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Post by Tek on Aug 7, 2014 3:18:31 GMT -5
Most definitely not a replacement.
Even though I don't have need for an attendant, I would never allow the two roles to cross. The partner can help out if she wants to, but I would never expect it of her.
An attendant is there to make your life easier, A partner is there to make your life more complete.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 4:31:40 GMT -5
The only things I'd require from a potential partner are reaching for stuff too high for me, but I'd like to think we'd live in an accessible home where most things will be on my level anyway.  Obviously if I fall ill for whatever reason it would be nice to have them help out etc, but I think that applies to any relationship, disabled or not.  I've always tried to maintain my independence as best as possible regardless of who I'm with and where I am. I would only ask for something if I'm really stuck, but that doesn't just apply to a partner, it applies to friends/family/whoever is around. |
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Post by darthoso on Aug 7, 2014 5:33:55 GMT -5
Separation of Church (who I worship) and State (who gets stuff done).
Never, first it isn't fair to the AB partner, second it put the DA in the position of being unable to end the relationship if things go south.
I like to think I'm a good boss but I've burned throught PAs in the past. I'm not going to drop my needs on someone I care about. Simple everyday help is one thing (open door, hand glass of water), but heavy load tasks are different (dressing, shower, etc). I'm not opposed to a gf doing those tasks but I'd never make her responsible for it. I'd rather pay a PA to do nothing for those hours than a gf not having the option of not helping me at will.
For the DA side its a power issue. If a gf is an essential component of my care system, that means whether or not I can shower in the morning is now dependent on the health of the relationship. If I want to end the relationship I would need to have a fall back / replacement plan ready to go next day. Now I've hired a new PA without the current one knowing she's about to get fired, I can't imagine pulling that off with if said person is my gf too.
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Post by JW on Aug 7, 2014 11:10:58 GMT -5
Luckily for me, I've never really need any kind of real assistance as I am fairly independent. But even if I needed an assistant or caregiver, I would never dream of turning my potential girlfriend into a caregiver. That would just be selfish and a recipe for disaster. There is nothing sexy or romantic about the things that she would be required to do on a daily basis. As a general rule, the less assistance you request from a girlfriend (or any other friend) the better.
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Post by hail on Aug 7, 2014 12:12:46 GMT -5
As someone who requires full care my need for a hired attendant will never go away. It would be lovely to have a parter who could do my care but I'd never allow them to do it all on their own, nobody should ever have to take on that responsibility. Tinysighs you ask very great questions!
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scott
New Member
Posts: 30 
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by scott on Aug 7, 2014 12:56:35 GMT -5
Personally, I think its important to separate the two.
It's a good question and most likely depends on the individuals comfort level.
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Post by happyface2013 on Aug 7, 2014 13:18:04 GMT -5
Exclusive as much as possible.
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Post by thalon on Aug 8, 2014 9:11:52 GMT -5
I don't see my partner as a replacement for hired p.a.'s either, but I don't see it as impossible. I need help for things and if we want to be in private or impossible, I need her to do it. I have various experiences, from complete seperation of roles to my gf also working as pa for me. Actually, every model worked fine as long as the relationship was harmonic. The only model, which didn't work at all, was total seperation of roles.
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Q
Full Member
“Follow your bliss." Joseph Campbell
Posts: 157
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Post by Q on Aug 8, 2014 21:41:15 GMT -5
Recently we had a discussion about this that you might be interested in. The overall consensus seemed to be that wheelers wouldn't want their significant other to be a full time caregiver even though having a significant other occasionally helping would be okay and in some instances best for privacy AKA sexy party time. paradevo.proboards.com/thread/5678/independency-carers |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2014 22:58:23 GMT -5
My partner and my care need to be as far apart as possible
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Aug 8, 2014 23:49:04 GMT -5
Most definitely not a replacement. Even though I don't have need for an attendant, I would never allow the two roles to cross. The partner can help out if she wants to, but I would never expect it of her. An attendant is there to make your life easier, A partner is there to make your life more complete. pretty much this. If she wanted to be my PSW then I would see how it would go, but ultimately I think they'd discover that having a PSW wouldn't be such a bad idea, for I imagine being someones sole personal caretaker would lose it's flare before long. I honestly can't imagine anyone that would expect their SO to take over as their sole caretaker... It's just inconceivably selfish and alien to me. Seriously, any dev who's like. I wouldn't mind wiping your ass. That to me is just,  <3... You don't even know man. haha. |
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Post by Corey on Aug 9, 2014 12:41:21 GMT -5
I keep them separate. I would only ask them if there was an emergency, and so far this has not happened. The main reason is because I think it would turn into a chore after awhile. The burnout rate for my caretakers is about every three years, so Id hate to have a relationship end or be shaken because she is tired of caring for me. If she wants to help occasionally I would be okay with it. I can see how doing such personal things with your partner can be intimate, even romantic. Who doesnt enjoy helping their partner shower? But I dont expect it, or prefer it. Especially not every day.
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hungryquad
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Post by hungryquad on Jan 10, 2015 12:50:08 GMT -5
When seeking a partner are you looking for someone who can eliminate your need for a hired attendant? Or do you see them as exclusive roles? Not as mutually exclusive, but I may not want to rely entirely on one person. I mean, I want my Freedom sometimes, Especially if in the middle of an argument |
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hungryquad
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Post by hungryquad on Jan 10, 2015 12:51:29 GMT -5
As someone who requires full care my need for a hired attendant will never go away. It would be lovely to have a parter who could do my care but I'd never allow them to do it all on their own, nobody should ever have to take on that responsibility. Tinysighs you ask very great questions! Exactly |
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Kalmah
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Post by Kalmah on Jan 10, 2015 21:55:07 GMT -5
Exclusive roles definitely, well i know some devs like to help with some things thats sounds great and im ok with that jeje but one thing is looking for a partner and other to look for hired attendant |
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Obviously if I fall ill for whatever reason it would be nice to have them help out etc, but I think that applies to any relationship, disabled or not. 
I've always tried to maintain my independence as best as possible regardless of who I'm with and where I am. I would only ask for something if I'm really stuck, but that doesn't just apply to a partner, it applies to friends/family/whoever is around.
<3... You don't even know man. haha. 
