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Post by wheelieInCali on May 1, 2013 15:59:20 GMT -5
I thought you said it perfect the first time vancityippy. I feel that if a guy is deterred or offended by somebody saying that they do not want to assume that role of primary caregiver, they have some soul-searching to do. I feel that in order to start a healthy relationship, both parties need to be independent and self reliant. Beginning a relationship because you need a roommate or caregiver or whatever is dangerous because the option of taking some personal space is removed for both parties. It's akin to getting married too soon. The freedom to back away from a relationship is essential in the beginning or resentment is sure to follow.
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Post by geekychair on May 1, 2013 21:13:38 GMT -5
I totally agree. That type of thinking just wouldn't work.
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wheelz1979
Full Member
hello everyone
Posts: 194
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by wheelz1979 on May 2, 2013 0:28:27 GMT -5
when i lived with my parents it wasnt to bad...we kinda was more like room mates...did what they wanted and i did what i wanted [ imean they had some rules but not strict], but now that i live on my own its a lot better...living with parents is ok but now on own no rules but more bills = less money lol....either way the freedom is about the same
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2013 2:19:49 GMT -5
I live with....the party. HARD.
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Post by ProudRealist on May 4, 2013 3:12:44 GMT -5
As a high lvl quad, even if you don't rely on anyone in the family for ongoing 'care' stuff, it's still IMPOSSIBLE to live completely alone - heck, even the simplest things make it impossible...say, for e.g. you get really hot at night and you need to remove a blanket, or slightly worse, say your catheter blocks...a million other little things that don't fall into the big 'care' giving category. Despite the many gizmo's and contraptions you can set up to maximise your independence... as a high lvl quad you'll still need to have someone around..
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Post by wheelieInCali on May 12, 2013 14:45:34 GMT -5
As a high lvl quad, even if you don't rely on anyone in the family for ongoing 'care' stuff, it's still IMPOSSIBLE to live completely alone - heck, even the simplest things make it impossible...say, for e.g. you get really hot at night and you need to remove a blanket, or slightly worse, say your catheter blocks...a million other little things that don't fall into the big 'care' giving category. Despite the many gizmo's and contraptions you can set up to maximise your independence... as a high lvl quad you'll still need to have someone around.. As a para, I'm lucky and still able to function alone. If/when I do need a live in caregiver, I plan to get a bigger house with a room especially for the caregiver to live/work in. I had a place in mind but my mother was living with ME at the time. I was in the process of getting her out on her own and independent so I didn't put our names on the waiting list. I still have the application somewhere...
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Post by MotorcycleCrash on May 12, 2013 16:16:44 GMT -5
As a high lvl quad, even if you don't rely on anyone in the family for ongoing 'care' stuff, it's still IMPOSSIBLE to live completely alone - heck, even the simplest things make it impossible...say, for e.g. you get really hot at night and you need to remove a blanket, or slightly worse, say your catheter blocks...a million other little things that don't fall into the big 'care' giving category. Despite the many gizmo's and contraptions you can set up to maximise your independence... as a high lvl quad you'll still need to have someone around.. I'm a C4 quad so that's my situation. I was really independent before my accident and moved out when I was 17, so it sucks having to depend on people for so much. Luckily I have a good family with 3 older brothers vowing to make sure I'm cared for when my parents are gone. Thank God for modern technology allowing me to control the TV, computer, and AC so I can comfortably stay entertained at home
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lbry25
New Member
Posts: 26
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by lbry25 on Jun 24, 2013 20:04:56 GMT -5
geekychair I used to rent the guest house from my parents that was next door to their house. I moved in right after my injury and lived there for about 9 years. It was the easiest thing to do at the time and I was able to save money up to buy a house. We all need help and I think there is nothing wrong with living at home to make things easier. Unfortunately most of society in the US feels people have to make it on our own all the time which I don't agree with.
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still
New Member
Posts: 45
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by still on Jun 24, 2013 21:51:07 GMT -5
Living apart from my parents is extremely important to me though living completely alone might never be possible. My parents are very supportive but need their space as well- they live 3.5 hours away, actually.
The system I currently have worked out involves living in a house that I own with three roommates, all of whom help me in various ways. One of them helps me get into bed, one is my studio assistant, and the other is my best friend. This ensures that even if my morning PCA(who does not live with us) fails to show up, I'm not completely fucked. They are paid by our wonderful, gracious state (TX, despite perry) and help me pay the mortgage through rent. It's a sweet deal for everyone involved.
