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Post by dannyboy95 on Jul 18, 2016 14:50:45 GMT -5
Hey everyone,
I wasn't sure about the title but basically I want to start a discussion weather sometimes Devs can benefit a PWD on a mental level.
Devs often obsess. That is kind of known. So we try to find out as much as possible about a disability, especially when it comes the ones we're really attracted to. I had PWDs tell me, that I know more about their disability than they do.
But I am not going to say that we can tell any PWD something about their own disability.
What I have noticed as well though is, that sometimes Devs tend to look into many PWDs that lead fairly public lives and see what other people are doing. So I have experienced it that I could give PWD advice and also inspire them to do more than what they actually do. Some never look into what they may be able to do, whilst Devs often know about the PWDs who are climbing mountains and living very independent lives.
I am not saying that Devs can or should tell PWDs how they can and should live their lives because each individual disability is unique and comes with its own quirks. But maybe sometimes a PWD can benefit from a Devs experience with other PWDs and inspire them to make more out of themselves.
I also had fairly new PWDs ask me how sex with other PWDs was and what was possible and how enjoyable it was although they might not be able to do certain sexual acts. And often times they were relieved to hear that sex can still be enjoyable with a disability.
Have you experienced something similar, or do you have something to add or an own opinion on this? Iād be curious to know.
Cheers
Daniel
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Post by frankj on Jul 18, 2016 15:09:02 GMT -5
I don't know, man. The tone of your message seems inappropriate to me. If I would date a Dev, I would certainly not want her to give me the feeling that she was rather too well informed. That just creeps me the hell out.
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Post by dannyboy95 on Jul 18, 2016 15:19:10 GMT -5
I don't know, man. The tone of your message seems inappropriate to me. If I would date a Dev, I would certainly not want her to give me the feeling that she was rather too well informed. That just creeps me the hell out. Well a Dev being very well literate about a disability is something that you will have to accept when dating one. I hope that it didn't come across different from how it was supposed to. I was hoping a PWD might find it actually easier to be with somebody who understands the disability better than with a person who knows nothing about it and may be ignorant. |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Jul 18, 2016 17:48:03 GMT -5
I don't know about on a mental level. But I will own having helped PWDs on a physical level... in fairly minor ways.
Probably the biggest thing, as far as that stuff goes, is to recommend a free-wheel to a new paraplegic through his sister. I never spoke directly to him.
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Post by frankj on Jul 18, 2016 17:53:52 GMT -5
I did NOT say that Devs creep me out. I said that if my gf would come across as a know it all about my disability, trying to tell me what's good for me, then that would creep me out. There is nothing wrong with understanding, but there is a point where the level of interest into my disability can go to far (personal opinion).
I do hope this clears the air a bit...
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Post by dannyboy95 on Jul 18, 2016 17:59:20 GMT -5
I did NOT say that Devs creep me out. I said that if my gf would come across as a know it all about my disability, trying to tell me what's good for me, then that would creep me out. There is nothing wrong with understanding, but there is a point where the level of interest into my disability can go to far (personal opinion). I do hope this clears the air a bit... Yes it does. And I hope that I didn't come across like a know-it-all. |
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Post by dannyboy95 on Jul 18, 2016 17:59:56 GMT -5
I didn't quite understand the entire point of the OP, but on a DEV SITE- your "creeps me the hell out" seems inappropriate (and offensive) to me. Devs do know quite a bit about disability because we just do. We are interested in many things, from the medical side of it to the sexual side, and everything in between. We have been told many times that we do often know more than the pwds themselves because they don't particularly care so much about those some of those details. A dev knowing a lot about your particular disability is creepy to you? Maybe you should learn a little more about us. There's a whole website here for you to catch up on what a dev is. Ditto to being offended. Most of the guys I've dated have really appreciated my vast store of knowledge. I've done at least a BS worth of general disability research over the years, with quite a bit of attraction specific research as well. In addition to my own knowledge, PD is a disability library in its own