Devs only: Acquired disabilities vs ones from birth?

[kat]

I'm sure there's been some discussion on this topic before, but it shouldn't hurt to bring it up again. Lucretia briefly touched upon the subject in another thread. Do you think there are differences to the dynamic of dev/dis relationships depending on which type of disability is involved, acquired or congenital? Also, I've seemed to notice a trend toward acquired disabilities being more "popular" among the devotees that I've encountered - do you have any theories of why this might be?

[Ath]

Short answer: I don't think there is a difference.

If you look back, I think on page 3, there is a big poll on what kind of disabilities people like and I think you will find it's pretty much a tie.

[Maurine]

Good topic!



Primarily, I'm a dev of acquired disabilities. Congenital disabilities do push my dev button if the guy is also otherwise attractive, but not as much as such acquired in an accident.

Deliberately acquired disabilities (people with BIID) do nothing to me. Obviously, this applies only in case I know that someone's disability was deliberately acquired.
Moreover, I think I prefer disabilities that were acquired in an accident caused by someone else to such acquired by one's own carelessness like taking the risk of doing something dangerous.
It costs me a lot to admit this, but it's just the way I am.


If acquired disability is indeed more popular among devs than congenital disability, one could try to explain this from an evolutionary point of view. Men with acquired disabilities might have survived a dangerous accident and therefore be likely to pass on "strong genes". However, I've got the impression, that nowadays we tend to explain too much with evolution in popular science. While it does explain a lot, I doubt it explains every detail of human behaviour. I'm not a biologist, though.

[Cake]

Mar 29, 2014 10:22:30 GMT -5 Maurine said:

If acquired disability is indeed more popular among devs than congenital disability, one could try to explain this from an evolutionary point of view. Men with acquired disabilities might have survived a dangerous accident and therefore be note likely to pass on "strong genes". However, I've got the impression, that nowadays we tend to explain too much with evolution in popular science. While it does explain a lot, I doubt you can explain every detail of human behaviour. I'm not a biologist, though.

While I certainly think it's interesting to play with these evolutionary ideas in terms of many questions, I also agree that taking them too seriously just oversimplifies things that we don't know how to explain otherwise. Especially when it comes to devness.
There have been many threads that for example discussed devness as a sign of our evolving into less primal beings, because modern medicine makes it possible to want men who are "broken" too. Frankly, I think thats BS. Devness is one unusual attraction among many, many others.

So I also feel like drawing a connection between the prevalent preference of guys who acquired their disability later in life would totally be missing the point. Of course I can only speak for myself (and for some friends I guess), but I am very aware of as to why I generally am more into guys with and acquired SCI. (Lucretia has mentioned many of them.)

For one, visual factors. I know this is probably very un-pc, but I also have always been all about what one would call normal proportions. So I LOVE the dissonance of the body of a para, which in my fantasy is my picture perfect guy in a wheelchair.

Then there are the social factors, but Lucretia has explained those really well and opposed to me actually has had real experience there.

But most of all, there's a much more romantic-sexual factor, which is un-pc too: What has always been very interesting to me are the changes a disability that was acquired in adulthood has brought to a guy. I won't say more than that, because it would go too deep and this board is not the place for it.


Anyway, the individual reasons may vary a little, but from what i've heard, most devs who DO prefer non-congenital disabilities know pretty well why. And the same probably goes for devs who have a preference for congenital disabilities (because those devs exist too, even if they're usually much shyer in voicing that preference).

[Maurine]

It's interesting to hear that devs of congenitally disabled men tend to be shier. I mean, those men are born this way instead of being injured in a tragic accident. This is why I somehow feel bad admitting that I prefer acquired disability.

I'm fascinated with stories of how hot guys acquired their disabilities, how they regain part of their physical functions over the time and how they come to terms with their disability. I don't admit this easily because it sounds like I relish other people's suffering, but I don't. I shudder when I think about my boyfriend's accident and what he had to go through. But I want some sort of tragic thing like this.

[Ath]

I prerfer guys who have full sensation but limited movement. I'm fascinated by men who has body types I've never seen before like with deformation of bones.


But there are also disabilities with a late teen/adult onset and what would you call ms? Am I correct that they still don't know? Maybe aquired.

[devogirl]

So many generalizations in this thread. Please, let's slow down!

First, I'm not sure that most devs prefer acquired disabilities. This board attracts mostly SCI devs, and most SCI is acquired, so that could be skewing the demographic.

Second, I have not seen evidence that the devs of congenital disabilities are more shy about expressing their interests. There are just fewer of them here.