As far as how this would adapt to accommodate a serious relationship, I'm not sure. Obviously, living with four men would be a bit much. While I never, ever want a romantic partner to function as a PCA, I can see a situation where they might serve as the safety net of absolute last resort. Though I would have backups on backups for the PCAs that would take care of my major needs, I imagine that sometimes, very rarely, I might need her to help me out. I hope that at least a few devs would find this acceptable.
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Post by Emma on Jun 24, 2013 22:52:59 GMT -5
I think your set up sounds perfect scook, well perfect for the right woman (dev or not). I know another guy with similar needs who has the same type of set up. I wonder why more guys don't opt for that instead of living with their parents for the long haul.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2013 23:14:05 GMT -5
I've been living away from my parents since I was 19, and on my own for 9 years. I have attendants 6 hours a day, it's totally doable. If I got into a serious relationship nothing would change attendant wise. I can't imagine my girl also being my caretaker. I actually have an ex and we used to fight because she wanted to help with everything. No thanks. The occasional thing in a pinch, sure but not everything.
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wheelchairstud84
Junior Member
Posts: 55
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by wheelchairstud84 on Jul 27, 2013 0:22:45 GMT -5
Living apart from my parents is extremely important to me though living completely alone might never be possible. My parents are very supportive but need their space as well- they live 3.5 hours away, actually. The system I currently have worked out involves living in a house that I own with three roommates, all of whom help me in various ways. One of them helps me get into bed, one is my studio assistant, and the other is my best friend. This ensures that even if my morning PCA(who does not live with us) fails to show up, I'm not completely fucked. They are paid by our wonderful, gracious state (TX, despite perry) and help me pay the mortgage through rent. It's a sweet deal for everyone involved. As far as how this would adapt to accommodate a serious relationship, I'm not sure. Obviously, living with four men would be a bit much. While I never, ever want a romantic partner to function as a PCA, I can see a situation where they might serve as the safety net of absolute last resort. Though I would have backups on backups for the PCAs that would take care of my major needs, I imagine that sometimes, very rarely, I might need her to help me out. I hope that at least a few devs would find this acceptable. Anyone who has a severe enough disability to need pca assistance and manages to live as independently as possible in the state of Texas and put up with Rick Perry's right wing bullshit is my new hero I don't think I would have the patience for that I thank God everyday I live in a progressive state like Minnesota where the government is ran by normal people(Michele Bachmann is not included in that statement LOL :-)!) You should send me a message sometime if you ever want to talk like I said you have a new hero here in Minnesota! I'll get off my soapbox now LOL :-)!
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bangbang
New Member
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Gender: Male
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Relationship Status: Single
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Post by bangbang on Jun 8, 2015 16:28:01 GMT -5
I've been living with my parents up until a couple years ago they realized I can live alone, but I still need their financial help until I become successful. I've been very blessed that they could take care of me all these years, but I grow and mature faster when I'm away from them and they slowly have less worries about me. I'm lucky to have loving parents and I agree with Kid A, it would be hard with helicopter parents not giving privacy and space needed for a relationship to grow.
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Post by darthoso on Jun 9, 2015 23:23:36 GMT -5
I think a big component of being able to not live at home is what services are available. I'm currently going through the motions with my State to get on their Medicaid waiver program and it's been a nightmare, even with the best Case Worker in the State working it. I spoke to Vocational Rehabilitation's Independent Living Center regarding Personal Assistant Services (a service listed on their website), it hasn't had any openings in ten years and any additional funding will go to existing clients because their PCAs haven't gotten a raise in a decade. The Medicaid program isn't that bad, no income limit and a healthy PCA budget. The issue is each County has a wait list (which vary greatly county to county) and 2 years ago it took a lawsuit by an Advocacy Group to get county DSS Offices to follow State Law regarding their being no income limit (they blamed their computer system). /rant
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2015 13:50:24 GMT -5
my family has owned the ranch I live on for generations. my aunt is the current owner. a bunch of years back when she took over the operation a separate house was built for my grandmother to move into. gram's house was built to accommodate her in her twilight years and anticipated her being wheelchair bound and needing a home healthcare assistant. gram passed almost three years before my accident; the adaptations for me to move back/move in were minimal. I'm close enough to family for emergencies, but not reliant on them as long as my pca's show up.
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