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Post by orchid on May 31, 2015 12:19:58 GMT -5
Don't think there is an easy answer to that. But that is what happens when you ask good questions Sexually, no. I think my fantasies don't compare at all to the reality. And this goes beyond the bedroom. I mean all the things that would be a turn on in fantasy, to me they are so much better in reality, with my bf. Regarding the rest... I would not say that anything was "ruined". But perhaps Im still full of the new relationship optimism as we have only been together 1 year or just over that and it is long distance. Travelling and holidays take just a bit more planning. I do know that with him I won't be able to enjoy my lovely beach holidays given limited accessibility in the beaches I would rather go, the hot climate and the fact that I would want to spend all day out in the beach not worrying about pressure relief, catheters or whatever. Still I can do that with my girlfriends so, that's ok. If I want us to be together this will mean changing countries and leaving behind a good career and social circle that I have created where I currently live. This is more of an issue for me, I have to admit. The other thing that gets to me is the health aspect, pain, medical complications. Nothing particularly big has happened thank god and I hope it stays like this. But even when I think of the future, how getting older will impact us and even Life expectancy. I hate even writing it down but those thoughts are what mainly trouble me. I hadn't really thought of those things in any concrete way before meeting my bf. So I cannot say that my fantasies ruined my reality as they weren't even part of it. But fantasies are just that, fantasies. They are not meant to be reality, they are an idealised version of reality seen through pink glasses and where everything is peachy and turns out perfect. So a comparison is not even fair in that respect. Overall though I think I can be happy that my fantasies were never over developed more like short lived images that didn't necessairly connect with one another. So that when we met in real life I did not have any preconceived ideas of how things could be from a dev point of view. Of course like any girl I had an idea of a perfect guy, but that was more in terms of character traits. He fits that pretty well. Which is also the reason I agreed to meet up in the first place. So yes, I can't say that fantasies ruined my reality. But I think that is mainly cause I never really had any really strong and recurring fantasies, just a vague notion of them.
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on May 31, 2015 12:49:16 GMT -5
Don't think there is an easy answer to that. But that is what happens when you ask good questions Sexually, no. I think my fantasies don't compare at all to the reality. And this goes beyond the bedroom. I mean all the things that would be a turn on in fantasy, to me they are so much better in reality, with my bf. Regarding the rest... I would not say that anything was "ruined". But perhaps Im still full of the new relationship optimism as we have only been together 1 year or just over that and it is long distance. Travelling and holidays take just a bit more planning. I do know that with him I won't be able to enjoy my lovely beach holidays given limited accessibility in the beaches I would rather go, the hot climate and the fact that I would want to spend all day out in the beach not worrying about pressure relief, catheters or whatever. Still I can do that with my girlfriends so, that's ok. If I want us to be together this will mean changing countries and leaving behind a good career and social circle that I have created where I currently live. This is more of an issue for me, I have to admit. The other thing that gets to me is the health aspect, pain, medical complications. Nothing particularly big has happened thank god and I hope it stays like this. But even when I think of the future, how getting older will impact us and even Life expectancy. I hate even writing it down but those thoughts are what mainly trouble me. I hadn't really thought of those things in any concrete way before meeting my bf. So I cannot say that my fantasies ruined my reality as they weren't even part of it. But fantasies are just that, fantasies. They are not meant to be reality, they are an idealised version of reality seen through pink glasses and where everything is peachy and turns out perfect. So a comparison is not even fair in that respect. Overall though I think I can be happy that my fantasies were never over developed more like short lived images that didn't necessairly connect with one another. So that when we met in real life I did not have any preconceived ideas of how things could be from a dev point of view. Of course like any girl I had an idea of a perfect guy, but that was more in terms of character traits. He fits that pretty well. Which is also the reason I agreed to meet up in the first place. So yes, I can't say that fantasies ruined my reality. But I think that is mainly cause I never really had any really strong and recurring fantasies, just a vague notion of them. +1 to all of this! You put my thoughts in words better than I did myself and wrote about things that I think about, but didn't bother to bring up in my own post. Guess I was talking more about the sexual aspect, anyway, but great post!