Third, can we please put the evolutionary theories to rest? They are so incomplete and based on unscientific assumptions and anecdote. If reproductive fitness drove all our sexual desires, there would be no gay people.

Personally, I have a strong preference for congenital disabilities in my dev fantasies. It's always been that way for me. I hate the injury-recovery story. I'd much rather read about a guy whose disability is just there, because he's had it all his life. In real life is a different story; I dated both kinds. In terms of who made a better partner, it really comes down to the individual. For guys born with the disability or who acquired it at an early age, so much depends on their parents and where they went to school, if they were properly socialized or not. For guys who acquired the disability later, some have adjusted, some haven't.

[Emma]

I'll jump in and say that I too am not a dev of only acquired disabilities. Visually I like amputees, both acquired and congenital but personality-wise its another story. I'd say that in my experience, congenitally disabled guys have more social challenges but there are plenty of guys disabled from birth or a young age who are typical socially.

[Pisti]

I'm quite absent nowadays due to other stuff going on in my life, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents in this.

Primarily I also preferred acquired disabilities (and just like Lucrecia married a guy with a congenital neuromuscular disorder), but then I received so much shit of such guys, that I started to have doubts. I also had some interaction with cong. guys, who were socially awkward, but then also with some who were just plain awesome.

So now my theory is this:
It doesn't matter if the guy has an acquired or a congenital disability, as long as he's all right in his skin. Everything strips down to social skills and mind frame.

In case of congenital guys, the family (the closer community really) has a huge impact. If the guy is treated like any normal child, he'll end up as a good and balanced personality. If his family treats him as a poor invalid, that's the mind frame he'll be in.

Similar to guys with acquired disabilities, only in adult age the influence of the family might be secondary to the influence of friends or even professionals. If the guy is OK with who he became, he will be a good company to anybody. If he is still bitter and unaccepting, I wouldn't want to be the wastebasket he throws his shit in...

[Peony]

I don't really think I have a preference, actually. I like the 'look' of someone who's been a para since they were young...but the same goes for anyone who's acquired it too, just in a subtle, different way. I'm pretty much mostly into paras and amputees, though, because I'm a superficial pragmatist. Wow...that makes me sound so callous. Conversely, I find the emotional aspect of how someone got disabled quite painful, and honestly find that aspect of being a dev quite hard to deal with.

I do *really* like women with more congenital stuff, though. Acquired disabilities as well, but, ah, some of the less glamorous congenital ones are interesting too...

[kat]

I've noticed a lot of the answers focusing on the second question, i.e. whether acquired disabilities are more popular and why (which is fine and all, it's an interesting question!), and less conversation on the first point. Is the dynamic of a relationship different when it's a congenital disability? Are people who have been disabled from a young age more accepting of themselves (as disability is undeniably a part of their identity), and therefore also maybe more accepting of devs?

I've seemed to notice a subtle difference in how the two types wish to be perceived. This is obviously very generalized and doesn't apply to everyone: it seems like people with acquired disabilities have more of a wish to be perceived as normal. Often they still seem to retain the identity that they had pre-injury (= "normal") and want to cling onto that, whereas people with congenital disabilities have always had disability as part of their identity. Lucretia mentioned something about "disability as tragedy" and whether it's part of someone's narrative or not. Does that affect how they view themselves? How they view devs? Again, sorry for such generalized statements, it's just easier to speak in "patterns" than account for every individual person.

[lavly]

i think im diffrent to the majority ... as im into the acurred injury guy.

but i have to say that in my old age the cp dude pops in my head everytime im in my fantasy play time.

[devogirl]

Mar 31, 2014 9:12:32 GMT -5 kat said:

Is the dynamic of a relationship different when it's a congenital disability? Are people who have been disabled from a young age more accepting of themselves (as disability is undeniably a part of their identity), and therefore also maybe more accepting of devs?

Having met lots of PWDs from either camp, and dated quite a few of them, I didn't notice a trend one way or the other. It really depends on the individual. You'd think a guy with a congenital condition might be more accepting of himself, but it's not always the case, especially if his parents treated him as "special" or as an invalid.

In terms of who accepts devotees more readily, again in my experience there was no correlation with congenital vs acquired. It all depends on how he feels about his disability and his own body image.

[tori]

I like the acquired injury as well. Something about the tragic hero coming full circle...(Jason Street-FNL for example)...dunno I guess I've watched too many soap operas.

[lavly]

I'm with you though that tragic hero ... Cos I like conecting to the emotions behind the guy as well