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Post by Green on Sept 7, 2015 18:36:17 GMT -5
I am aware of the innuendo in the title. If you don't notice, well, my mind is clearly reaching too far.  The most common advice I've seen about dating and friendships is to put yourself out there. You know, like being social, talking to people, and so on. Pretty simple. But that requires being seen by the right people. The important question is, put yourself out where? I barely know how to answer that. For me, that has meant a profile on OKCupid, personals on a few websites like Craigslist, posting on forums for topics I like. Besides that, I go places like a graduate class at a university (yes, I actually like to audit classes, and I still fit in age wise!). But none of this seems effective. Maybe I pick the right places, but what about other places? This is to anyone here: Devs, where do you actually put yourself out there to be noticed by disabled guys? Disabled guys, not applicable to only devs, where do you put yourself out there to meet people? I'm looking for specifics. Also, online and offline things, not exclusively one. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2015 18:44:01 GMT -5
Offline is far more effective than online for me.
As for where? EVERYWHERE! I got a number once from the chick who sold me my phone at T-mobile. If you see an opening in the checkout line at the grocery store you take it. At the bar, on the bus, at school, etc...
Anywhere it's appropriate to talk, talk!
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Post by rollingup on Sept 7, 2015 19:37:03 GMT -5
try going to places where u have interest in. Like where ever u go to enjoy a hobby I'm sure you'll see a women whom you would have like minded interests with . But I think your best bet is just getting out around town you never know who you may meet on the street and be confident. Go after a women if you like her . She could be looking at you from across the street but just waiting for you to make a move. I think that's what "putting yourself out there mean .whether your at the club or bar or theater ,if u see a women you like just go for it . The worst she can say no
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Post by hartmannwrites on Sept 7, 2015 19:45:43 GMT -5
Anywhere it's appropriate to talk, talk! Best advice ever! This is why you're the man, James!!  Here's how my 6 relationships came to be: 0. School: Knew him since we were 12. We jokingly kissed one day. Became my high school sweetheart. (I don't really count this one. Tee hee) 1. Work: He wrote me a cheesy poem. This only works if you have tremendous confidence. Or else it's actually cheesy. 2. School: 1st year Chemistry lab. He picked me as his partner. Then picked me again. Tee hee. 3. Airport: During a layover. This one was a freakin' charmer! I couldn't get enough of him!! 4. Hobby: Spartan race. A shirtless man stops to help me through a barbed wire obstacle. Enough said. 5. Social: Networking event. This was too easy for him. Lucky bugger. 6. Work: His came to do the audiometric testing for my workplace. I was in the mobile unit for less than 10 mins. Smooth talker. So yeah. Anywhere and EVERYWHERE. Just speak up. Make a move. Of any sort. And have fun doing it. As for putting myself in front of PWDs...lemme get back to you on that one...  |
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Post by Green on Sept 7, 2015 20:28:27 GMT -5
Hartmann, you gave the easy part of the answer. It's one thing to be out there, although I'm wondering about successes. Or maybe put it this way: what would you do to find just the right wheeler guy? I've made moves towards people awkwardly plenty! As awkward as that awkward sentence. |
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Post by Mr.BB on Sept 7, 2015 21:36:50 GMT -5
Hartmann, you gave the easy part of the answer. It's one thing to be out there, although I'm wondering about successes. Or maybe put it this way: what would you do to find just the right wheeler guy? I've made moves towards people awkwardly plenty! As awkward as that awkward sentence. It seems like you are looking for the magic code. Sadly there is not one. I wonder if sometimes us pwd's morph in to a lady when it comes to dating. From what I am gathering you are looking for "the" relationship. I see it a lot with guys here. The line of dating gets mixed up with relationships. Since 2008 I have had 5 relationships. Working backwards 1. Met here on the boards, chatted a few times in the chat room. Exchanged pm's about camera shopping. Was out in California and asked said woman out on a date. That one date turned in to a entire weekend of dates. Which lead to more online chats, skype calls and then moving in with eachother. (still rocking this relationship 1 1/2 years later) 2. Also met on pd. Chatted in the chat room, pm's followed, next came phone calls then finally meeting in real life. (awesome person, just wrong match) 3. met via okcupid. We both like kayaking. Exchanged a few emails. I asked her out to go kayaking. Turned in to dating casually for 6 months. (no I love yous, just hanging out and some adult sleepovers) 4. Met this person at the mall. She had a nice smile, I told her that I liked her smile and we then made small talk. Before parting ways I asked her out. Dated for a month maybe a little bit longer. She had a kid and was looking to settle down and was giving off that vibe. I broke things off because I did not see anything going beyond dating. 