yanni
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Post by yanni on Dec 7, 2015 18:20:03 GMT -5
I think if there is ever such a power struggle, it will always be in favour of the pwd's where devs are concerned That's so interesting! While I can't speak for the other wheelers, I woudl have thought wheelers were at an inherit disadvantage. I'm not complaining, I will always love to have the upper hand (Hopefully that's the feeling between all devs) *fingers crossed*
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yanni
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Post by yanni on Dec 7, 2015 18:27:26 GMT -5
1. Not sympathetic for me...I am more an empathetic person, I always try to see things from the other person's view and try to imagine what it is like walking in their shoes/wheeling in their chair . I don't ever look at a disabled person with pity but with interest and wanting to learn about them. 2. I am submissive in the bedroom and I like my partner to take charge and even though I am not with a disabled man I think that would be super hot if he takes the reigns in the bedroom. That being said my main attraction to disabled men is not the sexual aspect but everything else about them. The sexual thoughts are actually last on my list when it comes to the attraction. Some interesting points dani 1. Would you say that through the process of trying to empathise with a PWD heightens the attraction or desire to be with a PWD? 2. a) When you say sexual thoughts are the last thing on your mind - I was trying to understand what that means. I've read some things similar in other threads. For a dev, is it not the mere fact that a person has a disability that turns the interest into a sexual desire? Or is this more of an emotional interaction through empathetic feelings? I've always just assumed that it's sexual (I suppose it's not until the disability where I've finally realised sex is not solely physical - I know, I know...typical male)
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Post by hartmannwrites on Dec 7, 2015 19:14:26 GMT -5
Hi, yanni ! Thanks for the fantastic questions 1. No. I could never relate to a PWD's experience. To be honest, this adds to the intrigue... 2. No. Personally, I'm attracted to very dominant men, AB and disabled alike. With that said, I do enjoy dom role-play, but it's merely for fun. Plus, I absolutely love playing dress up. Very interesting response hartmannwrites When you say 'intrigue' does that have any link to wanting to know/understand disability more as a whole? Or is it just the mystery/never being able to wholly understand which makes it more interesting? As for your second response, does the dominant aspect of a person (pwd or ab) heighten if they do have a disability? Why, thank you! Hmm. The answer is both. I can't deny that I'm exceedingly curious about disabilities as a whole. For me, it's not about the mystery, per se, but rather the unknown...? In regards to the subject of dominance, I'm not sure yet. Good question though. I shall let ya know once have have a PWD experience
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yanni
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Post by yanni on Dec 7, 2015 21:26:09 GMT -5
I shall let ya know once have have a PWD experience I'll cross my fingers for you
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yanni
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Posts: 16
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Post by yanni on Dec 8, 2015 2:46:51 GMT -5
Or in other words, if having somebody wipe your ass makes you happy, be my guest. I wish getting my ass wiped by other ppl made me happy, In fact that would be kind of awesome.. Sadly I'm not that lucky so what cha gonna do? I couldn't have put it better myself! I have all the wrong interests haha. Although...
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yanni
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Post by yanni on Dec 8, 2015 3:00:12 GMT -5
We start from a position of attraction and interest, and not one of pity or fear and in some cases repulsion. Also, I find it interesting that you immediately associate "otherness" and isolation: it's probably true in most cases that being different (in any way) means being isolated. I personally find otherness, of any kind, fascinating. The interaction of someone different with the "normal" world is a big part of my devness. And though I totally understand and, to a certain degree, empathize with the pain that comes with disability, it's the overcoming of pain, the acceptance of one's otherness, difference, uniqueness, that I find irresistibly attractive. And about 2), well that's not me. Actually, even risking to go a bit OT, I will say that I think the sexual side of being a dev is not the most important part for me. I've been fascinated with disability since I was in primary school, but I don't remember associating this fascination with my sexuality until my twenties, and it's still just one of many components. Hi LaMara, thanks heaps for the interesting response. So many questions and thoughts (some I never would have thought about). Firstly, you mention repulsion. I've always assumed that this is a feeling (of not all) that is usually attributed to by a PWD. Would you say there is a sense of 'repulsion' among the broader community? Secondly, while otherness may be fascinating to some people, would you not say that any form of uniqueness/otherness automatically connotes isolation. It is simply by the mere fact that one is different to the norm that they either suffer in silence alone, or stand out for whatever reason (still alone as the majority will never see beyond the difference) Thirdly, when you say acceptance and functioning in the 'normal world', what are your thoughts on some wheelers adopting the mentality and attitude that they must do any activity that an AB can? I'll try to elaborate to make sense of that. For example, I know some wheelers who will refuse help with things like errecting a fence, digging holes, getting on a bus with stairs and no way to sit, all in the name and spirit of "I want to be normal"? Personally, I think it comes to a point where you need to accept and understand your limitations. For you, do you think there is a point where the attraction for wanting to be normal ceases and comes to feelings of ridiculousness? Finally, in regards to the power play. Do you think that this has any effect on your attraction to a PWD?
