to the dark... just when it's become that much more important to be able to see. They do you a huge disservice and fail you grandly here.
Why shouldn't a guy fap to see if there's a different grip that will help keep him hard, whether or not he can feel it? Why shouldn't he experiment with vibrators or cock rings or other things to see if he can bring himself to ejaculation? Or a different technique that will change something?
From stuff I've read (mostly elsewhere... dev research) I get the impression that many men learn to be good at cunnilingus and, if they didn't enjoy it before try to learn to like it, and then strive to be satisfied while leading, what feels to them, like a seriously diminished life. That maybe this huge part of their former life has to no longer be important and there will be no real satisfaction in that area. That many live with feeling life half a man now.
Which led to the idea that when this thing, this hole that is often left in a man's life, bumps up against dev-ism... there can be, ironically, trouble. Our views differ. He may feel like he's diminished and I just don't see him that way at all. So I'm confused and then hurt when HIS insecurity bites ME in the ass. He IS a whole man to me. To me, his identity is a host of things which includes but doesn't revolve around his penis. He can engage me in ways that walking men can't.
Because since it's a huge deal for him maybe he doesn't believe or accept that it's not that big a deal for me that he may or may not get an erection. Because, as a dev (not speaking for all devs, here), it's honestly hard for me to fathom that it's that big of a deal. Oh, Conundrum, you make my life hell... I hope you're happy.
Seriously, it is my fantasy... one of the biggest... to take my time with a man's body, learning all the different things that make him tingle and, hopefully, find some kind of release. If he's got a blue-veined throbber (as Wheelie recently called it) then gravy, I'll take full advantage of that. But if his Johnson is still peacefully sleeping between his legs, I'm going to be unperturbed. (Seriously, I once wrote an erotic fantasy about bj'ing a limp cock.) Unless he's perturbed about it... then I'll be upset by association... and prolly working hard to make him forget and/or realize that I love his all his body... as is. No “in spite of's” involved. And to me it's way more fun and important to learn if there's a spot on his neck, if he likes for me to work his nipples and if there's a spot on his side, belly or back that makes him sweat and moan.
Oh, BA, I don't know if I got it right at all... but I hope it's enough to start the discussion...
)We were talking about sexuality and sci. Which is what this thread is about... so this thread is not for those guys who've retained a lot or even all of their sexual function. This is not a place for anyone to crow about how his penis still works.
We were discussing how, in rehab, they appear to totally ignore how you can still get pleasure from sex with out a functioning penis. They shy away from the subject, ignoring the fact that sexuality is such a huge part of the male psyche and identity and the fact that this huge part of a person has just come to a screeching halt. I don't even know about people who grow up with SCI. How or even if they address this stuff with a pubescent boy...
So, it's just not dealt with. Men are not offered advice on enjoying sex in different ways, or ways that they can experiment with to try to encourage hard those all-important (to them) hard ons or ejaculation, even if they can't feel it. No one gives them permission to experiment or even play with themselves. This may be mostly an American thing... because we are not known for sexual open-ness. But this relegates a vital part of the human experience to the dark... just when it's become that much more important to be able to see. They do you a huge disservice and fail you grandly here.
Why shouldn't a guy fap to see if there's a different grip that will help keep him hard, whether or not he can feel it? Why shouldn't he experiment with vibrators or cock rings or other things to see if he can bring himself to ejaculation? Or a different technique that will change something?
From stuff I've read (mostly elsewhere... dev research) I get the impression that many men learn to be good at cunnilingus and, if they didn't enjoy it before try to learn to like it, and then strive to be satisfied while leading, what feels to them, like a seriously diminished life. That maybe this huge part of their former life has to no longer be important and there will be no real satisfaction in that area. That many live with feeling life half a man now.
Which led to the idea that when this thing, this hole that is often left in a man's life, bumps up against dev-ism... there can be, ironically, trouble. Our views differ. He may feel like he's diminished and I just don't see him that way at all. So I'm confused and then hurt when HIS insecurity bites ME in the ass. He IS a whole man to me. To me, his identity is a host of things which includes but doesn't revolve around his penis. He can engage me in ways that walking men can't.
Because since it's a huge deal for him maybe he doesn't believe or accept that it's not that big a deal for me that he may or may not get an erection. Because, as a dev (not speaking for all devs, here), it's honestly hard for me to fathom that it's that big of a deal. Oh, Conundrum, you make my life hell... I hope you're happy.
Seriously, it is my fantasy... one of the biggest... to take my time with a man's body, learning all the different things that make him tingle and, hopefully, find some kind of release. If he's got a blue-veined throbber (as Wheelie recently called it) then gravy, I'll take full advantage of that. But if his Johnson is still peacefully sleeping between his legs, I'm going to be unperturbed. (Seriously, I once wrote an erotic fantasy about bj'ing a limp cock.) Unless he's perturbed about it... then I'll be upset by association... and prolly working hard to make him forget and/or realize that I love his all his body... as is. No “in spite of's” involved. And to me it's way more fun and important to learn if there's a spot on his neck, if he likes for me to work his nipples and if there's a spot on his side, belly or back that makes him sweat and moan.
Oh, BA, I don't know if I got it right at all... but I hope it's enough to start the discussion...
