Jack
New Member
Bi, Amp Dev.
Posts: 23
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Post by Jack on Sept 6, 2012 16:20:10 GMT -5
crippledcuriosity told me about this place, and i decided to say hi. up to this point ive never talked to a fem dev, i was doubting such creature even exist. as bi i'm also can be considered a "usual" dev, one that roams the internet and hunts for amp pics, being creepy and feeling pretty much like a freak etc'... was in a very deep friendship with a triple female amp, who didn't knew of my secret, and it blew up on another issue, been kind of messed up since (5 months ago). dont know what else to say really.
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Jack
New Member
Bi, Amp Dev.
Posts: 23
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Post by Jack on Sept 6, 2012 16:58:52 GMT -5
the "usual" dev refers to the weirdos that comment on youtube videos which were posted by devs with: "hi you very sexy i want fuck you", or the ones that actually knows how to find amps and contact them with awful suggestions and such.
what do you mean with mostly crew?
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Jack
New Member
Bi, Amp Dev.
Posts: 23
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Post by Jack on Sept 6, 2012 17:34:29 GMT -5
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Post by lavly on Sept 6, 2012 17:59:01 GMT -5
jack welcome ... its really good to see you have found us .. and yeah i think you will find alot of us devs on here feel that shame when we read thouse kind of posts ... my pet peeve is "you have hot feet ... want to fuck " the funny thing is that i know i think and say worse stuff from time to time. its just really nice that the wheelers i have conected with have been really understaning ( from the most part there is always a few dicks here and there) of my weirdness. enjoy the board  |
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Post by BA on Sept 6, 2012 18:14:30 GMT -5
as bi i'm also can be considered a "usual" dev, one that roams the internet and hunts for amp pics, being creepy and feeling pretty much like a freak etc'... I am confused. Are you saying you are the kind of person who does "creepy" stuff or that you are not? Also, welcome. |
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Jack
New Member
Bi, Amp Dev.
Posts: 23
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Post by Jack on Sept 6, 2012 18:44:48 GMT -5
i'm not really one of those, but i do hunt for amputee pictures/videos/content which makes me feel like the creepiest life form on earth. for example, i m "friends" with a fair share of amps on facebook, and i added them just because of their limbs (or lack thereof), and it sickens me. i make myself sick. :/
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Post by BA on Sept 6, 2012 19:20:46 GMT -5
it sickens me. i make myself sick. :/ At some point many of us felt this way whether we were looking at YouTube videos of our interests, writing about it or just thinking about it. The sense of 'wrongness' and 'shame' can be overwhelming. I hope you find this place a bit of a refuge. You aren't harming anyone with what you are doing. You aren't being deceptive. There are good people out there who have an orientation and a turn on from specific types of disabilities. It it outside the usual parameters of interest but only harmful if used to harm! I hope we can help you feel a little better about yourself. |
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Post by Ximena on Sept 6, 2012 19:48:36 GMT -5
Ditto. As long as you're not harming anyone then it's not bad... But I think pretty much every dev here battles with issues like this. Have you read either of Ruth's novels? I found Breath(e) in particular to be very poignant on the issue of dealing with devness and whether it's "wrong" or "evil."
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Post by mike on Sept 6, 2012 20:31:49 GMT -5
Jack,
I have two things to say to you: 1. Stick around, lots of people feel/felt the way you do. 2. If you shifted your focus, and instead of looking for pictures of amps, you were putting the same effort into looking at boobs, you would fall into that broad category known as males. What you are attracted to is not very common, but it isn't inherently evil either. I believe the general feeling regarding your activities is: No harm, no foul. There are things you could do that would cause harm, even it it's just hurting someone's feelings. Looking at something on the internet does not in itself hurt anyone.
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Post by Emma on Sept 6, 2012 23:02:44 GMT -5
for example, i m "friends" with a fair share of amps on facebook, and i added them just because of their limbs (or lack thereof), and it sickens me. i make myself sick. :/ Don't feel bad about looking at pics or videos of amputees that are freely available online. I too am an amputee devotee so I understand the need for visuals. It's not creepy as long as you are just doing it for yourself and not taking peoples private FB pictures and passing them off to other devs or uploading them to pic sites. That is what the creepy devs do. Do you ever talk with the amps you added on FB? If not, I wonder how did you find them or why did they accept your friend request if you don't know them in real life? I encourage you to talk to them and make it more of a personal interaction rather than something you feel wrong about. |
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Jack
New Member
Bi, Amp Dev.
Posts: 23
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Post by Jack on Sept 8, 2012 8:23:51 GMT -5
for example, i m "friends" with a fair share of amps on facebook, and i added them just because of their limbs (or lack thereof), and it sickens me. i make myself sick. :/ Don't feel bad about looking at pics or videos of amputees that are freely available online. I too am an amputee devotee so I understand the need for visuals. It's not creepy as long as you are just doing it for yourself and not taking peoples private FB pictures and passing them off to other devs or uploading them to pic sites. That is what the creepy devs do. Do you ever talk with the amps you added on FB? If not, I wonder how did you find them or why did they accept your friend request if you don't know them in real life? I encourage you to talk to them and make it more of a personal interaction rather than something you feel wrong about. i dont know about contacting the amps. how can i do that? i really dont know how to do that. completely clueless. hi, i'm jack, devotee, whats up? and why did anyone add me without knowing me, when all i wanted was mining their pictured/videos of them wiggling their severed limbs around? well, i got my ways, but i relied mostly on peer pressure - adding lots of amp's friends, and once we got few mutual friends, add the amp. and thats just one way... But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here |
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Jack
New Member
Bi, Amp Dev.
Posts: 23
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Post by Jack on Sept 8, 2012 8:27:43 GMT -5
I am sorry your relationship blew up, and...deception is a bitch. Even if the two were not related. We aim for open and honest here, so you have a good start with that intro. indeed. it took me a while to comment here, and what you said hit me right in the feels. so i sent her a message confessing all of my lies. i doubt she will ever read the message, but i feel better already. |
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Jack
New Member
Bi, Amp Dev.
Posts: 23
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Post by Jack on Sept 8, 2012 11:52:58 GMT -5
I am sorry your relationship blew up, and...deception is a bitch. Even if the two were not related. We aim for open and honest here, so you have a good start with that intro. indeed. it took me a while to comment here, and what you said hit me right in the feels. so i sent her a message confessing all of my lies. i doubt she will ever read the message, but i feel better already. she replied, didnt seem to care much about it, continued balming me on being broken while refusing to take any responsibilty to the shit storm that ensued. it got me quite anxious, but it's under control, and i think from now on maybe ill be able to contact amps with it upfront without worrying so much. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2012 13:41:00 GMT -5
Welcome Jack...hope you find here people who understand and don't think you are sick...I struggle with my dev tendencies as well...
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