5. Went to a concert, started talking to a hot blonde. Exchanged numbers and texted back and forth. Got invited to hot blondes friends bday party. Showed up at the bar, met bday girl and fell in love with her laugh. Made sure I was the one making bday girl laugh that night. Ask for her number. Took her out on a date the next night. Turned in to a 8th month relationship. Now between those 5 relationships since 2008 I have gone on at least 70 dates. I met these ladies all over. okcupid and match dates never turned in to anything more than going out on a date and expanding my zone of friends. But I have also just had dates with ladies that I met working at radio shack, a book store, a toll booth worker. I went on a few dates with lady photographers from a photo club. There was a time when I only dated nannies that I met at a church potluck dinner. Picked up a few dates from hipster bars. Craigslist worked for scoring a movie partner or bowling partner. (craigslist has changed a ton so I would not recommend it unless you are looking for straight up sex) Now if you asked me how many ladies I have asked out over the years and got shot down. Easily a 100 in my entire dating career. When I say just get out there. I guess I should have been breaking it down more but saying find someone that grabs your attention and ask them out. A date does not need to mean relationship. Sometimes you will have to stress to the person that you are asking that it is just a date nothing more or nothing less. Woman have a good nose for spotting a guy that is hunting for a relationship or who just wants to get laid. Again no magical key. Just be yourself. Practice the art of asking a woman out. |
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Post by hartmannwrites on Sept 8, 2015 2:08:32 GMT -5
Hartmann, you gave the easy part of the answer. It's one thing to be out there, although I'm wondering about successes. Or maybe put it this way: what would you do to find just the right wheeler guy? I've made moves towards people awkwardly plenty! As awkward as that awkward sentence. Yeah, buds. I know that it seems to be the easy part of the answer. Unfortunately, it is the ONLY answer. James really did give the best advice. There is no secret formula, except to get out more and just go for it Have I said "no" a heck of a lot more times than I've said "yes"? Abso-freakin-lutely! But... My "successful" men have ALL made the first move. And they were ALL exceedingly direct. I really do love me a ridiculous amount of balls in a man. (For the record, we're talking about self-confidence and NOT cockiness here. HUUUGE difference!!) But this is just me. Every woman is different. Captain Obvious, I know. Tee hee. Hopefully this will help you a bit though. Personally, I ALWAYS know my answer before the question's even asked. If I'm interested, you'd have a difficult time messing it up. And if I'm not interested, even a speech written by Hemingway himself wouldn't earn you a date. As for your other question. Hmm. Where will I find a magical, rainbow-sprouting para unicorn? Supermarket. Park. Concert. Wheelchair sporting event. Who knows? As for what I would do if and when I'm faced with said unicorn? Not much different than I do now. Be friendly. Be flirty. Be a touch coy. Nudge him with some gentle innuendo. And hope that he has a good set of balls on him to take the bull by the horns. Or take the horny dev by the hips. You know. Whichever works... |
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Post by Hopper on Sept 8, 2015 2:54:18 GMT -5
Sell yourself! No, not like that. What I mean is, as the others have said, talk talk and make your best assets known. If you have a good sense of humour, crack a few jokes, if you see yourself as having good taste, discuss pop culture. If you're a sensitive soul, bring out the emergency puppies!
Of course never try too hard, but that doesn't mean you can't try at all. One problem I have on here is I'm a little nervous about sending PM's to people I'm interested in chatting to a little more and of course the only way to alleviate that is to push yourself to do it. I'm getting there, slowly.
Another thing I've learnt is never self-deprecate too much, it does put people off. People admire drive, esteem and confidence, not sympathy seekers.
