Double standards? double trouble

[Ciao Bella]

Ok so that didn't work...

Hi all, been awhile...a very long while but in the light of recent excitements that I've missed in my absence, I would like to ask this.. what standards do the moderators uphold in regard to offensive language? IE: if this was let loose by one of the "inner circle" then it's ok, we'll just sweep it under the rug and if anyone complains, we'll just say they're being silly? However, what if an old member like me said

"FUCK YOU ALL TILL KINGDOM COME" - then I would be highly interested to see/read your responses/actions.

Because really, you are all quite elitist and god forbid that anyone else thought differently from any of you. There, I've said it, what I've been wanting to say for sooo long! and this to end..

Fuck you all - sincerely, Me.

[lavly]

ciao .... you know that i feel differently about this topic ... cos im the one useing the offensive lauguage. i have to say i was exagerating cos i wanted to make a point ... but ether way i think you should be able to sware on here. thats just how i feel

but i wanted to say that im glad you said your point. i respect ppl getting whatever shit off there chest out. if there is any time you would like to do that one on one i would be open to that too.

but other then that wb ... dont let me stop you from enjoying your time on pd. its way bigger then off tipc or bad language .

[devogirl]

We moderators are aware that DD is angry with us for not punishing Lavly. However, as Dolly explained quite clearly, DD provoked this response by asking Tony and Assy not to swear in the shoutbox. Swearing is allowed on the board. Asking people not to swear makes them annoyed. If DD doesn't like the angry responses, she should stop trying to control how people post. However, DD is perfectly capable of standing up for herself. She doesn't need you defending her or stirring up an argument which had already ended.

[Lee]

When I first started this board, swear words were automatically censored. For example, "fuck" was changed to "f*ck" and "bitch" was changed to "female dog". I kid you not. This universally annoyed everyone and so I did away with the censorship. We're all over 18 here, so I think it's okay to be exposed to the language you can find in any R-rated movie or in real life adult conversations.

[Ciao Bella]

Thank you Lee, for giving me an answer and I acccept it. And Devogirl, really? that is really your answer? I know full well that DD does not need anyone defending her, she perfectly capable of doing that herself. You are missing the point that the swearing was a direct attack on the person. There is a difference between saying "fuck off" and "fuck you". And as much as you would like to say it's a moot topic, it never is when one decides to attack a person. Just because you say it's over, doesn't necessarily make it so

I will also repeat what I said to lavly on PM that my post was not originally intended to sound like an "outburst". I considered writing it with careful thought and consideration, then I had flashbacks of when I actually was writing with care and consideration and all I got was either diddly squat or got lambasted for having an opinion (excuse me for not being a sheep). So I decided to be blunt.


So really, I did get answers. And with that, I will now slide back into my boring life.

[lavly]

No don't slid away!!! Every devs life is more boaring with out pd in it. This board is amazing ... And we need all of us to be here and be apart of this community.

Look I say this time and time again. Just cos one person does something or says something on this board that gets to you doesn't mean that you should give up on the board ... Be here and be the change your want to see. Cos the reality is that this is the bloody Internet what do expect ? It's a micosom I the world ... And your just not going to love everyone on here just cos they are devs or wheelers.

Just for the recored ... I didn't get a pm but I would love to have had it.

And when I read the line about there is a difference between fuck you and fuck off, well I was like oh is there ? Honistly ... I was just pissed at the time cos I really feel like some ppl on this board have the feeling that just cos they say thing using polite wording that what they say doesn't offend. Coments like " some ppl on this board don't know how to be nice" or " some ppl can't play well together" ... I know that stuff is derected at me and the ppl I talk with that make the mayoralty of this board. I have been told repedtey that I should just be ok and be nice about having rand off topic shit pop up everywhere . And I have been told not to use offensive langue.
That post was me just venting ... Saying look ok there is nothing I can do about it ... The way the board flows is the way the board flows ... But I will have my say just like everyone has there's . I don't think it is the end off the world to have ppl swear ... I don't think that just cos I'm blunt and to the point that I'm rude ... And I have and do sastains so many close friends on here who know that I'm not trying to hurt but am I just true to who I am.

But if the use of fuck you was really worse the. Fuck off the. I'm sorry I'll change it to fuck off when I get to my laptop.

Honistly ... I feel like I'm just a broken recored when it comes to this topics so I really will Initve anyone that is pissed at me to pm me and say what the need to say to me In a pm so the board can go to it's nature place. If you chose to I would be really greatful and would love the opportunity to hear your side of the story.

[lavly]

Shit I know that's spelt really bad I'll rewrite it when I'm on a laptop ... But I don't get it down then I will forget and not write it at all .

[auscrip]

I've had nothing to do with previous conversations on this topic, but I am appalled at your response devogirl. Your post made this personal and specifically made this about the people involved in earlier topics. Ciao Bella made this about the moderators, the rules and sanctions.
I find your post is bullying and reflective of the concerns raised that abuse towards others is not acceptable.
I think you have missed the point and if you can't see that your own response is inappropriate then you should step down as a moderator.

I will say 1 thing. Lee I accept the use of swearing on the board, but please be mindful that swearing at people or abusing people in general should not be tolerated. People don't deserve abuse and this is only 1 small part of people's lives, but it does all add up and sadly abuse of any kind can have tragic consequences for people struggling with depression. I ask the moderators to carefully consider how they choose to moderate.

