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Post by Pony on Jan 8, 2014 20:27:38 GMT -5
Enjoying the honest postings here…yes, it can be a 'bitch' to date a chair dude, especially a quad - and if you're not used to the limitations! It also REALLY matters where the guy's head is at. Matter of fact, that's the MOST important thing. I'm long past the emotional crazy episodes, and really I never did that with girls. They were my escape…but i can see things not being fun if a guy is dealing with trying to adjust, rebuild, or come to grips with this life. There can be a LOT of shit a girl has to put up with to be with a dude in chair. No more holding hands strolling on the beach...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2014 20:12:19 GMT -5
Pony run like hell, Well put.. I agree 100%.. I'm new it's interesting & educational.. You guys are great, & ladies.. T-11.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2014 20:52:58 GMT -5
You never really know what you are getting into with a relationship and I think people sometimes tend to overthink it, the older someone is the more overthinking before they jump into a relationship....that said sometimes when people are younger and get into a relationship they can grow together easier than people who are already set in their ways and stuff.... Of course there are issues with a disabled partner but the key is trying to make things work, compromising, educating each other and growing together...love being the foundation.... I wouldn't like it if a guy had OCD, super annoying routines to a crazy extent no matter if he is in a chair or not.... reminds me of that movie "Sleeping with the enemy" where the husband wants the towels hung up a certain way or goes violent on his wife....
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ivyjames
New Member
Posts: 43
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by ivyjames on Feb 4, 2014 13:19:43 GMT -5
This is a fantastic question!! Since, I'm a nurse, I was fully aware care wise and was looking forward to it. My boyfriend in the beginning of our relationship (he didn't know I was a dev then) found comfort in that. However, some of the emotional, and other aspects things I don't think I was too prepared for. When we travel it takes A LOT of planning and it frustrates me sometimes, but I don't regret our relationship at all. I couldn't even imagine having another partner. So, all things into account, I so believed I was prepared. Every once and awhile we get hit with a surprise neither of us are prepared for, but I just love it!
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Post by orchid on Feb 4, 2014 14:36:49 GMT -5
This question got me thinking and though I might be repeating what others have said I thought I'd give it a shot.... No one knows exactly what they are getting into, be it a relationship with an AB or with a PWD. When you are dating someone with a disability I'm sure that other things come into play, like personality, habits...etc just general compatibility which is much more important than the disability itself. Specifically on the disability aspect... Devs I think are probably more in tune or aware of issues related to having a disability so I would hope that this makes for more open communication between the couple. Of course that does not mean that the daily routine or reality does not have the potential of bearing its toll on the relationship - but I guess that is where openness and communication should come in to help. Perhaps the AB partner will have to do more of the physical stuff. But does it matter if that person gives you other (more important) things in return? In many ways you need to step back and see if it is worth it. And from the responses I've read the answer seems to be Yes! In the end, you just need to take the risk. Devs probably don't know exactly-exactly what they would be getting into. The question is whether we are willing to take that risk for the right person (or who we seem to think may be the right person). And at least for me, there is no doubt about it. I'm willing to give it a go and see what happens
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Post by Pony on Feb 4, 2014 15:31:27 GMT -5
Devs are so different from mainstream society in that most of you 'run to the fire, not away.' Even if you know there's going to be unforeseen complications, you take the risk. Most women, even if they're attracted, aren't going to chance it. I can't say I blame them. It's not the 'norm', and then pressure from friends n family can really make it harder. I make a great bf, probably why I've had good relationships in my past, but it takes a brave girl to explore this new world, not realizing what door they might open up.
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Post by rebel6842 on Feb 5, 2014 1:10:56 GMT -5
I will preface this by stating that I am not currenty in a relationship. That being said, I know I could handle the "baggage" that come with being in a relationship with a disabled partner. Maybe it's my professional training, or my flexible nature, or because I want it, but I could deal with repeated hospitalizations, doctors visits, accessibility issues, etc. I could also handle the whole PCA thing. The only time I would have an issue with that is in times of intimacy. For example, if my SO and myself were going to have that special time, I'd want to be the one to carry out the task (such as transfers, if need be), but that's just me being selfish. I also don't consider it baggage though. To me, dealing with that is no different than expecting someone to deal with my issues (crazy family, crazy job, etc). Just my single dev two cents! Good on you, love
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Post by Pony on Feb 5, 2014 16:51:40 GMT -5
Hmmmmm, ok, let me ask….would it bother you if you go out with a chair guy WITHOUT the hospitalizations, personal-stressing, or need ur help in/out of bed? Seems odd, but I have to ask..do you want the drama, or disabled issues? Maybe i'm not disabled enough…lol No pressure sores, no hospitalizations, no emotional distress, no need for an aide,etc. I have one already...
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Post by Maurine on Feb 5, 2014 17:26:22 GMT -5
Hmmmmm, ok, let me ask….would it bother you if you go out with a chair guy WITHOUT the hospitalizations, personal-stressing, or need ur help in/out of bed? Seems odd, but I have to ask..do you want the drama, or disabled issues? Maybe i'm not disabled enough…lol No pressure sores, no hospitalizations, no emotional distress, no need for an aide,etc. I have one already... It wouldn't bother me, and I wouldn't like to be with someone who's emotionally too distressed, no matter if he's disabled or AB. Personally, I see positive aspects in both being with a mildly disabled, fully independent man and someone who isn't.
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