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Post by Green on Sept 8, 2015 8:58:16 GMT -5
Sell yourself! No, not like that. What I mean is, as the others have said, talk talk and make your best assets known. Well, I wasn't asking for advice. I was wondering how other people actually met a disabled partner. Or tried at least. Luck works at times, i.e. talking to everyone and being open. It works best for extroverted people. But it goes to my question: where do you go? As in, specifically you! "Everywhere" as others have said is not a good answer. Some people like bars, others don't. Clearly, we all have different answers, and that's what I want to know. |
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Post by Hopper on Sept 8, 2015 9:04:08 GMT -5
I was using 'you' and it's derivatives in the general sense. Apologies for any confusion.
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Post by Mr.BB on Sept 8, 2015 9:35:55 GMT -5
Well, I wasn't asking for advice..... "Everywhere" as others have said is not a good answer. Some people like bars, others don't. Clearly, we all have different answers, and that's what I want to know. A car wash run by a close-knit, multiracial group of employees. That is key. Very important. |
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Post by greeneyedvillan on Sept 8, 2015 11:22:31 GMT -5
take it where you can get it, bro.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2015 12:26:36 GMT -5
Well, I wasn't asking for advice..... "Everywhere" as others have said is not a good answer. Some people like bars, others don't. Clearly, we all have different answers, and that's what I want to know. A car wash run by a close-knit, multiracial group of employees. That is key. Very important. Interesting. Personally I prefer Neo-Nazi Sri Lankan pizza parlors, but it HAS to be New York style. Chicago just doesn't cut it. Those women.... Well, let's just say the type of people who make deep dish tend to be pretty deep dish themselves. Nazi pizza is incredible, even if you don't agree with their politics. Seriously though. Easiest for me is women at work or school, because I'm around them frequently. If you're too nervous to ask them out to their face just facebook them and when they accept the friend request be like: "You seem pretty cool, want to hang out some time?" That's easy because most women like facebook, but confidently asking them out the old fashioned way gets more respect and it gets easier the more you do it. There's always online dating, which is ok. There's a lot of competition though. Like James said, everywhere. That cute barista at Starbucks? Strike up a conversation and ask if she's single before you leave. Maybe you can get a date. I've only done this a few times, but it can yield results. Also, I've met women through other friends before as well. Like, friend of a friend of a friend type deal, at a party or social gathering. Like Mr. BB said, it's not like there's some secret special place. Shit just randomly happens if you see an opportunity and snatch it. If that hunger gets great enough you will snatch it. And yes, I used "you" like I'm giving advice I don't really give a shit. |
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Post by hartmannwrites on Sept 8, 2015 12:35:39 GMT -5
But it goes to my question: where do you go? As in, specifically you! "Everywhere" as others have said is not a good answer. Some people like bars, others don't. Clearly, we all have different answers, and that's what I want to know. Hmm. I never said "everywhere." I gave you specific locations/situations from personal experience, as did a number of others. This is the "easy part" of the answer, as you said. So what exactly is the more complicated part that you're seeking, if not advice from people who've gone before? *scratches head* I'm slightly confused. But that could just be me. Tee hee. Personally, I go about my day and really do talk to everyone. This doesn't mean that I'm interested in most men but I do get hit on quite a bit. For the record, I'm nothing special but I've often been called "approachable", so maybe that's my jam. Hooray for approachability! Back in my younger days (think I was 18?), I did agree to dinner with ONE guy I met at a bar. I remember him well. He was a stock broker, well-spoken and very sober that night. I was impressed enough to give him my number when he asked. Nowadays, I'm asked out most often at fitness events and the gym. I have NEVER once agreed to a romantic date in either setting but that only has to do with lack of interest in the men doing the asking and not the location itself. Does this answer your question better? I have no clue... |
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cooks
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Post by cooks on Sept 8, 2015 12:36:54 GMT -5
I go to a bunch of public events, especially the niche variety attended by my type: art openings, poetry readings, concerts, ect. By now, the local creative community knows me well. I've used meetup.com to find new events with mixed results. Bars work. The thing is, I don't go anywhere to "get out there"- I just go where I want to go and find people I like.
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