right. What I've learned here has been invaluable in my personal life. Not only is there technical information, but perhaps more importantly, psycho-social information as well. Talking to other members, dating PWD's, and having the knowledge base to begin with has allowed me to encourage the subsequent guys I knew to try stuff they'd either never thought of or had given up on. If being with someone who has (very likely) done her own research skeeves you out, you probably don't want to date a dev. No one says you have to like it. You certainly are free to whatever belief system you wish. But if devs "creep you the hell out", you'll definitely be happier not hanging out with us. See, this is exactly the experience I made as well. So I wanted to know if others experienced that too! |
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Post by matisse on Jul 18, 2016 18:14:15 GMT -5
What I have noticed as well though is, that sometimes Devs tend to look into many PWDs that lead fairly public lives and see what other people are doing. So I have experienced it that I could give PWD advice and also inspire them to do more than what they actually do. Some never look into what they may be able to do, whilst Devs often know about the PWDs who are climbing mountains and living very independent lives. You just need to tailor it to the wheeler's personality. If my wife came across an article that could help with my disability, I'd be happy to read it. If she wanted to encourage me to climb mountains, she would not get a friendly reaction.....And no nagging, I get enough of that from my Mom. Not sure about your use of the word "inspire" but maybe that's just a language issue. |
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Post by dannyboy95 on Jul 18, 2016 19:14:03 GMT -5
You just need to tailor it to the wheeler's personality. If my wife came across an article that could help with my disability, I'd be happy to read it. If she wanted to encourage me to climb mountains, she would not get a friendly reaction.....And no nagging, I get enough of that from my Mom. Not sure about your use of the word "inspire" but maybe that's just a language issue. Does beating him on the head with a stick count as nagging? If so, guilty... šššš Lol. Domestic violence... |
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Post by devogirl on Jul 18, 2016 19:16:06 GMT -5
I did NOT say that Devs creep me out. I said that if my gf would come across as a know it all about my disability, trying to tell me what's good for me, then that would creep me out. There is nothing wrong with understanding, but there is a point where the level of interest into my disability can go to far (personal opinion). I do hope this clears the air a bit... Not really! Devs are by definition too interested. Not that we want to tell you what's good for you but we do have a very intense interest with a sexual dimension to it. If that bothers you, it's ok, just don't try to date one of us. Too many guys pretend or fool themselves into thinking they are ok with dev interest when really they are not. It's better to be up front and know yourself before initiating anything. But yeah, we don't like to hear our interest is creepy because for many of us it's one of our biggest insecurities. |
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Post by dannyboy95 on Jul 18, 2016 19:47:04 GMT -5
I did NOT say that Devs creep me out. I said that if my gf would come across as a know it all about my disability, trying to tell me what's good for me, then that would creep me out. There is nothing wrong with understanding, but there is a point where the level of interest into my disability can go to far (personal opinion). I do hope this clears the air a bit... Not really! Devs are by definition too interested. Not that we want to tell you what's good for you but we do have a very intense interest with a sexual dimension to it. If that bothers you, it's ok, just don't try to date one of us. Too many guys pretend or fool themselves into thinking they are ok with dev interest when really they are not. It's better to be up front and know yourself before initiating anything. But yeah, we don't like to hear our interest is creepy because for many of us it's one of our biggest insecurities. Yes and this forum is a place where we hope to be able to speak our mind without self-censorship out of fear to be branded a creep or weirdo. That's like the whole purpose of this forum as far as I understand. |
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Post by dolly on Jul 18, 2016 22:20:17 GMT -5
...but there is a point where the level of interest into my disability can go to far (personal opinion). I do hope this clears the air a bit... our level of interest in disability goes far enough that we've built a community here to discuss primarily (and almost solely) just that. often on a daily basis. often for years.  so, our level of interest might be in a range that you may consider "too far"... lol and yes, most of us are going to take offense at being called creepy on our home turf. a lot of devs have had to work through their own insecurities and wade through a ton of stigmatizing nonsense from other people/places on the internet to even have the courage to post here. so please be mindful of that, even if the dev-thing isn't for you. spend some time reading past threads, maybe you will come around on the idea, maybe you won't. but you'll probably get a better understanding of what we are all about. |