[lavly]

Lol at all these aussy coming out of the wood work. It's good to see you guys contribute to the board in such a constructive way.

Umm devgirl is not rude nor is she bulling... The reason she is using names is cos its not a passive aggressive to make a point.

I don't know how long you have been on here or how much you have read about this board but dg and lee creates this amazing board. It's not aimed at the weak of heart or the super sensitive. It's here for wheelers and devs to talk an explore devness which is inhetetly talking about sexualty (on an adlt setting) If you looking for a feel good nice board, one that makes its meberes grow in confedence maybe this isn't the one you should be choosing.

Dg work so freak hard to make sure this board work and is on track ... And this kind of talk " maybe you should step down " bs is totaly ungreatful. Maybe just maybe you would like to do come real contributing to the board before you swing your opinions on the way it's run.

And ppl are we every going to get over the fact that this is the net and ppl won't always like each other on here ? Umm do you guys use other boards ? It's laughable for to think that this is bulling .... Where do ppl live tht they can't take this kind of comeback Holy crap let me know cos I really want to live in that candy land ... My life is way harder then this shit. My ass is not going to cry cos someone told me to go get fucked .... I'm give them the bird and I'ma keep going. Shit !

[Deleted]

[auscrip]

Actually I believe I am trying to be constructive to the board.
I am voicing my opinion that I don't think swearing at someone or abusing them should be tolerated and that was the issue at hand.
Ciao has raised this issue by directly being abusive and I see the decision to leave this current thread up as being an acknowledgment that this sort of language is okay.
That is what I think a moderator should respond to. Which is what Lee did.
I wasn't aware my time on the board or my number of posts entitled me to less of an opinion. I have been here since 2006 and am a regular reader and tend to post or pm when I have something to add, which is less these days

[AlrightyAphrodite]

Dec 8, 2013 19:15:09 GMT -5 James said:

View Attachment

Steven Fry is my hero. I love that guy.

[Dee Dee]

You know what, Devogirl, you have completely missed my point. I am not angry. I do not even want to waste my time being angry.

The thing was: I asked you to do your moderating duties regarding me being harassed by another member.

The below is what I sent to you. As you can read, I was not angry, I was rather shocked and sad.

After I sent this PM to you Devogirl, I observed how both Lavly´s and Lucretia´s posts were deleted, which somehow tells me that saying "FUCK YOU" several times is not okay after all.

I never got a reply from you, Devogirl. Now, I know that you are personal friends with Lavly, but I had somehow hoped that that friendship would not spill over into your supposedly neutral moderating. I am surprised to see your post like that. Where did you interpret that I am angry?

Why not send me a PM?

Also, and here is the total irony, you are asking me not "control" what others are posting. Fine. That is fine with me. But then why on Earth are you telling Ciao Bella what she can or cannot do? If she wants to post a post like that, then should you really control that?

********

As for the swearing, I realize I am probably just the only one, who do not like it.
I apologize for asking Tony and A§§y to swear less.

I am sorry that people got so offended with my views on swearing. I had no idea that one small line would cause that stir. To quote myself, as I believe a lot of you did not get to see what was actually being said in the shoutbox, this was it: "Hey Tony and A§§y, could you swear a little less? Less f-words please?"

Never had I thought that that small line would result in such a vitriol - and never did I think that it would cause people to hate me like that.

It quite honestly makes me really sad.

********

Dee Dee Avatar
Nov 22, 2013 7:27:03 GMT 1 Dee Dee said:
Hi DG.
I feel the need to address you personally regarding the post of Lavly that I have reported to the moderators. The one in the “The importance of interaction …” –thread.

I am shocked and very sad about the way she is talking to me. She says, and I quote: “Fuck you”, several times. This cannot be right.

If one of the disabled guys had behaved like that, he would probably have been either banned or given a very strong warning.

As a moderator, I trust you will deal with this. I have been on the board for many years now, and am trying my best to add to it in a constructive way, that is respectful of others.

It simply cannot be that another member is allowed to talk like that. I have not said or done anything bad to her and I am really shocked to see her completely unjustified reaction.

At the same time Lavly mentions another thread, where she apparently thinks I was being wrong for asking someone about their sexual orientation. I have no idea why that comes up now, but yelling at me for something that happened a long time ago is not acceptable either.

Lavly is as entitled to her opinions as others are to theirs, but to continually curse and swear and yell “fuck you” is NOT acceptable and I simply will not have it. If she wants to voice her opinions, she will have to respect other members, just as they do her.

I trust you will let me know what is being done to deal with this. You always encourage people to let you know, if they are being harassed. This is such a time.

Thank you.
Dee Dee.

[Lee]

Very well said, Lucretia. And Stephen Fry.

Yes, DG and I sometimes have differing opinions on how to moderate this board. But I've known the lady for damn near 15 years now, and I think she has better judgement than I do and she certainly is more in touch with the board, so I always defer to her to make the final decision when we disagree. And she respects me enough to back down when I have a strong opinion.

If Lavly's "fuck you" post is the one that got everyone in an uproar, I have to say, I read it multiple times and I don't consider it bullying. It was an impassioned speech that did use cursing to get her point across. But it seemed to me that her anger was directed more at the issue rather than a particular person. It's a gray area, at best.

If you genuinely feel like you're being bullied, you should let the mods know and we really will take it seriously. But being offended doesn't count as being bullied. I'm sorry.

[darthoso]

I would like to renew my motion for alcohol. Wheelers buy.