Devoteeism and friends

[Deleted]

I am wondering what your experiences are with your devoteeism and the friends and family in your life...
My family will never know and I don't plan on letting them know....it is none of their business.
On the other hand, I found out about my devoteeism really late, only about three years ago ( I am 40) and ever since I found out and met so many online friends I discussed with and intereacted with on the topic I sometimes feel I am withdrawing myself from my real life friends because I feel different in a way of what is inside my head and heart and how they have no clue. I can hang out with them but always feel like I am not really who I am with them. It used to not be an issue, I was always a friend to call up and one that listens to all the problems, I was a fun one to hang out with at the club or a party but ever since I dug so much deeper into my devoteeism and other things I learned about myself I seem to be disconnected from my real life friends. I'd rather sit at home writing or getting on the sites to learn and read. The only close person who knows is my husband and that is it. Of course I still get out, work and do the normal everyday things but sometimes I just hear my friends but I don't really listen anymore and their problems seem not so severe to me. I have read and discussed and seen so many things now out of the norm that sometimes my friends "normal" lives seem so "boring". I keep thinking to myself, "If you guys would only know what is out there and what is going on in my head?".....I know it is not fair to downgrade their lives and their problems and think "mine" is more major but it is hard to get that connection to them. Do any of you have similar experiences? I would love to read about it!
Thanks,
Dani

[junimo]

I'm extremely open with my husband, and two other friends know. All of whom think it's fascinating/interesting (or maybe they're just being nice.) I haven't told anyone in my family and I don't plan on doing so. I don't think my parents having that information will really enrich our relationship or make me feel any closer to them. They would just be confused and probably think they did something wrong in raising me.

I've totally had moments where I wanted to share with other friends, but I always get scared! I don't know why - I've never had anyone react in shock/horror to it.

[Emma]

Wow Dani I completely understand what you are saying. I have had so many of the same experiences with friends. I could have written your entire post but these lines are the ones that really ring true, 100% true for me:

Jan 26, 2012 13:14:48 GMT -5 Dani said:

I sometimes feel I am withdrawing myself from my real life friends because I feel different in a way of what is inside my head and heart and how they have no clue. I can hang out with them but always feel like I am not really who I am with them.

I seem to be disconnected from my real life friends. I'd rather sit at home writing or getting on the sites to learn and read.

I have read and discussed and seen so many things now out of the norm that sometimes my friends "normal" lives seem so "boring". I keep thinking to myself, "If you guys would only know what is out there and what is going on in my head?".....I know it is not fair to downgrade their lives and their problems and think "mine" is more major but it is hard to get that connection to them.

I don't know what to tell you. It's actually the thing that bugs me most about being a devotee, my disconnection with my real life friends. I have told all my close friends about being a devotee but it was one conversation, maybe two with some of them but that's it. I feel like there is so much to my life that they don't understand and aren't a part of. I often feel closer to my online friends than my real life ones. Many nights I'd rather hang out online and chat about devotee stuff than go to a friends house and talk about everything but what I'm thinking about. I wish I had some suggestions for what you could do but I'm struggling with the same issue and have been for several years now.

[BA]

Dani, you took words right out of my mouth on this one, in fact my jaw is still kind of dropped. This is exactly how I feel. I am going along, going through all the correct motions and yet feeling profoundly isolated whenever I am around friends/coworkers and often even family. Some days all I want to do is to get online and commune with the friends I have made here - truly the only ones who 'get' the real me and boy it feels so good to be 'got' without having to explain a damned thing. It's like a homecoming party to be honest. Yes, I do not understand how my friends can enjoy the blandness that they do and not have anything that sets them on fire like this *in both good and bad ways* I have connected VERY deeply with some of the people on this board and what hurts is the physical distance between us.

There is a song called 'Solitude is Bliss' by a band called Tame Impala (I posted the video on the video page) and the lyrics go like this:

"There's a party in my head and no one is invited. You will never come close to how I feel."

[Peony]

Oh man. I have been thinking about this lately, albeit much less articulately! I have really similar experiences, and am kind of surprised that I'm not the only one! I'm not overly close to much of my family, and there's no way that any of them need to know. None of my friends know, which I have no issue with per se. But. I do feel kind of...compromised...somehow, that one of the deepest parts of myself exists almost only virtually. I don't know heaps of you yet, but the women I have spoken with have all been so lovely and hilarious, and totally earthy and intelligent, which I almost immediately identify with.

I've lived away from my home for just under 10 years now, so even though my very closest friends and I still share a connection, it is sometimes quite an effort to keep in touch, and the occasional skype is nothing compared to a relaxed lunch or swim together, or even just a 15 minute coffee. As a result, I quite often feel that not that many people really know and understand me as an adult. (Don't get me wrong, though, I love people, but I can spend huge amounts of time by myself, and not feel lonely...in fact, I kind of have to be alone regularly, even 1 day a week doesn't make me feel totally recharged!)

For me, I think the key thing is depth, and sounds a little like what you are alluding to, Dani. I love all the happy stuff that goes along with friendship, but as I grow up (30 last month!), I really can't foster much interest in things (or people) that don't have a lot of depth. I know it sounds a little judgemental, as everyone has whole subterranean aspects to themselves, but to me, I can only go so far with people who aren't comfortable with some of the darker, less savory parts of life (of which there are plenty). It's probably just a case of being 'aligned' with people, but I have slowly (and painfully) learnt that only a handful of my friends are really capable of seeing and trying to understand some of the really shunned aspects of society. I think almost all of the devs here have gone through huge phases of thought an analysis, of themselves, as well as others, and society, and if they aren't able to face it all head on, they at least try to. That kind of courage is incredibly respectable and valuable in a person.

(The irony that I am only just starting to open up about being a dev, and keeping it meticulously private, is not lost on me, by the way.)