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Post by LaMara on Dec 8, 2015 9:10:42 GMT -5
We start from a position of attraction and interest, and not one of pity or fear and in some cases repulsion. Also, I find it interesting that you immediately associate "otherness" and isolation: it's probably true in most cases that being different (in any way) means being isolated. I personally find otherness, of any kind, fascinating. The interaction of someone different with the "normal" world is a big part of my devness. And though I totally understand and, to a certain degree, empathize with the pain that comes with disability, it's the overcoming of pain, the acceptance of one's otherness, difference, uniqueness, that I find irresistibly attractive. And about 2), well that's not me. Actually, even risking to go a bit OT, I will say that I think the sexual side of being a dev is not the most important part for me. I've been fascinated with disability since I was in primary school, but I don't remember associating this fascination with my sexuality until my twenties, and it's still just one of many components. Hi LaMara, thanks heaps for the interesting response. So many questions and thoughts (some I never would have thought about). Firstly, you mention repulsion. I've always assumed that this is a feeling (of not all) that is usually attributed to by a PWD. Would you say there is a sense of 'repulsion' among the broader community? Secondly, while otherness may be fascinating to some people, would you not say that any form of uniqueness/otherness automatically connotes isolation. It is simply by the mere fact that one is different to the norm that they either suffer in silence alone, or stand out for whatever reason (still alone as the majority will never see beyond the difference) Thirdly, when you say acceptance and functioning in the 'normal world', what are your thoughts on some wheelers adopting the mentality and attitude that they must do any activity that an AB can? I'll try to elaborate to make sense of that. For example, I know some wheelers who will refuse help with things like errecting a fence, digging holes, getting on a bus with stairs and no way to sit, all in the name and spirit of "I want to be normal"? Personally, I think it comes to a point where you need to accept and understand your limitations. For you, do you think there is a point where the attraction for wanting to be normal ceases and comes to feelings of ridiculousness? Finally, in regards to the power play. Do you think that this has any effect on your attraction to a PWD? I admit I'm a bit struggling with your questions: probably because english is not my first language and I think I might miss some of the nuances in what you mean. But I will try to answer anyway. I mentioned repulsion because I observed it first hand many times. For example, my best friend once told me, without knowing at the time I'm an amputee dev, that she was grossed out (her exact words) by the sight of a guy's arm stump. Months later I came out as a dev to her and, though being very accepting, she still remarked she found repulsive the same things I found attractive. I believe there is, in some if not many ABs, a deeply hidden seed of repulsion that they would probably never admit, because it's so not PC, but it's there, and it comes from fear: the usual "I don't want that to happen to me, it looks terrible! I'd rather die!" reaction to disability. Otherness might involve isolation in many cases, if the person who is "different" is in a isolating environment. But not necessarily. If you surround yourself of curious and open minded people, why should your differences automatically isolate you? I don't like the sort of "I have to do everything on my own" attitude. I respect a person who will do what he/she can and ask help on what he/she cannot do. Struggling just to make a point is a sign of someone not being in touch with reality. I'm not attracted to a PWD who wants to be "normal" at every cost, but to a PWD who lives his life not really giving a shit, just doing things his own way and adapting to the situation. I don't know if I manage to express clearly what I mean... I don't really understand your last question, can you rephrase it? What do you intend exactly with power play?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2015 18:58:56 GMT -5
I agree with the isolation/social development part ^^ I've thought about this a lot, as most of us have, and for me, I believe mine stems from rejection (being an "other") Its not a pity party, it's a kind of kinship?! (I'm a sucker for a thinker...) In terms of attraction I honestly think it could've ended up being anything. Somehow it became paras. Though in saying that, I do like the 'mystery' of the different, BUT I'm not willing/interested in the mechanics. I don't wana know the medical side. I think I'm the only dev who doesn't research stuff. I hate hospitals and doctors. I'm more of a 'Only if I need to know' kind of "dev". I'm a visual person so I've always been attracted to the look and movement. I think quasi-dominant guys are hot. An asshole just results in fighting, but a confident guy who knows who he is, "despite his dis", who can be fine with his partner being the bawss sometimes is where it's at. So yeah, I think its part being an "other"/ "overcoming" shizz, and part normal attraction. Obviously the dude has to be attractive (personality and looks) otherwise you're just another dude that's rolling down the st. I might get a momentary tingle... until I saw your face. Yep, normal as.
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