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Post by eva on May 31, 2015 13:40:42 GMT -5
Overall though I think I can be happy that my fantasies were never over developed more like short lived images that didn't necessairly connect with one another. So that when we met in real life I did not have any preconceived ideas of how things could be from a dev point of view. Of course like any girl I had an idea of a perfect guy, but that was more in terms of character traits. He fits that pretty well. Which is also the reason I agreed to meet up in the first place. So yes, I can't say that fantasies ruined my reality. But I think that is mainly cause I never really had any really strong and recurring fantasies, just a vague notion of them. Great analysis, Orchid. That's exactly the way I fantasize too. It's never very elaborate and also very short and I never was disappointed either.
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on May 31, 2015 14:01:50 GMT -5
It's nice to see that I'm not the only one around here who never really made up whole fantasy worlds! I was starting to think I was weird.
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Post by Emma on May 31, 2015 15:47:25 GMT -5
I'm another dev who never had a fantasy world and never made up stories in my head. I'm just not that creative. I always just thought about real life people I came across on TV, in books, the internet or real life.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2015 1:29:44 GMT -5
I haven't been posting in ages... wow it's been too long! For me, my fantasies have always been a refuge but also a curse, because I'm afraid I'm using them to shield myself from reality. No man ever will meet my expectations, because the fictional men in my imagination are so detailed, so "real" that they're almost tangible... which is all good when I'm down and need to fantasize a little, but it truly sucks when I remember it's all in my head. And when I met my pwd ex, after the thrill of the first weeks, I soon realize I was trying to idealize him and make him like one of those fictional character in my head, while he was a very real human being with flaws and imperfections. I tried very hard to detach myself from those fake people I daydream about, but it just doesn't work. I need these fantasies to stay sane when things in the real world are shitty. It's like an addiction: I know it's bad, but I just can't function without it... Glad you mentioned this because I'm functioning the same and sometimes I feel bad about it. I have a powerful imagination and my dev fantasies are idealized, so obviously too good to be true Unlike you I never had a disabled Bf, just a nice AB husband. Thank God, I can't compare in reality or I'll be in big trouble
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2015 1:40:19 GMT -5
I'm another dev who never had a fantasy world and never made up stories in my head. I'm just not that creative. I always just thought about real life people I came across on TV, in books, the internet or real life. I don't really create people either- It's typically real people I'd somehow came across. One thing that I absolutely cannot do is imagine an AB as a wheeler, or vise versa. If they're AB, I have zero ability to see them as an amp or sci. Same for Wheelers- I can't change their disability in my head or even imagine what they look like AB. It's an imagery block in my brain that I just can't do.
@frenchie- The stairs thing is VERY devvy. And I have certainly helped him get up a flight or two. One butt scoot at a time. Some realities are better than fantasy. For sure.
tc123: Funny! I was about to ask you if you are still able to fulfill a few of your fantasies after having your para husband for so long. Obviously it's a yes. Lucky girl In my dreams and... my writing I always describe a scene with butt stairs climbing
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Post by killercupcake on Jun 2, 2015 9:38:24 GMT -5
I've been fantasizing ever since I could remember. I remember before going to bed at night as a pre-teen/ teenager just making up stories in my head of being with a wheeler and how amazing it would be...Although I've never been in a relationship with a wheeler, I have been with one sexually. I was so nervous, because it was literally my fantasy coming true. And that's what it was. It was everything I hoped it to be and more. It was magical, and real...everything I have been struggling with for so long came into focus and just clicked. That sex wasn't just sex, it was something so much more. I really do hope to get into a relationship with a wheeler because I can only dream of how amazing that will be.
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cwbjr
Junior Member
Posts: 56
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by cwbjr on Jun 28, 2015 17:03:45 GMT -5
i can only speak to the sexual aspect of it, not the romantic/relationship aspect. that said...no, the fantasy doesn't ruin reality, for me. it does inform and enhance it. you may have an idealized fantasy, that when presented with an opportunity in real life doesn't quite fit what you'd expected, but you adapt quickly. and if anything, the reality just pushes the fantasy further. if i could just chat with a para guy, if i could just have a drink with him, if i could go back to his apartment, if i could touch his legs, etc. once you hit those milestones, so to speak, your fantasies are, i think, just better informed. it can be a bit like a drug addiction, though, because once you've tasted it, you want more.
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