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Post by hanabanana on Oct 12, 2014 17:52:44 GMT -5
So in the end, I came to the conclusion that even though he is a wonderful guy, I can´t be with someone that quiet and guarded. When we broke up, he told me (once again) that he is actually more talkative – but just couldn´t show that to me. Sorry it didn't work out! The way you're talking about it makes it sound like you're sort of blaming yourself, but really... it seems like he was the one who wasn't very comfortable with himself. I think that is just something people need to figure out on their own sometimes.
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Post by lucretia on Nov 2, 2014 15:41:17 GMT -5
If I count only the guys I (at the time) was serious about, I have had 4 with PWD before I met Alf. Far more (I don't feel like counting) fling-type scenarios.
Wheeler #1 was a complete liar. He ended up a pretender, married, with two kids. He was a long-term member here (nearly a decade) before he got himself found out. While he does have an actual disability (as far as I was able to investigate) for his purposes of dev-hunting he made it far more than it is. He is the primary reason I just don't trust ANY of the guys here are who they claim to be without a plethora of proofs. Amputees are easy, but paras, especially ones who claim to be incompletes, are harder to ferret out. I was on a rampage for a couple of years trying to PROVE who was and who was not fake. I don't do it much anymore unless a guy really seems to be targeting new devs.
Wheeler #2 was a rock star. He is super hot, super intelligent, super NICE, super dev friendly... basically an all around awesome guy!! But he was also very new in a conversation with another dev, so we decided after a while to be "just friends". He blew my mind, though. Everything I knew about dis sex before I met Alf, I learned from this guy. He had amazing ideas and an AMAZING ability to bring me into his world and see life from his POV. He was my standard until I met Alf. We remained friends for a long time after I met Alf, too. We eventually stopped talking... but I'm sure he is still out there charming women, dev and non-dev alike. He never came to PD. I say that because I am sure there will be women wondering where they can find him... lol
Wheeler #3 was a brain-damaged, emotional infant. He's intelligent, not heinous looking, but has no concept of what an adult relationship consists of. He also had no boundaries regarding my teen-aged girls. Even though I only communicated with him for a few months, because he was so early in my search, it made a lasting impact. He is the primary reason I warn devs about guys who have possible brain involvement with their disability.
Wheeler #4... I was pretty serious about this guy. But after a few months I realized he was saying the same things all over again. It was if he had a bubble of comfortable-ness than he was unable to pierce. It took a long time, but I finally realized he was never going to be able to grow a real relationship. It was like he was just "stuck".
I am being so detailed because I remember how difficult it was to admit to myself that something was just not going to work.
No matter why a relationship ends, it is important to not beat yourself up. If it is meant to be, it will. I know that sounds a little Pollyanna, and maybe it IS... but I have been caught up in the rush of dev/dis emotions so many times... and been let down so many times, too. I did eventually find my guy, though. So I count it all worth it.
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 3, 2014 13:04:16 GMT -5
I think a common thread for many of the guys I dated was a lack of confidence on their part. I looked to them to lead the relationship and be emotionally caring and steady. Maybe it was asking too much, but some disabled guys were fine on that and many were not. I think many of them felt insecure and didn't understand that I also felt insecure so neither one of us was willing to put ourselves out there and take the risk to say what we really wanted.
Then there's the ones where we tried to force a relationship because we had physical attraction and nothing else in common. I did have a great "friends with benefits" situation with a guy like that. Worked out fantastic for both of us until he moved.
Just one was a bitter and angry person determined to blame those around him for all of his problems.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 22, 2014 17:47:39 GMT -5
Fuck. Him.
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savannahgirl
Junior Member
Posts: 76
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by savannahgirl on Nov 22, 2014 20:14:17 GMT -5
I've never had the pleasure of dating a disabled person. I've always dated abled bodied and am married to one. For me the chance never presented itself to date anyone but AB. men.
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Post by Maurine on Dec 23, 2014 6:13:35 GMT -5
The thing is, the good aspects of the relationship were very very good and I did love him. In hindsight I kind of wish I could have put up with the bad stuff. Maybe now I'm older and less likely to want to do the sort of things he didn't like me doing it would have been OK? And/or I would have stood up to him a bit more and come to some compromises? Who knows? *sigh* Judging from how you described his behaviour, definitely not. You're not your partner's property. Such controlling behaviour is never healthy in a relationship. He seems to have (had) enormous jealousy issues he should urgently get rid of if he ever wants a long-lasting, fulfilled relationship.
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Post by LaMara on Dec 23, 2014 6:35:04 GMT -5
I might have mentioned it before, because it was my one and only relationship with a pwd and first time I admitted being a dev out loud to a guy. I had a long distance relationship (we met in person only 3 times) with a much younger, much less mature guy, and after the first few months of overwhelming excitement and happiness I realized I had been ignoring a lot of things that were not working: he was very insecure and not willing to get out of his comfort zone, he had told me he had a possessive mother but I came to realize he was too comfortable in that (disfunctional) family enviroment to try and live on his own. He is much younger than me and (I know I will sound horrible and bitchy) he didn't have half the culture and the intelligence I look for in a man; sometimes I was baffled by his ignorance and I was feeling like I was a teacher... So after feeling more and more uncomfortable, I decided to end it, with great pain because I knew he was crazy in love. But my feelings were not nearly as strong as his
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