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Post by Paradise on Jul 18, 2016 23:03:37 GMT -5
Hey everyone, I wasn't sure about the title but basically I want to start a discussion weather sometimes Devs can benefit a PWD on a mental level. Devs often obsess. That is kind of known. So we try to find out as much as possible about a disability, especially when it comes the ones we're really attracted to. I had PWDs tell me, that I know more about their disability than they do. But I am not going to say that we can tell any PWD something about their own disability. What I have noticed as well though is, that sometimes Devs tend to look into many PWDs that lead fairly public lives and see what other people are doing. So I have experienced it that I could give PWD advice and also inspire them to do more than what they actually do. Some never look into what they may be able to do, whilst Devs often know about the PWDs who are climbing mountains and living very independent lives. I am not saying that Devs can or should tell PWDs how they can and should live their lives because each individual disability is unique and comes with its own quirks. But maybe sometimes a PWD can benefit from a Devs experience with other PWDs and inspire them to make more out of themselves. I also had fairly new PWDs ask me how sex with other PWDs was and what was possible and how enjoyable it was although they might not be able to do certain sexual acts. And often times they were relieved to hear that sex can still be enjoyable with a disability. Have you experienced something similar, or do you have something to add or an own opinion on this? Iād be curious to know. Cheers Daniel On topic, Daniel, I do think that these things are what make a Dev different than a non-Dev, and I do think some pwds could benefit from these things. But I honestly think these are just the "perks" in a pwd/Dev relationship. I don't think they're necessary/required things for a successful relationship, nor are they exclusive things that only devs can bring someone. I happen to be very interested in the medical side. As mentioned, I also think that having a good knowledge of disability can be beneficial to dis/dev partnerships, but not necessarily required. It's probably something that comes with the territory though, if you're going to date a dev. If you knowingly seek out a dev, it may be safe to assume that they're going to have some healthy interest in situations and circumstances that not a lot of people spend time thinking about. That's why we're special!  I know a lot about the condition my guy deals with, but it's not like it's the focus of our time together. I don't bring it up in conversation, and I wouldn't do anything differently with him than anyone else who may hang out with him. It just means we can share a knowing look about something that comes up, or laugh about something only the two of us may understand. I like having a lot of knowledge, and yes, I'm interested in the medical side of things. I like the distinction made that a dev is not necessarily a "caretaker." Some devs thoroughly enjoy that aspect of a relationship and that's fine. I do what's necessary for us to have a good time together, but all of that is just a sidenote. It all happens in the background. It's not caretaking as much as it is just getting from one level of our time together to the next. Point A to point B. My knowledge of stuff is cool to have, but I don't think it would've been a requirement for us to work well together. Just my thoughts. |
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Post by tom60313 on Jul 19, 2016 6:15:50 GMT -5
You could consider yourself fortunate if you could ever find a dev who is into your disability.
But she/he will never be with you only because of your dis!
So if you show no respect you will not be very successful here. For what ever reason you are here.
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Post by newjess on Jul 19, 2016 20:56:28 GMT -5
Just wanted to say I really appreciate this thread dannyboy95 and I'm glad you posted it! Yes, it has been quite a journey to go from the shame and guilt to being appreciated for my devness (including my interest in his disability). But I hadn't really thought about this particular topic before, and your post + the replies of many of the devs here helped me realize that it's actually pretty cool that I'm so interested in disability. In fact, I'm not only interested but passionate about disability rights as I'm sure most devs are, which is such a positive thing. Edit: the responses of many of the wheelers helped me realize it's cool too! lol didn't mean to exclude you guys  |
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