Post by on the dot on Jul 3, 2016 10:44:07 GMT -5
Oh wow, great thread. Thanks for bumping it up.
So, now I feel kinda obligated to comment, because if I don't do it now, then the thread will be buried again and I won't have the guts to bump it up (Sometimes I feel the pressure of the tiniest things, even though IRL I'm a very stress-free person. I'm weird... LOL)
Anyway, here goes:
I've known I've been intrigued by disabled people since a very young age. My first memory of it is from when I was 6 or younger, and was watching "Heidi" on TV. If you are familiar with the story, one of the main characters is a girl (Klara) in a wheelchair. Even back then, I tried not to attract attention to the fact that I thought Klara was fascinating. Strange how, even as children, we seem to know what will be socially acceptable and what not.
Fast forward to the age of 10-12 when a lot of my daydreaming involved fictional characters with paralysis. I'd sometimes lie on the floor, in my bedroom (with the door always closed - so clearly shame was an integral part of this) trying to figure out how to get on the bed without the use of my legs. This was all before the age of internet obviously. After another few years, my fantasies would involve my favourite sportsmen having some kind of accident (no permanent paralysis or anything serious though). I stopped those fantasies when one of those guys actually did break his leg (he made a full recovery and had a lengthy career in sports, so I'm guilt-free). From that day on, I swore off fantasies involving real-life guys and limited my fantasies to people I would make up. (I never lacked imagination, I may have a Masters in Daydreaming). By the way, there are some elements of BDSM in those fantasies, but, interestingly, with my as the sub and the pwd as the dom. (I blame Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty for essentially shaping my BDSM fantasies when I was in my 20s).
And where did all of this lead? Nowhere. Literally. I never had, or wanted to have, a boyfriend (or a girlfriend, just to be clear ). Having a wheeler boyfriend never even crossed my mind. I did fall in love with an AB and had one night of disappointing attempts to sex (I don't think it even counts as proper sex, LOL) followed by 14 years of unrequited love from my side. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter, I never expected him to love me back. I made myself available to him (he needed a friend at times) and I enjoyed the experience, both the highs and the lows. I got to travel the world for him, and it changed my life in so many ways. I used to say that I loved "being in love". The intensity of emotions was extraordinary. And yet, I was never sexually attracted to this guy. Romantically yes, but not sexually. So I figured, if I was not sexually attracted to the guy who is arguably the love of my life, how can I be attracted to anyone else? Hence my total lack of any kind of romantic or sexual relationship.
Only now (as in: over the past couple of days since reading PD) does it occur to me that my life might have been totally different if I had met a pwd in my youth and been introduced to a normal sexual life back then. Oh well, too late now (lol). I'm in my 30s, fiercely independent and still have no desire to share my life with another person. Since I absolutely love (and always have loved) my life, I think it all worked out for the best.
And yet, even though I'm essentially a nun (lol) and can't be accused of taking advantage of anyone, I would never reveal my devness IRL. It would just be too weird. I hate the fact that it's a taboo. I hate the fact that a consensual thing between two adults can be viewed so negatively by people who are not affected by it. So I always fight for tolerance, acceptance, liberties for other groups that are marginalized, hoping that in the future we will live in a society where everything is accepted, as long as it does not limit the liberties of others.
A.
So, now I feel kinda obligated to comment, because if I don't do it now, then the thread will be buried again and I won't have the guts to bump it up (Sometimes I feel the pressure of the tiniest things, even though IRL I'm a very stress-free person. I'm weird... LOL)
Anyway, here goes:
I've known I've been intrigued by disabled people since a very young age. My first memory of it is from when I was 6 or younger, and was watching "Heidi" on TV. If you are familiar with the story, one of the main characters is a girl (Klara) in a wheelchair. Even back then, I tried not to attract attention to the fact that I thought Klara was fascinating. Strange how, even as children, we seem to know what will be socially acceptable and what not.
Fast forward to the age of 10-12 when a lot of my daydreaming involved fictional characters with paralysis. I'd sometimes lie on the floor, in my bedroom (with the door always closed - so clearly shame was an integral part of this) trying to figure out how to get on the bed without the use of my legs. This was all before the age of internet obviously. After another few years, my fantasies would involve my favourite sportsmen having some kind of accident (no permanent paralysis or anything serious though). I stopped those fantasies when one of those guys actually did break his leg (he made a full recovery and had a lengthy career in sports, so I'm guilt-free). From that day on, I swore off fantasies involving real-life guys and limited my fantasies to people I would make up. (I never lacked imagination, I may have a Masters in Daydreaming). By the way, there are some elements of BDSM in those fantasies, but, interestingly, with my as the sub and the pwd as the dom. (I blame Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty for essentially shaping my BDSM fantasies when I was in my 20s).
And where did all of this lead? Nowhere. Literally. I never had, or wanted to have, a boyfriend (or a girlfriend, just to be clear ). Having a wheeler boyfriend never even crossed my mind. I did fall in love with an AB and had one night of disappointing attempts to sex (I don't think it even counts as proper sex, LOL) followed by 14 years of unrequited love from my side. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter, I never expected him to love me back. I made myself available to him (he needed a friend at times) and I enjoyed the experience, both the highs and the lows. I got to travel the world for him, and it changed my life in so many ways. I used to say that I loved "being in love". The intensity of emotions was extraordinary. And yet, I was never sexually attracted to this guy. Romantically yes, but not sexually. So I figured, if I was not sexually attracted to the guy who is arguably the love of my life, how can I be attracted to anyone else? Hence my total lack of any kind of romantic or sexual relationship.
Only now (as in: over the past couple of days since reading PD) does it occur to me that my life might have been totally different if I had met a pwd in my youth and been introduced to a normal sexual life back then. Oh well, too late now (lol). I'm in my 30s, fiercely independent and still have no desire to share my life with another person. Since I absolutely love (and always have loved) my life, I think it all worked out for the best.
And yet, even though I'm essentially a nun (lol) and can't be accused of taking advantage of anyone, I would never reveal my devness IRL. It would just be too weird. I hate the fact that it's a taboo. I hate the fact that a consensual thing between two adults can be viewed so negatively by people who are not affected by it. So I always fight for tolerance, acceptance, liberties for other groups that are marginalized, hoping that in the future we will live in a society where everything is accepted, as long as it does not limit the liberties of others.
A.